5 years and I am stupid

October 18, 2012

And even if the worst case scenario is true; he has FINALLY found a women who " does it" for him, enough for him to want to see her officially and even marry.

...She is STILL highly unlucky! He is NOT a nice person.

who would want to marry a man who is a total c*nt to women he dislikes, and is only nice to women he feels are worthy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No nice person who has integrity and emotional and social intelligence dos that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice people with dignity and self respect, they treat people with respect and do not treat people like crap just because they are not the right "partner" for them.

And lastly, of course he has had other women in FIVE Years... Especially since they did not talk or see each other for months at a time. He would have wanted sex from elswhere.

He probably lied and used every other women too! the only difference would have been that MAYBE one or more of those women KNEW what the deal was, and refused to get emotional invested

Mishly, you cannot always CHOOSE to not get attached to a man.
....In future, if you have a guy you have FWB with, make SURE it is not a guy you get attached to, and make SURE you he treats you like a friend!
on, among the many bizarre facts about this heartless pr*ck, is his ability to expect sex from a women he does not even deam good enough to be his friend.

I agree, and i don't think his bad treatment was exclusive to me, i think it was his personality, and i think there are many other women he treated the same way.

I think thats why his wife cheated and left him, (he is divorced about 10 yrs or so) and i am sure he will show his true colours to whoever he is with from now on.

I wont ever be doing FWB again, believe me!!! NO WAY!!!

October 18, 2012

When I broke up with my ex, I passed his house one night (lives down the street), and I saw a car in his driveway. I went bananas. The next day, I was on the road, like a deranged woman, looking out for that same model car, trying to see if it was male driver or female driver. My rationale, let's see if it's a guy car or girl car. If there were 7 female drivers and 3 male drivers, waaaaaah, it's a girl car, he was with a girl. The next day if I saw 2 female drivers and 8 male drivers, sigh of relief it had to be a guy friend over because it was a guy car. And I would talk myself into believing it.

Third day, I went to my therapist and told her this. She looked at me and asked me if all I wanted to do was scratch the surface. I looked at her puzzled. She said, "Dig deep. Bigger picture. What does a car in the driveway matter compared to the possibility of him cheating on you all through the relationship?"

I think I started feeling much more relief when I accepted the fact that it could have been a woman because based on his lack of character, and the fact that he was non-committal, anything was possible.

wow, thats a horrible out of control feeing isnt it? that really illustrates the whole point doesnt it? getting lost in the details when its the big picture that really matters. He is a c word.

October 18, 2012

Look it has happened to all of us, and it is a very serious issue that causes a lot of angst, pain, and sadness.

I have had my horror stories. Having a fling with a guy I thought I liked a lot, only for me to call him the following night or two, and hear him say "I am with my gorgeous girlfriend" who happened to be one of my "mates" at the time.

I even brought him an X mas present. After once nigth together:o pretty foolish, I know. Never again.

I was even crazy enough to ring him agai and again as he would not answer his phone to me; so I then pretended to be " Leigh's friend" so as to find out why he was such a jerk to me. He knew right away it was me and prob thought I was a psycho.

And when one of my boyfriends when I was 16 dumped me, I was really on edge about when he would meet another girl. When he did, which I fount out from his sis, I could not stop thinking if they had kissed.had sex yet and spent time feeling bad about that.

I would never let a guy treat me like sh8t now and then still care enough to find out any new "action in their life! I would know it was not logical to find out anything, because all I need to know is that he does nto want me, and I can do better.

October 18, 2012

wow, thats a horrible out of control feeing isnt it? that really illustrates the whole point doesnt it? getting lost in the details when its the big picture that really matters. He is a c word.

Then stop getting lost in the details.

he is a jerk. You no longer need to find out any additional information about him.

The end lol.

October 18, 2012

wow, thats a horrible out of control feeing isnt it? that really illustrates the whole point doesnt it? getting lost in the details when its the big picture that really matters. He is a c word.

It was a debilitating feeling. And I understand where you are coming from. Completely.

October 18, 2012

Look it has happened to all of us, and it is a very serious issue that causes a lot of angst, pain, and sadness.

I have had my horror stories. Having a fling with a guy I thought I liked a lot, only for me to call him the following night or two, and hear him say "I am with my gorgeous girlfriend" who happened to be one of my "mates" at the time.

I even brought him an X mas present. After once nigth together:o pretty foolish, I know. Never again.

I was even crazy enough to ring him agai and again as he would not answer his phone to me; so I then pretended to be " Leigh's friend" so as to find out why he was such a jerk to me. He knew right away it was me and prob thought I was a psycho.

And when one of my boyfriends when I was 16 dumped me, I was really on edge about when he would meet another girl. When he did, which I fount out from his sis, I could not stop thinking if they had kissed.had sex yet and spent time feeling bad about that.

I would never let a guy treat me like sh8t now and then still care enough to find out any new "action in their life! I would know it was not logical to find out anything, because all I need to know is that he does nto want me, and I can do better.

oh thats horrible!!! " i am with my gorgeous girlfriend" what a c word!!!!!! oh god.

I am glad i haven't done anything beyond that first day . Like i am not passing his house, or calling him, or stalking his facebook or anything like that. I haven't done anything since the day he told me. I called him then (more than once) , in tears, left a message, crying , (that was bad enough) sent text messages, but then left it, and its been 4 days now of nothing. It was a horrible out of control feeling, and im glad i didnt keep trying

October 18, 2012

I am a little freaked out that in fact, I never really knew him at all.

Here I am, 5 years later not even knowing who he is. I was totally kept at arms distance for 5 years. He controlled me, was mean to me and was cold, and lied to me. Big lies, little lies, and a lot of them i dismissed.

And at the end of it, I can't even know that anything he told me that whole entire time was true. That scares me. Who is he?

October 18, 2012

I have posted here on Loveshack many times over the past 5 years about this same guy

But now its actually over, and i need help processing and to stop feeling so absolutely horrible

I thank anyone who is reading this, i really need someone to lean on now, or some words of advice. I just feel so so bad.

I had been seeing someone for 5 years, actually 5 years tomorrow it would have been since i first met him. It was always just a casual thing, but a bit more than that. We weren't technically boyfriend and girlfriend, but it was 5 years, so it was a bit more than most casual things maybe.

Anyway I love him. and probably have for a long time. And (probably stupidly) i was faithful to him, and openly told him i wasn't sleeping with other people.

We saw each other quite a lot, and then a year ago he lost his job and had to end up taking this crazy bus driving job which mean't he was out of town pretty much every week. Sometimes for 2 weeks at a time.

So this year I have only seen him 3 times. The last time i slept with him was February. But even when he was away he made it clear he still wanted me, and i told him i would wait as long as it took, as long as he was away, or whatever. I told him this many times, and he knew, and he was happy with it.

he didn't tell me to go find someone else and to not wait. He knew. I think you know where this is heading.

Often we would exchange photos as a way of not forgetting our connection. And he would text me saying things of a sexual nature to let me know how he still felt. This is all up until probably a week ago. Except actually even on Saturday he texted me something.

So yesterday i asked him something via text and this is what i get back:

"Sorry happy to help you with cupboard but no more pics to or from yes I have met someone that's why.
Nothing serious yet
But doing right thing"

The right thing????????

Ok to give you an indication of how i felt, this is what happened next.

The cupboard is referring to a kitchen renovation i am doing, its at the stage hwre i am pulling down a lot of cabinets, but i got stuck and couldnt budge them and he was supposed to be coming over to take them down.

So anyway. i get the text and call him and ask how long ago he met her. he was fuzzy on it, but it seems a couple of weeks, and he met her by chance. I get off the phone after just a few seconds of talking and i go and change clothes. Picked up the crowbar and in about 5 seconds brought the whole cabinets and shelving down. Almighty crash. Unscrewed it all and threw it over the balcony. I have no idea how i even lifted it.

Have been crying ever since. Spoke to him on the phone a few times since, at first acting like i was happy for him, to try and stay in control of my emotions, or maybe i was just in shock.

I texted him telling him, i waited for him for 8 months, and he knew i was waiting etc etc. To all of that he said nothing.

And then i asked well i mean what happens to me now? We go from daily contact to now nothing??? i mean what am i now?? and this is the text i get back:

"text every now and then ok"

So 5 yrs of faithfulness and now I am shafted. 8 months of waiting and i get rewarded with this? Some whoever he met 2 weeks ago?

Honestly i feel so sick and sad and FURIOUS i dont even know what to do

On the phone he said that he can still help with a few renovation things I am doing, as he said he would do that before he met "Miss Two Weeks" as i like to call her.

But I almost feel like by doing that he is keeping me there in case it doesnt work out with her. Keeping me on ice.

The thought of him coming over and flexing his muscles around the place and me looking at him knowing what he is doing with her, and not being able to touch him, it is something i could not bear.

Thats how long ago he met her, 2 or 3 weeks ago. Only two weeks ago we were talking about me going away on one of his regular overnight bus trips up to the country. And now I am shafted for someone he met 2 weeks ago.

I hope you go nc it was painful to read i am so sorry this happened to you it was a train wreck...you invested completely.Dont let him come back into your life.I had my own train wreck years ago that sent me into a tailspin...I contemplated being a side dish.....I came to my senses before i was sampled......i hope you can maintain your dignity and if you need to cry..,.... cry and get it out...dont hold it all inside i had that problem and it suuuuuucks..you will survive this even though you dont feel it......hugses huge ones.....deb

October 18, 2012

thanks todreaminblue.

It gets better day by day, im lucky in that i know i wont bump into him or find out anything about this imaginary/ real girl and how that is going

October 18, 2012

I am a little freaked out that in fact, I never really knew him at all.

Here I am, 5 years later not even knowing who he is. I was totally kept at arms distance for 5 years. He controlled me, was mean to me and was cold, and lied to me. Big lies, little lies, and a lot of them i dismissed.

And at the end of it, I can't even know that anything he told me that whole entire time was true. That scares me. Who is he?

Everyone that has spent years with someone and found out later that they were lied to the entire time has these same feelings, I know that I did. And after I had my year of anger, I sat back and said, "Ok, when was the first time I had that feeling of unease?" And I had to admit to myself that it was early on. Then I had to ask myself why I didn't just pull the trigger right then, and why I kept listening to lies for the rest of the 3 years we were together.....in time you will get to that place again.

The beauty of this is that you now know what you will never allow again.

October 18, 2012

Shayla: what signs were typically red flags, when you looked back?

Can you give any examples? I know it is more just a "feeling" that something is "off", but can you try to explain please?

October 18, 2012

Okay, here is what happened with me, I've got plenty of examples, lol

We'd be out together and his phone would ring. Okay, no big deal. But there were times that we'd be having dinner, and it would ring and ring through our entire meal, how long does it take to eat, an hour? He would keep telling me it was his Mason brothers (long time mason, head of his state chapter one year). Deep down, I know that no man is calling him that much. I wanted to leave the table, go home and forget I ever knew him. Now, mind you, it wasn't just the phone calls, it was the way he was talking on the phone and looking at me like he was trying to figure out how much lying he'd have to do to me.

We made plans together to go for a weekend getaway. At the last minute he told me that he got bit by a spider and could not go. I knew that was a lie. So come Monday, when we were having dinner, I asked him how he was feeling. He had to catch himself and tell a lie.

I began feeling managed and manipulated by him, he'd say something or act in a certain way to get a reaction or response from me, in order to keep me off balance, so that he could keep my from confronting him about his behavior. He treated me very badly, and always made sure to make me feel like it was my fault.

Alot of incidents happened early on in our relationship, and there were times I pulled the trigger and left. Only to have him coming to me crying, begging and blowing snot. And I'd go back to him, only to have the same things happening after a month or two.

We went to a basketball game (I work at a college and this was my team, go Braves, and I noticed that he'd be so shifty and uncomfortable, like he didn't want to have anyone he knew walk up to him without him seeing them first....once someone did walk up to him and my ex was dumbfounded. He could not think of a single thing to say. And that is the telltale sign of a liar. It was like he always had to keep people and the lies he told each one straight in his mind.

I hope that gives you an idea of what I mean. When you are around someone like that, it isn't a good feeling, you know that something is off, even if you can't put your finger on it, something about that person is not right.

October 18, 2012

I am a little freaked out that in fact, I never really knew him at all.

Here I am, 5 years later not even knowing who he is. I was totally kept at arms distance for 5 years. He controlled me, was mean to me and was cold, and lied to me. Big lies, little lies, and a lot of them i dismissed.

And at the end of it, I can't even know that anything he told me that whole entire time was true. That scares me. Who is he?

We've all been there, Mishy. It may have been a little harder for you seeing the dynamics of your dealings with him. I don't think you really had a chance to go through the process of dating him. But sometimes that may not even be the issue because I was friends with my ex for a few months before we started dating. And even then I was played.

I think it was a combination for me. Mostly instincts. My mother used to say, 'When god created man, he gave woman instincts." And then there were blatant signs and sometimes he would just speak the truth.

The first six months were great. I used to say to myself, "This is too good to be true." After the assclowns I had dated, this was it. But after that:

1. Our time together started dwindling.

2. Constantly on the phone texting.

3. Affection came to a halt. Sex was robotic.

4. Always busy.

5. Would lose his temper when I wanted more and twist it to make it look like I was being too demanding. And I would then back off to appease him.

6. His father once slipped about his dating habits. I was told otherwise by the ex. His dad adored me and was most likely giving me a sign.

7. Left me at a wedding once because he was getting claustrophobic. Yes, he left me sitting there by myself.

8. One day he'll kiss the ground I walk on and the next he'd be agitated just by me sitting on the couch.

9. Very secretive when it came to his phone and computer.

10. He would say things that would make me go, "Hmmm." When someone tells you what you don't want to hear, LISTEN!

11. Once we were having a picnic and I said one day it would be nice to move in together and he went balistic. I knew at that point it was heading to the end.

12. Last straw was when I found a few strands of blonde hair in the shower. I have black hair. He was non-chalant about it and tried to sweep it under the rug. All hell broke loose. It was back and forth after that until I caught him having sex with a Snooki lookalike in his driveway. The end.

So, don't beat yourself up for all that has happened. We've all been there. All you can do now is take those lessons and apply them to future encounters with men that walk into your life. Sometimes we see what we see, but we're blinded by the dire need to be loved and cared for that we will settle for anything. Most times believing that change will come.

The great thing about this is that you are slowly identifying that it was bad and you won't allow it rather than sitting there with those rose tinted glasses on. Just try to be strong when he does break contact. One thing you should not do is react. If he does contact, talk it out with friends/family or come here.

Edited October 18, 2012 by geegirl

October 18, 2012

Everyone that has spent years with someone and found out later that they were lied to the entire time has these same feelings, I know that I did. And after I had my year of anger, I sat back and said, "Ok, when was the first time I had that feeling of unease?" And I had to admit to myself that it was early on. Then I had to ask myself why I didn't just pull the trigger right then, and why I kept listening to lies for the rest of the 3 years we were together.....in time you will get to that place again.

The beauty of this is that you now know what you will never allow again.

I have been thinking about things that went on early on a lot in the past few days.

To be honest when i think about it, i had a feeling that he was not trustworthy from the very start. But i didnt listen to my instincts, because it wasn't anything tangible or logical , it was just a feeling. My imagination? i thought. A lot of it was just a general feeling, rather than specific incidents. It was more what he wasn't telling me than what he was.

The first day we met, he told me he had an IQ of 180.

Very few people have an IQ that high, it is genius standard i think. But i had only known him an hour when he told me, so who was i to question it?

As time went on and I saw how terrible he was at spelling and grammar, and the types of jobs he had, and how he kept losing them (he usually keeps a job for a year and has had about 4 or 5 in the past 5 years) I just thought, Really?? 180 ? I never said anything ofcourse. He obviously wanted to make me think he was better than he really was.

And teh same thing happened a few months later When he told me one afternoon he was going to melbourne for this temporary job i believed him, and like i said earlier spoke to him over the phone for the 4 weeks he was away.

When he told me about meeting the girl, although I was devastated, I had a lingering feeling it wasn't true Where did that come from?? I had only known him 5 months, i had nothing to go on, he hadnt lied before (to my knowledge). I told him he had feelings for him and he told me that he doesn't know if he will be staying there for good, it depends if the new employer accepts all the conditions and pay he is wanting (again making him sound better than he was ) . In reality he was at home the entire 4 weeks, gardening and painting and looking for work.

It might have been the elaborate story he dished out to me, the time frame he was presenting? Something in the story didn't wash and my instinct picked up on it. We underestimate our instincts. I had a feeling, and it turned out to be true, and by devine intervention and pure luck i found out it was a complete lie.

Why did i end up forgetting it and moving on?? I actually didnt speak to him for 3 months after that, i was so angry and a bit creeped out. . But then i must have thought, well, he must have had good reason, maybe it was my fault? I wanted too much? So i went back to him.

Edited October 18, 2012 by mishy

October 18, 2012

We've all been there, Mishy. It may have been a little harder for you seeing the dynamics of your dealings with him. I don't think you really had a chance to go through the process of dating him. But sometimes that may not even be the issue because I was friends with my ex for a few months before we started dating. And even then I was played.

I think it was a combination for me. Mostly instincts. My mother used to say, 'When god created man, he gave woman instincts." And then there were blatant signs and sometimes he would just speak the truth.

The first six months were great. I used to say to myself, "This is too good to be true." After the assclowns I had dated, this was it. But after that:

1. Our time together started dwindling.
2. Constantly on the phone texting.
3. Affection came to a halt. Sex was robotic.
4. Always busy.
5. Would lose his temper when I wanted more and twist it to make it look like I was being too demanding. And I would then back off to appease him.
6. His father once slipped about his dating habits. I was told otherwise by the ex. His dad adored me and was most likely giving me a sign.
7. Left me at a wedding once because he was getting claustrophobic. Yes, he left me sitting there by myself.
8. One day he'll kiss the ground I walk on and the next he'd be agitated just by me sitting on the couch.
9. Very secretive when it came to his phone and computer.
10. He would say things that would make me go, "Hmmm." When someone tells you what you don't want to hear, LISTEN!
11. Once we were having a picnic and I said one day it would be nice to move in together and he went balistic. I knew at that point it was heading to the end.
12. Last straw was when I found a few strands of blonde hair in the shower. I have black hair. He was non-chalant about it and tried to sweep it under the rug. All hell broke loose. It was back and forth after that until I caught him having sex with a Snooki lookalike in his driveway. The end.

So, don't beat yourself up for all that has happened. We've all been there. All you can do now is take those lessons and apply them to future encounters with men that walk into your life. Sometimes we see what we see, but we're blinded by the dire need to be loved and cared for that we will settle for anything. Most times believing that change will come.

The great thing about this is that you are slowly identifying that it was bad and you won't allow it rather than sitting there with those rose tinted glasses on. Just try to be strong when he does break contact. One thing you should not do is react. If he does contact, talk it out with friends/family or come here.

We werent in a proper relationship but same sort of things happened to me:

1. Our time together started dwindling.

2. Whenever the phone would ring he would either not answer it, or literally run several metres away from me before he would answer

3. Always busy.

4. Would lose his temper when I wanted more and twist it to make it look like I was being too demanding. And I would then back off to appease him. THEN i would apologise to him for upsetting him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Wouldn't invite me to his house, and made all sorts of lame excuses why i couldn't go.

i am so grateful to everyone that is here for me. I wake up in the morning feeling so UGH, yucky. I am not expecting to hear from him at all, he said he would be texting me about the house stuff, but i think he will realise not to.

.

Edited October 19, 2012 by mishy

October 19, 2012

I am still NC. I think of nasty things i want to say to him, but thats not my style, but boy am i thinking them.

5 days NC. Rarely are we out of contact for more than a day. I don't even think i could look at him right now.

October 19, 2012

Still processing and i find it helps to type here about my thoughts, because the logic and facts of what went on are things i have to face.

I just know he is going to text eventually and i have to totally ignore it. When i look back this same scenario has gone on over and over again for the past 5 years.

Uusally it would be over me asking too much of him- ie asking him to have a meal or something, then he would say one of these lines: (all of these were used on separate occasions, he has ended things with me at least 10 times over the past 5 yrs)

"its over"

"i dont want anything, dont call or text"

"don't contact me for 3 weeks"

"don't call or text but you can email like before (ie like the last time i dumped you) (yes he actually said this)

"you either go with what i want or there will be no contact. Your decision" (when i wanted to go to his house)

Its definately over, no ifs buts or maybes" (came back 2 months later)

and last sunday " you can text every now and then"

WHY DID I PUT UP WITH THIS????????????????? WHY??????

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

what the hell have i been doing???? what a waste

October 19, 2012

Mishy, stop over-analyzing. You can't change the past. Now is the time to move on. Don't repeat the same mistakes if he comes back begging. Onward girl!!!

October 19, 2012

Still processing and i find it helps to type here about my thoughts, because the logic and facts of what went on are things i have to face.

I just know he is going to text eventually and i have to totally ignore it. When i look back this same scenario has gone on over and over again for the past 5 years.

Uusally it would be over me asking too much of him- ie asking him to have a meal or something, then he would say one of these lines: (all of these were used on separate occasions, he has ended things with me at least 10 times over the past 5 yrs)

"its over"

"i dont want anything, dont call or text"

"don't contact me for 3 weeks"

"don't call or text but you can email like before (ie like the last time i dumped you) (yes he actually said this)

"you either go with what i want or there will be no contact. Your decision" (when i wanted to go to his house)

Its definately over, no ifs buts or maybes" (came back 2 months later)

and last sunday " you can text every now and then"

WHY DID I PUT UP WITH THIS????????????????? WHY??????

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

what the hell have i been doing???? what a waste

We put up with it because we think we have to, for whatever reason. Now you can take your revelations, recognize it for what it is, and never repeat this. Don't think of it as a waste, think of it as a learning experience.

October 19, 2012

Still processing and i find it helps to type here about my thoughts, because the logic and facts of what went on are things i have to face.

I just know he is going to text eventually and i have to totally ignore it. When i look back this same scenario has gone on over and over again for the past 5 years.

Uusally it would be over me asking too much of him- ie asking him to have a meal or something, then he would say one of these lines: (all of these were used on separate occasions, he has ended things with me at least 10 times over the past 5 yrs)

"its over"

"i dont want anything, dont call or text"

"don't contact me for 3 weeks"

"don't call or text but you can email like before (ie like the last time i dumped you) (yes he actually said this)

"you either go with what i want or there will be no contact. Your decision" (when i wanted to go to his house)

Its definately over, no ifs buts or maybes" (came back 2 months later)

and last sunday " you can text every now and then"

WHY DID I PUT UP WITH THIS????????????????? WHY??????

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

what the hell have i been doing???? what a waste

I'm sorry for your pain but this guy has treated you awful for 5 years. I'm curious did he ask you to wait for him for 8 months? If not, you decided to put your heart on hold for him and he just went with it. I think he is planning to help do things for your renovation because he promised you he would and to relieve some guilt on his part. If I were you I would tell him to forget it, you don't want his help and never speak to him again. You need to heal and be able to put this experience behind you. You will be happy again.

October 19, 2012

Mishy, stop over-analyzing. You can't change the past. Now is the time to move on. Don't repeat the same mistakes if he comes back begging. Onward girl!!!

I know what you are saying , but analyzing helps me see how ridiculous it all was, and that helps me get over it. I guess breaking it down into facts helps me. Seeing that i was trapped in a continuous pattern helps me break the pattern. He won't come begging, thats not part of the pattern. He will be expexting to hear from me definately

NOT going to happen!! I will not do it. I will be posting here instead.

October 19, 2012

I'm sorry for your pain but this guy has treated you awful for 5 years. I'm curious did he ask you to wait for him for 8 months? If not, you decided to put your heart on hold for him and he just went with it. I think he is planning to help do things for your renovation because he promised you he would and to relieve some guilt on his part. If I were you I would tell him to forget it, you don't want his help and never speak to him again. You need to heal and be able to put this experience behind you. You will be happy again.

No he didn't ask me to wait, but he was well aware i was doing it, and i made sure he knew very well, and honestly he really seemed happy about it.

I am not going to actively contact him and tell him not to help me, it would hurt me to even contact him about anything. Thats how hurt i am, i can't bring myself to make contact, or respond to anything he texts me or whatever

Revelation: I have many questions to ask him but its no use asking questions and have stopped myself from texting or calling and asking because:

a) just making contact will be more painful than having the questions unanswered

b) Because of his massive lies in the past I cannot trust that his answers will be the truth

c) one question leads to more questions, and do i even want the answers? i don't want any details about her or whats going on. That sort of information just feeds my imagination. I'd rather not have any details to focus on. It could have all fizzled out, (or may not even have existed!!) but still i dont want to know .

You know when you have reached your pain threshold? I've reached it. I have never been at the point where it has been too painful to contact him. Thats how i know its over for me as far as i am concerned.

Edited October 20, 2012 by mishy

October 20, 2012

should never have got involved with him

October 20, 2012

This guy is poison and i allowed him to do this to me.

October 20, 2012

So it has been a week now since he told me he has met someone (fictitious or not) and this morning i woke up feeling almost normal.

I have found that if i lie in bed for longer than a few minutes and start thinking about it, that sets the tone for the rest of the day. Today as soon as the thoughts of him and the girl(?) crept in, i got up straight away.

Going in his past repetitive behaviour he is probably expecting me to contact him soon to see if he is still with her, or throw out a breadcrumb, or ask about the house things he was going to do.

But i seriously am that hurt that i can honestly say that i never will.

I have been reading my old threads just amazed at how i have gone along with all this for so long. The pattern that he always follows is to chuck a stink using some excuse (sometimes lying) , saying that i cant contact him for 2 weeks , imposing conditions or rules or ultimatums on me, and then after that time has passed, acting like nothing has happened.

Once when i asked him to go somewhere maybe it was dinner? (and ofcourse it was no) i am not sure but later i was speaking to him on the phone i asked him, well have you met someone or something?, and he was like ' yeah, but i dont know what they are wanting so have to see what happens" - Same conversation as last week, same as the other time a few years ago. he lies about "meeting someone" in order to get space. Because you now what, after the 2 weeks or 3 weeks has passed, there is never any mention of these girls. They never existed

I know i am analyzing and going over it and that annoys people here, but i have to do it to see hwat has happened and get past it.

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5 years and I am stupid

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