Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 8, 2012 Author Share Posted October 8, 2012 But she's not eloping. She is basically saying to her family, friends, and social circle "This wedding is not very important. It is nothing for anyone to celebrate. It is just something I am doing. Don't put a very high priority on my marriage, because I'm not, either." They don't have to. Why are they refusing to give the people who supposedly care about them any hospitality at all? Why no celebration at all? Even barefoot Lil Abner-style trailer trash hillbillies on foodstamps would have a better celebration than your daughter is planning. I'm going to ignore the insults you continually dish (is it just me that feels this way or did LS used to be a slightly kinder and less mean-spirited forum ?) and admit that, at least for my generation, you probably have a point. But guess what - this isn't my generation that's getting married. She doesn't feel that she's making her marriage a "priority" by commanding her guests to furnish her home with toaster ovens, blenders and silverware place settings. She wants something different and I'm doing my best to respect those wishes... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Miss manners is about 30 years out of date. You're kidding, right?? Good manners are timeless and never out of date. Unless, of course, you don't have any. *shrugs 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Good manners are timeless and never out of date. Unless, of course, you don't have any. *shrugs Oh come on now...while you are right about good manners being timeless that doesn't mean the OP's daughter has no manners and is doing something rude.. quite the opposite actually.. There isn't anything wrong with what the OP's daughter has proposed... It isn't insulting to any of her family and friends or I can bet you she wouldn't even be doing it. The OP's daughter seems like a very considerate person.. she also seems considerate of peoples feelings.. like her Mom's and Dad's as well... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 All I can hear is Quaaaaackquackquackquackquack........ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 You're the one who called me a "hater" (LOL). I didn't insult you at all. And you follow this with 5 or 6 paragraphs of insults. Do you ever turn off the bullsh*t? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 You can't even identify one insult in anything I posted. Probably not one that you'd agree was an insult, I'll grant you that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 You're so fey. Cute, ducky. I've wondered before if you'd say some of the things you do here in person. And when I do I've always concluded "f*ck no". Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 LOL what is that a challenge to fight me? Harrumph harrumph. I'd have no problem saying those things to you in person. Now go back to bagging those groceries, tough guy. I figured you'd try to turn it around, but this fails because I'm rarely a flat-out dick to people on LS, where you make a habit out of it here. And I'd bet only here. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 quaaaaackquackquackquackquack..... still all I'm getting..... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 A l'orange..... Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 And I guess that means you only play Mr. Tough Guy here too. Right? Why don't you just go to the corner of your local real life Texas bar, swill down a few beers, and start throwing your weight around there amigo? Let us know how that all turns out for you when you get out of the hospital. You can keep trying to steer the ship in that direction, but it ain't going to work. You're the internet tough-guy, and you hate like hell to be called out on it. But feel free to keep trying to spin your way out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 We've heard absolutely nothing about the parents of the groom and whether perhaps the groom's mom might not want to celeberate her son's marriage. If you tell me the groom's mom doesn't want to bask in that limelight (just like your wife does), then I'd be very surprised. Very surprise. Duck, they've both passed away. I know the news must be a disappointment to you as it means you'll have to limit your insults to my immediate family... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Is crispy still quacking nonsense....? Gosh, he's relentless, isn't he? Put him on ignore like I have. Really, after a while, they run out of hot air, the verbal diarrhoea fizzles out and they're reduced to just belching vocal farts... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Now this isn't simply economical, penurious, or "cheap." In my opinion, this is dysfunctional. This is not about money. Your thread starter made this about a dispute over money, and it's not. It's about your daughter quite obviously not being "all in" to her marriage. She is doing nothing to celebrate her marriage--she is going out of her way to do otherwise. How much does a cake and a few bottles of cheap champagne in the backyard cost? Trivial. She could even bake a cake or two if cost was an issue, but obviously, cost isn't the issue at all. If she was eloping, fine. Then there's no issue. But she's not eloping. She is basically saying to her family, friends, and social circle "This wedding is not very important. It is nothing for anyone to celebrate. It is just something I am doing. Don't put a very high priority on my marriage, because I'm not, either." They don't have to. Why are they refusing to give the people who supposedly care about them any hospitality at all? Why no celebration at all? Even barefoot Lil Abner-style trailer trash hillbillies on foodstamps would have a better celebration than your daughter is planning. Oh sorry, I thought one of your prior posts mentioned it. LOL. She's not even going to tell anyone she's getting married? Gee it must be very important to her. So in other words these aren't even wedding invitations at all. So what does her getting married have anything at all to do with her charitable solicitations? Why did you tie the two things together? OK so she's having a wedding ceremony but she's not inviting anyone and there's not going to be any reception afterwards. 90 days later she will ask people to an unrelated charitable benefit. That's not what it sounded like you said before. It sounded like people were going to be sent wedding invitations or announcements or something and would be told about the request to make charitable contributions intead of a wedding gift. There is a difference between wanting to be "unconventional" and a total negation of the wedding itself. Typically a woman who is happy to be getting married wants to celebrate that occasion with family and friends. Even if there are severe budget limitations. Doesn't she have any family and friends? This isn't about her wanting to donate money to the good cause. It's all about her wanting to avoid emphasizing the fact that she is getting married at all, as a social matter. I do not seriously believe NO ONE has sat this young woman down and insisted that at the very least she invite her closest friends and family members back to the house after the wedding for some home made cake and punch, and oh by the way Uncle Bob is an amateur photographer and would be happy to take the pics so as to save money on a professional photog, Cousin Jimmy is a dj and will provide the music for free. What exactly is your daughter trying to prove? It can't be her generosity because spending a couple of hundred bucks on some refreshments for 20 or 30 guests for a few hours after the wedding is not going to impact the charitable stuff at all. She must be trying to prove that getting married just doesn't matter to her very much at all. She is going out of her way to send a loud and clear message to everyone concerned that they should disregard that she is getting married. I love my family, I don't hate them. That's why when my wife and I got married, despite the fact that at the time we have a substantially negative net worth, no house, no downpayment for a house, mucho student loans, and probably not even as much cash altogether as you have in your wallet right now, we scrimped together and various family members chipped in here and there (and were happy to do so!) and we managed to have a fun but low key local reception that was very economical, and we managed to be able to adequately (but not lavishly by any means) feed about 40-50 of our closest family members and friends. Not even having any kind of celebration or reception of any kind is likely going to be perceived by your daughter's friends and relatives, and perhaps you and your wife's, as a strange, perverse "f u". Why on earth would one need to throw money at a celebration of wedding vows to indicate how "in" they are into said marriage vows? Since when does monies spent indicate faithfulness, fidelity or longevity? I found that a very odd belief. Just because you found it appropriate to do cake and drinks to celebrate your vows does not mean it has to happen. Everyone chooses to celebrate their wedding differently, doesn't make one more right than another nor is it ANY indication on how committed they are to their partner, their vows, or their loved ones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAtLast Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Duck, they've both passed away. I know the news must be a disappointment to you as it means you'll have to limit your insults to my immediate family... Mr. Lucky If it makes you feel any better, Mr. Lucky, on a thread a few days ago the insults directed at me and my family were that my current wife is a cheater, my former wife (who developed a drinking problem later in life) somehow verbally abused my boys when they were young AND, last, but certainly not least, my boys must be illegitimate based upon the fact that their mother had an affair when they were young. . You are not alone, my friend. And, your daughter sounds like a lovely young woman, you should be proud. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) That's why when my wife and I got married, despite the fact that at the time we have a substantially negative net worth, no house, no downpayment for a house, mucho student loans, and probably not even as much cash altogether as you have in your wallet right now, we scrimped together and various family members chipped in here and there (and were happy to do so!) and we managed to have a fun but low key local reception that was very economical, and we managed to be able to adequately (but not lavishly by any means) feed about 40-50 of our closest family members and friends. I don't think the size of the reception or the lack thereof is any indication of a happy marriage. Personally, we had a big church wedding and a decent-sized reception of 200 people, which we paid for. We accepted all gifts even though we both had places of our own. Many gifts were not used for up to ten years later. Some we gave away. Looking back, adding the suggestion of sending donations to a charity may have been a good option. As for having or not having a reception, I wouldn't care. There are many times where I would gladly send someone a gift so I could stay home for the evening instead of attending a wedding and reception! Edited October 9, 2012 by JamesM Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I don't think the size of the reception or the lack thereof is any indication of a happy marriage. Personally, we had a big church wedding and a decent-sized reception of 200 people, which we paid for. We accepted all gifts even though we both had places of our own. Many gifts were not used for up to ten years later. Some we gave away. Looking back, adding the suggestion of sending donations to a charity may have been a good option. As for having or not having a reception, I wouldn't care. There are many times where I would gladly send someone a gift so I could stay home for the evening instead of attending a wedding and reception! Agreed. When my wife and I got married, we were young and poor and actually needed the toaster, assorted kitchen stuff, sheets, and so forth. But I'd have no problem at all donating to a worthy charity in lieu of buying a wedding gift. In my experience, weddings are for the bride. She gets to call the shots (within reason, if I'm the one footing the bill). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 If it makes you feel any better, Mr. Lucky, on a thread a few days ago the insults directed at me and my family were that my current wife is a cheater, my former wife (who developed a drinking problem later in life) somehow verbally abused my boys when they were young AND, last, but certainly not least, my boys must be illegitimate based upon the fact that their mother had an affair when they were young. . You are not alone, my friend. And, your daughter sounds like a lovely young woman, you should be proud. On a forum like this, one's best chance to get the help and advice that most posters seek means that you have to open yourself up and be honest about your situation - warts, flaws, foibles and all. And even anonymously, that can be a daunting prospect because those human weaknesses laid bare are like blood on the water to certain posters. They could give a sh*t above Loveshack's goal of "fostering an environment free of harassment, character attacks, and other forms of individual and group berating" as their m.o. is entirely based on the flawed premise that they can somehow make themselves feel better by making you feel worse. At least in this case, it didn't work ... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 'Peking with pancakes' still banging away at nobody in particular.....? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 'Peking with pancakes' still banging away at nobody in particular.....? I thought you had him on ignore! Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Closed for moderator review. Link to post Share on other sites
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