WaitingForDunno Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Hi all, Came on this morning to vent about last relationship when the ex called me as I was typing. For some background: The Break Up Recent Post For the crib notes: I'm we met 3 years ago when she lived 15 mins away, she went off to uni (2 hours away) and we broke up 4 months ago right at the end of her second year, mutually because we were both very busy. She hasn't been great since then, a lot of bad things have happened to me and she wasn't very supportive. Got frustrated and came on here for advice, went NC and she contacted me asking why. Had a huge row two days ago and here we are. Anyway, so she calls me this morning, I won't write the whole thing down (I know we pour our hearts out here but this was very intimate) but she began with "Shut up and listen, I'm going to talk and I need you not to say anything until I'm done". I'll bullet point the information I want you guys to see: -Although she has been keeping herself busy these past 4 months, she cannot stop thinking about me and misses me terribly -She has avoiding any other contact than FB chat because she's been desperate to tell me she loves me and ask to start again but on FB chat she can edit herself -The only reason she hasn't done asked is because she thought I would say no, we are still far apart and she will be busier than ever this year, she does not want to hurt me again by de-prioritizing me -When I deleted her on FB she thought she had missed her chance with me and was harsh with me because she was hurt -When bad things have happened since we broke up she felt every time like she had let me down by not being there and could not bear to face me -She is admitting all this now because the argument was the first time I have shown I still care about her, I have been "friendly" and not shown I felt to her before this (her words) That basically covers the explanation part, sorry if this isn't making a lot of sense, I'm kind of shaking and crying and it's taking me forever to write this. She went on to say how she sees going forward. -She wants to be with me. Plain and simple. I helped her through some very tough times, gave her back her confidence and she's in such a good place now because of me. -She has no idea how to make it work but she wants us to hash something out that will tide us over until she is graduated -However, she is concerned by two things, the first is that I don't feel the same way for whatever reason (someone else/ I moved on/ I think it won't work), the second is that she knows these past 4 months have been hard for me and she worries that it will have created a problem within our relationship (I started to speak both times, she told me to shut up. Again.) -She did not want to hear from me then, she wants me to go away and think and talk with people and come up with a response to what she's said. -She could hear me crying, she said we'll talk in a few hours and after an "I love you" she said goodbye. Basically after reading all this, what do you think? We broke up for a fairly lame reason and I have been desperate to be with her again, so every part of me is screaming "YES!". What should I say? I need your advice because I am mortally afraid of ruining this with someone really special. She's quite reserved so to pour her heart out like this would be incredibly hard. Thanks if you've made it this far, any help you can offer would be incredibly appreciated...
Fitnerd Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 She might still love you and all but the distance is still there isn't it? What changed from before?
Author WaitingForDunno Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 We made it work before when she was very busy over the past two years, we just scheduled the next visit and activities so we could both look forward to them. At the time we broke up it was a very busy period for both of us and we were barely communicating whereas before we were daily. A big issue was I worked nights, she was busy in the day, now I work days, so we match up much better, plus I have structure and some new career developments have put me in a really good spot personally and professionally. I also feel the same way as her, we shouldn't have broken up, it was a snap decision and we should be together regardless of how busy we get...
Fitnerd Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 It's hard to say anything really. It's just that all I'm seeing is talk and no action, know what I mean?
Author WaitingForDunno Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 I definitely see what you mean, what I would say is she's back at uni 2 hours away so it's difficult for her to do anything in physical terms. I'm thinking the best thing to do is go to her today or tomorrow, I've got a free weekend but I'll run it by her, don't want to run down to find she's busy all weekend or away somewhere...
Balzac Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 So you are in your first career job and she will likely find her job back in your city?
Fitnerd Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I definitely see what you mean, what I would say is she's back at uni 2 hours away so it's difficult for her to do anything in physical terms. I'm thinking the best thing to do is go to her today or tomorrow, I've got a free weekend but I'll run it by her, don't want to run down to find she's busy all weekend or away somewhere... Look, you kinda proved my point. She lives 2h away, I got that, but if she REALLY wanted to make it work, why wouldn't she make the drive? NOTHING would stop her! I mean, you want to do it, you didn't hesitate! IF she did make the drive, knocked at your door and yelled out her feelings for you, NOW you're getting somewhere. I don't mean to bring you down mate but that's how I see it.
Liz2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I don't feel like 2 hours is LDR in the strictest sense. It's definitely workable. However yeah with work etc it's tough. If you want her, go get her. Nothing much more to say
Gulf-Delta Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Tell her everything. Tell her exactly how you feel. Work it out with her. Discuss it with her, not us. We are here to offer advice, and talk you through what to do when something we can't figure out is happening. Now that she has opened communication, you need to open with her. She's baring her soul to you, you need to do the same. Don't worry about a reunion or anything yet. Talk to her. Tell her your hopes, your fears, and your thoughts about everything. Once you guys discuss, fully, without holding back, what each of you wants and needs, etc. your choice should become clear. Talk to her.
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