WaitingForDunno Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 After advice on here went NC with the ex, got rid of her FB, email, phone number. Although we had split mutually and it's been 4 months I've been having a hard time moving forward, a big part of that is I was keeping the contact going, she didn't really seemed too bothered and had a lot going on in her life so hadn't really thought about me. It felt like she had all the power and was able to adjust easily while I was really struggling. Felt great after the NC move, didn't even think to try her FB or really even think of her for two day. Yep, you read that right, two days. She called me yesterday, I know her number off by heart so I answered, I know it's a bad move but the reason I went NC was not to ignore her, more to get rid of any contact temptation or driving myself mad FB stalking her. She asked why I'd deleted her. I was honest with her, more honest than I've been since we broke up. I told her exactly how I felt, that I was happy she was doing well but I was not doing well and while in an ideal world I would love to stay good friends,unfortunately it just isn't working. I assured her it wasn't forever, I told her I didn't know when, but at some point in the future I could be ready to be friends, but right now my feelings for her were at war with my want to move on and I could no longer go on like this. At this point I felt even better, I'd laid it all out there, no sane person could have a problem with any of that! Give me a while, let me move on at my own pace and we'll let the future look after itself. Right? Wrong. She told me I needed to grow up. That since we broke up I've needed to just suck it up and move on and she really dug in by adding that the way I've been has made her "think twice" about any chance of us getting back together in the future. I was furious and there was some very heated exchanges, ended with me saying "Just respect my decision and while I'm really disappointed this is how the conversation has gone, I'll wish you the best and maybe one day you'll realise that I've found this hard, not because I'm over-dramatic, but because of how much you mean to me" at which point I hung up. What do you guys think? Have you ever had a power struggle in your break up? Is it a real thing or just perception? p.s. No contact since, not expecting any and while I feel like I'm passed something, I again feel she has all the power as I didn't want to have a screaming row to finish contact...
lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 She's saying all of this because she has no regard for your feelings. She knew saying those things would hurt you. Does this sound like the type of girl you want? Don't let this biotch make you feel any less of a man. Cut her.
Calico Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 What do you guys think? Have you ever had a power struggle in your break up? Is it a real thing or just perception? In previous relationship show-downs, yes, but not in my recent one (which was my longest relationship, and the deepest, and the one that ended in the most hurtful ways). I eventually just walked away and loosened the grip, letting it all wash over me and focused on accepting that the only power I have is to keep myself somewhat together -- and that I have no power over her or the the situation as far as it doesn't only concern me. It's more like surrendering, not like resigning. (Doesn't always work, but when it does, it offers relief.) I think the power struggle you describe can be useful to give yourself a kick in the ass; a burst of energy to catapult you out of the hole, at least temporarily. The downside is that it's likely that you'll regret harsh words later on (nothing you said struck me as overly harsh), and beat yourself up over them. It's just a display of bitterness and I really don't want to give anyone that satisfaction. But I also don't think it's necessarily bad. In the end, it doesn't really make a difference either way. The situation is still the same: You're not together. For her, it seems to be really about power. That line about thinking twice now about another chance was incredibly low. I'd have hung up on her right then and there. I guess she expected she'd continue to get all the good parts from you, without any responsibility or commitment. Seems to me the little girl has some major growing up to do. 1
Author WaitingForDunno Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 Thanks for the response guys, it's funny, she always knew what to say in the relationship and now she knows exactly what to say out of it, funny that. To be honest I thought for the longest time that she wasn't playing any games, in fact I thought she has been distant because she's hurting and doesn't know how to deal with it. Now either I'm right and my deleting her really stung her because she still cares, or I'm wrong and her priority has changed to taking the power. Haha speak of the devil she's called me as I speak. I'll let you know how it pans out...
Calico Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Haha speak of the devil she's called me as I speak. I'll let you know how it pans out... Why do you still speak to her?
Fitnerd Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 You didn't go NC at all if you answered her call after 2 days... The point of NC is to ignore as much as not reaching out. 1
Author WaitingForDunno Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 I think you would both be right under normal circumstances but I am very, very glad I took this call. Still talking, I will need advice when this is over, thank you for what you've all said thus far...
Author WaitingForDunno Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 Sorry for the double post but I've literally just had a bombshell dropped on me. An amazing, positive bombshell but still! I'm going to start up a new thread because I really need everyone's advice and I think it might get missed in this thread, thanks for your help with my previous worries...
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