MM in 6th Year of LT Affair

[jwi71]

Just looking to be happy and satisfied like anybody.

 

I have an emotional connection to OW. I read all these posts on here by OW about how terrible they feel, how much angst they have, so on and so forth, how they wasted time, been lied too, etc. So I talk to my OW from time to time to see how she feels and she always tells me she is happy, never expects me to leave, never pressures me to leave and appreciates and values our relationship and the time we have together.

 

I don't see a disconnect at all. I had an old GF surface awhile back but it was only sex and no connection. She wanted to keep it going but I was not interested. It takes a lot of time managing 2 realtionships. Plus as I get older, gratuitous sex is not as interesting as it once was.

 

I guess, and maybe I wasn't clear, why are you concerned about your OW's mental health?

 

Especially since she tells you she is happy.

 

Is the point of this thread simply to say you are a serial cheater and you, your W and all of your OW are happy?

 

Yay?

[scatterd]

I did not want to post at first but changed my mind because It seems to me, that no matter what any one says about how cheating hurts ,you will find a way to justify it.You are lying to your wife and children. Lies are hurtful.Whats so sad about it, is your wife will be much older and have a harder time moving on. You can say you will be fine with her having a man of her own. How do you know that for sure? What about if she does move on, and you have no choices. Come Christmas and Thanksgiving your family, will be spending half, if not all of their time with Mom and her New Husband. With everything a person does, their is consequences that we do not like. Are you going to be OK with the Holidays? If you are why not let your wife know so she can start the last Chapter of her life.

[skywriter]

No I have not. But I did tell her that I was a serial cheater.

 

 

 

You told her that you were a serial cheater. As in past tense? In other words, she believes she's your only OW?

[canuckprincess]

Thank you for your reply. Your situation is a familiar one. But you tell me over the years what are some of the bullcrap things you've told your wife so she held on? Your ow sounds very strong and happy with who she is, wish I was a bit stronger. Oh well maybe someday.

[nofool4u]

All:

 

Been reading these forums for about a year. I have emapathy for those of you that are unhappy, misreable and bitter.

 

Oh ya, you are off to a good start with the betrayed people in this forum:rolleyes:

 

 

 

My OW and I are both over 50 and I have a great realtionship, excellent sex life and generally have a great time together. I help out finacially when she needs

 

Which is exactly why Alienation of Affection laws are still on the books.

 

 

I have been in an average to sub-par marriage for 30 plus. My wife was a different person before marriage and changed within the first months after marriage to A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT person, I felt a bit of bait and switch from her so she could get a ring.

 

I think you say this to try and justify whatever behavior you want to exhibit.

 

 

I have been a serial cheater. She caught me once as I banged her best friend who told her husband who told my wife, I felt a little remorse but not much.

 

Since you put it as "banging" her best friend, and the fact that it was a good friend of hers, it indicates the kind of person you are and your justifications of why you cheat aren't going to really fly here, as if they'd fly in the first place.

 

 

 

I stay for financial reasons mostly, we are very comfortable. My wife has a life style that I enable and that she couldn't acheive on her own. We have a decent sex life lately, however it is defined by her and perhaps if this would have been more aligned things might be different today. She was tainted by religion and a dominant Father to believe that some sex was abnormal and disgusting, her terms not mine. She has totally let herself go physically now to tthe point where she has some signifcant health issues on the horizon if she doesn't make drastic changes. I am no spring chicken but have always kept myself fit. You could say we are both much happier w OW in the picture, since she meets the needs my wife won't or can't, so we don't fight about sex issues anymore.

 

Sorry, I call bulls*** on that one. You say you are able to have sex with your wife and its been decent lately. So there isn't anything your wife can't provide that your OW can't. You simply want the excitement and newness of "banging" someone that you don't have to live with for 30 years.

 

Call it what it is, but don't you dare put this on your wife. Its all on YOU.

 

 

If/when a D day comes, if my wife leaves she will get half which she mostly deserves.

 

Not mostly, COMPLETELY deserves.

 

I am hoping after its all over and done, we can be friends some day. Not sure if she will go though. I wonder if she has had her own OM

 

Wishful thinking on your part.

 

I will never marry again, and that includes OW or any woman.

 

I'd say thats a wise decision given your character.

[Sauron]

All:

 

Thank you all for sharing your comments. It is very difficult to articulate all of the compelxities involved in my marriage and personal situation in this type of a forum. The point is I am sharing my situation which I consider today, at this time, is a good one. Not asking anyone to endorse it, approve of it, like it, I am just sharing. I want to make sure my OW stays happy so I come here once in a while and check out other peoples situations.

[nofool4u]

All:

 

Thank you all for sharing your comments. It is very difficult to articulate all of the compelxities involved in my marriage and personal situation in this type of a forum. The point is I am sharing my situation which I consider today, at this time, is a good one. Not asking anyone to endorse it, approve of it, like it, I am just sharing.

 

So basically you start off the thread by calling BS's "bitter", and you are here to share your story to do what exactly? Incite? Rile up?

 

Ah, this has become a pattern here at LS, posting things such as this to those betrayed when we could really care less about your justifications.

 

 

I want to make sure my OW stays happy so I come here once in a while and check out other peoples situations.

 

Then set your wife free from you so you can devote whatever time it takes to OW to keep her happy without further abusing your wife.

[scatterd]

Sauron

Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us. But I am wondering. Are you going to be OK with the Holidays? If you are why not let your wife know so she can start the last Chapter of her life.

You do not have to answer, but I wonder if you have ever thought of what I asked?

[Sauron]

"Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here."

 

Well I posted this in the OM/OW forum but it was moved here. Sharing my experience, that's all.

 

Sorry I never intended to offend any BS and my aplogies if I did.

 

Lady Grey, you used the term super stud not me. I am very fit over 50 man, but just a man. I agree my children would be very hurt. But they are adults and not children. I was rasied by my Mother who was an absoulte saint. No Father in the picture.

[Furious]

You told her that you were a serial cheater. As in past tense? In other words, she believes she's your only OW?

 

 

Sauron

 

I assume as long as you keep your OW happy, what she doesn't know won't hurt her. As you say, you won't turn down an attractive woman if you had the chance. You're a red blooded man and a serial cheater, as long as you can keep the wife and your OW happy, then it's all good.

[stillafool]

All:

I want to make sure my OW stays happy so I come here once in a while and check out other peoples situations.

 

Who makes sure your wife stays happy? Again, why didn't you divorce your wife in the first few months after marriage when you realized she wasn't going to satisfy you? Wouldn't it have been better than to spend all of these decades married to a woman you didn't want and all the sneaking around. lying and cheating you've had to do to maintain your lifestyle? It just doesn't make sense.

[Sauron]

Sauron

Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us. But I am wondering. Are you going to be OK with the Holidays? If you are why not let your wife know so she can start the last Chapter of her life.

You do not have to answer, but I wonder if you have ever thought of what I asked?

 

I plan on spending Holidays with my family. If we get divorced then we will be like all the other divorced people and figure it out. If we are divorced and my Adult children want to be with her on all the holidays I am good with that.

[Sauron]

Who makes sure your wife stays happy? Again, why didn't you divorce your wife in the first few months after marriage when you realized she wasn't going to satisfy you? Wouldn't it have been better than to spend all of these decades married to a woman you didn't want and all the sneaking around. lying and cheating you've had to do to maintain your lifestyle? It just doesn't make sense.

 

I take care of my wife and really we are all responsible for our own happiness aren't we? She became pregnant shortly after we were married.

[BetrayedH]

Since there is really no point to this thread other than sharing your experience, I will share that I hope your wife busts you, takes everything you're worth, and that this "good" situation turns to sh/t for you and gets better for your wife who deserves to be free of your sorry ass.

 

Speaking as an atheist, I sometimes hope there is a God so I can know that there's a special place in hell for people like you. You have wasted your wife's life and sit here bragging about it.

[BetrayedH]

I take care of my wife and really we are all responsible for our own happiness aren't we? She became pregnant shortly after we were married.

 

Some would even say we're responsible for more than our own happiness.

[Got it]

Sauron,

 

Since you are sleeping with others, are you getting tested regularly to protect your wife's health as well as your OW? Condoms are good but are not 100%. You are taking risks with their health so I hope you are following up on your end to make sure that if you were to contract something that, at that point, you wouldl let them know so they can seek medical help.

[Sauron]

Since there is really no point to this thread other than sharing your experience, I will share that I hope your wife busts you, takes everything you're worth, and that this "good" situation turns to sh/t for you and gets better for your wife who deserves to be free of your sorry ass.

 

Speaking as an atheist, I sometimes hope there is a God so I can know that there's a special place in hell for people like you. You have wasted your wife's life and sit here bragging about it.

 

Well I am an atheist, so no hell for me. Bragging, I wouldn't say I am bragging. I am sorry that you are so vindicative, you don't know me or my situation other than the sliver I shared here. I hope that whatever happened in your life that it gets better for you.

[Sauron]

Sauron,

 

Since you are sleeping with others, are you getting tested regularly to protect your wife's health as well as your OW? Condoms are good but are not 100%. You are taking risks with their health so I hope you are following up on your end to make sure that if you were to contract something that, at that point, you wouldl let them know so they can seek medical help.

 

Yes. I have been tested for STD's including HIV.

[Got it]

Yes. I have been tested for STD's including HIV.

 

Regularly tested? That would be key here.

 

It is what it is. It is a a bit like a house of cards though, and hopefully you see that.

 

What is your game plan? Is there any resolution to the dual relationships or is that your perceived desired course of action?

 

I suggest, again, the therapy piece. I also recommend "Why Good People Have Affairs". It would be good for you to try and dig deeper on why you need triangular relationships for satisfaction. It isn't just about sex as you are maintaining emotional relationships with at least one other woman than your wife. So there is something more there that is fulfilling you. Maybe researching triangular romantic relationships as well.

 

Do you feel you are being fair those these ladies? How would you feel in your wife's shoes? If you could go back in time, would you do anything differently?

[Sauron]

Regularly tested? That would be key here.

 

It is what it is. It is a a bit like a house of cards though, and hopefully you see that.

 

What is your game plan? Is there any resolution to the dual relationships or is that your perceived desired course of action?

 

I suggest, again, the therapy piece. I also recommend "Why Good People Have Affairs". It would be good for you to try and dig deeper on why you need triangular relationships for satisfaction. It isn't just about sex as you are maintaining emotional relationships with at least one other woman than your wife. So there is something more there that is fulfilling you. Maybe researching triangular romantic relationships as well.

 

Do you feel you are being fair those these ladies? How would you feel in your wife's shoes? If you could go back in time, would you do anything differently?

 

 

Yes, well what do you consider to be regularly? Last one was 3 weeks ago and before that was March of this year. I have only slept w the 2 of them since.

 

Well after almost 7 years, it seems to be a sturdy house of cards. I do understand that at any moment it could explode. I think I find that intriguing though.

 

I agree with you that it is more than sex. My OW and my wife are about as opposite as you can get in terms of personality, attitudes, sex interest and so on. Unlike a traditonal relationship, my OW relationship doesn't move forward, it is where it is year after year. In the begining that was very disconcerting, but I have adapted. Like I said, I like the dual nature of it.

 

Regarding the triangular concept, I will have to do some research on that.

[scatterd]

sauron

You sound like you have completely checked out of your marriage. If so why do you want to keep your marriage? This OW is the one that seems to have your attention so why not be with her. If my husband felt that way about me I would want out. I could give a rats a-- about the money he made. Also if it was your daughter would you approve of her living that way? Sometimes thinking of someone else you love gives you a different out look.

[BetrayedH]

Well I am an atheist, so no hell for me. Bragging, I wouldn't say I am bragging. I am sorry that you are so vindicative, you don't know me or my situation other than the sliver I shared here. I hope that whatever happened in your life that it gets better for you.

 

Whatever happened in my life? My wife just robbed me of years of my life by being unfaithful but keeping me faithful and committed to her rather than letting me make my own informed choice about how to live my life. As for it getting better, I don't think there's a time machine to give me those years back. No worries though, clearly it's my own fault that I'm bitter and "vindicative.". Thank goodness for the afterlife. Oh wait.

 

Selling your story as things being "good" sure sounds like bragging to me. What ever happened to the vows you made to your wife? She has one and only one life to live, she is supposed to be the one person you protect above all others (a vow you willingly took) and you don't have the courage to tell her you have been done with that for 7 years? She just blindly trudges along in what is surely a mediocre marriage at best, running out of years, and you keep her there. For goodness sake, release the poor woman. Maybe she can find someone who will truly love her and put her first.

[woinlove]

Well after almost 7 years, it seems to be a sturdy house of cards. I do understand that at any moment it could explode. I think I find that intriguing though.

 

This I find disturbing. I understand some people just like to take risks for the thrill of taking risks, but you are talking about your family here, how your children will view you, what respect they will have for you. I notice a limited connection to others. I suppose a lack of empathy goes along with being arrogant and selfish. You are happy lying to those you love, and exploding your family is intriguing to you. Not anything I can relate to and I would not want to be you. Sounds like you have missed some of life's greatest pleasures to me. Filling one's inner circle (closest family and friends) with real, authentic, deep, honest connections fulfil in a way that brings joy and peace without rationalization.

 

But I don't see any indication that you want better so unless some life-changing crisis takes over your life, I suspect this is how you will be.

[stillafool]

sauron

You sound like you have completely checked out of your marriage. If so why do you want to keep your marriage? This OW is the one that seems to have your attention so why not be with her. If my husband felt that way about me I would want out. I could give a rats a-- about the money he made. Also if it was your daughter would you approve of her living that way? Sometimes thinking of someone else you love gives you a different out look.

 

 

This is what would kill me. To know that decades of my life were just a sham and I didn't even know it. To know all the years I wasted on some fool who really didn't love me. I would gladly have let him go and helped him pack his stuff if only he could have been honest with me and gave me back my life to spend with someone who truly and honestly loved me. Yes that one is a killer and God help this poor wife if she ever does find out about the lie she's living.

[William]

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