scatterd Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 So what are you going to do are you going to tell your wife? After she has this baby their will be a record of it and she is going to want some child support. All as it takes is her wanting you to her self and deciding to tell the wife. She is going to be tired of being a secret and your children getting most of your time. I am sure you are afraid of wife finding out but your in so deep now.I do not know if your children are raised but you have 18 more years to go now. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 yes i went on the 3rd or 4th day , she didnt know she was preg as well .. I know how it sounds , she is a bigger woman and she really didnt look pregnant. I wouldn't trust anything she does or tells you (crazy that is). It doesn't particularly even matter, you know there is a baby in there. When are you getting the paternity test? Do it ASAP! Then you can know if you need to have anything more to do with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HardPlace2b Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 I wouldn't trust anything she does or tells you (crazy that is). It doesn't particularly even matter, you know there is a baby in there. When are you getting the paternity test? Do it ASAP! Then you can know if you need to have anything more to do with her. I need the baby for the test.. so I will have to wait a few more months Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I need the baby for the test.. so I will have to wait a few more months Wrong. Google pre-natal paternity test. It can be done immediately. You do not have to wait and doing so is a continuation of your unwillingness to face the situation head-on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 she didn't know she was pregnant, yet made an appointment with an obstetrician to have a sonogram? the baby is kicking and she didn't know it? What on earth did she think it was? hiccups? shes' an adult woman, not a 15 year old kid... Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I wouldnt blame my wife if she never takes me back.. i just dont know how i will deal with that if that were to happen..You just will. You don't have a lot of integrity left, may as well start using is wisely to give your wife the information she deserves to make a good decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HardPlace2b Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 she didn't know she was pregnant, yet made an appointment with an obstetrician to have a sonogram? the baby is kicking and she didn't know it? What on earth did she think it was? hiccups? shes' an adult woman, not a 15 year old kid... 3 weeks ago she was having some pain and what she thought was a stomach obstruction so she sheduled a ct scan and they stopped the scan and told her to get dressed , he dr called and told her she was preg and made an obg appt right away. previous the the ct scan , maybe 3 weeks before that ,I had asked her , do you think you are preg .. and her answer was always , thats impossible! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 3 weeks ago she was having some pain and what she thought was a stomach obstruction so she sheduled a ct scan and they stopped the scan and told her to get dressed , he dr called and told her she was preg and made an obg appt right away. previous the the ct scan , maybe 3 weeks before that ,I had asked her , do you think you are preg .. and her answer was always , thats impossible! Welcome to Impossible. I have an "impossible" 3 year-old. Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Wellcome to LS your going to need tons of support now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HardPlace2b Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 I havent told many people about this , most of my closest friends have no clue , I am still in shock about the whole thing , it still seems surreal to me. why i would post my dirty laundry on here ,maybe i feel like i have no where to turn. thank you all for your comments . I have no other alternative but to confess and pray for the best results possible Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 You are gonna be responsible for YOUR baby for the next 18 yrs---money is gonna be spend, you are now gonna have to do things, you would not have had to do---just to take care of your 2nd family. ---you better TELL your wife now, before she finds out on her own, cuz that will make things a thousand times worse Guess what you made your bed---now you get to sleep in it----hope you enjoy the next 18 yrs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HardPlace2b Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 You are gonna be responsible for YOUR baby for the next 18 yrs---money is gonna be spend, you are now gonna have to do things, you would not have had to do---just to take care of your 2nd family. ---you better TELL your wife now, before she finds out on her own, cuz that will make things a thousand times worse Guess what you made your bed---now you get to sleep in it----hope you enjoy the next 18 yrs. this helps how? Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I know this is going to be hard to tell your wife I hope she handles it ok. Good Luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I am wondering how your marriage is has she caught you in the pass? Why did you cheat to begin with is your marriage that bad? You are going to need counceling on top of this to figure out also why you cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Something stinks here. How can a woman be entering her 3rd trimester and not know she is pregnant. While I admit you went to the doctor with her and saw that she is, but you can't possibly be pregnant for 6 months and not know. No way. That said you are screwed HardPlace2b. You got an unstable woman pregnant, (no one ever hear of condoms?) And you have driven a big-assed bus over your wife and 2 kids. 1) Fess up to your wife before she finds out from someone else. 2) Get ready to pack your bags. 3) Start financial planning to support your new child for the next 20 years. Glad I am not you. Link to post Share on other sites
eeyore1981 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 this helps how? HP, it's like this. A lot of the posters in here are the spouses that were betrayed. We were all going along with our lives then out of the blue got hit with the news our SO's, the people we love and have been faithful to through thick and thin, cheated on us. You are in here talking about how you feel, and I'm sure you do feel all these things, but what you don't seem to get is what you are feeling about this is nothing more than a small taste of how your wife is going to feel. And you didn't just cheat, you made a baby, and you did it with a woman you refer to as 'Crazy'. So some of us are having some sympathy pangs for your wife, and that results in having some distaste for you, because why oh why did you do this? And that's just the thing, you did this, not your wife, but she's going to suffer way more consequences for your actions than you ever will. It makes some of us sad, because it's so unnecessary, but it happens again and again and again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 You asked how this helps----well lets just say its some information, you may not like the info., but that's the way of it, isn't it. but then again there is only one person on this whole big wide planet, who caused all this trouble for you---and guess who that would be????? Guess another thing, now you get to act like a mature grown up, and live with what you have brought down onto yourself. I know you don't want a moral conscience, do you---you just wanna kind of, to slide quietly away from all of this---but alas, you are about to be a new proud papa---and you get to pay child support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HardPlace2b Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 Something stinks here. How can a woman be entering her 3rd trimester and not know she is pregnant. While I admit you went to the doctor with her and saw that she is, but you can't possibly be pregnant for 6 months and not know. No way. That said you are screwed HardPlace2b. You got an unstable woman pregnant, (no one ever hear of condoms?) And you have driven a big-assed bus over your wife and 2 kids. 1) Fess up to your wife before she finds out from someone else. 2) Get ready to pack your bags. 3) Start financial planning to support your new child for the next 20 years. Glad I am not you. she didnt know and i only had a clue that maybe she was.. and when someone says there is now way possible i can get pregnant , I just so happened to believe her.. since she believed it.. and maybe i am glad i am not you either Link to post Share on other sites
Author HardPlace2b Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 HP, it's like this. A lot of the posters in here are the spouses that were betrayed. We were all going along with our lives then out of the blue got hit with the news our SO's, the people we love and have been faithful to through thick and thin, cheated on us. You are in here talking about how you feel, and I'm sure you do feel all these things, but what you don't seem to get is what you are feeling about this is nothing more than a small taste of how your wife is going to feel. And you didn't just cheat, you made a baby, and you did it with a woman you refer to as 'Crazy'. So some of us are having some sympathy pangs for your wife, and that results in having some distaste for you, because why oh why did you do this? And that's just the thing, you did this, not your wife, but she's going to suffer way more consequences for your actions than you ever will. It makes some of us sad, because it's so unnecessary, but it happens again and again and again. this post isnt about why i cheated.. you and nobody else here knows about the past 25 or so years.. I havent bashed my wife in the least bit. nor will i just to justify my actions. I know she will hurt and if there was some way possible for her not to get hurt i would do it. But I cant Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 she didnt know and i only had a clue that maybe she was.. and when someone says there is now way possible i can get pregnant , I just so happened to believe her.. since she believed it.. and maybe i am glad i am not you either Move on from the "did she really know?" debate. I know posters are questioning this, however you admitted she was crazy (you even call her that!) therefore I'm not surprised she claims she didn't know. Anyway, I'm going to focus on the hear and now. As others have said, you CAN get a paternity test before the baby comes. Did someone tell you that you had to wait? Like "crazy"? Regardless, I believe you understand now you have to tell her. And as I said before, you should tell her now before she finds out on her own. Getting a paternity test could open up some doors for her to find out. So I don't suggest waiting to see if the baby is your's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HardPlace2b Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 Move on from the "did she really know?" debate. I know posters are questioning this, however you admitted she was crazy (you even call her that!) therefore I'm not surprised she claims she didn't know. Anyway, I'm going to focus on the hear and now. As others have said, you CAN get a paternity test before the baby comes. Did someone tell you that you had to wait? Like "crazy"? Regardless, I believe you understand now you have to tell her. And as I said before, you should tell her now before she finds out on her own. Getting a paternity test could open up some doors for her to find out. So I don't suggest waiting to see if the baby is your's. i looked it up , costs around 1400 and may need an amnio , which will not fly with her.. they asked for other reasons and she said no way. i wasnt looking for sympathy here .. just seems like people want to say too much .. a friend recommended i post on here , and i pobably shouldnt have Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) i looked it up , costs around 1400 and may need an amnio , which will not fly with her.. they asked for other reasons and she said no way. i wasnt looking for sympathy here .. just seems like people want to say too much .. a friend recommended i post on here , and i pobably shouldnt have Okay, then you don't take responsibilty for the child until you know it's your's. She is using this child as leverage, keeping you for "support" right now. That's not cool. So you need to tell her that you will not be involved in the pregnancy or have anything to do with her until you know it's your's. Most likely she will change her mind once you take away her little safety net. LS is not always kind, believe me I know. Posters will be blunt and say what is on their mind. Most of it is for a good cause, even if it tough to hear. You need to take what you want from the posts, and discard the rest. If you don't feel comfortable posting certain information that people are asking then say so. Edited August 1, 2012 by Lauriebell82 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 You will get support here all the question help to understand your situation. It is hard to know what to saythis is a hard situation to be in all the way around. You will get all kinds of opinions because everybody her has been hurt in different ways and we all are not the same. It is hard to know what to say not knowing how your relationship is with your wife. If she knew about her previously or this will be the first tells how shocked she will be and what to expect when you come back to talk. I hate to see any marriage break up its sad. Having a innocent baby involved makes things harder. I hope your wife can deal but who knows. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 She wants you to be Dad but first you need to know for sure if you are Dad. Do not let her manipulate you anymore this is a whole new circumstance. Let her know she does not dictate weather you tell the wife or not she knows you are married. Also if she wants you to be involved she needs to cooperate by doing the test. If she knows you are Dad she should not have a problem with that. After you find out your wife might back you up hopefully. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 i wasnt looking for sympathy here .. just seems like people want to say too much .. a friend recommended i post on here , and i pobably shouldnt have We "say too much" because many of us have been in your shoes and hearing the hard truth is often painful. Sorry if you feel like you are getting bashed but perhaps it will prepare you for what you are going to experience when you tell your wife. You obviously needed a place to vent and maybe the hard strokes you are getting here is good for you in the long run... Link to post Share on other sites
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