I can afford to travel, boyfriend can't....do I still go?

[Leigh 87]

But most of us aint rich! Just because you WOULD pay for your partner to travel with you, it does not mean you CAN.

My bf will meet me half way; he knows he will out earn me, so he will take shorter trips, and pay for me as much as he CAN. Maybe for half of my trip.

 

................ANd a BIG mistake the OP has made in the first place is: dating a person who DOES NOT and CAN NOT afford to travel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am surprised no one else has mentioned that it is NOT good to date a person who is not into travel, if it is something YOUR passionate about!

............... Travel is a very specific goal and hobby, if your partner is not into it, it will never work.

[Emilia]

 

And by the way, if any of your have ever travelled by yourselves, trust me, it can be mind numbingly boring, especially if your language skills are not that good and you're in a big city (small town people tend to be nicer and more accessible). But then again, some people on this forum make me feel like I'm some kind of alien, perhaps narcissistic broads actually do have fun setting up the timer on your cameras and rushing to get in position with a big fake smile and thumbs up next to some boring building like the Vatican. Another 500 pics for your facebook that nobody actually cares about seeing.

 

No disrespect but have you actually travelled on your own? Or at all? The idea is that when you are on your own it's much easier to meet other people, I don't know a single person that had to set up a timer on their camera I spent the best part of 2 years travelling in Africa on my own, read: flew out there on my own and came back alone but while I was there I was meeting people all the time. It's the idea

 

You knock a lot of things on this forum without trying them out first.

[Leigh 87]

If there's a will, there's a way. Someone mentioned both of them getting extra work to help the guy out, yet people slapped that idea down, why? Does everything have to submit to your own selfish hobbies?

 

The most beautiful man-woman relationships are the ones where both parties care more about eachother than themselves. If I'm with a person I truly love, I can't even fathom enjoying something when they cannot.

 

And by the way, if any of your have ever travelled by yourselves, trust me, it can be mind numbingly boring, especially if your language skills are not that good and you're in a big city (small town people tend to be nicer and more accessible). But then again, some people on this forum make me feel like I'm some kind of alien, perhaps narcissistic broads actually do have fun setting up the timer on your cameras and rushing to get in position with a big fake smile and thumbs up next to some boring building like the Vatican. Another 500 pics for your facebook that nobody actually cares about seeing.

 

 

 

 

I get u, about the pics on facebook no one wants to see! BUT, there ARE some truly awesome sights! I think it is perfectly normal and NON self obsessive, to put up breathtaking pics from the wonders of the world....

 

And also - a person with a true passion to travel a lot in life, is NOT suitable for a person who IS NOT into travel. You CAN be in love, and not be suitable for someone.

 

Obviously, the op should have thought about her passion for travel BEFORE she got attached to a man who cannot afford it, and has no passion for it the way she does.

 

I think in my predicament, the fact we BOTH want to travel, and the fact we BOTH feel we can work hard and earn the money for it, helps.

We are BOTH willing to work very hard ad work at bars, ANYTHING, to make our dream of travel happen.

[Leigh 87]

No disrespect but have you actually travelled on your own? Or at all? The idea is that when you are on your own it's much easier to meet other people, I don't know a single person that had to set up a timer on their camera I spent the best part of 2 years travelling in Africa on my own, read: flew out there on my own and came back alone but while I was there I was meeting people all the time. It's the idea

 

You knock a lot of things on this forum without trying them out first.

 

 

 

And YES - Travelling ALONE is THE best way to meet new people........................ Actually, that is the whole idea of travelling alone; to meet new people.........

 

The OP can and SHOULD easily meet a lot of new people, including men. ANd I think she should have a think about meeting a guy who she is sexually AND emotionally bonded with int he future.

 

Sorry, I have read another of her threads, and i cannot fathom being happy with a guy I had NO sexual attraction to, and whome I did not enjoy sex with.

[darkmoon]

"my boyfriend" you write, if you were married then you'd have more of an obligation to not go, a boyf situation is not really quite such a commitment, sorry, but in his half-committed position, you're not as bound to him as you could be (i know men hate hearing this) but either way, he should be happy for you and/or aim for an improvement to his own status

Edited July 25, 2012 by darkmoon

[Leigh 87]

I like to immerse myself in another people's cultures and mannerisms, mostly out of respect but also to see if there's anything to learn from them. But aside from that, I don't see why meeting new people for the sake of meeting new people is so great. Is sampling dick from across the globe what you really mean by "loving to travel alone" ? Something tells me it is. I know all about you middle aged British women Emilia, and the little vacations you take to Kenya

 

In my experience, truly great friends that deeply love you are a rarity , if it ain't broke don't fix it. Constantly surrounded by single serving acquaintances? No wonder you feel so empty Leigh.

 

 

I would never want to date a woman that is obsessed with meeting new people everywhere. That smells as a warning sign of "grass is much greener syndrome". Doubt either of you have many long lasting, mutually satisfying relationships with friends or lovers.

 

 

 

 

 

I am not empty. I am filled with so much love from my bf and our pets. I wake up with a big smile every single day.

 

We do, however, want to travel together.

And I am a very friendly and social girl. And my boyfriend is a extremely social guy. I LOVE the idea of going back packing as a 25 year old, meeting people in hostels, and going down to a pub together.

WE LOVE meeting new and exciting people; what the hell is wrong with that? ..

That's right... There ISN'T ANYTHING wrong with wanting to meet new people! Only a close minded, sad, toxic loser would think that wanting to meet new people is NEGATIVE.

 

...............we want to meet new PEOPLE; not new LOVERS. Jesus.

I like studying and being intellectually stimulated, yet I still like partying and social drinks with aquaintances.

I have only been with two men in SEVEN years.

.. SEVEN years. Two men. I DO NOT travel, and I WILL NOT travel to get some d!ck in me. No thanks:sick::sick::sick:

 

I travel to immerse myself in OTHER cultures. I want to travel again to get to know people from around the globe. I feel my life is NOT as rich, without worldy experiences.

really, your a total jerk, to go around assuming you know me, or how happy I am in my life.

You have no clue the type of people Emilia OR I am!

 

 

 

 

...I would say that wanting to travel to meet new and interesting people froma round the globe, while you immerse yourself in other cultures, is a GREAT reason to want to travel.

And kudos for Emilia FOR spending time in an exotic location such as Africa! I find people very interesting, the types of people who enjoy entering new cultures for a long period of time.

[denise_xo]

I would take the job, and buy him a ticket to come and visit you.

[denise_xo]

Aside from that, the big cities of the world are all the same. You can literally live off coca-cola and hear lady gaga 24 hours a day in Bangkok.

 

Big cities around the world are very different. Beijing is very different from NYC. Sydney is very different from London. Paris is very different from Cairo. And so on, and so forth. Yes, if I want to drink coke all over the world, I can. But I don't. And I certainly don't listen to Lady Gaga anywhere.

 

Travelling's overrated.

 

For you, perhaps. Not for me and many other people.

 

 

A wealthy western woman travelling alone through Africa has to be the hallmark of insanity.

 

I've travelled alone in Africa and felt pretty sane, and so has many other Western women I know. Not sure why you're suggesting otherwise. According to your previous post, you have not been there?

[todreaminblue]

My boyfriend is poor. He can't afford many things.

 

I, however, can afford to travel the world. I have been many places before, and since our relationship started I would go one week here or there to exotic and beautiful places.

 

I was offered a job that I absolutely adore (and it makes me truly happy) for half a year in Italy.

 

Thing is...I want to take it. It's only temporary but it pays decently, and I absolutely love Italy and the work I am offered. My boyfriend is concerned that men will chase me to the point where I will "have a sweet fling while i'm there".

 

I would never do this, and he trusts me, but he is insecure about it still.

 

I really want to take this job, and I've already cried over making this decision. Somewhere in my heart I know I would go anyways because that's how much it means to me. And he said all he wants is for me to be happy, but he thinks 6 months apart is too long.

 

He can't even visit me because he doesn't have the money, and I can only offer these things to myself. I don't have enough for the both of us. This is where the problem lies.

 

I won't be able to visit because of work, and he can't afford even a plane ticket.

 

What do I do?

 

My ex had the opportunity to work on movie sets and tv series all up and down the coast of australia......I relocated twice it wasn't a money situation it was a school situation...i had to stay put for the kids to stay in the same school they started... he worked away for over two years and would come back to me on breaks, weekends and if I was about to have a baby and if he could, he would send for me and the kids and we would have a weekend holiday..he would request songs on the radio station I listened to when we were apart our songs.......random surprises would arrive.....there are ways you can make it easier on the person left behind

 

The long distance relationship worked because I had no interest in being with anyone else and neither did he and I wouldn't dream of saying no to an amazing opportunity,

my ex spent time with a brilliant actor early in his career that isnt around anymore and got to know him before he sky rocketed overseas.That is one point of his opportunity that was a once in a lifetime gift....why i mention this is you dont know what you might miss out on...

That sort of opportunity was like a flash in the sky sadly...if I had stopped him he wouldn't have that memory or the story to tell ... we both worked hard to keep our relationship sparking and it made it through the distance....I was only ever happy for him even when i found it hard, he was only a phone call away...

6 months is a long time without visits however,the longest for us was three months but this was over two years...but if you don't take this opportunity that could possible not come around again ....you will resent that and you will unconsciously take it out on him for holding you back....you will always wonder what if.....

if you both are committed it is possible to make it work..you really want to go....then go....if your relationship is strong it will survive the distance...phone contact on a daily basis would help..its 6 months not a year..do what you know you want to do then you wont have regret in the future... opportunity is fleeting... grab it while you can before someone else takes your spot...happy trails good luck.....deb

[yongyong]

As a guy, I would leave my GF back in states, go to italy and meet italian women for a bang.

Who doesn't want to have MADE IN ITALY?

[monkey00]

As a guy, I would leave my GF back in states, go to italy and meet italian women for a bang.

Who doesn't want to have MADE IN ITALY?

 

Eh..I've been to Rome, the women there are overrated. I prefer dutch girls more

[yongyong]

at least they are thin and come with no kids.

 

If you have these two qualities in states, you are top 10% on dating sites.

 

Eh..I've been to Rome, the women there are overrated. I prefer dutch girls more

[Els]

To be honest, I think you should definitely take the job. Ditching your dream job for a man whom you love with all your heart and believe you might marry someday is already a toss-up; ditching your dream job for a man whom you don't really love and are with because you feel you can't get anyone better, AND you don't intend to marry (according to your previous posts).. Well, the decision seems crystal clear, to me.

 

Throw in my vote for 'go'.

[Imajerk17]

My boyfriend is poor. He can't afford many things.

 

I, however, can afford to travel the world. I have been many places before, and since our relationship started I would go one week here or there to exotic and beautiful places.

 

I was offered a job that I absolutely adore (and it makes me truly happy) for half a year in Italy.

 

Thing is...I want to take it. It's only temporary but it pays decently, and I absolutely love Italy and the work I am offered. My boyfriend is concerned that men will chase me to the point where I will "have a sweet fling while i'm there".

 

I would never do this, and he trusts me, but he is insecure about it still.

 

I really want to take this job, and I've already cried over making this decision. Somewhere in my heart I know I would go anyways because that's how much it means to me. And he said all he wants is for me to be happy, but he thinks 6 months apart is too long.

 

He can't even visit me because he doesn't have the money, and I can only offer these things to myself. I don't have enough for the both of us. This is where the problem lies.

 

I won't be able to visit because of work, and he can't afford even a plane ticket.

 

What do I do?

 

Leopard, you aren't going to like my advice. But here goes:

 

Break up with your boyfriend. It sounds that the two of you are just at different levels when it comes to things like ambition and life goals. You'll find someone else, someone who treats you well but someone who does it out of strength instead of weakness. (No offense but from the way you describe your boyfriend on here he sounds very ineffectual...)

 

There is a difference between settling when it comes to unimportant things (i.e., looks) and settling when it comes to more important things, such as ambition, drive, and so on.

Edited July 25, 2012 by Imajerk17

[Imajerk17]

I don't know your age, but after reading this thread i know you are not ready for relationships.

 

When in a couple you have someone with money and someone without money, the mature ppl come to an understanding ... 1) they pool their money and they don't look back, they don't keep it separated or 2) the high earner reduces his/her spending to the level of the low earner.

This is so that you don't end up using money as power leverage in a relationship.

Lending him money for something like this is a recipe for disaster, as i suspect it will be a significant sum and there will be a power imabalance in the relationship, he will probably feel emasculated as well.

 

I also know you don't love this guy.

You see him as an opportunity, no guy or girl wants to be seen like this, equated to a job, to an immaterial posession. In a way, what you just said is very demeaning.

It's obvious you two are not ready for each other, and right now you are getting ready to cakeeat.

I know how Italy is, you will find someone, you will live it up, you will enjoy the nightlife, but you will also keep this guy on the backburner or just break up with him via email.

And yes, Italian men don't hit on women like American men, you are in for a rude awakening [though i suspect you already know this].

 

Take the job, live your life, but stay out of relationships for a while ... you are not ready for what it takes.

 

 

See I disagree with this. For richer or for poorer comes later. Which is why marriage is such a serious commitment. If you are with someone in the meanwhile, you better do your share of growing yourself. Or risk being left behind.

[lino]

I too think you should leave this guy. Reading things you have said about him in other posts of yours, it seems you aren't really into him.

 

 

You say you won't have a fling in Italy, but you will. If you think American men hit on women too much, wait until you go to Italy, especially with the infamy American broads have there of being coarse sluts.

 

Said harshly but it is quite true.

 

Italians hold that view of most Anglo-Saxon women, not just American ones.

 

You go to italy. Obviously.

 

Where in italy are you going to go to?

 

I personally like the northern part best, as it's slightly saner than the south (and it's closer ). Make sure you go clubbing in Milano...

 

Nothing slightly about it mate. Nearly everything negative about the country is realated to the southern part.

 

To work in the south wouldn't be ideal but as a tourist it's ok.

 

And by the way, if any of your have ever travelled by yourselves, trust me, it can be mind numbingly boring, especially if your language skills are not that good and you're in a big city (small town people tend to be nicer and more accessible). But then again, some people on this forum make me feel like I'm some kind of alien, perhaps narcissistic broads actually do have fun setting up the timer on your cameras and rushing to get in position with a big fake smile and thumbs up next to some boring building like the Vatican. Another 500 pics for your facebook that nobody actually cares about seeing.

 

I disagree.

 

I've travelled alone a few times and it is great!

 

Also, I don't see why meeting new people is a bad thing?!?

 

Sydney is very different from London.

 

 

Aside from the weather, not that much different really.

[denise_xo]

Aside from the weather, not that much different really.

 

Yes, I realised after posting that that wasn't a high contrast example. I get a very different feel in London, though, more buzz and intensity.

[lino]

Yes, I realised after posting that that wasn't a high contrast example. I get a very different feel in London, though, more buzz and intensity.

 

 

True. It is a bigger and more happening city.

[Leigh 87]

Well you don't believe in monogamy and have an open "relationship", so how exactly do you disprove me?

 

 

We do not have an open relationship...... I buy him a hooker once every year or two, because I believe it IS healthier for a man to have sex with more than one partner. I have talked to a lot of men and done a LOT of research, and a lot of people do this with their partners. They let their partners see a stripper every blue moon, once or twice a year; they let their male partners fulfill their biological desire.

 

I know a LOT of men who are CRAZY about their partners; a lot of them say they WOULD enjoy a hooker, or meaningless, no strings sex, once every year or two; they say that although they have found the loves of their life, that sex is sex, and having it with one women for their entire life is FINE, but they would still enjoy new sex with a new women every once in a while.

 

These men do not want emotional connections, or to even bother with foreplay; they would just enjoy a new women. A new body. It has nothing to do with love. You can be in love, as a man, and feel this way. I know a lot of men that do.

 

There is a new lot of people I know ( NOT in open relationships!), who actually get their partners a hooker once every few years; they are in love, happy, and do not cheat. There is no evidence to suggest they are less happy, than couples where the man NEVER experiences sex with another women again.

 

Get your facts right. An 'open' relationanship means that one or more parties involved want to rehularly have sex or a relationship with other people. MY partner DOES NOT freely go out and have sex with others. In fact, he does not even need my hookers I give him. I Just do it because ti think it is harmless, healthy, and is better for SOME men.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Instead of bashing MY relationship, why don't you focus on your own life?

 

 

If you do not have anything positive to say, dont say it. Didn;t your mother ever tell you that?

 

 

Your very judgmental. I am telling you how me and my partner feel; we are very happy, and both feel we love each other a great deal.

 

So why would you tell me my partner and I are some how deluded? Why not just stop judging others?

 

 

I really hate judgmental people. You are bad people. You judge people whome you do not know.

 

I prefer positive and happy people, who are kind and only say negative things to people, when a prson actually deserves it.

[Leigh 87]

To be honest, I think you should definitely take the job. Ditching your dream job for a man whom you love with all your heart and believe you might marry someday is already a toss-up; ditching your dream job for a man whom you don't really love and are with because you feel you can't get anyone better, AND you don't intend to marry (according to your previous posts).. Well, the decision seems crystal clear, to me.

 

Throw in my vote for 'go'.

 

 

 

 

and plz plz plz I hope she listens!!!!!1 It sucks if she is attached - you know, it is possible that although it may not be legit love, she may still "love him", without being IN love....

 

She could be very attached, and therefore it will be very hard and upsetting to leave.

 

I hope she does it though, I can see that lack of sexual attraction as being a deal breaker for me.

[lino]

ummmm... wow

[Leopard]

If you put your own wants over someone elses, then you shouldn't be in a relationship.

 

You say you won't have a fling in Italy, but you will. If you think American men hit on women too much, wait until you go to Italy, especially with the infamy American broads have there of being coarse sluts.

 

I am not American, I am Estonian. I know how Italian men are, half my friends are like that (they are European).

 

This is very good advice. Good luck Leopard!

 

Thank you

 

You go to italy. Obviously.

 

Where in italy are you going to go to?

 

I personally like the northern part best, as it's slightly saner than the south (and it's closer ). Make sure you go clubbing in Milano...

 

Hah! I laughed when you said Milan, cuz that's where I'm going! Small world.

 

Just consider my workds, please, I KNOW you know what is best for you more than I do, but I KNOW that yoU CAN find a guy who your sexuall attracted to.

 

Thank you Leigh I really hope you're right. I'll confess that I am quite a pessimist

 

But most of us aint rich! Just because you WOULD pay for your partner to travel with you, it does not mean you CAN.

My bf will meet me half way; he knows he will out earn me, so he will take shorter trips, and pay for me as much as he CAN. Maybe for half of my trip.

 

................ANd a BIG mistake the OP has made in the first place is: dating a person who DOES NOT and CAN NOT afford to travel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am surprised no one else has mentioned that it is NOT good to date a person who is not into travel, if it is something YOUR passionate about!

............... Travel is a very specific goal and hobby, if your partner is not into it, it will never work.

 

It's not that he isn't into travel, he would LOVE to travel the world. He just can't afford it. That's the problem.

 

No disrespect but have you actually travelled on your own? Or at all? The idea is that when you are on your own it's much easier to meet other people, I don't know a single person that had to set up a timer on their camera I spent the best part of 2 years travelling in Africa on my own, read: flew out there on my own and came back alone but while I was there I was meeting people all the time. It's the idea

 

You knock a lot of things on this forum without trying them out first.

 

This is true. Travelling alone is awesome, you make friends all over the world which is such a great feeling. It's like connecting with so many different cultures. Great feeling.

[Els]

I'm curious to know where WeShallOvercome has even travelled to, to be qualified to make so many blanket statements about travelling and the people who partake in it. Which big cities have you been to that are 'all the same', WeShallOvercome? New York and... New York?

 

Even though I don't have any relationship experience, being separated for six months seems like a guaranteed relationship ender. Sure both of you can fully intend to stay together but there are just too many things that can happen.

 

I'll go the other way and say that if anyone feels that being separated for six months would be a guaranteed end to their relationship, they really need to rethink whether or not they feel their relationship is cut out for the long haul. The vast majority of LTRs have or will eventually go through things that make 6 months apart look like peanuts.

 

A moot point in the OP's case, though, really - there is little reason to weather 6 months apart in a loveless R IMO.

[Radu]

See I disagree with this. For richer or for poorer comes later. Which is why marriage is such a serious commitment. If you are with someone in the meanwhile, you better do your share of growing yourself. Or risk being left behind.

 

I'm so sorry, why didn't i think of this before, it's so obvious ... untill ring is on finger you do not have to obide by the rules of relationship ... what a fool I am.

 

Some ppl earn less, some ppl earn more.

A man can be a great husband, but earn little, just like a woman can be a great wife and partner but earn much.

 

Money is not so important in a relationship, you can't take it with you.

More important is weather the couple can work through these difficult times.

 

While the OP probably earns more than her BF, i honestly don't believe her to be better relationship material than him based on what i read here.

 

In fact, i'm pretty sure that most of the men who read this thread think 'thank God i'm not the BF'.

 

My parents have this couple they were friends with going on 3 decades.

He was a day laborer, she was a college graduate [this was 35yrs ago].

She was older than him.

They got married, he worked days on building sites, nights he would study.

She tutored him and others for money.

6yrs it took for him to get his degree [back then engineering school was 5yrs and she was a mechanical engineer], but he got it, thanks to her.

They are still together today when she is in horrible health with Diabetes, and a slew of other problems.

He is in good shape, he has good genes and takes care of himself.

2yrs ago they retired to the countryside, he never cheated on her and could never imagine being with another woman.

 

Money is not everything.

Edited July 25, 2012 by Radu

[todreaminblue]

I didnt realize that the op wasnt really in love with the boyfriend I read that she had cried about it ...and been struggling with it and was requesting advice....i assumed conflicted emotions......if she is unsure of her feelings she should definately go.....distance will prove what she really feels if she is uncertain...

how can you ever know you will miss having someone in your life if you have never had the chance to miss them......

and if she is madly in love and he feels the same.....

i love the the quote "if you truly love someone set them free if they come back to you they are yours.....if they don't then they never were yours to begin with" (dont remember who wrote it ....ect's a bitch in regards to memory)

 

"A relationship should never be a reason that holds you back in life, it should be the reason why you achieve your dreams" and thats my quote....I wish her luck i don't understand why people think she is treating the boyfriend badly she is asking for advice on how to go.....i think she should listen to her heart,her itchy feet and take off..be honest and open he deserves that so he knows where he stands and not worry what other people think.....carpe diem...seize the day......happy trekkin poster