sabre80 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 If you have trouble talking to women or cold approaching and "luck with women" in general you are not going to have better luck with online dating. In some aspects it will be even worse. Women you meet online will be quicker to "next" you faster if you do not wow from the get go. From my understanding, those who have success with online dating are those who are completely capable of dating in real life (IRL) but use it as a convenience thing. IE) Busy life, lack of social connections, single parent. Honestly OLD will be a greater detriment to your confidence / luck with women than IRL. My advice would be stick to trying to get dates in real life as you try online dating. I guarantee your rejection rate will be higher online than in real life. Message 100 women online. Then cold approach 100 women in real life and compare the results. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
IT Geek Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Practically speaking, you can't probably read and properly understand more than a couple of dozen profiles a day (well written ones at least), yet the sheer volume of profiles encourages us to make that 3 second judgement... nope...nope...nope...maybe...nope...nope...nope....yes and so on and so forth, based upon really nothing other than the top level photo. I've read a study on this which suggests that dating site 'hits' on profiles follow a bell curve - which is to say, that people perceived to be less attractive tend to get less hits, average looking people get the most, and those who'd fit in the top 10-20%, looks wise, can get almost as few hits as the not so good looking at the other end of the scale. Weird huh? Yea, I'm at the far ugly side of the bell curve. LOL I haven't gotten any replies to emails or unsolicited emails since like June. And the top level photo is absolutely the thing that is the most critical in OLD. You could have the perfect profile but it will never get looked at if you are ugly or just have a bad photo. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Real life is the best way to find a real mate IME and IMHO. Real life, being real friends (not friendzone) first, having that solid basis, then building more and more intimacy and attachment on that foundation. That is what worked for eons before online dating came along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Real life is the best way to find a real mate IME and IMHO. Real life, being real friends (not friendzone) first, having that solid basis, then building more and more intimacy and attachment on that foundation. That is what worked for eons before online dating came along. Problem is i have no single women in my social cricle and as i said im kinda shy at first and not great at breaking the ice and approaching random women so maybe online dating will help me break that ice a little easier thats if i get any responses.. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Problem is i have no single women in my social cricle and as i said im kinda shy at first and not great at breaking the ice and approaching random women so maybe online dating will help me break that ice a little easier thats if i get any responses.. You should try to learn how to break the ice and get over the shyness. I used to be more than shy, I was socially awkward full stop. It's usually harder at first. It gets easier as you go forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I vote try it. I held out forever, then finally took the leap earlier this year. My first date was with a nice guy who clearly articulated in his profile and in his behavior that he was looking for something real and lasting. We had an OK date but didn't really click. Second date was with a guy who was a little lighter and flirtier in his messages, but also articulated that he was looking for something real. We've been together for 6 months, and recently started talking about big stuff, like long-term potential with each other. I have my doubts about our compatibility, and it may well not last - but he's a great match for me in many ways, and definitely CLOSE to what I'm looking for. I have no complaints about it, and if this relationship doesn't stick, I'll probably go back to OLD and give it another shot. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 You should try to learn how to break the ice and get over the shyness. I used to be more than shy, I was socially awkward full stop. It's usually harder at first. It gets easier as you go forward. Im trying but i just get crippled by fear and have no idea what the hell to say.. Which is why im thinking if i can get ressoonses online then i at least can break the ice easier show part of my personality get to know the girl a ltitle and then when i meet her not be as tongue tied or having no common ground and not knowing what to say.. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Im trying but i just get crippled by fear and have no idea what the hell to say.. Which is why im thinking if i can get ressoonses online then i at least can break the ice easier show part of my personality get to know the girl a ltitle and then when i meet her not be as tongue tied or having no common ground and not knowing what to say.. This is what I find to be one of the critical vulnerabilities of online dating...people rely too much on the profile, messaging, or email to gauge another's personality. Text is extremely limited...you could be talking with a real life Cyrano de Bergerac, or perhaps someone who went to great lengths to craft the perfect profile or message that doesn't actually reflect their real personality. And then women wonder why the guy was nothing like she thought he'd be... It's all about expectation management. I personally don't do it anymore because I have neither the stats or the pictures to compete with the masses. However, I do believe OLD can be very useful for a certain male demographic. Otherwise, I feel it's a bit futile. Time spent trolling the dating sites can be better spent elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Shyness can be worked on. You might find you're not really as shy as you think you are. Learn the value of white lies Yes, it's worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 This is what I find to be one of the critical vulnerabilities of online dating...people rely too much on the profile, messaging, or email to gauge another's personality. Text is extremely limited...you could be talking with a real life Cyrano de Bergerac, or perhaps someone who went to great lengths to craft the perfect profile or message that doesn't actually reflect their real personality. And then women wonder why the guy was nothing like she thought he'd be... It's all about expectation management. Thats true but i might as well take tha tchance over no chances ive been taken.. I just think for me if i can break the ice and show my personality a little before we meet it might be a little easier for me on a first date Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Im trying but i just get crippled by fear and have no idea what the hell to say.. Which is why im thinking if i can get ressoonses online then i at least can break the ice easier show part of my personality get to know the girl a ltitle and then when i meet her not be as tongue tied or having no common ground and not knowing what to say.. The fear's normal. I still get scared talking to girls! . The best thing I can suggest is learn to live with it. Learn to like that feeling - reframe it. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Thats true but i might as well take tha tchance over no chances ive been taken.. I just think for me if i can break the ice and show my personality a little before we meet it might be a little easier for me on a first date If you've never done it, it's certainly worth a try. Just keep your expectations in check and try to have fun with it and not take the sh*t too seriously. And don't use it as your sole method of meeting folks. You'll end up spending more time on the computer than out in the real world. My only regret from OLD is that it definitely lowered my perception and expectations of women in general after my experience with it. It becomes more difficult to give them credit for having an open mind. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Just think off it as an extra outlet. Don't worry about it much - you can only give you the chance to get more dates. However don't invest too much thought into it. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 My only regret from OLD is that it definitely lowered my perception and expectations of women in general after my experience with it. It becomes more difficult to give them credit for having an open mind. If you dont mind me asking can you explain why felt that way after trying it? Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Just think off it as an extra outlet. Don't worry about it much - you can only give you the chance to get more dates. However don't invest too much thought into it. Well im not getting any dates now so even if i got one there it would be an improvement Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Even me, super outgoing girl, prefer to chat online for a week or two before meeting to gauge how the guy's personality is. I think OLD must be great for shy people vs real life. But yes be prepared to shatter your confidence... guys get few responses from girls from what I hear. Thats true but i might as well take tha tchance over no chances ive been taken.. I just think for me if i can break the ice and show my personality a little before we meet it might be a little easier for me on a first date Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Well im not getting any dates now so even if i got one there it would be an improvement Exactly. Just have on to have one but focus on your life and meeting girls there. I think we take OLD to seriously and allow it to take a toll on us too much. It doesn't OLD to know how crappy people or dating can be truthfully. Just make one but focus on other ways and means. All the best Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 If you dont mind me asking can you explain why felt that way after trying it? When all your stats are revealed in the way that OLD reveals them for you and all women in your area to see, it's troubling to see just how much value women place in those stats. If you don't have the right stats, you get passed over. Height wouldn't be half the issue it is now if it weren't for OLD. With the grocery cart mentality of OLD, it's easy to get filtered out based on a stat that women find crucial. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Do be cautious as there are a lot of people on OLD that are not genuine Pay attention to this. Lots of women (granted, and men) who will come off as sweet, loving, looking for a guy "who can make them laugh" and it's all bs. I've been burned. Just keep your guard up and take into account they're all multi-dating for the most part. These women are merely shopping around. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 When all your stats are revealed in the way that OLD reveals them for you and all women in your area to see, it's troubling to see just how much value women place in those stats. If you don't have the right stats, you get passed over. Height wouldn't be half the issue it is now if it weren't for OLD.. What is with the obsession women have with height? Anyone under 6'0 is no good? What's wrong with 5'10? Women on OLD who pass on guys under 6'0 are being passed over IRL by men who are probably under 6'0. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 When all your stats are revealed in the way that OLD reveals them for you and all women in your area to see, it's troubling to see just how much value women place in those stats. If you don't have the right stats, you get passed over. Height wouldn't be half the issue it is now if it weren't for OLD. With the grocery cart mentality of OLD, it's easy to get filtered out based on a stat that women find crucial. Thats one of my fears..i see a lot of guys who tried online dating become bitter and say how shallow women are..ive been through that phase without even trying online dating so hopefully this doesnt drag me back to that dark place.. At my height at 5'7 and a half maybe 5'8 im sure ill run into this unfrtunately Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 What is with the obsession women have with height? Anyone under 6'0 is no good? What's wrong with 5'10? Women on OLD who pass on guys under 6'0 are being passed over IRL by men who are probably under 6'0. And to add, OLD can exacerbate insecurities, especially when you have to be reminded of them every time you log onto the site, whether it be your height, your race, your income, your face, or whatever attribute you possess which reduces your competitiveness in OLD. And every time you see your own profile, you're reminded that all the women see those same stats...those same traits that further reinforce those insecurities...especially when you aren't getting messages back. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Thats one of my fears..i see a lot of guys who tried online dating become bitter and say how shallow women are..ive been through that phase without even trying online dating so hopefully this doesnt drag me back to that dark place.. At my height at 5'7 and a half maybe 5'8 im sure ill run into this unfrtunately I always was aware of my dating limitations due to race, but online dating was definitely the driving force that pushed me to that so-called "dark place"... Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I always was aware of my dating limitations due to race, but online dating was definitely the driving force that pushed me to that so-called "dark place"... Im having second thoughts now to be honest..my self esteem and confidence is already shaky because of no positive results with women if i get shut out online ill probably go back into a shell Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Im having second thoughts now to be honest..my self esteem and confidence is already shaky because of no positive results with women if i get shut out online ill probably go back into a shell Do what some women do: Lie a "little". You're 5'7? Say you're 5'10 Instead of up close photos of your face, go outside and take pictures with sunglasses on. If women see pics of you out having a good time, with shades on in the sun, it will pique their curiosity. Create a profile of a fun loving guy who might be great catch. Link to post Share on other sites
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