Why do most Christians feel okay with having sex before marriage?

[BetheButterfly]

I, too, believe that a marriage can work if both people work and it and make the effort. But this only applies to situations which don't include abuse, infidelity, etc. My wife not only has assaulted me numerous times but refuses to see her own fault, even going so far as to say that I caused her to hit me. I can't accept that.

 

I am sorry to hear that. Yes abuse is not acceptable.

 

I hope she realizes that assault is wrong and changes, because assaulting people doesn't truly make the assaulter happy. It often just shows there is an inner issue. Has she been abused in the past? Sometimes, the issue many abusers have is either being abused or being a witness to abuse and thinking abuse is ok.

 

However, nobody can force a person to change. It is their decision and often takes hard work and soul searching for a person to even be able to change.

 

Peace and God bless you, and may you grow in your relationship with God during this difficult time you are going through.

[dreamingoftigers]

1. If God didn't want us to have sex, He wouldn't have made the man who made condoms.

 

2. If God didn't want us to have sex, he wouldn't have made things fit just right.

 

And...

 

3. I think God secretly enjoys hearing people calling out His name all around the world.

 

That's like saying if God didn't want a holocaust then he wouldn't have allowed it to happen.

 

We wanted to make our own stupid choices, it isn't God's fault.

 

Any more then we can blame our parents for having us if we go around breaking windows.

[BetheButterfly]

That's like saying if God didn't want a holocaust then he wouldn't have allowed it to happen.

 

We wanted to make our own stupid choices, it isn't God's fault.

 

Any more then we can blame our parents for having us if we go around breaking windows.

 

I totally agree with this.

 

God allows everyday for people to disobey Him. That doesn't mean He likes or wants for people to be disobedient and hurt others. It means that He has given people free will.

 

Jesus pointed out the most important 2 commandments, loving God and loving others (Matthew 22:36-40) and it is up to people to obey or not. Without free will, love would not exist. We're not robots.

[M30USA]

Without free will, love would not exist. We're not robots.

 

In order for us to love God, we must possess the ability to love God. The Bible says that all men are conceived in sin, and all men are "haters of God" from birth.

 

How can we even START to love God unless he first changes our hearts from being "haters of God"?

 

The reality is that the human heart is RADICALLY DEPRAVED. We do not even possess 1% knowledge or love for God from birth. If a person does not recognize this, they will never undestand Calvinism.

Edited July 10, 2012 by M30USA

[M30USA]

I am sorry to hear that. Yes abuse is not acceptable.

 

I hope she realizes that assault is wrong and changes, because assaulting people doesn't truly make the assaulter happy. It often just shows there is an inner issue. Has she been abused in the past? Sometimes, the issue many abusers have is either being abused or being a witness to abuse and thinking abuse is ok.

 

However, nobody can force a person to change. It is their decision and often takes hard work and soul searching for a person to even be able to change.

 

Peace and God bless you, and may you grow in your relationship with God during this difficult time you are going through.

 

 

Thank you.

 

She was never abused. She just came from a family where her parents continually tried to cover up her behavior, they kind of spoiled her, and they obviously never taught her accountability. Either that or she has a genetic predisposition for borderline personality or a similar disorder. The more I know her mother, the more I realize she's the same way. Genetic or environmental? Who knows.

 

Yet in a way...it's almost my fault because I married her. I'm kind of forced to deal with it now.

[amaysngrace]

That's like saying if God didn't want a holocaust then he wouldn't have allowed it to happen.

 

We wanted to make our own stupid choices, it isn't God's fault.

 

Any more then we can blame our parents for having us if we go around breaking windows.

 

We've been programmed to think that there's something wrong with something that is completely natural and it's as natural for us as it is for every other animal in Gods kingdom.

[M30USA]

We've been programmed to think that there's something wrong with something that is completely natural and it's as natural for us as it is for every other animal in Gods kingdom.

 

Precisely.

 

That's why we are born "sons of Adam". It's not until we are reborn by the Holy Spirit that we are "sons of God". In a sense, we are born animals, exactly as you say.

[irin]

because most of these people just follow these religions, without ever studying it themselves and be able to think critically about what it is they are claiming to believe in and follow. they just follow it like sheep, without good understanding of it, thats why they get so offended when someone disagree with them when in fact they themselves dont even practice what they preach to others.

[KathyM]

Well, I've been a Christian all of my life, and have studied in depth the teachings of the Bible with people who have degrees in Biblical Studies, people who are leaders of the church, missionaries, and leaders in the missionary field. I've also read my Bible many times and refer to it almost on a daily basis. I'm in the process of reading it from cover to cover. I heard and considered various people's interpretations of its passages, some of whom are the most reknowned religious leaders of our time. I think I have a pretty good grasp of its teachings and I do try to follow those teachings myself, in my own life, and in my perspective on things, although I, of course, am only human, and thereby sinful in nature, but trying to follow God's teachings and His will nevertheless.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Christians are human. They sin and make mistakes. This doesn't mean that someone is a "luke-warm" Christian. It's not my place to judge other people's relationship with God. That's only betwen God and that person. God doesn't require the same things of every person either. He doesn't ask us to be something we aren't.

 

[Els]

Christians are human. They sin and make mistakes. This doesn't mean that someone is a "luke-warm" Christian. It's not my place to judge other people's relationship with God. That's only betwen God and that person. God doesn't require the same things of every person either. He doesn't ask us to be something we aren't.

 

 

The problem is that many people who call themselves Christians actually do judge other people's relationships with God based on their own yardsticks.

[123321]

Doesn't god in your bible say that you shouldn't have sex before marriage?

 

God didn't say not to have sex before marriage because he was being mean. There were specific reasons for this.

 

If he is all knowing he would be clear, and I've read the Bible more than once. It's pretty clear. If you have sex, you should be married to each other, or if not, you are married now. If something prevents the marriage, like a preexisting marriage or whatever, you deserve death. There are a few exceptions, well spelled out, for things like preserving property divisions and such that were part of the Mosaic law and were superseded when "Christ fulfilled the law".

 

There's really no wiggle room on this one, "feeling OK with having sex outside marriage".

 

Now as for doing it and feeling bad about it, well that's more complicated, seems to involve imperfection, forgiveness, the sinful nature of humanity etc..

 

But that's not the topic.

[123321]

We've been programmed to think that there's something wrong with something that is completely natural and it's as natural for us as it is for every other animal in Gods kingdom.

 

I don't think the topic is whether Christianity is right or wrong, it's more why Christians seem so hypocritical, for the most part.

 

 

I am misapplying based on YOUR interpretation possibly. Everything is based on interpretation and how people pick and choose to view things.

 

The Bible is clear, people who claim "interpretations" as if the Bible is a violin that one can play any tune on are trying to justify behavior that colors outside the lines.

[amaysngrace]

I don't think the topic is whether Christianity is right or wrong, it's more why Christians seem so hypocritical, for the most part.

 

The Bible is clear, people who claim "interpretations" as if the Bible is a violin that one can play any tune on are trying to justify behavior that colors outside the lines.

 

It goes back to original sin. Temptation and free will.

 

Sure we all know the story of sin and what it entails but we are also given free will.

 

Does it make God love someone less because they've used the free will that He gave each of us?

 

God only knows.

[zengirl]

Christians are human. They sin and make mistakes.

 

I don't think the OP necessarily referred to a momentary lapse or sin, but a persistent choice and how they reconcile that with their faith. The answer may be that they don't, for some, who fall back on this one, but many do reconcile it. I mean you don't have pre-marital sex for a decade and just fall back on "It was a mistake" I don't think. One would have to build a justification.

 

If he is all knowing he would be clear, and I've read the Bible more than once. It's pretty clear. If you have sex, you should be married to each other, or if not, you are married now. If something prevents the marriage, like a preexisting marriage or whatever, you deserve death. There are a few exceptions, well spelled out, for things like preserving property divisions and such that were part of the Mosaic law and were superseded when "Christ fulfilled the law".

 

There's really no wiggle room on this one, "feeling OK with having sex outside marriage".

 

The Bible is clear, people who claim "interpretations" as if the Bible is a violin that one can play any tune on are trying to justify behavior that colors outside the lines.

 

I would say the Bible is clear if literally taken and accepted that no adaptations with time are allowed. However, individual church mindsets will dictate how literal or not the interpretations will be. Most documents, whether religious or not, are rarely interpreted literally or in only one way.

 

I don't have any problem with a non-literal view of any text. I do wonder at people who will take ONE passage literally and not another, though.

 

I do agree interpretation is typically used for justification, but I'm not sure if that's any different than we would with any other text.

[M30USA]

I would say the Bible is clear if literally taken and accepted that no adaptations with time are allowed.

 

What about the Old Covenant versus New Covenant? Yes, God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow; but his plan is continually unfolding. This mindset is what makes people say that the old system of the Law contradicts the new system of mercy. But the Law existed for a purpose: to convict people of sin and make us aware of our sin. The new covenant of mercy was Gods next stage. It didn't contradict the Law but rather built upon it.

 

As far as premarital sex being a sin, this is what the Bible says:

1) We shouldn't "wake up love before its time".

2) We shouldn't "fornicate". This term is generally accepted to mean sex outside a healthy, committed, godly relationship.

[zengirl]

What about the Old Covenant versus New Covenant? Yes, God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow; but his plan is continually unfolding. This mindset is what makes people say that the old system of the Law contradicts the new system of mercy. But the Law existed for a purpose: to convict people of sin and make us aware of our sin. The new covenant of mercy was Gods next stage. It didn't contradict the Law but rather built upon it.

 

As far as premarital sex being a sin, this is what the Bible says:

1) We shouldn't "wake up love before its time".

2) We shouldn't "fornicate". This term is generally accepted to mean sex outside a healthy, committed, godly relationship.

 

Really, if you study different Christian sects, interpretation does vary widely.

 

And you've introduced your interpretation, one I've heard before certainly, though many people who preach this interpretation ALSO refer to other sins from the same verses sometimes even as problems while condoning the sins they choose to engage in.

[M30USA]

Really, if you study different Christian sects, interpretation does vary widely.

 

And you've introduced your interpretation, one I've heard before certainly, though many people who preach this interpretation ALSO refer to other sins from the same verses sometimes even as problems while condoning the sins they choose to engage in.

 

The Bible speaks for itself. I'll be the first to admit there are more Christian sects than hairs on my head. But forget about sects and forget about what people say. Even the pastor who I currently respect most, Dr. John MacArthur, is still a human and not beyond error. Just remember to always, always go back to the Bible. Differences in people's interpretations does not discredit God's Word. It simply means there are some issues more complicated than others.

[KathyM]

Christians are human. They sin and make mistakes. This doesn't mean that someone is a "luke-warm" Christian. It's not my place to judge other people's relationship with God. That's only betwen God and that person. God doesn't require the same things of every person either. He doesn't ask us to be something we aren't.

 

Christians ARE human. Everyone sins and makes mistakes. No one is without sin. What constitutes a lukewarm Christian is someone that does not have a desire to live according to God's will, and to whom their relationship with God is a passive one with no desire to give that relationship much importance in their life, but they basically only go through the motions, and God has little real importance to them. It's true that only God knows what is truly in a man's heart, but He does make it clear what He expects from His followers through His word, and the Bible does speak out against lukewarm Christians. His rules apply to all of His followers. They don't change from one person to the next. But God does understand that we all have our strengths, which are not all the same, and He asks that we use those strengths or gifts to glorify Him and to serve others in a way that is good and in keeping with His will.

[fortyninethousand322]

If he is all knowing he would be clear, and I've read the Bible more than once. It's pretty clear. If you have sex, you should be married to each other, or if not, you are married now. If something prevents the marriage, like a preexisting marriage or whatever, you deserve death. There are a few exceptions, well spelled out, for things like preserving property divisions and such that were part of the Mosaic law and were superseded when "Christ fulfilled the law".

 

There's really no wiggle room on this one, "feeling OK with having sex outside marriage".

 

Now as for doing it and feeling bad about it, well that's more complicated, seems to involve imperfection, forgiveness, the sinful nature of humanity etc..

 

But that's not the topic.

 

Keep in mind I'm not saying all premarital sex is ok. Only sex within the confines of a romantic relationship. Girlfriend-boyfriend, engaged people, etc. What's the difference between being in a committed relationship today and being married in a nomadic society 4,000 years ago?

 

In my view, nothing really. It's sort of like teaching the entirely of Biblical law on one foot.

[KathyM]

The problem is that many people who call themselves Christians actually do judge other people's relationships with God based on their own yardsticks.

Christians are supposed to hold other Christians accountable for their actions and for their lack of faith and commitment. We are called to do that. I know you non-Christians do not understand that, but we are clearly directed in the Bible to do that, just like a parent or sibling would hold their child or sibling accountable for their bad choices or their lack of effort. Christians are considered to be brothers and sisters in Christ. We are called to hold each other to high standards and to strengthen each other's relationship with God. Our yardstick is based on the word of God as it is stated in the Bible. It is not our own yardstick.

[Mme. Chaucer]

So, a question to the Christians:

 

As stated in the OP - is it true that you CAN feel "okay" with having sex before marriage? Or is this always a "mistake"?

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't think the OP necessarily referred to a momentary lapse or sin, but a persistent choice and how they reconcile that with their faith. The answer may be that they don't, for some, who fall back on this one, but many do reconcile it. I mean you don't have pre-marital sex for a decade and just fall back on "It was a mistake" I don't think. One would have to build a justification.

 

 

 

 

 

I would say the Bible is clear if literally taken and accepted that no adaptations with time are allowed. However, individual church mindsets will dictate how literal or not the interpretations will be. Most documents, whether religious or not, are rarely interpreted literally or in only one way.

 

I don't have any problem with a non-literal view of any text. I do wonder at people who will take ONE passage literally and not another, though.

 

I do agree interpretation is typically used for justification, but I'm not sure if that's any different than we would with any other text.

 

The other issue is how do you take literally a document written thousands of years ago in another language, which has itself changed a lot in that time? I've studied Hebrew (and it's sister language Arabic) anyone who thinks it's like translating French to English is very misinformed.

 

The New Testament made it perfectly clear what morality really was: the Golden Rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated. As far as I'm concerned everything else should stem from that.

[fortyninethousand322]

So, a question to the Christians:

 

As stated in the OP - is it true that you CAN feel "okay" with having sex before marriage? Or is this always a "mistake"?

 

I'd feel ok with it. But only in the context of a relationship. Marriages are simply relationships with a) assumption of being permanent and b) legal status.

[KathyM]

I don't think the topic is whether Christianity is right or wrong, it's more why Christians seem so hypocritical, for the most part.

 

 

 

 

The Bible is clear, people who claim "interpretations" as if the Bible is a violin that one can play any tune on are trying to justify behavior that colors outside the lines.

The Bible is not always clear on every topic. Even Bible scholars and people who are very familiar with its passages do not find everything in the Bible to be crystal clear. Some things are very clear--such as God's law against adultery. God's ten commandments. Some things are not so clear, and so we have to rely on interpretation.