'Choosing' to feel miserable or happy

[Ross MwcFan]

Remember' date=' [b']unless you behaved like a hoodlum[/b] (and you really don't strike me as the type), such behaviour towards you is more telling of them than of you.

 

 

It is natural to be a bit fearful, but as long as you don't let that stop you, you will be fine.

 

I didn't. In fact hoodlums were actually liked and respected where I used to live.

[d'Arthez]

I didn't. In fact hoodlums were actually liked and respected where I used to live.

Bad neighborhood, and be glad you are out of there.

 

See it as a compliment you were not liked where you used to live then.

[Ross MwcFan]

Bad neighborhood, and be glad you are out of there.

 

See it as a compliment you were not liked where you used to live then.

 

It wasn't just the hoodlums that didn't like me, but 'normal' people as well. And not just teenagers, but also adults, even ones with respected professions, like dentists, doctors, nurses, whatever.

[d'Arthez]

I think you may be projecting things on them. Normal people tend to be quite indifferent to other normal people. It is easy to take such indifference as being a 'dislike'. If you have limited self-confidence, then this can greatly contribute to a negative spiral.

 

Once you convey, through body language, that you don't like yourself, people tend to look at you, as if they should not like you (their fears, and the assumption they will be making that if you don't like yourself, there must be a reason for that). This can be a very difficult cycle to break.

 

Just don't give up on yourself.

[OhHey]

Oh I hear ya, Ross.

 

I get that a lot and the best one so far.. "think about that dying child" or "the quadraplegic who can't walk" Like I should feel ashamed to think "my problem" is anywhere close to "their problem" and therefor I should grateful lol. Well I say F'you to them, because I'd give up this brain of mine for the loss of my legs....anytime. People just don't know **** about it and how it is.

 

I also like the ones who say "you choose to do nothing to get yourself out of these feelings and settle there because it is easier" followed by attention seeker and man-bitch if you complain too much about it. People that are not in your brain, have no idea of how friggin powerful this **** can get and those that say a bunch of crap in a thread they think sounds good would be just like us if they truly knew.

 

I chose to get better and try, but.....and yes it is a god damn BUT!.....two months from now some asswipe will remind me.....of how ****ed up my face is!....back to square one! Oh and it gets better.... "don't let those people bother you, don't take it literally, why let someone ruin your life like that?

 

because those *******s are some of the most honest people around and they don't hesitate to tell you the truth good or bad.

 

People think it's so easy to just brush off things like that and have a merry day all happy.

Pfffttttt those people talk out their asses as far as I'm concerned and good on them if they are so awesome that nothing like that would ever ruin them.

 

They have no idea how **** like that ruins....everything.

Edited June 3, 2012 by OhHey

[Kamille]

Happiness and sadness (or misery) are feelings. As feelings, they're fleeting. They come and go. I'm a happy person, but I do get sad, angry, bored, focused, whatever else. I'm saying this because I remember, from way back when I was depressed, thinking that being happy was as permanent a feeling as being depressed. It isn't. Happiness is a feeling among others. Depression, on the other hand, takes your life over and renders feeling a spectrum of emotions almost impossible. Oddly, I think one of the reason depression is so overwhelming is because there is security in it's engulfing totality. But in a non-depressed state, it's much easier to have perspective on both positive and negative emotions. Being genuinely happy generally means accepting that emotions flow, that life is uncertain, that there are up and downs.

 

We all know happiness feels better than being miserable. I do think there came a point in my life when I chose happiness. I chose to pay attention to it, to learn to be happy. It wasn't easy at first, but now, years later, it's paid its own reward.

 

The truth is, while feeling happy is easy, getting to a life where you allow happiness takes work. It probably takes more work than allowing yourself to feel miserable. It means rejecting your worst fears about yourself, learning to be modest enough to accept your own flaws, other's dismissals all while being enough of a realist to recognize your own strengths, moments when others love and care for us. It means accepting happiness isn't as totalizing a feeling as depression, and that this is a good thing.

[Ross MwcFan]

Oh I hear ya, Ross.

 

I get that a lot and the best one so far.. "think about that dying child" or "the quadraplegic who can't walk" Like I should feel ashamed to think "my problem" is anywhere close to "their problem" and therefor I should grateful lol. Well I say F'you to them, because I'd give up this brain of mine for the loss of my legs....anytime. People just don't know **** about it and how it is.

 

I also like the ones who say "you choose to do nothing to get yourself out of these feelings and settle there because it is easier" followed by attention seeker and man-bitch if you complain too much about it. People that are not in your brain, have no idea of how friggin powerful this **** can get and those that say a bunch of crap in a thread they think sounds good would be just like us if they truly knew.

 

I chose to get better and try, but.....and yes it is a god damn BUT!.....two months from now some asswipe will remind me.....of how ****ed up my face is!....back to square one! Oh and it gets better.... "don't let those people bother you, don't take it literally, why let someone ruin your life like that?

 

because those *******s are some of the most honest people around and they don't hesitate to tell you the truth good or bad.

 

People think it's so easy to just brush off things like that and have a merry day all happy.

Pfffttttt those people talk out their asses as far as I'm concerned and good on them if they are so awesome that nothing like that would ever ruin them.

 

They have no idea how **** like that ruins....everything.

 

I know, just because there's someone out there who is worse off than you doesn't mean you're bad for feeling bad, or that you don't have a right to feel bad.

 

I mean, is it wrong for a dying child to feel bad, just because there'll be someone else worse off than them in the world? What about the person who is worse off than them, do they not have a right to feel depressed because there'll be someone else who is even worse off than them?

[OhHey]

I know, just because there's someone out there who is worse off than you doesn't mean you're bad for feeling bad, or that you don't have a right to feel bad.

 

I mean, is it wrong for a dying child to feel bad, just because there'll be someone else worse off than them in the world? What about the person who is worse off than them, do they not have a right to feel depressed because there'll be someone else who is even worse off than them?

 

 

a lot of people are so closed minded that they do not see how a mental "problem" can be just as or even worse than a physical problem.

Somehow if you're not dying or sitting in a wheelchair, you should be ashamed of bitching all the time about life and everything.

 

The thing is with a problem like yours or mine, they don't see the hidden monster within and how it actually is. All they see is an able bodied guy, walking around all pissed off about life and having pity parties with themselves. While the poor paraplegic gets ooohhs and awws and has an excuse to be pissed off in the public eye.

[OhHey]

To answer the original post.

 

I didn't choose to be miserable and I am not afraid to tell anyone I blame it all on other people. People who outright brought to my attention that I was less than normal facially, years of this drove me to endless worry and missing out on things all the time and my ultimate fate...being the miserable person you see on LS. Before 7th grade I was an extemely bright, nice and ambitious kid. I designed and built my own balsa wood airplane from scratch, put a small COX nitro engine on it and a cheap radio...I flew it for about 20 feet until I lost control and it crashed.

 

None-the-less my parents knew I was "going places" I wanted to be a pilot real bad...military/commercial and stunt flying. that is ALL I ever wanted to do woth my life, total dedication 24/7. In the 7th grade I succombed to the constant badgering and harrassment of people bring up my face. "Do you think he's ugly?" "be careful you'll break the camera" One day in health class we had to learn CPR on a woman dummy..... Some girl pointed out "Eric grab those boobs, they may be the only time you get too" while the laughs and chuckles ensued.

 

Those are true and just icing on the cake and the catalyst for my current miserable life.

I go tfired from my job for the same type of harrassment when one guy blew my cork with a comment of "I blame Eric for all the ugly kids on my block, stop reproducing, man"

That morning he was on me constantly and ...I punched him hard and kicked the living daylights out of him while breaking down myself getting embarrassed starting to cry in front of "manly construction guys" That day I kissed 35,000 dollars a year, union benefits and a financial future...goodbye, because I couldn't take it anymore and I blame it all on those people...those that can't leave someone alone and let them live.

Yet I am the sociopathic, dangerous and out of my mind person that needs help. Pffttttt those others are the ones that need help, help with keeping their pie holes shut, because before all of it, I was a damn good kid.

[Lostinlife4now]

Dear Ross:

 

Great topic by the way!

 

I have alot of heartache in my life. I lost a child when he was only 8, unexpectedly, divorce, lost my home, lost my job, lost my husband due to alcoholism, lost some very dear friends in my life. BUT.......I get up each day with the premise that I am healthy, I have a good car, I have WONDERFUL friends, my parents are still alive and kicking....I have good food on the table thanks to food stamps, I have a beautiful daughter who loves me and I love her.

 

I try to find the GOOD in the day and the people around me. If not I WOULD probably JUMP off the nearest bridge.

 

It is hard, very hard to have a "Happy" outlook on life when things just keep hitting you in the face. I pray every morning and throughout the day and evening just to get through. I find that it helps me. I know there are MANY people out there who have it worse than me or you for that matter. But this is all we have (for right now) and you have to make the best of it.

 

And by the way....You are a good looking man....Hell I would date you! But you live really far away from me.

 

Hang in there, and when you get those lonely depressed feelings, just think someone else is feeling the same way I am.

 

It's funny that you mention being lonely, just yesterday I was laying on the bed on a bright beautiful Saturday watching The housewives of New York reruns and thought to myself...Gosh, they have so much money, they have wonderful husbands, and businesses and all they were doing was yelling, and picking at one another. I had to laugh, even with all the best that life has to offer, THEY ARE STILL MISERABLE and stabbing each other in the back. Am I making any sense here?

[josie54]

LostinLife4 makes perfect sense. The way I see it, it can help to view your emotions as separate from your circumstances. That is, it's not the fact that you don't have a girlfriend or that you somehow perceive yourself as unattractive or any of those things that is making you unhappy. It goes in the opposite direction. You're unhappy because you're unhappy, period. And because you're unhappy, you view yourself as unattractive, your life as horrible, etc. It's an illness. Ross, you've taken many steps to try to cope with that illness, but you're kind of stuck with it, just as someone would be stuck with cancer or multiple sclerosis.

 

For instance, OhHey, you're blaming your feelings on your circumstances. While I'm sure that your circumstances have fueled your unhappiness considerably, my argument is that you would have been chronically unhappy regardless of whether others treated you poorly. There are those who are teased about their appearance that go on to be happy people (or at least relatively so) and do great things--Tyra Banks and Lady Gaga are the two people I can think of off the top of my head....but those are celebrities, so they might not count for you. There are other people who aren't famous, who've faced exactly the same adversity you describe, but who went on to do what they wanted to do--who became a pilot or a doctor or whatever they wanted to become, for example, despite other people's meanness. Their emotional makeup allowed them to do so.

 

I say this not to diminish your feelings in any way, but only to encourage you to view your feelings as SEPARATE from your circumstances. Once you take steps to manage your feelings (however you see fit to do so), then you can tackle your circumstances.

 

No one chooses to miserable. But you can choose your reactions to the emotion, although as other posters have said, it takes effort. And I'm not speaking from the outside of depression--I'm speaking as someone who has it. It might not be what you want to hear, but if you have any hope of getting to the other side, you have to take the steps to get there. Choose one thing, and do it.

 

Ross, I think you're already taking the steps you need to take, which is a good thing. You don't just magically stop being depressed or miserable. It takes a lot of effort. And you just have to do it, or else you stay just as you are. And that pretty much sucks all around. And what sucks even more is that even when you make the steps to change, you still feel the sadness. But at least it's LESS sadness, with a sprinkling of happy here and there, which is better than the alternatives. Treat this like an illness, and do what you need to do to manage it. It doesn't have to define your entire existence if you don't allow it.

[betterdeal]

a lot of people are so closed minded that they do not see how a mental "problem" can be just as or even worse than a physical problem.

Somehow if you're not dying or sitting in a wheelchair, you should be ashamed of bitching all the time about life and everything.

 

The thing is with a problem like yours or mine, they don't see the hidden monster within and how it actually is. All they see is an able bodied guy, walking around all pissed off about life and having pity parties with themselves. While the poor paraplegic gets ooohhs and awws and has an excuse to be pissed off in the public eye.

 

Maybe other people need to protect themselves from becoming mentally unwell and the way they do so is by not empathising with your maudlin mood. The point is, everyone has their own frailties and weaknesses, and how each of us deals with it may differ.

 

Regards choosing to be happy or miserable, it isn't about selecting what mood to feel and instantly feeling it. It's about choosing which path to take - towards more withdrawal from life or towards more engagement with life. To be happy requires being confident in more and more situations. Confident that you will make the best choice available and learn what you can when things don't go so well. It isn't about being confident everything will go perfectly; it never does; it's about being confident that you can handle it and make the most of what you get.

 

You can change your attitude, your strategies and techniques, your diet, your thought processes, your environment, your beliefs and your outlook. It sounds simple but that doesn't mean it's easy. If you want to get to the top, expect to do some climbing, and if you learn to enjoy the small victories and to laugh at or learn from the small defeats, you'll learn to enjoy the journey too. And enjoying the journey upwards is going to make it more likely you get to where you want to go.

 

It is a choice, but not an easy one. Think of it as a choice between being happier or more miserable. Happier than you were yesterday, or last week, or the month before. Only you can feel it. It's your journey, your life.

[OhHey]

go on to be happy people (or at least relatively so) and do great things--Tyra Banks and Lady Gaga are the two people I can think of off the top of my head.

 

 

Tyra Banks and Lady Gaga aren't even in the same league of the BS I take. I promise that.

 

No one gets how it is, except maybey Ross and Vhrzen. To the rest of the people, we are just pity party that refuse to help themselves. They have no idea and I am done trying to explain it.

[pteromom]

In the 7th grade I succombed to the constant badgering and harrassment of people bring up my face. "Do you think he's ugly?" "be careful you'll break the camera" One day in health class we had to learn CPR on a woman dummy..... Some girl pointed out "Eric grab those boobs, they may be the only time you get too" while the laughs and chuckles ensued.

 

But we've ALL had that.

 

I had guys bark at me.

I had a guy tell me I was ugly and throw a soda at me.

I had girls make fun of me and call me fat.

I had some drunk girl at an old job say to quit looking at her guy because I was way too fat for him.

And in 7th grade, EVERYONE was told they'd break the camera.

I've had people tell me my nose is too big.

I had one boyfriend laugh the first time he saw me naked and he told me I looked like a football player.

 

All these things hurt. We've ALL been hurt.

 

But I refuse to accept someone else's definition of me. THEY do not define who I am or how I go out in the world. If someone doesn't want to look at me, they can turn away. If someone doesn't want to date me, that's fine. If someone doesn't like me, they can hang out with someone else. No skin off my hide, and if someone doesn't like me, they are missing out on the cool and wonderful person I am.

 

Same with you. Why would you let a bunch of rude crude a-holes WIN? Why would you let them control your feelings about yourself to the point that you are damaged and afraid to even try to date?

 

I don't know what you look like, but I know Ross is quite attractive. And so is TrainsofAngels, who also thinks nobody would want to date him. It's a very strange viewpoint, and I am trying hard to understand. I know lots of VERY unattractive guys who have found girlfriends and wives.

 

Actually, let me tell you a story about my friend Jeff. Jeff was about 350 pounds, 28, and a virgin. He was funny, but was definitely not conventionally attractive. Some 350 pound guys may be good looking, but Jeff was "blobby" - a very sloppy looking fat guy.

 

Jeff met a girl on an online game. They got to be friends on the game, and they started talking on the phone. After a couple months, Jenny decided she was going to come out to meet Jeff.

 

Jeff was TERRIFIED. After spending a few days terrified, he made the decision that Jenny would not like him, and he became ok with that. He enjoyed the rest of their time online and on the phone, knowing that when Jenny saw him, that would be the end of their friendship.

 

So the day came that Jenny came to town. Jeff was sad, knowing that today was the last day Jenny would talk to him. Jenny walked into the room, lit up when she saw Jeff, and ran over to hug him. He looked shocked, but hugged her back. They started talking and laughing, and I left, my job of picking Jeff off the floor when Jenny ran away deemed unnecessary.

 

The next morning, I called Jeff. Not only had they gotten along great, Jenny actually TOOK HIS VIRGINITY the night before. He was gushing about how wonderful it was and how he never thought anyone would ever like him.

 

Jenny went back home. To pack. And move back here to live with Jeff. And they got married. And they had four children.

 

There is someone for everyone, and women do not decide who to love based on LOOKS alone. At least not the type of women you want to date.

 

Your pre-conceived notions about how ugly you are are all in your head. You've simply chosen to take over where the jerks that insulted you and put you down left off. What if you decided that you AREN'T ugly? What if you decided that you refuse to go through life being sad because SOME people may think you aren't good enough?

 

F them! You are just as good as they are and have just as much to offer. And there IS a woman out there who is willing to find that out. But you have to shed the armor of bitterness and the shield that keeps you "safe" inside your misery, and be willing to put yourself out there. YES, you may get rejected. And yes, you may even meet someone else rude who says something mean to you. But you may find that there is nothing at all wrong with you and that there is someone who will love you.

[josie54]

There is someone for everyone, and women do not decide who to love based on LOOKS alone. At least not the type of women you want to date.

 

Your pre-conceived notions about how ugly you are are all in your head. You've simply chosen to take over where the jerks that insulted you and put you down left off. What if you decided that you AREN'T ugly? What if you decided that you refuse to go through life being sad because SOME people may think you aren't good enough?

 

F them! You are just as good as they are and have just as much to offer. And there IS a woman out there who is willing to find that out. But you have to shed the armor of bitterness and the shield that keeps you "safe" inside your misery, and be willing to put yourself out there. YES, you may get rejected. And yes, you may even meet someone else rude who says something mean to you. But you may find that there is nothing at all wrong with you and that there is someone who will love you.

 

So, true, that. There are many people on this forum who are more vicious and adept at beating themselves up than anyone else has ever been. And then they get mad at us when we don't do the job for them....or else expect us to rescue them from their own self-bullying. It's exhausting to try to protect someone from their own bad opinion of themselves. After a while, most of us just stop trying.

 

Unfortunately, the problem isn't when someone else insults you--the problem is WHEN YOU BELIEVE THEM. When you stop acting as your own meanest bully, everything changes in incredibly positive directions.

[verhrzn]

I've been trying for weeks to be happy, to be contented and just accepting of my life. Occasionally I can manage it for an hour or two, and then something else comes along that makes me sad/hopeless/angry/bitter again.

 

So even with hard concentration, it can be impossible for some people. Not sure if you are one or not... if you're tried everything possible, and still can't manage, like I have, then maybe we just need to accept that sadness is who we are. Better to accept our nature than struggle with it eternally.

[d'Arthez]

So even with hard concentration, it can be impossible for some people. Not sure if you are one or not... if you're tried everything possible, and still can't manage, like I have, then maybe we just need to accept that sadness is who we are. Better to accept our nature than struggle with it eternally.

You will find your place. Perhaps not as others imagine it to be, but we are all different. Don't let anyone but you yourself define who you are. Be yourself; do what makes you tick, do what makes you "happy". When you stop worrying about what others think of you, and can be content with what you do, will be the minute everything falls in place for you. You have a good heart.

 

The same goes for Ross and OhHey

[pteromom]

I've been trying for weeks to be happy, to be contented and just accepting of my life. Occasionally I can manage it for an hour or two, and then something else comes along that makes me sad/hopeless/angry/bitter again.

 

So even with hard concentration, it can be impossible for some people. Not sure if you are one or not... if you're tried everything possible, and still can't manage, like I have, then maybe we just need to accept that sadness is who we are. Better to accept our nature than struggle with it eternally.

 

I don't agree with you. I don't think it is IMPOSSIBLE for anyone. Sure, it may be much more challenging for some than for others, especially if someone has grown up being taught to think negatively and knows no other way.

 

But not impossible.

 

And I completely disagree that "sadness is who you are". Why the hell would you EVER be ok with that? What is wrong with YOU that you aren't deserving of happiness?

 

I don't think that "trying to be happy" works. You have to replace negative thinking with positive thinking, and you may need someone to TEACH you that, whether it is a counselor/life coach, a bunch of books, internet sites, whatever.

 

If you want to learn to be happy and think more positively about yourself, I do believe it is possible to get there, but you have to be willing to put in the work, even if the work seems pointless to you.

[verhrzn]

I don't agree with you. I don't think it is IMPOSSIBLE for anyone. Sure, it may be much more challenging for some than for others, especially if someone has grown up being taught to think negatively and knows no other way.

 

But not impossible.

 

And I completely disagree that "sadness is who you are". Why the hell would you EVER be ok with that? What is wrong with YOU that you aren't deserving of happiness?

 

I don't think that "trying to be happy" works. You have to replace negative thinking with positive thinking, and you may need someone to TEACH you that, whether it is a counselor/life coach, a bunch of books, internet sites, whatever.

 

If you want to learn to be happy and think more positively about yourself, I do believe it is possible to get there, but you have to be willing to put in the work, even if the work seems pointless to you.

 

Maybe be okay with it because it's just reality. I've spent my entire life trying to find the good parts of me, but they just don't exist. I'm ugly, I'm socially awkward, and I've become bitter and angry about it. Accepting it at least means I can stop being bitter and angry.

 

I still don't see how you can think positive thoughts about negative situations. What exactly is positive about the idea that I'm average-to-below-average in most things, unattractive, and lacking in social intelligence?

[pteromom]

Maybe be okay with it because it's just reality. I've spent my entire life trying to find the good parts of me, but they just don't exist. I'm ugly, I'm socially awkward, and I've become bitter and angry about it. Accepting it at least means I can stop being bitter and angry.

 

I still don't see how you can think positive thoughts about negative situations. What exactly is positive about the idea that I'm average-to-below-average in most things, unattractive, and lacking in social intelligence?

 

I saw your photo. You are FAR from unattractive. Social intelligence can be learned. I can't speak to any talents or skills you possess, because I don't know you, but you are a good writer who is able to articulate thoughts well, so you are obviously intelligent. I also know you are in IT, so you possess a special kind of intelligence I don't!

 

So I don't think your situation is negative in the same way you do. I think when you are telling yourself you are ugly, you are LYING to yourself. You are viewing yourself through a very warped and wrong perspective.

 

So, yes. In your case, it would be hard to feel positive. If I convinced myself that I am actually underwater, and I am drowning, and the room is filled with water, and I'm going to die, it would be hard to feel positive about that. So I could just sit here, feeling like I am drowning, and waiting to die forever. Never looking around and realizing that there is NO WATER HERE.

 

That's what you are doing to yourself. You are so convinced that you are ugly and worthless and that nobody would want you, that you are just living in that false reality, "drowning". And none of it is true.

 

You are attractive. You are NOT FAT! (I am bigger than you, and I don't consider myself fat. I am cute and cuddly! LOL) You are young. You are smart.

 

No, you aren't perfect. None of us are. But you are good enough as you are. And if you can learn how to let the imaginary water you are drowning in go down the drain, you can start over and learn how to be more social and how to find someone without automatically assuming they will hate you.

 

I don't know the magic words to say in order to make you realize you are good enough as you are. I wish I did. I wasted a lot of my 20s feeling insecure and like no guys would like me (though not to the degree you do). I look back now, at 44, and think I wasted my 20s. I wish I would have danced more while I looked hot doing it. I wish I would have flirted more and opened myself up to more situations. I wish I would have dressed cuter instead of hiding behind big t-shirts.

 

You CAN change how you feel about yourself. You have to want to do it though. And you have to be willing to throw away all the pre-conceived notions you have about your attractiveness and worth.

[OhHey]

 

Your pre-conceived notions about how ugly you are are all in your head. You've simply chosen to take over where the jerks that insulted you and put you down left off.

 

Like I said many times, people are never going to get it, what people like Ross feel. To them it's a pity party or the statement above "all in our heads" letting people ruin us. I've heard it many many times through the ages. Like I said before on LS many times....I was fired two years ago for pounding on a guy who stated Quote " I blame Eric for all the ugly kids on my block, you gotta stop reproducing, man" For quite some time I delt with his BS and I let loose that morning.

 

A year before I heard from a different person as he was talking to someone else(I have super hearing) Quote "I'd hate to see his family, probably all retarded, ever look at him?"

 

I confronted him later in the day...told him if he ever brought anything about my family up again, I'd kill him. Obviously shooken up and surprised, he tried to back out of it saying it wasn't said about me. Well it was and he knew it.

Try having a nice day having to put up hearing that kind of bull****.

I've heard it often through my life and if people would just shut the **** up about it, I could probably recover.

 

Think about it...walk around and try to feel sexy and going for a GF while knowing people think you look like a retard. My nickname on that job was "the brain" not fo rbeing smart, but for having a tall forehead as in "down Syndrome" I've been told I am the poster child for down Syndrome.

 

think about it.

 

Like V says....I also get enthused and more avid about life when I don't hear that crap for a while, but....when it happens again, it draws me back down.

 

Before I would make an excuse..."ok my hair is stupid and they think it looks retarded...yes that's it, that's why they told me that....

 

These days.....I honestly will flip out on anyone who wants to try and bring that **** up with me again..... I cannot take another hit, I'm 37 years old and I can't take it anymore.

 

Luckily I am surrounding myself with good people now and haven't had an "attack" in months.

 

I am in therapy trying to accept my looks and desperately trying to hold on to my sanity and figure out how to manage my temper and my thought process when the next attack comes and it will.

 

I truly believed a little while ago that something bad will happen the next time....so I got myself into some help to avoid that.

 

So far it is going good, but I still need a lot of work.

 

So basicaly I am trying to just accept my looks and say F-you to the haters and no tlet it bother me as much.

 

It's my make or break year.

[Ross MwcFan]

Dear Ross:

 

Great topic by the way!

 

I have alot of heartache in my life. I lost a child when he was only 8, unexpectedly, divorce, lost my home, lost my job, lost my husband due to alcoholism, lost some very dear friends in my life. BUT.......I get up each day with the premise that I am healthy, I have a good car, I have WONDERFUL friends, my parents are still alive and kicking....I have good food on the table thanks to food stamps, I have a beautiful daughter who loves me and I love her.

 

I try to find the GOOD in the day and the people around me. If not I WOULD probably JUMP off the nearest bridge.

 

It is hard, very hard to have a "Happy" outlook on life when things just keep hitting you in the face. I pray every morning and throughout the day and evening just to get through. I find that it helps me. I know there are MANY people out there who have it worse than me or you for that matter. But this is all we have (for right now) and you have to make the best of it.

 

And by the way....You are a good looking man....Hell I would date you! But you live really far away from me.

 

Hang in there, and when you get those lonely depressed feelings, just think someone else is feeling the same way I am.

 

It's funny that you mention being lonely, just yesterday I was laying on the bed on a bright beautiful Saturday watching The housewives of New York reruns and thought to myself...Gosh, they have so much money, they have wonderful husbands, and businesses and all they were doing was yelling, and picking at one another. I had to laugh, even with all the best that life has to offer, THEY ARE STILL MISERABLE and stabbing each other in the back. Am I making any sense here?

 

Sure hun. I think most of us are very lucky, but we just don't realise it.

 

I mean, behind closed doors, most guys out there who have a lot of confidence, and are in a relationship, could feel just as miserable as how I sometimes feel, or even worse. This could be down to having to work at a really crappy job they can't get out of, maybe they even have to do a lot of overtime too. They may feel stressed from having kids.

 

I mean, having a job, and having kids, can't really leave you with hardly 'any' free time at all, and a lot of these people can't afford any luxuries for themselves either.

 

If I was in that position, I would feel a lot worse off.

 

When I think of this, I do feel very lucky and well off.

[pteromom]

You are right, OhHey, that I don't know YOUR reality. Only you know your life and your pain, and nobody who doesn't live it could understand.

 

And I haven't seen a photo of you. You could be right. You could be hideous. I don't know.

 

But even if you ARE ugly, that doesn't mean you have no worth. It still doesn't mean you have to let other people and their stupid opinions define you.

 

YOU own your life. It is up to you what your life means.

 

You don't have control over other people. You have limited control as to who finds you attractive (although you do have more than you may think.)

 

But you have control over what you think of yourself. You just have to take that control.

 

I am really interested in seeing a photo of you. Do you have one?

[Crusoe]

I still don't see how you can think positive thoughts about negative situations.

 

My favourite saying "Two men look out from prison bars, one sees mud, the other stars"

 

Verhrzn. I've seen war, famine, poverty and rape. I've been widowed, homeless, cheated on and falsely accused. I've eated from bins, had to fight for money and seen more hospitals and prison cells than I care to remember. The only thing that has kept me going through a lot of that is to see stars instead of mud.

 

One thing life has taught me, circumstance doesn't matter, it's all just a state of mind.

[verhrzn]

My favourite saying "Two men look out from prison bars, one sees mud, the other stars"

 

Verhrzn. I've seen war, famine, poverty and rape. I've been widowed, homeless, cheated on and falsely accused. I've eated from bins, had to fight for money and seen more hospitals and prison cells than I care to remember. The only thing that has kept me going through a lot of that is to see stars instead of mud.

 

One thing life has taught me, circumstance doesn't matter, it's all just a state of mind.

 

And why keep going? Why see stars?

 

I prefer to embrace the truth of my existential, and that truth is that it IS mud outside, not stars.