Step mother kicking me out (of home and family)

[Keenly]

record the conversation and show it to your father.

 

wow im about 2 years too late.

 

where the hell did this come from.

[i am insane]

what's going on with you sounds like what's happened in my family. BRAINWASHING .... yeah that is what i think is going on.

i should know, my dad tried to brainwash my mom. and my cousin (dad's side) was almost brainwashed by my grandmother (dad's side).

to be honest, i agree with everyone else show your dad the tape 1st, while he's alone. depending whether or not he sides with you, go to the police with your dad. your step mom needs more than just knowing her(in your step-mom's) eyes abandonned her for you

 

and i commend you Clair93, for being able to go through that for so long. without anyone to reach out to. it shows how strong of a person you are. and how you are ANYTHING other than what your step mom keeps telling you

good luck, and go get her good

 

 

*edit after reading through 1.5 years of your life*

you are a strong person you have survived through an experience that would make even a navy SEAL weep

 

hope it all worked out! sorry for being 1.5 years late cause after reading all this i wish i was there for you at the beginning

as i always say;

Peace, Harmony, and Farts!!!

Edited January 5, 2014 by i am insane

[whichwayisup]

She committed suicide again. She's in coma now

 

Bless her. Really, this poor woman is so messed up, I do hope she gets the help she needs. Counseling and medication. That doesn't justify her behaviour, how she's treated you and everybody else. It's just a sad situation.

 

Hope you're doing well Clair and everything else in your life is going great.

[creighton0123]

My little bit of advice? You, your father, and your half-siblings need to do something that is not centralized on her. For far too long, your lives have been about either tolerating her or handling her transition out of your lives.

 

You sound like you're folks of means. Could a vacation be in order where you all go away and just... have a ball?

 

You could all do with a little douse of life without her in it.

[nescafe1982]

Wow, Clair. I wasn't on Loveshack when all of these troubles happened, but I've just read through your story and you're clearly an impressive woman. Kudos to you for being so strong and saving your family!

 

I am so sorry to hear that the ex-stepmother again attempted suicide. I hope she gets the help she needs, but I think it's clear to all involved that she will never do so as part of your family.

 

I hope you're enjoying college and (for the most part) enjoying a renewed family life. As horrific as this back-story sounds... it shows that you're a strong, mature woman. We need as many of those as we can get.

[Blade96]

She's a hero. She saved her family.

 

I was gonna rip into the dad for not saving his own daughter for 17? 18 years? 13? I'm glad he did finally grab his cojones and got his family out of there. BUT - it shouldn't have to be her to have to prove to HIM how messed up she is. He Should have done something about it long ago, because that is what a good parent is supposed to do. The fact he chose her over his own daughter for so long appals me. I can't really cheer for him. Excuse me, but I can't.

 

Clair though, is a hero.

[MuscleCarFan]

She committed suicide again. She's in coma now

 

Despite all the crap that she put you through, she really needs help.

[regine_phalange]

Its very early in the morning here, cant get any sleep. I stumbled upon your thread and read it all since the beginning. What to say. You are an admirable young lady who is her own person, owns her own life. Im very sorry for your mum. Im also sorry for your stepmum, unfortunately she has been a very sick person mentally. Let us know how it goes. Xxx

[turnera]

I'm sorry to hear that she attempted suicide (and failed). What matters now is that, if she recovers, she will most definitely be getting help.

[loveflying]

Hi Claire,

I've been reading your all posts since last night. You are such an amazing and strong girl. I'm so sorry you'd have to deal with this drama and go through this nightmare. Who ever you are, where ever you are, you are loved by many. Please remember this if you ever feel lonely. Much love to you.

Edited January 7, 2014 by loveflying

[Solcita2]

I just read everything you wrote in this thread and let me tell you, you're my hero... very very smart and brave girl.

 

About what's going on right now, let me tell you one thing.

 

I was told by a doctor when someone tries to commit suicide and fails, they were not really trying to die, but trying to call attention. I'm glad that the previous attempt did not succed in your father taking her back... It was hard on him at first but eventually he was able to move on.

 

The new attempt was a different thing I think. Because they are already divorced. I really believe she wanetd to die this time. However, this proves you what a sick person she was in her mind.

 

Please, don't feel responsible for what she did. It was her choice. You have to be strong now for your siblings, because, horrible person or not, she was still their mother.

 

Be preparaed because at some point they might think it was your fault... they are still very young. The important thing is to remain strong and together as a family... what she did was an incredible selfish thing to do... your dad gave her opportunities to change and she didn't, it was her choice... the divorce was due because of her sickness and not because of your presence in the family...

 

Please also remain in therapy, it will be a hard road...

 

And keep coming here, the boards saved my life many times, we're here for you!

 

The best advice I recieved once was: DO NOT LET HER OR HER ACTIONS DEFINE WHO YOU ARE OR BECOME... BE STRONG!!!!

[Clair93]

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments

 

She's fine now and she's getting more help. She always finds a way to make a mess it seems. Before trying to kill herself she sent a few hateful emails full of lies about me to people (and to me as well) that this is my fault and the same old stories. I also received some hateful and threatening messages and a phone call from her sisters when she was in coma. I think this time she really meant to kill herself.

 

My poor dad and brothers and sister She's only hurting them.

[turnera]

Did your dad get back with her?

[Clair93]

Did your dad get back with her?

 

No

[Confuddled1983]

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments

 

She's fine now and she's getting more help. She always finds a way to make a mess it seems. Before trying to kill herself she sent a few hateful emails full of lies about me to people (and to me as well) that this is my fault and the same old stories. I also received some hateful and threatening messages and a phone call from her sisters when she was in coma. I think this time she really meant to kill herself.

 

My poor dad and brothers and sister She's only hurting them.

 

I'm quite new here but have just finished reading your story. ((hugs)) to you, you've been through so much, you should be really proud of the way you've handled everything.

 

The fact she is STILL, after all this time, creating problems, emailing etc is quite frightening, obviously whatever help she is having isn't working. truthfully I think you and your family need to look into having some kind of restraining order to stop her being able to make contact - I'm sure she will break it but even if she isn't really well she needs to be held responsible for her actions.

[whichwayisup]

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments

 

She's fine now and she's getting more help. She always finds a way to make a mess it seems. Before trying to kill herself she sent a few hateful emails full of lies about me to people (and to me as well) that this is my fault and the same old stories. I also received some hateful and threatening messages and a phone call from her sisters when she was in coma. I think this time she really meant to kill herself.

 

My poor dad and brothers and sister She's only hurting them.

 

Maybe it's time to block her or change email addresses so none of you are harassed by her again.

 

Everybody knows she's unwell, so the emails really mean nothing except shows how 'off' she is.

[VeronicaRoss]

BUT I see someone mentioned that she might hire a private investigator, well, can I do that? I know it costs but I have access to money as my dad did some investments in my name last year and profit is being sent to my bank account (of course, she doesn't know or she would have brought that up).

 

I was in a similar situation a long time ago, so here's the long-term perspective: that money is key. Use it to start focusing on your adult life ahead, not this childhood insanity. Get an apartment and continue school until you're in a university and then move into a dorm and continue a normal life.

 

If you can get over the impulse to force your parents be what you want them to be, and instead focus on making your life what you want it to be you're going to win this in the best possible way. Dad is failing you by putting his marriage first with a monster but that's not your failing.

 

If you don't quite have the money with the trust fund, sit down with your dad and say "Dad I want to live elsewhere until I'm in school for my own physical and emotional safety. Let's figure out the costs of that and see if between my trust fund and what you could provide if this is possible." Have the listings of nice apartments you'll be safe in, budget for utilities, food, transportation, extras. Make him part of the solution if that helps you both feel better about it. If for some reason he balks, you need to find a friend to live with to remove yourself from the abuse.

 

Just get out and focus like a laser on becoming financially independent through your education and spend your energy dreaming and planning for your new adult life.

 

Yay trust fund!

[VeronicaRoss]

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for your support

 

To be honest, I'm not doing very well.

 

College started a while back, so I'm busy meeting new people and all the things that are supposed to be fun but I don't know why I can't enjoy them. I'm always distracted and have a difficult time making friends .

 

I don't know if this is part of moving on or not, but all the memories of everything that she did to me are coming into my head all the time. I have mixed feelings of anger, fear, relief and hate. It's very difficult to describe. I was much better when the "fight" was on, probably because I was focused, thinking very logical and followed a strategy. Now that my guard is down, I'm lost in all these emotions.

 

Oh no. Claire, I was in a similar situation at home and when I finally was free I was so excited to finally have my own life and then I ran into the exact same issue. I was hoping you'd avoid this but how could you? Are you able to study? Are you passing your classes? If so then like others are saying please get help and just realize you're having a normal reaction.

 

My reaction was pretty extreme and I had no control over it. I'm normally the person everyone else relies upon, like you I was the one who took on the main battle and protected the others, got good grades. But I couldn't even help myself when I finally got away. A counselor told me when my psyche realized it was finally in a safe environment for the first time, it allowed itself to finally crash. As a result I wasn't able to remember anything I studied and had to drop out. What I did next was find a nice place to live (in a tropical paradise), went into counseling, worked, took a few classes until I felt I could handle a full load again. At 22 I went back to school full-time and successfully earned my four year degree.

 

My point is get help, do whatever you can to keep yourself productive and engaged in the world, and trust yourself. You will heal and you will be able to create the life you want.

 

And stay far, far away from other dramatic people -- friends and lovers. Don't unconsciously recreate this drama with your step-mom with a husband like some of my siblings did with their spouses! Life is good when you take care of yourself!