2sunny Posted May 19, 2012 Share Posted May 19, 2012 If that's the case...she's flat out gone...then what's left to do but to file for divorce whether she likes it or not? Heck...call it abandonment if you can. See if you can have the divorce processed through WITHOUT her participation at all. Yep - I see it as abandonment. She went and made all these separate plans to move and didn't even bother discussing it with you until the last minute! What a total @itch! I hope you aren't giving her free reign of money!!!! If she wants a new life - she can figure out how to earn it herself! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 19, 2012 Share Posted May 19, 2012 This is pretty painful stuff. You have to wonder how a human being can do this to another. To not even discuss it with you is very hurtful and very calculated. A walk away wife for sure. Don't reward her bad behavior by making things easier for her. She wants a new life - she can ask her new guy to provide her with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted May 19, 2012 Share Posted May 19, 2012 Thanks 96Nole. Looks like I can look forward to a fun 2012! Yep. it's a great time. I rank it up there with: being stretched on the rack having your fingernails pulled out hitting your thumb with a hammer stepping on glass being hit in the balls with a golfball dropping a bowling ball on your foot. Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted May 19, 2012 Share Posted May 19, 2012 This is pretty painful stuff. You have to wonder how a human being can do this to another. That is the exact same question I have asked many times. A selfish, uncaring, disrespectful piece of crap, that's who. And to make it worse, it is done by someone who at one time loved you more than anything. She checked out of your marriage a long time ago. She made a lot of plans and got ready to leave long before you knew. She has been planning against you for a while. You now have to look out for you. Do whatever you need to take care of you. She is not worrying about you. She is not thinking about you. She is only thinking of herself. The pain will start to subside over time. I'm 3.5 months in. I'm doing better than I was 4 weeks ago. 4 weeks ago I was doing better than 4 weeks before that. I was a complete emotional wreck during the first week. I still don't know how I functioned. But I did. I still have a way to go, but I've also come a long way. I was keeping a daily journal for the first 6 weeks. I was reading it the other day and I can see how far I've come. I was devastated back then. But writing it out helped. That was before I found LS. This is not your fault. It's her fault 100%. Let it sink in that she has disrespected you dishonored you lied to you betrayed you planned against you Let the anger build up in you. The anger will help you. When you ask yourself "how can she do this to me?" Ask it in anger. My friends, family, and I now refer to my ex as "the whore" She doesn't have a name anymore. She demonized me, so now we demonize her. My anger has really built up over the past couple of weeks. Now I'm getting past the hurt faster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BugsyK Posted May 19, 2012 Author Share Posted May 19, 2012 Maybe I'll get there and maybe she'll do something else to make me get there but I'm not the hating type. Anger is one of the steps to recovery so I'm sure it will happen. The question is to what degree? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 19, 2012 Share Posted May 19, 2012 Be angry enough to understand she is disrespecting and disregarding you. Honor yourself as you go forward. Hold yourself with regard and respect yourself enough that it doesn't ALLOW her to treat you poorly. Make sure you stick to a solid boundary that doesn't allow her to place blame onto you for her actions. You may not have had a fight - but her ACTIONS tell everything. Now, she may be there and second guessing her impulsive decision... And/ or wants her cake and to eat it too - she may try running back and forth. You need to decide what you're willing to allow and what you won't. Either way, IF you're not her TOP priority and ONLY priority as a man is concerned - she's playing you for the fool. Better to have her actions show you what she prioritizes. Best for you to get busy doing positive things for yourself each day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BugsyK Posted May 19, 2012 Author Share Posted May 19, 2012 Probably not going to have to worry about setting boundaries. Monday will be 2 weeks with no contact bewteen us other than her texting my friends wife. Now, off to keep myself busy this weekend Link to post Share on other sites
manup Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 This is pretty painful stuff. You have to wonder how a human being can do this to another. Honestly there are much better sites for affairs. You're getting advice from like two people, one who is telling you that she needs to rebuild trust yadda yadda yadda when she never disclosed her affair. You can stay or leave. If you stay I would go to a site like Marriage Builders, if you just want to vent this is an okay place I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Is it worth paying a PI to follow her so you can have info for your own peace of mind? That way you'll never need to wonder what she's really up... Don't know if it might help you move forward without regret. How is she surviving? Does she have access to money? A job there? Is he money she accesses partly your earned income? Link to post Share on other sites
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