Pursuing women and persistence

[chimneychamp]

I think my new approach when this pursue/non-pursue nonsense comes up will just be to leave a message along the lines:

 

"Hi. I was excited to meet you and I'd like to see you again. But when I try to contact you, you're not reachable and don't get back to me. Soo... I'll leave it up to you now if you want to call me back. Otherwise I'll leave you alone. So anyway, gimme a call back. Bye!"

 

I think that is assertive enough. It states where I am with our interaction. Yes, I want her, but done jumping through hoops for someone who doesn't respect me enough to communicate honestly.

[Christine52]

If you're looking for a higher standard of beauty, you better well be prepared to have a lot to offer in the personality department, which is what a lot of quality women look for above looks. If you aren't being successful with beautiful women, maybe you should focus less on your "game", and more on being a man of substance. Not to be rude, but I find a lot of good looking guys who know they're good looking, don't have much to offer because they feel their looks are good enough, and don't need to develop other qualities.

 

As a friend of many plain girls, its offensive to me when men think they "deserve" good looking girls. As if looks trumps personality. If that's the case, the majority of the world are at a loss.

[Christine52]

Sound like the advice from Ruby Slippers and Christine are opposite. Strong pursuit for Ruby Slippers gets the date but Christine is repulsed by the same behavior.

 

Everyone is different.

 

If you know what you want in a woman, you will know which direction you'd want to go.

 

Girls who want a guy to chase them are either desiring an ego boost, are bored, or enjoy the attention. Sure, perhaps, you can win her over and have her fall madly in love with you. But, you always have to ask yourself if that's the kind of woman you'd want to be with anyway.

 

Wouldn't you, as a guy, want to feel desired as well? Wouldn't you want to know that just being yourself was good enough? That you didn't have to chase her down, win a race, and bring back a trophy?

[Christine52]

I think my new approach when this pursue/non-pursue nonsense comes up will just be to leave a message along the lines:

 

"Hi. I was excited to meet you and I'd like to see you again. But when I try to contact you, you're not reachable and don't get back to me. Soo... I'll leave it up to you now if you want to call me back. Otherwise I'll leave you alone. So anyway, gimme a call back. Bye!"

 

I think that is assertive enough. It states where I am with our interaction. Yes, I want her, but done jumping through hoops for someone who doesn't respect me enough to communicate honestly.

 

I disagree. If she doesn't return your call, forget about it.

[chimneychamp]

How is that disagreeing?

[Christine52]

How is that disagreeing?

 

I don't think you should leave a message saying you're going to leave the ball in their court. That's advice I disagree with. If she doesn't return your call, don't leave that message, don't talk to her again.

[Pierre]

I think my new approach when this pursue/non-pursue nonsense comes up will just be to leave a message along the lines:

 

"Hi. I was excited to meet you and I'd like to see you again. But when I try to contact you, you're not reachable and don't get back to me. Soo... I'll leave it up to you now if you want to call me back. Otherwise I'll leave you alone. So anyway, gimme a call back. Bye!"

 

I think that is assertive enough. It states where I am with our interaction. Yes, I want her, but done jumping through hoops for someone who doesn't respect me enough to communicate honestly.

 

 

If i was a chick i would never call you back. Unless I was real ugly and desperate.

 

I would leave all the explanations and simply say: "Hi. I was excited to meet you and I'd like to see you again". That is more than enough and not nauseating.

[Quiet Storm]

I do think black & hispanic men are often more persistant, probably because they have been culturalized to cope better with rejection. Many of their parents had to deal with racism at it's worst, and they raised their children to cope with adversity and to accept & cope with the fact that many others will not like them, for no reason other than the color of their skin.

 

I also think that many (not all) are raised to be "tougher", as these cultures tend to look down on any men that are seen as weak. The boys often grow up having to portray a hard image, not only for social acceptance but for survivial, especially in urban areas.

 

That persona of looking "hard" comes off very masculine and sexy to a lot of women. When a "hard" guy is alone with a woman and shows his gentle and tender side, it can be very appealing. His gentle side has been there all along, but his reluctance to show it in public makes it that much more exciting when a woman gets to see that side of him. It feels very intimate.

 

At least in my area, which is very liberal and diverse, I don't believe that most white women who date other races because it is taboo. It simply isn't that taboo anymore. It has been accepted for many years, so the taboo and trophy aspect are pretty much over up here. There are plenty of biracial, married parents in my area and interracial younger couples. So while I agree that there may be the occasional hot white girl that dates a black man to get back at her mean racist daddy, I think that argument is often used by superior feeling white men to make a white woman's genuine attraction to black men more palatable. It's easier for them to think she has daddy issues than to fathom that she may actually find a black attractive.

 

So I think that the men in these cultures are more likely to be raised to have a harder outside persona, while more white men are raised to have a "nice & polite" outside persona.

 

So even if a black guy feels insecure and afraid inside, he may have been taught to push through that fear and go after what he wants, regardless of any insecurity. The cultural attitude is more likely to be along the lines of "there are no handouts in life, if you want something you gotta go for it or you won't get it". I think this can create a bigger sense of urgency when an opportunity arises, which can be seen as more aggressive. I think these cultures are more accepting of masculine sexuality, and may be more honest & vocal about the sexual or visual things they appreciate about a woman.

 

I think white men are often culturalized to be more patient, to wait your turn. They may believe that good things happen to good people, and don't take as many risks because they are raised to believe that they will be rewarded for what they percieve as good behavior. Usually they are rasied to not be too aggressive, too loud, or show offy. They may have been taught that's it rude to come right out and say what they want, and cloak their true feelings of desire in politeness. They don't want to be viewed as selfish. They may be more reserved when it comes to appreciating a woman's sexuality vocally.

 

Women are all different and there are many that like reserved men and find aggressive men repulsive. However for some women, the reserved attitude can come off as phony. The trepidation can come of as meek. It can be refreshing to meet a man that just goes with what he feels, and is not overthinking it.

 

However, these are only generalizations from my experience. I know some shy black men and some very aggressive white ones, so this is by no means an across the board observation. It many cases, these differences aren't really about race, but more about regional differences, income level, religion, etc.

[chimneychamp]

K. Point taken. So i guess i won't do that.

 

It just seems to me that so much is implied without anyone being upfront about things. Guess thats just my cluelessness...

[persevere]

I think my new approach when this pursue/non-pursue nonsense comes up will just be to leave a message along the lines:

 

"Hi. I was excited to meet you and I'd like to see you again. But when I try to contact you, you're not reachable and don't get back to me. Soo... I'll leave it up to you now if you want to call me back. Otherwise I'll leave you alone. So anyway, gimme a call back. Bye!"

 

I think that is assertive enough. It states where I am with our interaction. Yes, I want her, but done jumping through hoops for someone who doesn't respect me enough to communicate honestly.

 

I disagree. That comes across as a bit desperate, reaching. The best thing to do is pretend she doesn't exist and get your mind off of her. She may wonder what happened to you. The best results I've had with a woman, who may have somewhat disinterested, was when I literally had moved on.

[persevere]

duplicate..

Edited May 14, 2012 by persevere
duplicate

[Christine52]

K. Point taken. So i guess i won't do that.

 

It just seems to me that so much is implied without anyone being upfront about things. Guess thats just my cluelessness...

 

Being straightforward is good! But once it's clear she's not interested, no longer necessary

 

I think straightforwardness is more valuable once you get passed dating and into a relationship.

 

When you're dating, the more busy, active, and FUN you are without her, the more drawn she will be to you.

[Christine52]

It's also interesting to note that women are more likely to date inter-racially than men. Women are also more likely to be bi-curious.

 

I read a National Geographic article that showed clearly that far more women date men who are a racial minority than men.

 

The implication being you will see more white women with black guys, but far fewer white men with black women.

[fishtaco]

Different women respond to different approaches.

 

Some women prefer a man be persistent, it makes her feels like she's worth it. Some women, do not.

 

Generally speaking, if you're looking for long term relationship, it's better to find ones that makes it easy for you right off the bat. As in interest was flowing both ways since day one. They are difficult to find, since most women want to play mind games.

 

So yes, there is truth to the fact that if you're not being slapped, you're not trying hard enough. And many women will respond to this persistence that borders on stalking. You'd be surprised... some women CAN be strong-armed into sex/relationship. But for me, I prefer not to go there. I'm like you. I take a step forward, if she doesn't reciprocate, I bail out. Just because a woman is hot, doesn't mean she worth your time. If a woman is friendly and willing to play, ok, then let's see where we could go.

 

I know I've lost out on opportunities. A jerk in my position would have been able to push women into sex or whatever he's after more often. But that's not me. I would actually feel bad if I did that. So I concentrate on the other aspects of it.

 

If I become very social, and meet women all the time, then I wouldn't care about missed opportunities, because I make new ones all the time. And because I don't care, and I am fairly social, I do practice what I preach, I have a lot of friends, that raises my perceived social status in certain social situations.

 

So my game is numbers and social status, i.e. big fish in the small pond. If you want to play the "persistence" game, go for it. You'll have better success percentage than me. But I should be able to put up higher numbers than you in terms of hitting up on new women, simply for the fact that I'm not busy chasing someone that already said no. So in the end, I believe it's a wash.

 

So do whatever feels right to you. There is merit to the strong-arm tactic, I see it happen all the time. But it's about what fits you.

[Christine52]

Different women respond to different approaches.

 

Some women prefer a man be persistent, it makes her feels like she's worth it. Some women, do not.

 

Generally speaking, if you're looking for long term relationship, it's better to find ones that makes it easy for you right off the bat. As in interest was flowing both ways since day one. They are difficult to find, since most women want to play mind games.

 

So yes, there is truth to the fact that if you're not being slapped, you're not trying hard enough. And many women will respond to this persistence that borders on stalking. You'd be surprised... some women CAN be strong-armed into sex/relationship. But for me, I prefer not to go there. I'm like you. I take a step forward, if she doesn't reciprocate, I bail out. Just because a woman is hot, doesn't mean she worth your time. If a woman is friendly and willing to play, ok, then let's see where we could go.

 

I know I've lost out on opportunities. A jerk in my position would have been able to push women into sex or whatever he's after more often. But that's not me. I would actually feel bad if I did that. So I concentrate on the other aspects of it.

 

If I become very social, and meet women all the time, then I wouldn't care about missed opportunities, because I make new ones all the time. And because I don't care, and I am fairly social, I do practice what I preach, I have a lot of friends, that raises my perceived social status in certain social situations.

 

So my game is numbers and social status, i.e. big fish in the small pond. If you want to play the "persistence" game, go for it. You'll have better success percentage than me. But I should be able to put up higher numbers than you in terms of hitting up on new women, simply for the fact that I'm not busy chasing someone that already said no. So in the end, I believe it's a wash.

 

So do whatever feels right to you. There is merit to the strong-arm tactic, I see it happen all the time. But it's about what fits you.

 

You have a good head on your shoulders.

 

In many ways, dating is a numbers game The more exposed you are, the more likely you are to meet someone! Hermits don't get girls lol.

[ThaWholigan]

Different women respond to different approaches.

 

Some women prefer a man be persistent, it makes her feels like she's worth it. Some women, do not.

 

Generally speaking, if you're looking for long term relationship, it's better to find ones that makes it easy for you right off the bat. As in interest was flowing both ways since day one. They are difficult to find, since most women want to play mind games.

 

So yes, there is truth to the fact that if you're not being slapped, you're not trying hard enough. And many women will respond to this persistence that borders on stalking. You'd be surprised... some women CAN be strong-armed into sex/relationship. But for me, I prefer not to go there. I'm like you. I take a step forward, if she doesn't reciprocate, I bail out. Just because a woman is hot, doesn't mean she worth your time. If a woman is friendly and willing to play, ok, then let's see where we could go.

 

I know I've lost out on opportunities. A jerk in my position would have been able to push women into sex or whatever he's after more often. But that's not me. I would actually feel bad if I did that. So I concentrate on the other aspects of it.

 

If I become very social, and meet women all the time, then I wouldn't care about missed opportunities, because I make new ones all the time. And because I don't care, and I am fairly social, I do practice what I preach, I have a lot of friends, that raises my perceived social status in certain social situations.

 

So my game is numbers and social status, i.e. big fish in the small pond. If you want to play the "persistence" game, go for it. You'll have better success percentage than me. But I should be able to put up higher numbers than you in terms of hitting up on new women, simply for the fact that I'm not busy chasing someone that already said no. So in the end, I believe it's a wash.

 

So do whatever feels right to you. There is merit to the strong-arm tactic, I see it happen all the time. But it's about what fits you.

I made an almost replica post in another thread.

 

I have to say you're one of the unsung posters on this board

[TheSingleGuy]

Gee, I wonder how a strong, persistent approach works with strong, alpha type women vs less alpha, or beta, type women?

 

My gut is telling me, the more alpha the girl is, the more likely she is to be repulsed by strong interest in phone game. Whereas, the beta type female would need that validation more.

 

Just a hunch. Make sense to anyone else?

[fishtaco]

I made an almost replica post in another thread.

 

I have to say you're one of the unsung posters on this board

 

Haha thanks. We have very similar views. But there are many LS posters that do not share the same views as I do. I'm sure they wouldn't think much of me. But that's okay, I'm just a dead fish wrapped in tortilla.

 

Gee, I wonder how a strong, persistent approach works with strong, alpha type women vs less alpha, or beta, type women?

 

My gut is telling me, the more alpha the girl is, the more likely she is to be repulsed by strong interest in phone game. Whereas, the beta type female would need that validation more.

 

Just a hunch. Make sense to anyone else?

 

I'd say passive weak-willed women and more "traditional" women. The first is a given.

 

Weak-willed people are pushed regularly into all kinds of predicaments -- by aggressive sales people, and they are fresh meat for cults. That should be no surprise.

 

The traditional ones believe in very strong gender roles. They're willing to be barefoot in the kitchen making babies and sandwiches. But you have to play your part. I don't do well with women like that anyway.

 

These are the two obvious ones. I'm sure there are other types.

[Badsingularity]

And we all know how that ended.

 

He had a Gf though didn't he? Is'nt that what you want, even if only temporary at first.

 

I've noticed you throw out a lot of little personal digs at people that are doing nothing more than trying to help you or others. Not cool.

[Teknoe]

And we all know how that ended.

 

 

Yes.

 

And we also know how your dating life is working out for ya.

[6ft180natl]

Everyone is different.

 

If you know what you want in a woman, you will know which direction you'd want to go.

 

Girls who want a guy to chase them are either desiring an ego boost, are bored, or enjoy the attention. Sure, perhaps, you can win her over and have her fall madly in love with you. But, you always have to ask yourself if that's the kind of woman you'd want to be with anyway.

 

Wouldn't you, as a guy, want to feel desired as well? Wouldn't you want to know that just being yourself was good enough? That you didn't have to chase her down, win a race, and bring back a trophy?

 

Exactly. First of all if you go with this mindset you may be chasing a woman who is too nice to tell you im not interested and/or enjoys the attention even tho she isn't that interested. If it turns out she is interested and just playing hard to get then this is a woman who is very concerned about having a man who is more into her than she is in to him. She is likely to be very demanding and not a flexible giver in a relationship if she is that insistent on having the upper hand with anyone she dates. IE she wants someone who she can use and abuse to some extent because the guy is puddy in her hands.

I say rather than spending time chasing her and jumping through her hoops spend time improving yourself so that she is more interested because that is a win win whether she comes around or not many more women will be interested than before after some self improvement.

[FrustratedStandards]

Ignore. Deleted.

[Ruby Slippers]

And we all know how that ended.

 

When a woman has a lot of options, it's really hard to be the best one. Especially if you're not exceptional in any way. And it seems that almost every decent girl, has great guys throwing themselves at her.

Most guys (9/10) disqualify themselves very quickly, usually by being way too up front about sex. So ThaWholigan is right - it isn't that hard to be exceptional.

[Teknoe]

Most guys (9/10) disqualify themselves very quickly, usually by being way too up front about sex. So ThaWholigan is right - it isn't that hard to be exceptional.

 

 

It isn't impossible to be exceptional.

 

However, it IS impossible to be exceptional without proactively doing anything to improve yourself.