Author TheSingleGuy Posted May 14, 2012 Author Share Posted May 14, 2012 ++++If a woman isn't acting interested, then move on to the next, why waste your time?++++ That's what I've been doing and the women I date are ultimately getting hurt because they don't have the beauty level that I know I should be with. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Women enjoy the chase; they say no when they mean yes. This is particularly true of women that need external validation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Women enjoy the chase; they say no when they mean yes. This is particularly true of women that need external validation. Wan to add: Some of these women need to feel like a trophy and they enjoy dating men of other cultures. Basically the same syndrome. If they end up dating a guy that begged they feel a bit more secure. Once again, the trophy thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 So, Ruby, let me ask you this. You've got 10 guys pursuing you by phone at once. Of those ten guys, I'd assume you could stack rank them in terms of your overall attraction to them, right? So guy 1 is the hottest, guy 2 is the second hottest, so on and so forth. Sure, but a lot more factors than just looks go into my assessment - intelligence, compassion, common interests, etc. It sounds like you make these guys wade through a lot of **** in order to get the prize, which is you. So these guys text you and you don't respond, you show disinterest, hoping that this isn't the last you'll hear of him, right? It sounds like it's intentional, almost like you're screening for confidence on some level. I basically never just ignore a guy. Even if I'm not interested, I almost always let him know that clearly. The problem for you, is, the hottest guy has more female options. It stands to reason that he's gonna have other women who are easier to get. If/when the hottest guy completely stops pursuing you, do you feel rejected on some level? After a number of days go by, do you find yourself initiating contact with him? No. If a guy thinks he can do better, I won't cling to him - I'll let him go. I only want to be with a guy who thinks I'm a catch. It's just as important to me that he thinks I'm a catch and treats me that way as it is that I think he's a catch. And if he really thinks I'm a catch, he's not going to give up. All I know is, if she shows disinterest early in "phone game", it almost always stagnates and nothing ever happens between us. That makes sense. If I like the guy, I respond. As for the guy who pursues consistently, persistently, did it ever occur to you that this guy has few other female options and that's why he continues to pursue you, despite obvious signs of disinterest from you? As one guy said, it's almost as if you are screening for the most desperate guy. If he had another woman giving him attention, why would he pursue a girl who seems disinterested? I don't know or really care how many options he has. What I care about is that he thinks I'm the best option. When that is the case, he can have zero other options or 100, and it doesn't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
persevere Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Don't let a fear of rejection control you. This was one the hardest lessons of my adult life. You'll always lose. You control the situation. Come up with a quick plan. if she's not interested, well move on and don't look back. You can't control what a woman likes, only what you like. Its best to gauge a woman quickly, by her actions. Read the signs and adjust or move on. Persistence? A balance of risk vs reward and how far you'll go, while keeping your own self respect. Personally, my persistence has moderated a lot over the years. Confidence will do that to you. She wants me? Well I need signs fairly quickly or I'm moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I had a friend like the OP, but he'd stop calling if they didn't call him back OR flake out. THEN the owmen had the nerve to jump on his case for not trying hard enough. LOL It was lose-lose iwth him, but why risk being called a stalker, right? Apparently, some of these ladies measure a man's interest level in HER by seeing how much he's persistant, even if it means making mutliple phone calls she does NOT return, in a risk of being labeled a stalker or creeper. Not a good lable mind you. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Ruby Slippers. I hate to say it, but YOU are part of the dating problem. Just sayin that perhaps you should change your dating ways. Sometimes the one is the most persistant can wind up with a restraining order. You're setting a bad example Right or wrong, the most persistent men are the ones who get me to go out with them. For whatever reason, it usually takes a fair amount of convincing for me to go out with a guy. I might have 5-10 guys somewhat interested in me at a particular time, and in whom I might also be interested. The one who is most persistent and regular with his communication is almost certainly going to be the one I go out with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSingleGuy Posted May 14, 2012 Author Share Posted May 14, 2012 Yes, if I KNEW that they were playing games and they wanted me to continue to call, that would make this so much easier. When a girl is showing disinterest, when I do call and get her on the phone, if I believe I'm barely interesting to her, it effects the conversation. I'm less spontaneous and less natural. Whereas, with a less attractive girl who does show a lot of interest, when I call, I'm at ease and the conversation just goes easier and smoother. I can be myself a lot more easily when I'm getting good buying signs from her. I know I seem more attractive to these women than I do to the ones who are playing games. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Ruby Slippers. I hate to say it, but YOU are part of the dating problem. Just sayin that perhaps you should change your dating ways. Sometimes the one is the most persistant can wind up with a restraining order. You're setting a bad example I think you missed some of the other things I wrote - including that when I am NOT interested, I communicate this CLEARLY, ask him to stop contacting me, and stop responding. I never ignore contact from a guy I'm interested in. When I am interested, I let him know I'm interested but might need more convincing to go out with him. I don't invite ongoing contact unless I am genuinely interested. And for the record, once we do go on a date, the guys always tell me they loved the challenge of getting me to say yes. Link to post Share on other sites
persevere Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I think being persistant, as in, to keep trying to date differen't women until one says 'yes' is a good thing. To be persistant with the same woman, doesn't seem like a good thing at all, you're only going to annoy her and make yourself look like a creep/dick/having no social skills. I think usually, if a woman is interested, you wont have to keep being persistant with her. If a woman isn't acting interested, then move on to the next, why waste your time? Good post. I have gone to a "one strike and you're out" policy. I get a woman's number or email and will try once. The ball is then in her court. Why press further? Either she's not interested, rude, a flake or all of the above. Incessantly contacting her does far more harm than good, especially to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
mtber75 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Right or wrong, the most persistent men are the ones who get me to go out with them. For whatever reason, it usually takes a fair amount of convincing for me to go out with a guy. I might have 5-10 guys somewhat interested in me at a particular time, and in whom I might also be interested. The one who is most persistent and regular with his communication is almost certainly going to be the one I go out with. This is why persistence works in pursuing women. Many women are just taught early on to be "play hard to get." Maybe its a evolutionary thing, women have to be picky for a mate in order to ensure the most healthiest offsprings? I tend to try 2 or 3 times to pursue a woman before moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSingleGuy Posted May 14, 2012 Author Share Posted May 14, 2012 Ruby, I find it hard to believe, that, never once have you played your little "hard to get" game and never heard from the guy you were REALLY attracted to. You've never blown it with a guy you really wanted? Is that what you are saying? Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I don't date a lot. I go from relationship to relationship and hopefully they last. As for the initial steps: I generally know who I want to ask out from work and other social settings. I have a bio and there has been some flirting in place. This lets me know that when I ask the chance of getting a YES is near 100%. Sometimes, there is no asking-------it just happens. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 No means no to me..if a womens ignoring me i dont puruse any further why lose my integrity for a stranger? Plus its a fine line usually detemined by how attratcive you are to wheter the womens charmed by your persistence or creeped out by it and thinking of calling the authorities.. For an unattratcive guy like me id probably get the latter treatment Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Ruby, I find it hard to believe, that, never once have you played your little "hard to get" game and never heard from the guy you were REALLY attracted to. You've never blown it with a guy you really wanted? Is that what you are saying? I think Ruby has no problems getting dates. However, she has been unable to find a keeper. So she keeps dating! She may have a bad eye, but otherwise, she seems like a fine woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Ruby, I find it hard to believe, that, never once have you played your little "hard to get" game and never heard from the guy you were REALLY attracted to. You've never blown it with a guy you really wanted? Is that what you are saying? If a guy loses interest, so do I. I'm only interested in men who are interested in me. So if he tries once or twice, I respond positively, and then he gives up, I don't see it as any loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Christine52 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 When I meet new beautiful women and seem to hit it off with them, it seems that usually they are blowing me off in "phone game". If I sense any resistance at all, like she never initiates contact or text with me, I tend to mirror that with my pursuit. Like if she answers the phone and says "I'm in the middle of ____, can I call you back later?" and then she never calls, I usually end the pursuit immediately or back off big time. Or if she flakes on a first date at the last minute. Typical **** that I run into all the time from women who seemed to be really interested when we met. Just generally speaking, signs of disinterest. One guy on here says that with all his great relationships, things either went really, really smooth from the very beginning or it didn't. The girl never really demonstrated much disinterest at all. I was thinking that was probably a good rule to follow. The problem is, I keep dating women who don't match up with me in the looks department, they're really beneath me in terms of looks. I'm not dating women with beauty levels that I should. Trust me, if I were to show you pictures of me with all the women I've dated over the years, you'd all be like what that F*** is that guy doing with her??? Several times over the last month or so, I've realized that the hottest girl I saw all day was a blonde with a black guy. I see this a lot. I mean SMOKING hot blondes with black men. Don't get me wrong, these black men are usually studs, big muscles, clean cut. It's not like they're undeserving. That said, most white women I meet, if I ask them, tell me they'd never date a black guy. But then I see these smoking hot women with black men all the time. These women are so hot, they could get any guy they want. So there's kind of a societal "thing" about white women being looked down on by family and friends if they date interacially So, here's what I'm assuming: Hot blonde meets hot black guy. Likes him and gives him her phone number. The next day, she starts thinking it over and decides she'd never be able to introduce this guy to family and friends so she's gonna blow him off. But he pursues consistently and persistently. Never giving up. Eventually, he gets the girl because he pursues with persistence. That's what I think is going on. I can't imagine these guys are getting smooth sailing right out of the gate with these super hot women. They've got to be encountering signs of disinterest along the way. And another thing I'll say about this, is, someone might counter with "Well, maybe these women just like black guys. Maybe these black guys aren't getting signs of disinterest at all." The problem is, almost always, when I see a black guy with a white girl, it's a blonde. Never a red head. Never a brunette. But a blonde. I think that means the black men are selecting these white women and not the other way around. I look back on the better looking girls I've pursued who showed the slightest sign of disinterest and I ended the pursuit or otherwise backed off and showed less interest myself. In just about every case, I was never able to get the girl. I'm thinking I need to show consistent, persistent interest when they show disinterest. Any thoughts on this???? I don't intend for this become a racial thread. I am white and my ex-girlfriend is black so please don't call me racist. I even introduced her to my kids and parents. Hi SingleGuy, Persistence MAY work for girls who enjoy playing hard to get, and who deep down really do like you. On the other hand, I've seen it work a FEW times where a guy actually got a non-interested girl to date him, but to me, I've been pursued to this extent, and trust me, it makes you look desperate, and completely undesirable. I would say being BUSY and TRULY hard to get (i.e. you HAVE a life) is the way to go, if you want to save face and your dignity. I think you're thinking too deeply about this. Relationships that are long lasting are natural, easy, and should rarely feel forced, frustrating, or difficult. If there isn't mutual attraction and liking for each other, why would you want to push the issue? Just focus on having your own hobbies and interests, and soon you'll meet a woman who's compatible with you, and shares the same feelings as you. Even if it's later than you'd like. Also, Girls don't really go for looks. I'm sorry to say, but yes, attraction is important, but whether she wants to pursue a relationship with you will be more based on your personality, and what she feels you have to offer. Looks are only the beginning. I've seen GORGEOUS girls date very plain men, and get married. I've also seen plain girls date "hot" guys, and get married. Beauty is only skin deep, and putting too much empahsis on who's better looking than who is going to hurt your chances. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 How the hell is a less than ideal man supposed to get anywhere when the average woman has 5-10 guys interested in her at any one time? Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 How the hell is a less than ideal man supposed to get anywhere when the average woman has 5-10 guys interested in her at any one time? Because you make her feel the happiest of all the pursuers.... you're the most interesting, most intriguing, most safe one she feels around... she can see building a future together with you... she likes spending time with you. Notice I did not say "tallest" or "hottest." You gotta have some good things to offer. That's how I got with Dana. She had many guys chasing her when I was, as well. I wasn't the tallest, the most in shape OR the most good looking (I was pretty much in the middle across the board, except I was actually overweight and the other guys chasing her were skinny). I won her over with my personality and how much I put her needs before mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSingleGuy Posted May 14, 2012 Author Share Posted May 14, 2012 Sound like the advice from Ruby Slippers and Christine are opposite. Strong pursuit for Ruby Slippers gets the date but Christine is repulsed by the same behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Because you make her feel the happiest of all the pursuers.... you're the most interesting, most intriguing, most safe one she feels around... she can see building a future together with you... she likes spending time with you. Notice I did not say "tallest" or "hottest." You gotta have some good things to offer. That's how I got with Dana. She had many guys chasing her when I was, as well. I wasn't the tallest, the most in shape OR the most good looking (I was pretty much in the middle across the board, except I was actually overweight and the other guys chasing her were skinny). I won her over with my personality and how much I put her needs before mine. And we all know how that ended. When a woman has a lot of options, it's really hard to be the best one. Especially if you're not exceptional in any way. And it seems that almost every decent girl, has great guys throwing themselves at her. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 And we all know how that ended. When a woman has a lot of options, it's really hard to be the best one. Especially if you're not exceptional in any way. And it seems that almost every decent girl, has great guys throwing themselves at her. It's not that hard to be exceptional. Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I just put it all down to manners. If she can't manage to return a call or be open and straight in the way she treats all people, it's just a pointer to the type of person she is. The right guy will smell the poison in the bad apple early. The rest deserve to taste it. Nothing more nothing less. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 It's not that hard to be exceptional. Yeah, sure Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Yeah, sure It really isn't that hard. Keep telling yourself that it's impossible and see where it gets you. Probably nowhere except where you are now...... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts