Why Don't Some Women At Work Look At Me?

[Frank13]

What do you expect her to do? Stare into your eyes?

 

Funny you should mention that. 95% of the time I ignore them but once in a while I will look at them to see if anything changed.

 

Well a few days ago I was passing one of them and I made eye contact. We held it for about 3 or 4 seconds until we passed each other. There was no looking down or away. Eye contact was made and it was held. I laughed to myself inside but then went about my business and forgot about her.

 

I still don't care but think it is funny. So no why is one who ignored me now holding eye contact?

[Frank13]

It seems to me that you lack experience when it comes to women. Don't despair. These young dames are probably interested in you and are doing everything within their power to get themselves under control so that you don't find out.

 

This is interesting and you may be on to something. There are women who look straight ahead when we pass and ignore me and that doesn't seem odd to me at all.

 

It's just that these two go to the extreme to look away from me. They act like they are friends who got in a fight with me and are trying to show me that they are ignoring me. It just seems such odd behavior.

 

If I were you, stop them head-on in the halls when you pass and say hi. Then smirk at them and keep eye contact as much as possible. Let your eyes do the communicating. I promise you they'll cut the crap and you'll never be able to get rid of them after that.

 

One day one of them was in the lunch room sitting by herself. I was so tempted to sit down at her table and ask her what the deal is. However, since I am somewhat older, I didn't want to come across as a creep or get a sexual harassement complaint filed against me, but boy did I think of doing it.

[Frank13]

So no why is one who ignored me now holding eye contact?

 

This should have been written "So now why is one who ignored me, now holding eye contact?

 

I wonder if it is because they see me talking and laughing with the other women. Who knows. Who cares.

 

This thread has gone on much longer than it should have. I just wanted some ideas as to what was going on. If things change drastically, like if one of them actually starts talking to me, I will update it, but I want to thank everyone for their input.

[CyBz]

This has kept me entertained at work.

[ludic]

Girls in general get an amazing amount of attention on a daily basis. Looks, eye contact, smiles, grins, winks, up and down looks, weird noises, bedroom eyes and whatever else you can think of.

I bet they see the new guy as another guy that will try all the above to get confirmation of some sort.

 

It could be that they are just fedup with all the attention they get and then sometimes a harmless guy gets the grunt of it all.

 

Its probably such a complex maise of reasons that you will never get to the bottom of this.

 

It sounds like you are making a game out of this now and acting a bit childish.

 

Just be professional and act normal... playing these hard to get games just to get a reaction out of them is not going to get you anywhere.

 

Remove your ego from the picture and all will be good.

[CyBz]

Remove your ego from the picture and all will be good.

 

Hmmm from my experience it's the women with ego's that behave this way.

I've even had confirmation from my fiance before she became that when we worked together what this chick's problem was/is and it was straight up she's a bitch and thinks her **** doesn't stink.

 

Another observation is women like this tend to hold a mediocre position in the company. Go figure.

[an6el]

well you shouldn't be bothered by it, they maybe feel intimidated by you or something. Who knows. You could do something nice like find out when's their birthday and get them a small gift, nothing to creepy them out but just something small... like a key chain etc. or you could buy everyone donuts, mmmm .... I dunno....

 

Another thing is you should ignore them, maybe it'll show them "hey he's ignoring me why?" you should play the mysterious type heheh.... best of luck...

[GLDheart]

I just read this thread and MAN I WOULD HAVE FUN WITH THIS.

 

If they BLATENTLY ignored me as I walked by I would make these subtle little crazy faces at them. TRUST ME, THEY SEE YOU. Then have a new face ready for the next time... at some point they are going to Seriously smirk, laugh, yell at you, SOMETHING... now you can actually say "Damn that took forever!" hold the eye contact, smile warmly, and walk away ;-)

 

Done correctly and You my friend now have thier interest.

[Frank13]

It sounds like you are making a game out of this now and acting a bit childish.

 

Just be professional and act normal... playing these hard to get games just to get a reaction out of them is not going to get you anywhere.

 

Remove your ego from the picture and all will be good.

 

I don't know about making a game out of it. I just think it is funny. If I can have some fun with it, who cares if I am being childish. I am not looking to get anywhere with these women.

 

Remember, it's not the ignoring me that was the issue. Hell, everyone pretty much ignores everyone else as they pass by on the street. The issue is the blatant turning their eyes or head away when we pass as if they are pissed at me. I have never done anything or even talked to these couple of women so I don't know what their deal is. Anyway, as time has gone on, I just see them as women with issues and people I wouldn't want to know anyway.

 

On another note. Yesterday I saw a woman I hadn't seen before. Don't know if she is new or just from another department. She was quite pretty and young. As we passed I looked at her. Guess what. She looked at me and smiled. I smiled back and said "Hi".

 

So what the hell? Sure she was just being polite, but she could have just looked forward and not acknowledged me and I wouldn't have thought anything of it. But, she didn't, and she didn't purposely look away from me either.

Edited July 14, 2012 by Frank13

[Frank13]

I just read this thread and MAN I WOULD HAVE FUN WITH THIS.

 

If they BLATENTLY ignored me as I walked by I would make these subtle little crazy faces at them. TRUST ME, THEY SEE YOU. Then have a new face ready for the next time... at some point they are going to Seriously smirk, laugh, yell at you, SOMETHING... now you can actually say "Damn that took forever!" hold the eye contact, smile warmly, and walk away ;-)

 

Done correctly and You my friend now have thier interest.

 

Thanks GLDheart for joining the discussion and making me laugh!

 

I am not looking to get their interest. I probably could have phrased the title of my post better such as 'Why do some women at work look away from me?".

 

As I have mentioned several times, it isn't the ignoring me so much that had me curious. There are probably a lot of women at work that do that and I think nothing of it. It was the deliberate looking or turning their head away from me that I noticed and wondered about.

 

As far as "TRUST ME THEY SEE YOU", the one woman makes such an effort to look away that I really wonder if she would see me. There have been times when I have seen her from a distance coming in my direction and she hadn't noticed me yet. Then, as soon as she sees me, she does the deliberate looking away and keeps doing it until we pass.

 

In any case, now when I see them and pass buy I will be thinking about what you said to do and be laughing to myself. Not interested in creating a scene and not interested in these women but I might be able to have some fun with it and report back tp you.

 

Thanks again for replying.

[Frank13]

well you shouldn't be bothered by it, they maybe feel intimidated by you or something. Who knows. You could do something nice like find out when's their birthday and get them a small gift, nothing to creepy them out but just something small... like a key chain etc. or you could buy everyone donuts, mmmm .... I dunno....

 

The way they are acting, it is like I creep them out anyway. If so, getting any kind of gift would probably really creep them out.

 

Another thing is you should ignore them, maybe it'll show them "hey he's ignoring me why?" you should play the mysterious type heheh.... best of luck...

 

That is what I have been doing. I ignore them, not so much for them to notice but just because there is no reason not to. I am not interested in them but never had the knid of reaction from women before.

 

When I originally posted this thread, I was expecting women to reply saying they have done the deliberate looking away because they thought the guy was ugly, creepy, reminded them of someone they don't like or whatever. Instead it just deems to be a mystery.

[GLDheart]

Thanks GLDheart for joining the discussion and making me laugh!...

 

Your welcome! Sometimes the weirdest negatives can be turned into a great chance for a positive!

 

...Not interested in creating a scene and not interested in these women but I might be able to have some fun with it and report back tp you...

 

I wouldn't ever get my thoughts so far ahead as to worry about any real "interest" per se... I'm just talking about a little fun here. Here's an analogy: If you are playfully friendly to the woman cashing you out at the grocery store, does that mean you want to take her home?? (Some of you don't answer that ;-)

 

There is nothing wrong with reaching out to the human side of people and maybe bringing a little smile to thier day. I say this in the most selfish way. You will feel great cracking through whatever shell/walls these weird woman have up. They are human deep down too!

 

One final bit of advice: They know they are difficult. YEP, they act like this everywhere in life. So, the few people that actually do get through to them really stand out.

[Ste11aeres]

Man you guys are being so judgemental. YOu have no idea why these women don't look at him! Please don't assume it's because they're full of themselves. There are so many possible reasons.

[Ste11aeres]

For instance, They could be attracted to you (yes, for some people, that;s a reason not to look at someone)

They could be shy (not everyone who is shy is recognized as being suce, sometimes they come across as cold and arrogant, but they're not really)

There are multipe reasons.

[Frank13]

I wouldn't ever get my thoughts so far ahead as to worry about any real "interest" per se... I'm just talking about a little fun here. Here's an analogy: If you are playfully friendly to the woman cashing you out at the grocery store, does that mean you want to take her home?? (Some of you don't answer that ;-)

 

Yes, I would want to take her home. Just kidding. But seriously, if I am playfully friendly with the cashier, it is probably because she projected a playfully friendly demeanor.

 

There is nothing wrong with reaching out to the human side of people and maybe bringing a little smile to thier day. I say this in the most selfish way. You will feel great cracking through whatever shell/walls these weird woman have up. They are human deep down too!

 

Hmmm, this is very interesting. I have no problem reaching out and bringing a smile to their day. In fact, I have become friendly with just about all the other women in the office. At the least it's "Hi how are you", while with others it is teasing and having fun.

 

One final bit of advice: They know they are difficult. YEP, they act like this everywhere in life. So, the few people that actually do get through to them really stand out.

 

You have given me some things to think about. Some people have suggested that I talk to them about it, but I don't feel it is my business to question them for what they do with their eyes. I have no right to approach them this way nor do I have a right to an explanation nor do they owe me one. I have no problem making an effort to get through to them. I just don't want to creep them out more if that is how they already see me.

 

The interesting thing is that the woman who looks away from me is quite outgoing with other people so I don't think she is shy. And when she does see me and look away, it's not a gradual or casual look away. It's exactly like having been in a fight with your girlfriend and her doing it to show you she is mad at you.

[Frank13]

Man you guys are being so judgemental. YOu have no idea why these women don't look at him! Please don't assume it's because they're full of themselves. There are so many possible reasons.

 

Thanks for adding absolutely nothing to the conversation. . I am just teasing you.

 

Of course there are many possible reasons but no one seems to know any. I mean really. Is there not one woman here on LS who has done this who can shed some light on this?

 

It's been around 5 months and I haven't bothered or tried to talk to these women, so I should appear pretty harmless, yet they still act the same.

[Frank13]

For instance, They could be attracted to you (yes, for some people, that;s a reason not to look at someone)

They could be shy (not everyone who is shy is recognized as being suce, sometimes they come across as cold and arrogant, but they're not really)

There are multipe reasons.

 

As I mentioned, the one woman who blatantly looks away is very outgoing with other people so I don't think she is shy. I could also understand someone not looking at someone they are attracted to, but would they also blatantly look away from them?

 

If there are so many reasons, why don't more women do it? Those who are shy or want nothing to do with me just look straight ahead.

 

There have also been times when she had time and space to easily change her course or direction, but she just continues to passes by me while deliberately looking away.

 

I am really beginning to wonder if she believes I am a guy she used to know, or date, who dumped her, or who she dumped, that wouldn't leave her alone.

[todreaminblue]

I started a new job about a month ago. I get along fine with everyone but there are a couple of (attractive) women who will not look at me.

 

For example, I will be working with this one guy and this one particular woman (I'll call her woman A) will come up and talk to him (they seem to be good friends) and not acknowledge or speak to me. I know I am new and she doesn't know me so I don't have a problem with that.

 

However, the other day me, a woman, this guy, and I were having a conversation and woman A came up and joined the conversation. While we were talking she would look at the other guy and the woman but never at me. Pretty much acted like I wasn't there. To me it is natural to look at the person who is speaking but when I was speaking, she would look at the woman or the other guy, but never at me. As the conversation is going on and I am looking at all three, she would only look at the other two. Never at me.

 

Then there is woman B. I will pass her and look at her to acknowledge her, just like I would any other co-worker, but as I am passing by she will always look away from me in the opposite direction. It's not like she looks at me and then looks away. She just never looks at me. I can be passing her in an empty hallway with nothing but walls and if I am passing her on her left side, she will look at the wall on her right side. I mean, it is so obvious she is purposely looking away from me.

 

I am an older guy and these are younger women but there are other women, even younger than them, who have come up and introduced themselves, who talk to me, say hi to me, ask me how I am, and even joke around with me. There are others who I have never talked to but who will smile at me and/or say hi when we pass each other.

 

I wouldn't consider myself attractive, but I wouldn't say I am ugly either.

 

I have never done anything to creep these two women out or make them think I am interested in them so I don't know why they are like this. THey do talk to other duys so I know they aren't shy.

 

I don't talk to them or bother them. You can't say they are like this because I don't talk to them, but that's because you first have to have eye contact to talk to someone and they won't do that. Plus the fact I am quite a bit older than them should let them know I am not interested in them, so why won't they look at me? Do they think I am that ugly?

 

Normally I wouldn't care. In fact I actually seem to get more smiles and staring from younger women now, then I did when I was younger, but this office is made up of mostly younger people and this is kind of making me feel awkward, like an outcast, and like I don't fit in.

 

 

I cant explain why co workers would behave this way.....it is impolite and must feel awkward for you....i would offer you this advice ignore them .....honestly you get on with everyone else so don't feel like an outcast because two women are being dicks for some unknown reason.... make a point to not look at them....be the person you are and dont change for anyone....now if i were an employee there, me being the person i am and a female would happily call them out i despise rudeness and i would with all respect make them uncomfortable .... .....what happened to making it easy for the new guy normally that is the way.........but seeing you are new there concentrate on building a rapport with worthwhile colleagues someone will call them out eventually, love your work your life and building friendships and let that show through..karrrrrrrrma will deal with the rest..best wishes in your new job.....deb

[Frank13]

I cant explain why co workers would behave this way.....it is impolite and must feel awkward for you....i would offer you this advice ignore them .....honestly you get on with everyone else so don't feel like an outcast because two women are being dicks for some unknown reason.... make a point to not look at them....be the person you are and dont change for anyone....now if i were an employee there, me being the person i am and a female would happily call them out i despise rudeness and i would with all respect make them uncomfortable .... .....what happened to making it easy for the new guy normally that is the way.........but seeing you are new there concentrate on building a rapport with worthwhile colleagues someone will call them out eventually, love your work your life and building friendships and let that show through..karrrrrrrrma will deal with the rest..best wishes in your new job.....deb

 

Thanks deb. I was pretty much ignoring them anyway and as time went on, they have become people I wouldn't want to know anyway. At this point, if they tried to talk to me, I think I would blow them off.

 

We tend to like people who we think like us and dislike people who we think dislike us. Where I am indifferent about people who just ignore me, I have come to dislike these two women because that is the vibe I get from them. I don't think about it much or waste my energy disliking them. They have just made it natural for me to do so when I see them.

 

Thanks again for your advice.

[turnera]

It's been around 5 months and I haven't bothered or tried to talk to these women, so I should appear pretty harmless, yet they still act the same.

So you've had 5 months to ASK them, and haven't. *shrug*

 

More than likely, one of them knows someone who knows you (and probably doesn't like you), who gave them 'intel' that turned them against you before they even met you. Not worth your time, in that case.

[phoenixflyhigh]

Interesting....

[KungFuJoe]

Um...how about who gives a ****? How's that for an answer?

 

Seriously. Maybe you remind them of an ex..maybe you remind them of a serial killer. Maybe they can't look at you because you are too attractive. Maybe they can't look at you because you make them want to puke.

 

Holy crap people, there are a million things more important in life than wondering why someone won't look you in the eye.

 

The question you guys need to be asking yourself isn't "why isn't she looking at me"...it's "why do I care?"

[Frank13]

So you've had 5 months to ASK them, and haven't. *shrug*

 

They aren't wprth my time. It is their issue so they can deal with it.

 

More than likely, one of them knows someone who knows you (and probably doesn't like you), who gave them 'intel' that turned them against you before they even met you. Not worth your time, in that case.

 

I'd say the odds of that are pretty impossible. If that were the case I would think that more women would be like them towards me or that their behavior would have started after I had been there a while instead of from day one.

 

Either way, not worth my time. You're right about that.

[Frank13]

Um...how about who gives a ****? How's that for an answer?

 

Seriously. Maybe you remind them of an ex..maybe you remind them of a serial killer. Maybe they can't look at you because you are too attractive. Maybe they can't look at you because you make them want to puke.

 

Holy crap people, there are a million things more important in life than wondering why someone won't look you in the eye.

 

The question you guys need to be asking yourself isn't "why isn't she looking at me"...it's "why do I care?"

 

Apparently you cared enough to respond. And the question isn't why they don't look, but why the deliberately look away. It was just curiosity that made me post the question. I never intended for the thread to get to 5 pages but people are having fun with it so what is the big deal?

[todreaminblue]

Thanks deb. I was pretty much ignoring them anyway and as time went on, they have become people I wouldn't want to know anyway. At this point, if they tried to talk to me, I think I would blow them off.

 

We tend to like people who we think like us and dislike people who we think dislike us. Where I am indifferent about people who just ignore me, I have come to dislike these two women because that is the vibe I get from them. I don't think about it much or waste my energy disliking them. They have just made it natural for me to do so when I see them.

 

Thanks again for your advice.

 

You are welcome for the advice....when it comes to situations that I find negative I always try and put a positive spin on it......here is my spin for you......you will always try your best to be a colleague who is a positive pleasure to work with, because you know what its like to work with negative colleagues who suck on lemons for fun......best wishes in your career.....deb