Terrorblade Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Nice to see WilsonX active. I have never talked to him, but his posts on GIGS were a life saver when I went through a similar situation (I was the dumpee)
Author safetyv Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 I know I cant flirt forever. She probably doesnt even know how i really feel, the last time i mentioned anything to do with feelings i was drunk and had been a complete ass that night. so what is the verdict? i realise im going to have to make my feelings clear but i would prefer that i do this in person, dont lay it on her heavy i.e. instead of saying things like "i love you baby take me back" i would rather be casual about it and say something more like "we were amazing together so lets start over. let me take you out next week" or something less intense anyway. but at the same time i would really like to rebuild a bit of rapport with her beforehand to evoke a few of those good ole feelings to resurface. what is the best way to approach this situation? i think i may txt her tonight and see how she responds after i kinda snobbed her today
Author safetyv Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 note: after reading caliguy's no contat thread i start to get the feeling that it is my job to WIN her back? as i am the dumper and she went nc on me. every attempt ive made toward her thus far has either been pathetic and desperate or whilst drunk... how does a girl want a guy to come back to her? because i have been playing games and i am getting the feeling this isnt the right way to go about it. maybe i should watch the notebook or something.
Jadempk Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Sorry I am not sure what you can do to win someone back, I have never had to. The Notebook seems like a great place to start The Vow is another good one. If my ex wanted me back he would have to be happy, know his place in life and what he wants from it, what he wants in a future together, what he wants from me and a romantic gesture or two wouldn't go astray....but ultimately if you are the dumpee you do not want to be dumped again. Period.
Author safetyv Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 i think i just need to make more of an effort. as far as i can tell she has feelings that she is just supressing otherwise she would be with someone else by now and not be talking to me and my family (turns out she spoke to my sister last night). what if i stop playing the mind games and start being a little more forward in a non needy way, if i can be a more predominant part of her life then i am almost certain that i can get her back... oh and last night while he was drunk my ex's brother told me that he thinks of me as basically his best friend. i told him i still have feelings for his sister today and hope that wont get in the way of our friendship and he said he has mine and hers best interests in mind and was all for it. i just need to stop being scared of getting hurt because being scared in itself is hurting me. 1
rob_h Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 i think i just need to make more of an effort. as far as i can tell she has feelings that she is just supressing otherwise she would be with someone else by now and not be talking to me and my family (turns out she spoke to my sister last night). what if i stop playing the mind games and start being a little more forward in a non needy way, if i can be a more predominant part of her life then i am almost certain that i can get her back... oh and last night while he was drunk my ex's brother told me that he thinks of me as basically his best friend. i told him i still have feelings for his sister today and hope that wont get in the way of our friendship and he said he has mine and hers best interests in mind and was all for it. i just need to stop being scared of getting hurt because being scared in itself is hurting me. Do you mind me asking what your ex been up to since you broke up? How are you so certain she hasn't kissed another guy?
Author safetyv Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 ? Oh I am certain she has kissed other guys. In fact I'm almost certain she has slept with other guys. Doesn't phase me too much though seeing as I have slept with someone else aswel. During the drunk argument I remember her saying she's enjoying being chased by other guys. I think she has a few guys chasing her ATM to be honest. Uum in terms of life as far as I can tell she has been studying and working a lot and has taken a couple domestic vacations. Been spending a lot of time with her best friend who lives about an hour and a half away so they are always at each others houses...
wilsonx Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 How long has it been since youve wanted her back?
Author safetyv Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 Well it has been on and off. For the first fee months after the breakup I wanted her back. Then I rebounded and didn't want her again until we ended up kissing and then after the argument I went nc on her and actually wasn't interested until she started contacting me. The most recent phase of wanting her back has been a month And a half
wilsonx Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Interesting, do you have days where you want her back and then others where you dont?
rob_h Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Well it has been on and off. For the first fee months after the breakup I wanted her back. Then I rebounded and didn't want her again until we ended up kissing and then after the argument I went nc on her and actually wasn't interested until she started contacting me. The most recent phase of wanting her back has been a month And a half When was your first thought about wanting to break up with her? You know you mentioned you had mulled it over for a couple months before breaking it off? Well how long ago was that?
Author safetyv Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 The only time I think I don't want her I know deep down is to protect either my ego or my feelings because I'm scared she doesn't want the same. And I remember first thinking about breaking up with her around a year ago, so April marchish last year. We broke up the first time early June.
wilsonx Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Do you have any other fears? What about other things you want in life? Which is a priority to you?
Author safetyv Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Well sometimes I think that it would be easier to give up than to hold on but that just aligns with my already mentioned fears. In terms of life goals I am a bit over half way through my degree as is she so that is really tying me down to where I live. I do want to travel when I finish university but she does aswel so I don't really see that as a problem, after that I guess I haven't thought about too much My life goals are sort of to see and experience as much of the world as I can. One day get a Job, get married, the usual stuff.
Author safetyv Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 So I txtd her about twenty minutes go just to say that I won't be at work tonight if she was planning on going in and I got a brief reply so I tried to keep the convo going and she just didn't reply. These are the times when I think one of two things -give up. You are putting yourself through unnecessary pain -go all out God I hate this! I also think things like "well im constantly changing my mind about how I feel about her, she is entitled to do the same" but I still feel helpless.
wilsonx Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 I also think things like "well im constantly changing my mind about how I feel about her, she is entitled to do the same" but I still feel helpless. This is the "BOUNCE" I talk about. It sucks and I still have this thought process from time to time. Do you paint her black at all, say negative things to yourself about her?
Author safetyv Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Nah I still hold a high opinion of her. I really struggle to think negatively of her actually... I just think things like "well she's not interested move on and stop being pathetic" or "your wasting your time and ruining her perception of you". The thing is if one of my best friends is late replying to a txt or doesn't at all I don't think "oh gosh we must not be friends anymore" this is just annoying!
Author safetyv Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 I can't live like this. Any sort of direction would be hugely appreciated
wilsonx Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 It's miserable. I haven't figured it out yet. Talk to her, see where she is? Stop playing text games 1
rob_h Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Nah I still hold a high opinion of her. I really struggle to think negatively of her actually... I just think things like "well she's not interested move on and stop being pathetic" or "your wasting your time and ruining her perception of you". The thing is if one of my best friends is late replying to a txt or doesn't at all I don't think "oh gosh we must not be friends anymore" this is just annoying! Mate i feel for you, this is exactly what i think too!! Like who gives a second thought when their best friend doesn't reply.. Hang in there, things will fall into place in your head eventually
zerovandez Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 You and I are in the same boat. My ex and I were broken up for 3 years from a 10 year relationship. I allowed her to come back into my life and we've been talking for about 2 years now. Yes, we've had intimate contact and discussed many many things. Even a future together. We did baby talk each other and it seemed like things were going in the direction of the better for us. It seemed as if she was happy. But her excuse was always that she's not ready to be commited to anyone. She likes to be chased but not ready to settle down. If there was one person she would like to setle down with, it would be me (at least that's what she claims) So all of the communication and baby talk has died down just recently. I feel it in my gut that she's ready to move on and out of my life. I'm left in the dark at the present moment and it's not a nice place. The next time she arranges time to see me or even phone me to talk, I need to bring up my thoughts and emotions to her. I have the feeling that I need to put this to rest once and for all, for better or for worse. Am I scared of losing her forever? Yes. But I don't want to live like this anymore; hurt, scared, blind, dumb, and stupid. Whatever the outcome may be, I will have to accept it, rebuild, and move on. I hope for the best for you, friend.
wilsonx Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 She likes to be chased but not ready to settle down. If there was one person she would like to setle down with, it would be me (at least that's what she claims) Then chase her? Make her feel special so that she isnt Settling (I should get paid for this advice sometimes)
zerovandez Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) That's the thing. I've been chasing. I've been fighting for her. I've done everything which I felt was right in an attempt to get some kind of answer from her. She tells me that she loves me, that I'm her love, and she can't live without me. I'm all very confused by what she says and what her actions are. My mind and heart are tired of being tired and hurt. At the current moment, she's at coachella having a blast and I have not heard from her in 3 days besides the day she left which was, "I love you too babe." I know she's out there with a few "new" friends an maybe one who peaks her interest. I'm tired of waiting around and feeling like I'm number 2. It's not only these 3 days of no communicating sparking my urge to let it out to her. It's just the overall picture of it all. Honestly, she's been the one initiating all of the contact since her return but keep in mind that she is the one who left me. I do make my own contributions but not as frequent if you want to compare. I don't feel like she's chasing, more like just leading me on at this point. i'm just a mess right now with all of this.... Edited April 23, 2012 by zerovandez
wilsonx Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) Interesting, we are trying to figure it out. I think its because you are too readily available and needy. Back off a bit. Let her chase you. Stop telling her you love her, she knows it already. Be reluctant to hang out with her, answer her calls, texts at times. Become attractive and more then a friend again in her eyes. Make her become a hot mess Error on the side of being an ass hole, she will respect you more. Edited April 23, 2012 by wilsonx
Author safetyv Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Ok wishy washy changing my mind from day to day isn't working for me. I decided on two occasions now that i would get over her and I actually got really close. So that is what I am going to do. I broke up with her for a reason and pretending I could ignore those reasons is immature, there is no need to put either of us through any more heart ache than I already have and so therefore it is not worth pursuing any longer. I am going to do my absolute best to stick to this position. 1
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