Mme. Chaucer Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I think I could be happy at last if I could only get an ear reduction.
Ariadne Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I've read books on "thinking positive," and the fact is, they're bull****. They don't hold intellectual water. They're feel-good and superficial. You can listen to these talks about developing a good heart. It's about putting other people first so you are not thinking about "number one" the whole time. It will also make you a happier and more "positive" person.
zengirl Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I've read books on "thinking positive," and the fact is, they're bull****. They don't hold intellectual water. They're feel-good and superficial. They are the book form of the theory that you should stick your head in the sand. They don't teach you to deal with negativity or reality (unless your reality is perfect), they teach you to stick your fingers in your ears and go "Lalala." Some aren't great. All the ones I listed REALLY do teach you how to deal with negative things that happen and reality. Being positive is really not about pretending everything is great -- but I've told you that and you don't want to hear it. I've never found any use in a book that suggested I stick my head in the sand, but the books I listed in my list are positive thinking books that did me good. Here's another one: The Power of Now. Granted, it's a little too new agey in tone for my taste, but it has some good core ideas. Here's the example I always come back to. What if you're a bad person. You're selfish, you're narcissistic, you lack responsibility. Books centered around positive thinking would have you ignore these flaws about yourself. "Focus on the good!" "Tell yourself you're a good person." But... you're not a good person. By focusing on "being positive," you are excusing yourself from actually feeling the consequences of your flaws, and thus wanting to change them. Not really. Books on REAL positive thinking would endeavor to show you how to change into a positive and good person. Granted, not all books are equal or work for any individual, but again, that's not my experience with becoming more positive and whole---it's a lot of work, sure, and it involves REALLY changing, sure, but that means you become a better person you can be proud of if that's the issue. Beating yourself up and tearing yourself down will never, ever lead to self-improvement; that's just not how it works. People need encouragement and empowerment to improve in a positive and productive manner. . . that's been scientifically proven. It's why you educate children in a positive and supportive environment; there's actually research that backs up the need for positive and empowering experiences and attitudes. Accepting yourself as you are means you run a serious risk of never feeling the need to improve. Why try to get better-you're already awesome! Why worry about your flaws-you're automatically a good person! No. That's not what acceptance is. Not at all. Acceptance is just accepting what is; it is not saying it must always be. It is just stripping away the pain. If you want to change, then change. All the pain comes from not changing, and all it is doing is telling you to change. The pain itself isn't helping you improve. If you never move AWAY from the pain, you will never improve. Negative thinking can be dangerous, but so can positive thinking, because it doesn't encourage self-reflection or raw honesty. That's not true. Many posters here have told me I wasn't being very "Zen" sometimes when I was being raw and honest, but honestly positive thinking can be very raw and very honest and involve a lot of self-reflection. Positive is just speaking to the direction the thoughts are going. And, again, no one is suggesting you begin thinking you're a supermodel who's entitled to line up dates every night of the week. You are very, very extreme, V, and that's a big part of your negativity and fixation. You need to find some middle path really fast. I don't want to be sitting in my 30's, alone, thinking I'm fantastic, if the truth is I have some serious flaw that I'm ignoring (in the name of thinking positively!) that's keeping me from a relationship. I would rather deal with the unpleasant truth of me now, then cultivate some idealistic image that I use to delude myself. Nobody is saying to stop improving yourself. Just stop being Eyeore about it all and beating yourself up and saying it's impossible. As to your looks---it's hard for those of us who have SEEN PICTURES to imagine you look like you fell off the ugly truck. Hey, you aren't a supermodel, but you look above average. Many ugly people find love anyway, so even if you were ugly, you'd have to be downright hideous for that to be the only thing you could potentially do to get a better dating life. Have you TRIED being positive? Truly tried? And, again, what have you got to lose in being even slightly more positive? Is what you're doing working? And if that unpleasant truth is who I am is unsuited to a relationship, well, better I figure that out now than later. Well, just accept that then. If you want to give up, then give up. There is no 'how.' There is only the choice to do it. You don't need a step-by-step list to give up. But it's not your looks that make it impossible because loads of girls who are WAY less attractive than you are in relationships. They just are. I think lowly of my looks because of my experiences. I'd charge anyone to go through the things I did and feel differently. Because these critiques on my appearance come from other people, people who are not malicious by nature, I take that as evidence that it is NOT my self-perception that is off. If everyone else says the sky is green, then it must be green. But, again, everyone doesn't say you're ugly. Zengirl, that endless list is just too much work. How would anyone even get through their day? I tried most of that years ago and it didn't work for me. Well, it wasn't a suggestion to do it ALL. Just pick some stuff. But I will say my straightening out my mind took work and takes work daily. That's what makes it concrete. I think anything worth having takes some work, but since that's one of my beliefs, it's probably true for me. I have no issues with other people, including V, finding something else that works for them. When you eliminate your negative core beliefs, which are controlling your behavior, feelings and thoughts, the Lefkoe Method automatically and subconsciously changes your thinking. That's why I liked it because I'm a lazy person. It worked so well the very first time that I didn't realize it until months later when I found I wasn't having the same knee-jerk reaction to situations I'd had my entire life. That sudden realization literally stopped me in my tracks for a moment and brought me to tears because if it had been invented when I was young, I'd have had a much happier life. I still don't buy into that method, but it's okay. I still think it'd be way healthier for V to do that than what she's currently doing. Laziness has never made me happy, though; different temperaments. The website looks like a scam to me and I could never get behind such a plan, but if it worked for you, more power to you! I think anything that works for an individual is worth discussing. It doesn't cost thousands of dollars because unlike regular therapy you don't go for months (or decades, like Woody Allen). Well, ideally in regular therapy you don't go for decades. Months seems about right. New thought patterns take time to sink in---at least according to research. I'm a research girl. But to each their own, really.
ThaWholigan Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I've read books on "thinking positive," and the fact is, they're bull****. They don't hold intellectual water. They're feel-good and superficial. They are the book form of the theory that you should stick your head in the sand. They don't teach you to deal with negativity or reality (unless your reality is perfect), they teach you to stick your fingers in your ears and go "Lalala." Here's the example I always come back to. What if you're a bad person. You're selfish, you're narcissistic, you lack responsibility. Books centered around positive thinking would have you ignore these flaws about yourself. "Focus on the good!" "Tell yourself you're a good person." But... you're not a good person. By focusing on "being positive," you are excusing yourself from actually feeling the consequences of your flaws, and thus wanting to change them. Accepting yourself as you are means you run a serious risk of never feeling the need to improve. Why try to get better-you're already awesome! Why worry about your flaws-you're automatically a good person! Negative thinking can be dangerous, but so can positive thinking, because it doesn't encourage self-reflection or raw honesty. It's easy to be honest about positive stuff. Positive stuff makes us feel good. But sometimes, we have to face unpleasant and difficult truths about ourselves, in order to become better people. There's a really fantastic book," Bright-Sided: How The Relentless Pursuit of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America" that explains it a lot better than I can (though on a social, as opposed to personal, level.) I don't want to be sitting in my 30's, alone, thinking I'm fantastic, if the truth is I have some serious flaw that I'm ignoring (in the name of thinking positively!) that's keeping me from a relationship. I would rather deal with the unpleasant truth of me now, then cultivate some idealistic image that I use to delude myself. And if that unpleasant truth is who I am is unsuited to a relationship, well, better I figure that out now than later. I think lowly of my looks because of my experiences. I'd charge anyone to go through the things I did and feel differently. Because these critiques on my appearance come from other people, people who are not malicious by nature, I take that as evidence that it is NOT my self-perception that is off. If everyone else says the sky is green, then it must be green. That response was rather extraordinary. So what would you say is realistic thinking? I know tons of people who are much worse looking than you who are in relationships with people, from women to men. I don't know how all these people have been telling you that you are ugly, it doesn't make any sense. Your whole issue doesn't make sense to me really. Being realistic entails embracing the positive things about you while aiming to improve the areas you feel are lacking. It's not easy to at least uplift yourself from thinking so low of yourself, but you do have to try. It would have been easy for me to allow myself to think I was ugly and would never get laid or gain the skills I am currently gaining. I was a special needs kid, everybody thought I was weird and I was an easy target because of that. It's still easy and tempting to fall into that mindset now. The difference was I had to embrace all that was great about me. It wasn't about ignoring the flaws about me. It was about accepting that they were there and doing something about it. I had to map out what I had, and what I could gain. So I thought about all the things that had a negative effect on me: Being autistic and dyspraxic, being unfit, being broke and unemployed, even being a bit of a mummy's boy to an extent, much as I loathe to admit it. Then I mapped out the positives: ability to learn new skills, my creativity, my willpower, my strength and raw physique, my thirst for knowledge and an amiable nature. Then I mapped out what I had to do about it, which was simply to be proactive and busy: Get fit, find ways to make money, learn how to be an adept conversationalist and finally, to become more empathic. Now, there was no guarantee I would be able to do any of the things I am doing now. They said I would be in a language unit and not able to talk properly. Now I am a highly capable emcee . They said my gait was clumsy, now I can play sports adequately and soon will get much fitter. I'm on the brink of learning how to make money effectively and find a few oddjobs here and there, as well as my music. I'm now a multi-instrumentalist and a beat-maker/audio engineer, so I can do these things also. In fact, the only thing on my list that seems pretty difficult at the moment.......is getting laid . I'm not worried about that, my time will come soon enough. If I am capable of all the things I can do now, I see no reason why you cannot overcome your struggles. I believe you can do it, but maybe it's not just about "being positive" for you. Maybe it's as simple as looking at it from another angle. There is something that you may be missing. I can't tell you what it is, but it's possible. Don't give up yet.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 ThaWholigan, I know this is OT, but I just want to tell you that I think you seem like a very admirable young man on every front, including your ability to think things through clearly and articulate them well here on LS. You have a great attitude, too. I predict a good and fulfilling life for you!
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Do you think those things about me too? It doesn't matter what you think because I will not be a Consolation Prize here on LS. I'm number 1! Just like my country the USA! eat it yum yum Dust, you are a very precious stud muffin, and I am sure you will attain the highest pinnacles of success in all your endeavors, including prodigious sexual conquests, in your journey through life. Do you really sport the mohawk?
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Now, excuse me, please. I am going to try to perform the ear reduction I so desperately need on myself, right now. My husband might be home tonight and I am sure he'd rather be returning to the welcoming embrace of Megan Fox than to a cranky middle aged old harridan with her leg in a cast and hairy armpits. I'm tired of being a consolation prize, too. My age I can't change, but ear size? That's a different story altogether. I'll report back later.
Author verhrzn Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 That response was rather extraordinary. So what would you say is realistic thinking? I know tons of people who are much worse looking than you who are in relationships with people, from women to men. I don't know how all these people have been telling you that you are ugly, it doesn't make any sense. Your whole issue doesn't make sense to me really. There's a very easy answer for that... they are not as unattractive as you think they are, or I am less attractive than you seem to think I am. Being realistic entails embracing the positive things about you while aiming to improve the areas you feel are lacking. It's not easy to at least uplift yourself from thinking so low of yourself, but you do have to try. If I am capable of all the things I can do now, I see no reason why you cannot overcome your struggles. I believe you can do it, but maybe it's not just about "being positive" for you. Maybe it's as simple as looking at it from another angle. There is something that you may be missing. I can't tell you what it is, but it's possible. Don't give up yet. That's why I want to get surgery... to fix what's wrong. I am very happy to hear that you've found success and improved the way you want, but, you are you, and I am not you. You have positives to balance out your negatives. I... don't so much. I have a rather neutral personality. I don't learn quickly. I'm not very creative. I have an average set of work skills. My only positive is that my parents instilled in me a disgustingly harsh work ethic in regards to having a job. And that I can clean really well when I'm not lazy. So, if there are no positives to focus on, how can you focus on positives? Actual, concrete suggestions: (1) Read the Tao of Dating (for Women), the Tao of Pooh, and the Tao Te Ching (in that order) and try to understand the concepts of Taoism, as they apply to dating and self. I've read the Tao of Pooh, and this may not surprise you, but I wasn't a fan. I found it kind of anti-intellectual. Like this quote: "If knowledge and cleverness are allowed to go on wrecking things, they will before much longer destroy all life in earth as we know it, and what little may temporarily survive, will not be wort looking at, even if it would somehow be possible for us to do so". Since I'm a big fan of knowledge and cleverness, that rubbed me very much the wrong way. I LIKE thinking, and figuring stuff out. Granted, I have not studied Taoism at all, but if "Pooh" was an example, then it seems my natural inclination is at strong odds with the philosophy of Tao, so trying to squeeze myself into that mindset might not work for me.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I challenge anyone who has read more than a few of the OP's posts to read this and tell me she doesn't have this. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder
kaylan Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 (edited) Its amazing the legs that negative threads get to run with on this forum. In just a day this thread has 20 pages, even though its the same story over and over again with you guys arguing back and forth with V. Meanwhile when I create positive threads, they die after a few pages. Im convinced some people here dont want to be happy. EDIT: I might as well stop giving realistic and positive advice to people and try the opposite--being negative and seeing if that creates a better reaction since people ignore positive advice on this forum. How about narcissistic threads touting how happy I am with my life? Itd be a perfect contrast to the self pity I read so much of on these boards. Its one thing for someone to get into the occasional rut here and there, but its far different when our regular posters have the same negative attitudes all the time. Dont you want to feel happy? Edited February 14, 2012 by kaylan
Author verhrzn Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 Its amazing the legs that negative threads get to run with on this forum. In just a day this thread has 20 pages, even though its the same story over and over again with you guys arguing back and forth with V. Meanwhile when I create positive threads, they die after a few pages. Im convinced some people here dont want to be happy. Well maybe that's also the thing about "being positive." There's not much to say. "Things are great!" "That's great!" *Silence* There are a couple of fascinating anthropological studies that show complaining is a bonding experience, gossip helps tie a community together, and humans feel more closeness in times of adversity and strife than in happy situations. Also in a twisted way, I think me being "negative" about myself makes other people feel better about themselves. It's like my friend who always invites me along to the bars when she's having an "ugly" day. She knows once we get there, she's gonna get hit on and I'm gonna be ignored, and my negativity and jealousy reinforce her positive experience.
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Since I'm a big fan of knowledge and cleverness, that rubbed me very much the wrong way. I LIKE thinking, and figuring stuff out. Granted, I have not studied Taoism at all, but if "Pooh" was an example, then it seems my natural inclination is at strong odds with the philosophy of Tao, so trying to squeeze myself into that mindset might not work for me. Zen and the Tao seem anti-intellectual only in that they attempt to show you how to suppress the intellect, i.e. clear your mind, when it's getting in the way of you being free to take action and pay attention to your instincts and senses. It's not an all-encompassing philosophy--just a tool you pull out when your thoughts are becoming destructive, causing you pain, or preventing you from reaching your goals. If you're one of the lucky few who can look at the world calmly and rationally and don't allow negative thinking to cloud your judgment or ability to take action, you've already reached the same point without taking that particular path to enlightenment. Rarely do I meet such people. Once you've mastered the philosophy, you're free to think with as much creativity and complexity as you like. It's only anti-intellectual until you've gotten the hang of it.
ScreamingTrees Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I challenge anyone who has read more than a few of the OP's posts to read this and tell me she doesn't have this. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder From someone who was said to have the same thing by close family members (and someone who has gotten over it) I can agree. It is a shame that positive threads get ignored.. But for me, personally, I usually just read them and don't feel the need to reply because I might agree or feel good about what I'm reading, whereas I can find a thread where I'm thinking "WTF is going on?" and feel compelled to help someone. I can see that this is very difficult for some individuals, but eventually SOMEONE might start to make sense to the person getting ready to jump. Verz, if you have no positives, create them. That's all you can do in life, is TRY. For example, if you stop brushing your teeth, they'll only start to look like you've got a mouth full of corn. But if you brush every day, even if your teeth don't whiten, they won't get worse.
ThaWholigan Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Zen and the Tao seem anti-intellectual only in that they attempt to show you how to suppress the intellect, i.e. clear your mind, when it's getting in the way of you being free to take action and pay attention to your instincts and senses. It's not an all-encompassing philosophy--just a tool you pull out when your thoughts are becoming destructive, causing you pain, or preventing you from reaching your goals. If you're one of the lucky few who can look at the world calmly and rationally and don't allow negative thinking to cloud your judgment or ability to take action, you've already reached the same point without taking that particular path to enlightenment. Rarely do I meet such people. Once you've mastered the philosophy, you're free to think with as much creativity and complexity as you like. It's only anti-intellectual until you've gotten the hang of it. Allow me the small if slightly off topic elaboration on that theory: I learned a very valuable lesson when I was playing piano at 12 years old. I used to think about what I was playing and make many mistakes. I had taught myself with no lessons up to that point and I didn't know how to proceed onto becoming a stellar pianist and composer, but I kept making mistakes and getting angry. I was telegraphing everything I was doing. Until, I spoke to one of my half-brothers who is pretty much a carbon copy of me except he isn't autistic, has a very explosive temperament and is MUCH better with girls . He said when he plays, he doesn't think about it, he lets his hands do the talking. I thought about it, and I started to practice with this in mind. I stopped thinking about the next note and magically, it got easier to play without making mistakes. It flowed much easier, I was even able to improvise and compose to the level I so wished at that age. It didn't suppress any of my knowledge or my analytical understanding of music or what I was playing, I was simply in the zone. I'm trying to be in that zone all the time these days, I lost my mojo for a bit but I'm getting it back..... The Power Of Now book by Eckhart Tolle explains that the mind is merely a tool and when we identify with the egoic mind and rely on it more than our "true self", then we concede control over our lives to our emotions. Using the mind as a tool instead of allowing it to control us actually makes it easier to use our minds and our intellect effectively and much more fluently than before. A concept that I am getting used to and actually getting a bit of headway!
ThaWholigan Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 ThaWholigan, I know this is OT, but I just want to tell you that I think you seem like a very admirable young man on every front, including your ability to think things through clearly and articulate them well here on LS. You have a great attitude, too. I predict a good and fulfilling life for you! Thank you kindly . I think my words and my insight precede the person I actually am currently. I would say my words reflect the man I am trying to become. Its amazing the legs that negative threads get to run with on this forum. In just a day this thread has 20 pages, even though its the same story over and over again with you guys arguing back and forth with V. Meanwhile when I create positive threads, they die after a few pages. Im convinced some people here dont want to be happy. EDIT: I might as well stop giving realistic and positive advice to people and try the opposite--being negative and seeing if that creates a better reaction since people ignore positive advice on this forum. How about narcissistic threads touting how happy I am with my life? Itd be a perfect contrast to the self pity I read so much of on these boards. Its one thing for someone to get into the occasional rut here and there, but its far different when our regular posters have the same negative attitudes all the time. Dont you want to feel happy? I agree with you here Kaylan. I liked your threads and contributed to them almost all the time, only to see them disappear off the main page within a few days.
counterman Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 verhrzn, I'm very tempted to fly over there and devote my life to making you happy. It'll be a challenge but we'll make it. In all seriousness, I wonder how things turned out like this for you? All this negativity... One of my close friends is like this and it's unbearable. It's hard to be around someone like that and let me tell you it doesn't make me feel better knowing that I'm a lot more positive than he is.
FitChick Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I spoke to one of my half-brothers who is pretty much a carbon copy of me except he isn't autistic Who ever told you that you were autistic? These are some symptoms: Resistance to change Difficulty expressing needs (pointing instead of using words) Repetitive use of words / phrases Laughing / crying for no apparent reason Preference to being alone (often aloof) Throws constant tantrums Difficulty socializing / mixing with others Avoids eye contact Obsessive attachment to objects No real fear of Danger Spinning / flicking objects Over / Under sensitivity to pain Uneven gross / fine motor skills Non-responsive to verbal-cues
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Who ever told you that you were autistic? These are some symptoms: I'm pretty sure he is well informed about his own diagnosed condition. Have you read his past posts? He's been dealing with it since childhood.
FitChick Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I'm pretty sure he is well informed about his own diagnosed condition. Have you read his past posts? He's been dealing with it since childhood. Plenty of people are misdiagnosed with all sorts of illnesses and conditions. The mental health community is notorious for labeling everything as a syndrome, condition or disease. There is a growing protest over this practice. Read and learn. My opinion is that Big Pharma is behind all these new diseases appearing out of nowhere because coincidentally they have the cure! Fancy that!
ScreamingTrees Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 It's likely that the difference between someone with mere social issues and someone with high-functioning autism is that the people with social issues are only under-developed because of a lack of initiative on their part to really change and grow comfortable with something they never were inclined towards, whereas someone with even a slight degree of autism might naturally experience more difficulty even WITH effort, determination, and a desire to improve, no? I have a lot of respect for anyone who can rise above any handicaps or limitations and succeed regardless. Would've never imagined that Wholi had a mild form of autism, going by the first few posts I'd read from him.. At least, until he'd addressed it in a post. It doesn't seem to affect him nearly as much as it might've, as far as we all can tell, so it's all good! I agree with you, Fit. Sounds plausible.
Leigh 87 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 If your unnattractive or average, you have to be an exceptional person, for a guy to want you badly. Plenty of people who are not beautiful, are such amazing people: they have many guys who all think that they are LUCKY to have landed, these " average" girls, with exceptional personalities:) A girl DOES NOT have to be " HOT", in order for a guy to thin that they are their number 1, most desirable choice. ONLY SHALLOW GUYS. Seriously. Yes, all guys are attracted to good looing women, however; the ones who want a quality, happy relationship, accept that there are normal looking, yet amazing girls out there, who will make them very happy. I am disgusted that guys can be like this. Sure, if a guy wants a FLING, it is normal to have looks as the central focus. It is just sex, after all. HOwever, some guys are shallow, and they equate a great looking ' hot' girl, as something that will make them a better girlfriend. There IS nothing wrong with loving attractive people. However, hear this... MY boyfriend, prefers fit, tanned, thin, attractive girls, with pretty faces. He appreciates a physically attractive girl. A lot. However, he also enjoyes to be around girls, who are amazing to be around. He says he would rather be around a girl, in a relationship, who makes him the most happy: he would rather pick the girl he enjoys BEING around, based on her personality..... My boyfriend, like many other guys, CAN LOVE great looks!! That is pretty much a given. However, when coming to seek a long term partner, LOOKS ARE A BONUS.
Leigh 87 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I actually am very sensitive about this issue. I hate the fact that I am not that good looking. Better looking people will get way more guys attention, however: It is who you are, that gets a guy to F ALL IN LOVE with you. Sure, MOST guys will notice the beautiful girl before you.. However, it is possible to be such a great person, that once the guy HAS A CONVERSATION with you, u could WIN HIM OVER, ABOVE AND BEYOND the 5 hot chicks he encounters,...... Remember, WORK ON YOURSELF! If your a great version of your unique self, a guy will pic U as nunmber one, after they meet u:) In my opinion, if a girl shows herself to be awesome after the first few conversations, a guy can tell quickly if you are MORE WORTHY, of a hotter but less enternaining girl....
ScreamingTrees Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I'd say that most average (attractive) girls have the same self esteem issues that most average (attractive) guys do. Get over yourself, you're most likely not unattractive, especially if you've got a boyfriend. Don't blame your looks for any difficulty you have, unless you look like the elephant (wo)man or literally weigh like 250 lbs. at 5'2.. Few people truly have unattractive (grossly asymetrical, morbidly obese, prematurely aged, fake looking, deformed ect.) faces. Some people are ugly because they'd chosen to abuse drugs throughout their lives or undergone plastic surgery or used eating as a coping mechanism or whatever self-destructive choices they'd made. Some people were born with terrible physical deformities that cannot be helped. Average people do not, for the most part, regularly turn heads - that doesn't mean that they're unattractive. If you GO for something, you might get it. Show someone what's INSIDE - it doesn't matter if you're beautiful or truly ugly, if you've got nothing inside and you're looking to be with someone who does, they probably won't be truly interested in you as a person. And unless you were born with such a deformity, I think it'd be a disservice to the truly unfortunate if you were to claim to be anything less than attractive. You've successfully attracted others to you. And Verz. Few people truly fall below the average, and few truly are above the average. Average is attractive, and also subjective. A great deal of attraction is mentally driven - how does the range of attraction extend to such fringe fetishes that are out there? How are some people seemingly attracted to physical pain? It's all in their minds. And everyone's mind is different and perceives things differently..
Leigh 87 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I have read more of this thread, and I really want to stress to the OP: Learn to LOVE YOURSELF, first. VERY FEW WOMEN, are attractive enough, to just WOW a guy!!!! MOST people, get a guy to fall for them, AFTER they meet, and get to know each other!!!!!!!!! You are NEVER going to get a guys attention and get them to seek you ou tin a croud, and go up and think your a great option, based on YOUR LOOKS - you are obviously not super attractive; EVRY FEW OF US ARE. The problem with YOU, is that you do not think your awesome enough for a guy to want to be with yoU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VERY FEW women, are gorgeous enough, look wise - to get a guy to look at them accross the room - and get a guy to LUST after them, and DEAPLY DESIRE them, BEFORE they even get to KNOW THE GIRL... Seriously!!!!!! PLEASE SEE COUNCELLING - LEARN ways to BETTER YOURSELF. Learn a language. Make yourself an interesting, quality version iof yourself! Are you funny? Do u love to laugh? Learn to be happy with who u are and celebrate it! trust me, GIVE THE GUYS A CHANCE TO GET TO KNOW U, before expecting them to FALL FOR YOU. Guess what? I was once very attractive; very skinny, huge butt and boobs ( 110 lbs, thick long blonde hair, nice teeth, huge boobs and butt...) BUT I had NO PERSONALITY. My boyfriend was not enamoured by my, based on my looks alone. It was only after, 6 months down the track, he fell in love with me, and started to see me as a girl that was awesome. I have gained about 18 pounds since I met him ( 8 kilos), but he likes me more than ever - because it is ME HE fell hard for. NOT the fact I was INITIAL beautiful to him. Beauty gets the guys attention., Great. however, deap, lasting love, comes from getting to know the girl...... Beautiful people get the first date, hwoever; falling in love, comes for ALL girls, beautiful or average, ONLY AFTER the guy gets to know them!
ScreamingTrees Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 People in general don't give a crap unless you give them a reason to give a crap, I suppose.
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