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should I win her back?


c0nfuzd

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I wouldn't be surprised turnera

 

now, do I go after alimony or not? she makes significantly more than I. If the situation was reversed, there is no doubt in my mind she would seek it.

 

I am not going after custody; will leave it up to the kids if they want 2 live with me

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I have always had a job and more than paid my share. I have never compromised my children's welfare for my habit. I've never taken any of her money to feed my drug addiction (not once). Never dealt with police or the judiciary system. I did have a drug problem but it never impacted my family financially, but definitely emotionally.

 

And yes, without therapy I agree there is no way we can fix our situation. But much like a drug addict, for any therapy to be successful, the user has to want to be helped. I do believe I have taken steps to show that I do want to make this work. She however has chosen not to. The excuse "it's too late" is bogus in our situation. There are kids involved. The fact they want us together is meaningless to her. These kids will feel the brunt of her decision. I have done everything in my power to be as involved as possible in their lives. When I can no longer see my kids daily, there is no way anyone can say that I am still a part of their lives. At best, I will see them once a month, maybe once every two weeks.

 

I have made my peace with this. Any other man would have walked away long ago given my circumstances. Following her dreams is all I have done thus far. It's time to embrace mine.

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Wow, this thread is over a year old now and it looks like nothing changedthe entire time.

 

One day you are going to hate yourself for letting her disrespect you all this time BUT odds are you won't allow this to happen to you again in the future. I was a slow learner myself and a bit stubborn thinking I could convince my W to see the light. It wasn't until afterwards did I discover that the WS only respond to negative re-enforcement. Given the choice of being nice and being an a-hole, the a-hole wins EVERY time.

 

The sad truth is if you had immediately thrown her out of the house the minute you found the A, she would have obsessed with winning you back regardless of how bad she thought the M was. However considering how little she thought of you and marriage in general it is in your best interest to D her so I guess in a way it was good you didn't give her the ole boot. You’d end up stuck still married to her and she would have ended up cheating again in the future.

 

Good luck with the D, take her for all she’s worth since she has been screwing you over all this time anyway.

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