loversquarrel Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 **** her, tell them everything, why not. let them know thier daughter is a useless cheating pig. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 There is no reason to bury the truth. Every reason to tell the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Maybe in the future you'll get a chance..Casually, let it slip out .. Eg: you run into her folks somewhere, just say I'm sorry that the marriage didn't work out and i'm not part of your family anymore..I did my best but it wasn't enough obviously..I hope (insert ex's name here) is happy with her new boyfriend. Shame though that she had to meet someone else while she was still married to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Do love the way posters here try to egg on the fella just so they have their tawdry little updates.. Move on fella, you're not together, she cheated you left, you have the higher moral ground. Find someone else to occupy your time instead of these thoughts of revenge Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 Op, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Doesn't matter what she did, her parents will believe her & hate you for ruining their precious little princesses happily ever after. They will embrace any new guy because she has been demonizing you for a while so nothing you say or do short of a video in YOUR bedroom, time-stamped of her performing acts of debauchery with this man will ever convince them. and even then, they still won't like you. LOL! I tried to save my marriage by going through her dad first & it was useless because he didn't even want to consider she was cheating so I just gave up, got my proof & kicked her out. Don't take her back, don't even meet with her in person without a witness or police officer just get a lawyer and get away as cleanly as possible. I've had a friends wife call the police on him for abuse because he caught her cheating & she didn't want him telling anyone. So be careful, she's written you off & you are now the enemy. You don't have kids so count yourself lucky. In short, Screw 'em. You don't need to deal with them anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
hockeyfan09 Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Don't worry so much about people knowing what happened. It wont change the fact that your ex cheated, and it wont make you feel better. You might think its the principal, but you do need to question your motives here. As other have said.. its been a few years, and the drama that results will only be bad news for you. Her parents might a) think you are a crazy liar.. b)feel bad for their daughter's mistake, and think less of you for dredging up the past. The focus will be on you, which is not good. Just take solace in that shes living a lie.. and was so embarrassed about what she did that she couldn't even tell her parents. That is the best revenge.. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 OP do what YOU feel best. Don't let others influence your actions either here or in real life. I'd personally tell her parents, ask them if they want to see evidence in the least dramatic way possible and then move on. Or send them an email explaining the situation. They may not believe you and may even hate you but the seed of suspicion will always be there for their darling daughter. Save yourself from slandering as well as future boyfriends of hers from being cheated on (who knows, maybe she will think twice in the future before doing that again. I doubt it though. lol). Link to post Share on other sites
Author RaysofHope Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 Told everyone that I could - including work. After this experience, it is true that being a 'bigger man' and just walking away is nothing but a lie to make people who do nothing feel better about doing nothing. Not telling earlier was my biggest mistake. Being a 'bigger man' just means you suffer in silence while everyone else wonders what the hell is wrong with you. Greatest feeling ever getting that **** off my chest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Told everyone that I could - including work. After this experience, it is true that being a 'bigger man' and just walking away is nothing but a lie to make people who do nothing feel better about doing nothing. Not telling earlier was my biggest mistake. Being a 'bigger man' just means you suffer in silence while everyone else wonders what the hell is wrong with you. Greatest feeling ever getting that **** off my chest. We're very different kind of people me and you. Bringing drama into my life doesn't make me feel better. Plus I would have left her a long time ago when I first found out she cheated. Glad you enjoyed the feeling of getting it off your chest. Just imagine what a better feeling it would be if you didn't even worry about that sutff. I mean telling the girls parents after the divorce and years after it happened wouldn't even be on my radar. Going and talking to the people would cause me more anoyance then anything. But to each their own. I think making this thread was just a mistake because you had your mind made up. Just an example of how you feel the need to tell more people. Link to post Share on other sites
lamaman3 Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I'm not sure who would care that your wife cheated on you. What do you expect them to do about it? Put a big scarlet letter on her? We dont live in those times anymore (thankfully in my opinion.) The best people to talk about this with so you could get it off your chest are your friends and family. Why air your dirty laundry with coworkers? If one of my coworkers started telling me intimate details about his failed marriage and wifes sex life I would feel pretty uncomfortable. Her parents dont care about you. She doesn't care anymore. We understand revenge can feel good, but in this case I doing think people particularly care other than your natural support system of friends and family. Get over it, time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Richard Friedman Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I have undeniable proof. I also don't understand what you mean by 'doing the best thing for ourselves'. I'd only be doing my exwife a favour by hanging onto this secret for her while it continues to eat ME up inside. Not telling would be the worst thing I could possibly do for myself. I regret it now and I know I will only regret it even more if I pass this chance up. Why should I keep a secret like this for her sake? If they didn't believe me, at least I'd feel at peace because now I at least know their response. It would bring me closure knowing I'd said what I wanted to say - how they react is up to them. Otherwise, I'd always be living with this as a 'What if?' in my mind. If it makes you feel better and recover, then go ahead. You dont owe her anything. Link to post Share on other sites
chtwf2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I am facing a similar dilema. I have plenty of emotional affair proof via txt messages and I want to tell her parents. I will likely confront her soon and this will likely lead to us getting a divorce. I want to tell them because I know she is already spreading lies about me and I dont want these lies to interfere with me seeing my daughter after the divorce. Not sure what to do either heh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RaysofHope Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 I am facing a similar dilema. I have plenty of emotional affair proof via txt messages and I want to tell her parents. I will likely confront her soon and this will likely lead to us getting a divorce. I want to tell them because I know she is already spreading lies about me and I dont want these lies to interfere with me seeing my daughter after the divorce. Not sure what to do either heh. Just tell them and show them everything. Taking the high road with cheaters does absolutely nothing for you except allows the cheating to wear away on your soul while the cheater abuses your gift of silence to them. Theyll respect you even less than they already do for you not saying anything and theyll convince themselves that your silence is agreement that you were somehow responsible for their cheating on you. Trust me: Put a stop to all of that by sharing everything you have.Your sanity is worth more than the reputations of the garbage who betrayed you. Youll feel a million times better after youve got that poison out of you and your only regret will be that you ever doubted you shiuld tell. Dont think about it - just show up ather parents, lay it all out for them on printed sheets and tell them everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RaysofHope Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 I am facing a similar dilema. I have plenty of emotional affair proof via txt messages and I want to tell her parents. I will likely confront her soon and this will likely lead to us getting a divorce. I want to tell them because I know she is already spreading lies about me and I dont want these lies to interfere with me seeing my daughter after the divorce. Not sure what to do either heh. one other piece of advice that i wish i hadbefore i confronted: hire a pi to follow your wife to someplace you know your wife will meet with and stay with her lover for awhile. when theyre settled in,thats when you show up with her parents and ask her whats going on. shell pull the 'were just friends' bull**** and thats when you pull out all your evidence in front of her parents. it seems excessive but it's the best way to eliminate any smoke screen she may pull on you one-on-one. she can easily lie to you now but shell most likely not be able to lie in front of her parents. sorry for crappy grammmar. this tablet keypad sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 one other piece of advice that i wish i hadbefore i confronted: hire a pi to follow your wife to someplace you know your wife will meet with and stay with her lover for awhile. when theyre settled in,thats when you show up with her parents and ask her whats going on. shell pull the 'were just friends' bull**** and thats when you pull out all your evidence in front of her parents. it seems excessive.... Ya think? I hope that now this clears your head, and that you will be able to turn toward your future and start proving yourself to the people you want in your life, moving forward by being the person you want to be, instead of turning around, looking backward, and needlessly proving yourself to the people you will be leaving behind. sorry for crappy grammmar. this tablet keypad sucks. Somehow, fittingly, this statement seems like a metaphor for this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
chtwf2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 So, with all my evidence of text messages I just had to wait. So this week her boyfriend invites her to a bar and she promptly accepts. She comes up with a story that she is going shopping with her friend and will be home late. So I looked up the bar address and took pictures of her car and videos to prove she was there. I also took the receipt from her "shopping trip" which was dated 3/1. She's home now and I'm sick to my stomach. She spent over 5 hours at his house...ty GPS device. So tomorrow I will provide my proof to her parents so they understand I am not a monster who would leave his wife and 2 year old daughter for the wrong reasons. I think this is best for my relationship with my daughter after I divorce my wife tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Wow! That's crazy. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I'm not sure who would care that your wife cheated on you. What do you expect them to do about it? Put a big scarlet letter on her? But some will. I personally like knowing what women in our small town are the cheaters. That way I can put the scarlet S on them and avoid them like the plague. We dont live in those times anymore (thankfully in my opinion.) And why is that? What's wrong with knowing someone is a cheater and deciding to not have anything to do with that person if someone so wishes? Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I'm going to disagree with pretty much everyone here. I wouldn't tell her parents based on vindictiveness or some concept of payback, but I would certainly want to set the record straight. You have ever right to submit your evidence to them and tell them that you didn't want them to go on thinking ill of you even if they are no longer your in-laws. If my wife was cheating on me and she had sanitized the break-up in how she presented it to her parents, I would want my in-laws to know the truth of what led to the break-up. What her parents do with that information is up to them, but why should she walk away leading people to believe "it just didn't work out" when in fact she never gave it a chance to work out since she was screwing your friend throughout your engagement, your honeymoon, and into your marriage? But do it to set the record straight, not because you're into some kind of deviant vengeance. One question: Why in the world did she go through with the marriage if she was obviously between the sheets with another guy? - Screen captures of an entire chat session with her and her lover, the day after I asked her about her phone bills, talking about how they're going to lie about the whole thing as "just friends". It's not just text - it's the full screen shot showing her jumping back and forth between the chat windows and her online phone bills to see how bad they look. -Pictures she took of the view from a hotel room where her lover took her - in a small town that's a short drive from our home city. -Phone records showing she was in that small town, where the hotel from above was located, when she sent me an email - which I also still have - that same day saying 'I have friends coming in from out of town so I'll be busy tonight and I'll be sleeping in tomorrow so you won't be able to reach me". -Phone records for the entire period while we were engaged and after our honeymoon showing 30 texts a day and at least 20 minutes worth of phone calls everyday to his number. To make all of the above worse, it was actually a 'friend' that was fooling around with her too. I don't understand this whole defense thing either. My cousin, a male, was cheating on his wife and got busted. The wife took him back and he went and cheated again. His wife divorced him and went to his Mom and told her everything. My cousin's Mom never doubted the story. No one talks about my cousin's ex-wife and goes "She shouldn't have done that because she is no longer part of their family" or "She should've just moved on and lived a better life". Any advice like "Just move on...." seems like a comfortable self-created illusion for anyone who takes passive behavior towards being wronged. Honestly, it made sense to everyone who heard about what happened that she went and told his Mom and no one thinks it was wrong of her to do so. That thought hasn't even crossed anyone's mind because they're focusing on the real issue of "My cousin screwed up big time and got busted". Her telling his parents was the kick in the pants my cousin needed to smarten up. Parents aren't stupid. They realize that no one would go so far out of their way to make up some crazy story if there weren't truth to it. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I am facing a similar dilema. I have plenty of emotional affair proof via txt messages and I want to tell her parents. I will likely confront her soon and this will likely lead to us getting a divorce. I want to tell them because I know she is already spreading lies about me and I dont want these lies to interfere with me seeing my daughter after the divorce. Not sure what to do either heh. Cheaters always spread disinformation about their significant others. It helps them cope with their own deviant and dishonest behavior and it allows them to lay the ground work for when they leave the relationship and it will conveniently appear like there was a history of problems in the marriage. If you're close to the parents, present your evidence and tell them the truth. It's up to them where to go from that point but why allow your wife to rewrite the history of your marriage? Cheaters should be exposed. If for no other reason so that their tallied track records can keep up with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatDudeXO Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I don't know much about marriages but I'd just wanted to say, the sooner this woman and her family are out of your life the better. She never deserved to be in your life as she never respected you. I'm sorry she put you through that. It's best if you leave all this drama behind you and start from scratch and find yourself something much better. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Wow... that's f*cked. And people wonder why some men are hesitant about marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 So, with all my evidence of text messages I just had to wait. So this week her boyfriend invites her to a bar and she promptly accepts. She comes up with a story that she is going shopping with her friend and will be home late. So I looked up the bar address and took pictures of her car and videos to prove she was there. I also took the receipt from her "shopping trip" which was dated 3/1. She's home now and I'm sick to my stomach. She spent over 5 hours at his house...ty GPS device. So tomorrow I will provide my proof to her parents so they understand I am not a monster who would leave his wife and 2 year old daughter for the wrong reasons. I think this is best for my relationship with my daughter after I divorce my wife tomorrow. Status check chtwf? What's the latest outcome? Link to post Share on other sites
CupcakeCrisis Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 The Blue Knight is right. I do think the OP is very much acting out of anger, malice and frustration. I can't blame him for having those feelings - his marriage has bottomed out. But the fact that he is acting on those emotions by turning his venom toward her parents and family members is unnecessary. Given that he has a young daughter with this woman, I can understand that he wants to keep relations with the mother's family in good order. I think first confronting the wife, talking to her and outlining his next steps is the most important thing to consider. And as for what the grandparents have to say? I really think OP needs only say, "My wife wasn't very happy in the marriage and I think it was the best move for all of us to split up. But I love my daughter very much and I am going to do my best to parent her along with (presumably by then ex-wife)." I don't think the grandparents will think he is abandoning his daughter at all. He needs only say there were differences in the marriage that were causing problems that couldn't be resolved. It's the truth. But if he continues to be an active and engaged parent, they are not going to question his devotion or believe that he abandoned his daughter, unless they really are unstable people. In which case, their opinions don't amount to much anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
missyme04 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 If you want to tell it to her parents, GO FOR IT! atleast you tried right? In the first place she cheated on you and your the husband so you have the RIGHT to tell her parents that she's the one who ruined your marriage and not you. Tell her parents, even though they wont accept you *that's fine*. Also tell your wife how BITCH she is. A woman shouldnt flirt with any other guy especially she's married then start again with a new a life. be happy! Link to post Share on other sites
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