rob_h Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Are you suggesting that someone who's experiencing "GIGS" is unable to control themselves? That's absurd. Honestly, when is someone ever "perfect" for you? When is the grass ever not greener on the other side? There could always be someone out there that's better than your SO, but that's not really the point of a relationship, is it? Love, in a sense is a verb. GIGS is just immaturity & inexperience intertwined. You have control over your actions, yes. But the thought process tends to spring from nowhere. You have never felt it. You don't understand. Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm incapable of love. Thank you.
rob_h Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Smokey, I'm at a danger of completely losing my mind if more posts like Graceful's one come up. HOW THE **** AM I SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND MY (IMMATURE, TWISTED) THOUGHTS IF WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TRY TO CATEGORISE AND RATIONALISE THEM? Please, GIGS bashers, if you know so much about true love, could you try and help rather than criticise. How do you (CaliGuy, EgoJoe, PelicanPete, and LelouchisZero) suggest I get rid of this 'non' syndrome? I'd really appreciate your advice.
betterdeal Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Why do you tell us what this syndrome is, in your mind, rob_h, then people can respond to your thoughts individually?
Author smokey bear Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 Smokey, I'm at a danger of completely losing my mind if more posts like Graceful's one come up. HOW THE **** AM I SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND MY (IMMATURE, TWISTED) THOUGHTS IF WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TRY TO CATEGORISE AND RATIONALISE THEM? Please, GIGS bashers, if you know so much about true love, could you try and help rather than criticise. How do you (CaliGuy, EgoJoe, PelicanPete, and LelouchisZero) suggest I get rid of this 'non' syndrome? I'd really appreciate your advice. You do the same as i done and you research the s**t out of it so you understand why it happened to you and come to terms with the fact that there was nothing you could do to stop it. As for these people that claim to know what true love is, go and read there past threads and what brought them to this board and you will maybe understand why they are the way they are, then decide if you are grateful you went through gigs. Keep your chin up, once you understand and see it in the people around you it no longer bothers you the way these people think and your actually grateful and start to pity them. I do and i dont mean that in a bad way. The one that kind of got me to letting go of these posts and not taking them personally was caliguys story. I do believe he was a victim of gigs, but he wasnt left for it, he was part of it. I am supposed to be the one who does not understand true love, i can honestly love my ex and undrstand that he has to go and do his thing, he might come back he might not. But i certainly didnt chase someone for 2 years "that just wasnt into me" then spend another 3 or more so years picking up the pieces, then resenting her. Caliguy, no badness, you honestly sound like the greatest sweetest guy ever, i just needed an example. I do apologise and i do sympathise for what you went through. You all come on claiming you know what love is, you are the guru! Well i read your history, no your not. Neither am I but i do have experience in this subject and i did go through it and i do believe its a "syndrome" if thats what you want to call it but i also understand that i sounds so foolih that you's dont believe it because sometimes i dont believe something so unreal could happen and i would be on your bandwagon if i hadnt experienced it myself.
betterdeal Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Oh, smokey, anyone who thinks the grass is greener is unhappy with in themselves. They could go to Heaven with a thousand virgins and still be unhappy, until the day they decide to be happy with themselves. With who they are, what they have, what they are and what they are not, what they don't have, what they are not. If they reconcile with any previous lover, they are as likely to take a sojourn to the sunnier side of the street again, and again, until such time as they decide to be happy with their lot, and to do that takes courage, patience and trust, which most "GIGS" people are short of. Usually they'll be in their mid 30s when the power of their youth has started to wane, their ability to bounce back up dulled and they have put sufficient space and time between them and whatever it was that set them off in the first place - and that was almost certainly something that happened before you or any other lover turned up. And even then, they may well slip into Peter Pan thinking and prolong their fickle ways. They frequently define themselves by their relationships with the other sex. The rush, the thrill of the chase, the anguish, the guilt, the recriminations, the decision to leave, or push the other so much that they make the formal declaration, is all part of their determination to get away from whatever it is at the heart of them that they despise, they fear. Everyone in their wake is a mere distraction. And if anyone wishes to spend the majority of their youth waiting for someone else to slow down, to calm down, to change, in the hope that the wheel of fortune ends up pointing at you, then do so. But don't be fooled into underestimating the amount of chance involved. Hide behind regret, focus your sexuality on someone who isn't there, it's your life. Tomorrow is going to happen. Next year, not so certain. Ten years from now, every cell in your body will have changed. It's your choice what you will do when you wake up, every day.
Graceful Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 (edited) You were correct, your post didnt bother me at all. Im more interested in why this thread bothers you Silly. You spend hours here. Thread monitor or somethin? Heh. I spent a couple of minutes here. Time to inject the thread with a little humor. Got a sense of humor? I suggest you work on getting one. Nothing bothers me here, sorry to disappoint you. These discussions have been done before, ad nauseum. I only have to read a couple of lines. I'm smart. Same old, same old. Nothing new. Boooorrring. Yawn. Back to your cult discussion. Don't allow this intrusion to derail this fascinating line of thought. Have a lovely day. Take care. PS I'm done here. Bye bye. PS EgoJoe thinks very highly of me. So maybe he will find my post a bit of fun. Hey, Joe! Let's party!! Edited January 15, 2012 by Graceful
BoredAgain Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Graceful, I'm genuinely curious to know what you mean when you say that you don't "believe in" GIGS. GIGS, essentially, is the breakup of a generally happy long-term relationship simply because one of the partners gets the "itch" to see what else is out there. Are you claiming that this just simply doesn't happen? If so, then it sounds like you are the one who is deluding herself. I mean, you can debate whether the dumper in the situation will likely seek reconciliation. You can also debate the GIGS "stages" (which I don't really buy into either). But to clam that you just "don't believe" that it happens is silly because there are hundreds of LS posts which describe this exact situation.
PelicanPete Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 First of all, Hi Graceful Please, GIGS bashers, if you know so much about true love, could you try and help rather than criticise. How do you (CaliGuy, EgoJoe, PelicanPete, and LelouchisZero) suggest I get rid of this 'non' syndrome? I'd really appreciate your advice. Second of all Birdy [cute nickname for roberta ], I'm not going to really give any suggestions or advice towards your problem. I would rather you fill in the answers about yourself to the things I would never understand, and figure it out for yourself with time. Instead I wanna tackle the big question about what is love, my opinion at least. I'm still young, I still have a ton to learn, but perhaps it will give you a different perspective and spark some ideas towards your problem. I very much encourage criticism, so come at me bros . ------------------------------- To start it off, I believe the only kind of love is the unconditional kind. I think every other kind of "love" isn't love at all. One of the major differences between liking someone and loving someone is something called devotion, becoming devoted to someone. Without devotion, what really is the difference between like and love? To take a quote from that movie Dan In Real Life, "Love is not a feeling, it's an ability". Some may say sexual attraction, which is classified as being "inlove" with that person. In reality, sex is a completely independent act from love. You can be sexually attracted to a stranger, you can have sex with a stranger, you don't have to be in love with someone to have sex, so what really does sex have to do with loving somebody? Nothing. It's for reproduction. If any species had to be in love to have sex, life on earth would've ceased a long time ago. So what does it take to love somebody? We've all come across at least once in our life a person that's extremely in touch with themselves. They give off that powerful exposing vibe, they speak from their heart, they remain true and honest to themselves, and by doing so their words and actions greatly affect the people around them. They are 100% real. People want to do this, I think it's safe to say everyone wants to be like this. The problem is people are scared. Exposing yourself means being naked to the outside world. It takes a great deal of confidence because you no longer hide behind an array of psychological defense mechanisms or false personalities to absorb the hit of reality. People learned their first lesson to cover up when they were kids. Children are real, children speak their mind, simply because they don't know any better. That's how the phrase "children can be so cruel" came to be. The problem with this is that some have buried themselves so deep they lost who they were. They then spend the majority of their young adult years trying to find where they put it. Some people lose it forever. In order to love someone it requires you to be 100% real and honest with someone. This is why love is an ability. It takes an effort to discover who you really are, and it takes effort to expose yourself entirely to another person, in fact some people don't even know how. Of course, a requirement of love is to at least like each other to begin with. You have to be able to relate to one another, identify with that person, before you can feel comfortable enough to show your true self to that person. Once your able to reveal who you are entirely to that person, and they show acceptance of you, they essentially become a part of who you are. You will love them where ever you go, as long as you live, because you have now expanded yourself onto them. You love them like you love yourself, because they have seen who you are. It no longer becomes about who they are, or what they do, or what they say, or even who they are with. You become devoted to them as much as you are devoted to yourself, because they have at some point accepted you as a whole, the greatest gift to your psyche. This is why I don't believe in GIGS. Tracking stages of their development, trying to predict their behavior, it's silly. We don't reduce or try to control the people that we love. All it shows me is that you don't really love them at all. From my perspective, if you loved them, it doesn't matter if they ever come back, because they are a part of who you are regardless. All you truly want is them to be happy, even if that doesn't include you. Who they are with doesn't matter, what they are doing doesn't matter either. If they never asked for your "help", love them enough to respect that. I know people break up for that "itch" to get out there. All it shows is that they need to discover who they are, which means they are incapable of truly loving you in the first place. If you truly love them, then it shouldn't matter whether they come back or not, as long as they are happy. So there's my rant . Give it some thought.
thepedestrian Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 (edited) Rob_H I think the problem that bothers most people like (Caliguy, myself and other people) is that it is an EXCUSE people use for leaving their EX, as if to remove the fault from themselves as if it was something that was out of their control. The thing that bothers me even more is the fact that so many people use "MY EX HAS GIGS" hoping for reconciliation instead of simply moving on with their lives and letting whatever happens happen. I could easily define myself as having "GIGS" and saying it isn't my fault the relationship is over but you know what - GIGS doesn't exist... this is the one thing most/all "GIGS" dumpers have in common: You where immature and left a perfectly good relationship because you didn't know what you wanted. Thats it. Far far too many people here using GIGS as a crutch. Live and learn. Stop trying to categorize what your "GIGS DUMPER" is going through also. Why are you so concerned about what your EX is doing anyways if they don't want to be with you? Edited January 15, 2012 by thepedestrian
Author smokey bear Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 PS EgoJoe thinks very highly of me. !! This just shows your mentality, enough said.
Graceful Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 This just shows your mentality, enough said. Passive aggressive much? Enough said.
EgoJoe Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 (edited) I do subscribe to GIGS because Egocentrism and Immaturity are as real as relativity. I have my own views in addition to that but they are own and are therefore my cross to bear. After vigorously debating it and defending Gibson/Homebrew while trying to stay out of the slandering. How did it come across that I didn't? Please, let this thread die. P.S. Pretty sure you're East coast, Graceful. Heh. Edited January 16, 2012 by EgoJoe
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