Els Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Oh, cracker. Do your darndest not to think about what he's doing right now. Really, it's none of your concern, it doesn't matter to you in any way and it'll just hinder your healing! Pamper yourself, go out with friends, focus on work. Take care of yourself. We'll be rooting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Aw cracker - big hugs (((((cracker))))) Don't torture yourself thinking about what he's up to (easier said than done, I know) - you had a good relationship while it lasted and there's no reason to believe he didn't love you. You were the one who struggled with the distance and kept breaking things off - you couldn't keep doing that and he couldn't keep worrying about it happening again or about you suffering without him - his reasons for breaking up were valid. To carry on would have been torture for both of you. I'm sure he loved you as he said he did. You have no reason to suspect his feelings or his words weren't genuine. Focus on yourself now. Spend time with family and friends, or at least call people and talk on the phone so that you're not alone - and your LS pals are here for you too. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Thinking will he be going out tonight .. and if he is..will he be with another girl? Every time those thoughts cross my mind, I remember one thing: it doesn't matter anymore. I spent the last few weeks wondering why (or if) he was pulling away and wondering if he had met someone else. You spent the last few weeks worrying and feeling jealous. Were you happy? How much longer could you have gone on feeling the way you did? Wasn't it affecting your quality of life? The fact is, in both out Rs, someone had to come to the conclusion it wasn't working anymore. That love wasn't enough. That the relationship was starting to do more harm than good. Coming to that conclusion is actually a sign of love, of care. I chose to end our relationship because I couldn't stand to see a love I honored get dragged through the mud. Focus on yourself. Be good to yourself. If you can, treat yourself to the spa, to a massage. Continue to do yoga. And when your heart or your stomach hurts, put your hands over either your heart or your belly to warm up the spot that hurts. It's insane how much it works, probably because physically, it provides relief, and mentally it's you telling yourself you know how to comfort yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Thanks kamille... I left work today due to uncontrollable spouts of crying..when home to my mum...had a sleep.. And I finally had a dinner.. Going through the anger phase now..like hating him. If he had loved me he would have let me move over..period! Stopped yoga and took up smoking..daft I know but if it helps..I say so be it! How are you doing. Thank god for this site or I think I wud be in a mental home by now !! Xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) Thanks kamille... I left work today due to uncontrollable spouts of crying..when home to my mum...had a sleep.. And I finally had a dinner.. Going through the anger phase now..like hating him. If he had loved me he would have let me move over..period! Stopped yoga and took up smoking..daft I know but if it helps..I say so be it! How are you doing. Thank god for this site or I think I wud be in a mental home by now !! Xxx As long as you don't smoke while doing yoga, I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. One can counteract the effects of the other. They can both help you cope. (Yes yes, yoga is definitely better for your health, but hey, right now, whatever works should be your motto). Glad you sought support from your mum, got some sleep and some dinner. I'm doing way better today than I was yesterday. I'm not in the clear yet, but I'm hoping the worse is over. One of the ironic advantages of LDR is that I will never have to know what he is up to in the future. I'm trying to focus on letting go, on not letting my ego get in the way. I also feel quite confident in my capacity to be happy on my own. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever meet anyone ever again, than I realize one thing: I am in no rush, I know I have a lot to offer anyone and that the next guy I let into my life will be a very lucky guy. Edited October 7, 2011 by Kamille Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Glad to hear you are doing ok.. Are you friends with him on Facebook or any social media network. We are friends on fb and I'm stalking it daily No good for me I know..but everything takes time. Do u mind me asking wat age you are. I'm in 30's are kinda worried I won't meet someone.. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Glad to hear you are doing ok.. Are you friends with him on Facebook or any social media network. We are friends on fb and I'm stalking it daily No good for me I know..but everything takes time. Do u mind me asking wat age you are. I'm in 30's are kinda worried I won't meet someone.. We're not friends on facebook or any media sites. What a blessing that is. Have you considered de-friending him until a time when you feel better? I'm in my mid-thirties. I've never been the kind to be worried about aging, as I believe love can happen at any age and I'm not sure I want children. I also navigate in social circles where it's fairly common for people to meet significant others fairly late in life (academia). Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 Went to bed in not too bad form...woke up check my facebbok and seen he had checked into a bar with 9 lads,,,,and one girl Have that sick feeling he is seeing her. She is not a close friend so he should not be checking her in. I'm ****ing livid Link to post Share on other sites
diamondmoney Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Sorry to hear that. Well, it really shows that your not meant for each other. It's better that you broke up early that you realizing it at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Deactivate your fb account, or delete him, or continue to torture yourself by speculating what he's up to! He's free to do what he wants, and so are you. You don't know he's seeing this woman, if he is, then maybe emotionally he checked out of your r/ship a while ago because he knew you were unhappy, and kept trying to break up with him, which means he wasn't happy either. Don't torture yourself, please, it's pointless. Went to bed in not too bad form...woke up check my facebbok and seen he had checked into a bar with 9 lads,,,,and one girl Have that sick feeling he is seeing her. She is not a close friend so he should not be checking her in. I'm ****ing livid Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 Just after doing something stupid. I txt him saying "it must have been hard choosing between myself and xxxxxxx. I guess the blonde one." I'm shaking here and feel so sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Oh Cracker! You have to stop looking at his facebook. Protect yourself. Put your well-being first. Cyrber-stalking him clearly isn't helping. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Hi Cracker. How are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 Hi kamille. im doing ok. my txt to him was saying it must have been tough to chose between me and another girl - i jumped to conclusions from facebook that he was seein another girl. he replied saying"there was no choice.there is nothing going on.. etc.it was you or nothing for me, that was the choice .i miss you" i replied saying sorry and i missed him too and think about him all the time. got no reply. txt him again last night saying could he call me.he skyped me which i wasnt expecting. we talked casual for a while...asking about family and friends etc.he said he was hurt that i thought he was with another girl. he said he still loves me, but doesnt feel as strongly as the did and said he thinks about me all the time.that i looked pretty, and that he stills thinks of me in a sexual way too. i thought he had had a change of heart from what he was saying and we ended up having skype sex...well mainly him if you know what i mean .but at the end of the conversation he still thought that it was better if we stayed apart. he is confused about his feelings aparently.and he said that 3 days with no contact was not enough to know if he was doing the right thing or not. we said goodbye and i sent him one last song by email. he replied saying " I can't listen to that right now. I'm sorry I couldn't save us this time cracker. I truly am. Love and more. (his name) i got into such a rage about him letting us have skype sex when he knew he was still breaking up with me. i told him that i thought it was disgusting of him and that he has no respect for me and that he was an ******* basically. he mailed me saying this: " I skyped you because you told me you wanted to talk. I would have left you alone had you not. As you had asked me to. I've always tried to do as you have asked. I really thought about not responding to your last email. I don't want to get into a whole pile of hurtful back and forth. I don't want things to end in that way. I didn't want things to end at all, truth be told. If you really feel that way about me, then I guess this is for the best. If the last 14 months can be swept away by someone momentarily forgetting what the last week has been like and wanting everything to be ok, for everything to be like it was... - then I guess what we had was less than I thought it was. [FONT=sans-serif][sIZE=2]If you really feel like that, please don't contact me again. I've cried enough and agonized enough over you and over this. I guess I thought that that was ok, because we were both hurting and there were no winners... no one liked what was happening, but we were both trying to deal with it as best we could. If you don't believe that of me, then you won't really miss me. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][sIZE=2]In your heart I hope you know it is not true. You will never know how much your email hurt me. If it makes things easier for you to think that of me, so be it. Think it. But you don't need to tell me you are thinking it. I thought I couldn't feel worse about what was happening to us. I was wrong."[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I never replied to him. i dont know what to say anymore.[/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 ((Cracker)) I wish we could meet up for a coffee, so we could chat about all this. I'm sorry all of that happened. It sounds sorrowful and confusing. You're understandably hurt and trying to process things your way. He shouldn't have let it lead up to sex, since he still feels he made the right decision by ending things. I think that email he sent you is painful for the time being but a blessing for the long term. Right now, it hurts because you're in so much pain that you seem to be grasping for reasons to be angry at him. He won't allow it. But you have the right to be angry that the relationship is over. You have the right to feel hurt that he acted in a wishy washy way. What I keep wishing for you is that you would have the strength to put your well-being first: from not reaching out to him to not stalking his facebook to realizing that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel secure. But, in the meantime, I'm here for you. You'll get through this. ((cracker)) Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Hi C, I think not responding would be for the best. People are human, they make mistakes. Often people want to have sex 'that one last time', it doesn't necessarily mean they're purposefully being a bastard. Regardless, this R is causing you far more pain than it is making up for it, from what I can tell. Please, for your own sake, you need to stay strong. Hugs, E Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 thanks girls... wouldnt coffee be nice if the fecking atlantic ocean wasnt in the way !!!! I will be strong from now on. if it is meant to be, then it will be. but i know i cannot dwell on the fact that he may someday realise im the best thing that ever happened to him(which he said himself)!! arrghhh im also a little scared .im the only one of my friends who is single.im not the best (not good at all actually) for going out.. but i guess i need to change that, Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I never replied to him. i dont know what to say anymore.[/FONT] Hi cracker, I'm sorry you're struggling so much with this. If it was me, I would text a simple apology for the things you said (if you're sorry). You obviously hurt him very deeply and I think the skype sex thing can easily be forgiven - especially if he loves you. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry, I felt hurt by what happened and I was lashing out - I didn't mean what I said. I love you and I want nothing but happiness for you." If you love him, I would do it for his sake because I don't think he deserved your words and they must have hurt him a great deal. Don't end things on a bad note - I'm sure you will regret it if you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 Ok I will. Thanks little tiger. I do still love him..very much. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Ok I will. Thanks little tiger. I do still love him..very much. Ok, but don't do it just because it's what I would do - only do it if you want to do it.......then leave him be. Let him get on with his life and you get on with yours. It won't be easy but it's what you have to do. ((((Hugs)))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 I sent what you said and got this reply. That means more than you could ever know. I've read your email from this morning a dozen times or more... *It's beautiful, makes me so sad. But I still can't help going over it again and again and again. I miss you (cracker) I knew this would be tough... It's so tough Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I agree with him. It is tough. I'm glad you resolved things Cracker. Try your best to do something good for yourself today. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I'm guessing you're sounding happier because you think there's some hope of getting back together? If you get back together, how will it be any different than it was before, will the reasons you broke up still be there? I sent what you said and got this reply. That means more than you could ever know. I've read your email from this morning a dozen times or more... *It's beautiful, makes me so sad. But I still can't help going over it again and again and again. I miss you (cracker) I knew this would be tough... It's so tough Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I'm guessing you're sounding happier because you think there's some hope of getting back together? If you get back together, how will it be any different than it was before, will the reasons you broke up still be there? What makes you think she sounds happier? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cracker2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 I'm not happier at all heavenorhell .. But trying to accept it's over. Thanks little tiger for you advice to mail him. I'd really would be lost without you guys xxx Link to post Share on other sites
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