Floridaman Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Interesting, I've never thought about that. It really depends on the girl. Some of my female friends, I would have loved to be in a serious relationship with and others I knew that we had no future. So anything more than a fling would be out of the question. Yes, I would friendzone a girl if she wanted to have sex, but only in a committed relationship, and I didn't want to date her. I'm not the kind of guy who can lie in that situation and tell her something that she wants to hear just to sleep with her. This is odd, and doesn't sound like you, SomeDude. You're the one who has posted has never been in a relationship, yet you so want one (understandably). You got your "experience" through other methods, as you posted. However, this makes it sound like you're more of a player or something, when those of us familiar with your posts know that @30, you're lonely and really want a life companion. Would think you'd pursue a relationship first, over empty sexual encounters. With a great relationship (one leading to engagement/marriage), you can likely get BOTH needs (emotional & sexual) met... Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 This is odd, and doesn't sound like you, SomeDude. You're the one who has posted has never been in a relationship, yet you so want one (understandably). You got your "experience" through other methods, as you posted. However, this makes it sound like you're more of a player or something, when those of us familiar with your posts know that @30, you're lonely and really want a life companion. Would think you'd pursue a relationship first, over empty sexual encounters. With a great relationship (one leading to engagement/marriage), you can likely get BOTH needs (emotional & sexual) met... I think there is something you misunderstood. Yes I wanted to have sex with with all my female friends. I did not consider all of my female friends girlfriend material but I would have still slept with them. If I like her enough to be my friend, then I like her enough for sex. Some of them were girlfriend material and I would have loved to be in relationship with them. Link to post Share on other sites
jeffinthecity Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 romance, love and relationships starts in the "big head", so your answer makes little to no sense. relationships aren't solely based off thinking with the "little head". neither is liking someone. Not to be "twisting the wisdom of your words," but what I meant was that if the guy isn't trying to bed his friends, then cross-gender friendships are fine. You can have a friendship based on common interests/experiences without sec coming to mind. Still waiting for that epic post where you explain it all and set everyone straight in two paragraphs or less. Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I I did not consider all of my female friends girlfriend material but I would have still slept with them. If I like her enough to be my friend, then I like her enough for sex. Some of them were girlfriend material and I would have loved to be in relationship with them. What about them turned you off? If you want a relationship, would think you'd take chances, particularly if you sensed one of them might say yes. Besides, if you get to know them better through dating,, you may find some could become GF material. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 One girl had kids, and a couple others had an attitude. Honestly, the list of female friends that I didn't want to have a relationship with is pretty small. Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 That makes sense. Didn't know about the kids. Thought it may have been a looks issue (beggars can't be choosers). In my 20s and early 30s, kids would have been a dealbreaker for me as well. In my late 40s, if I were single, would have to be more flexible.__ Link to post Share on other sites
LynnieBear Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I wouldn't want a guy with kids, but lets say, a guy who I already liked had kids and then decided he wanted to try things with me.... I wouldn't be able to say no. If you like someone, you like someone. Doesn't matter if they have kids. Personally, though, that means they didn't wait for me and found someone else they loved before they met me and I have a problem with that.... Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 When I post a serious post, I expect a serious response. Your sarcasm is out of line and does not fit, or even come close to what I was saying. Don't try to twist the wisdom of my words around, because you don't agree with them.What are you talking about? My response was serious. I wasn't kidding. Link to post Share on other sites
elenda Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I think there are good friend. Since I myself have such good opposite gender friend. I think your requirements toward your partner must be different from your friend. It's various according to dfferent individuals. Link to post Share on other sites
orangelady Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I am not short of friends it's just due to my personality I always have more male friends. female friends are either competitive, or busy with their bf or gossiping abt things that I don't care abt. and my close female friends are very busy with work/school. You are really kidding yourselves to think that your male friends only want to be your 'best friends'. And whatever reasons you gave here for not having female friends is way too lame. Busy? Well aren't guys supposed to be busy with work and school too? Or are all your male friends dropouts and unemployed? Usually girls who say they cannot get along with female friends have deep rooted jealousy issues themselves. I think you need to build some self esteem and start having more female friends. Girls who only have male friends usually crave male attention. So give guys a break and learn to develop more balanced friendships which I think you need to. As a girl myself, most of my friends are girls and I really enjoy the friendships. Male friendships can be complicated like you mentioned and why do you want to go there unless you want the attention and you want every guy to fall for you but of course you'd only reject them? The guy above is right. You are childish and naive to think that guys only just 'want to be friends'. Most guys want to have sex with any heterosexual friend they have even if there isn't a spark there. Link to post Share on other sites
almondeyes101 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I just emailed my closest male heterosexual male friend I asked can men and women be just friends? his reply... Chic listen, you are female I am male we are friends lets talk about you and me! intellectually I come to you with work related issues and even though we are in different fields of study you are able to give me a well rounded thought out answer... You are smart Being a clown is your favorite pastime you know how to defuse a bad situation with the right amount of humor or good graces most if not all of our friends like having you around... so do i religiously you are the best at religion damn you don't even go to church... but you believe in something bigger than yourself and i respect that... i keep you in my prayers family is important to you... you have the biggest family i know and you get along great with all of them sexually you are hot you have a mean mug but chic you got an amazing smile that is contagious... thank god for corrective dental methods for all these reasons why the hell won't i want to be more than friends with you? why won't anyone Male or female? but we are talking about me as great as you are you are not my wife... and my wife is everything that you are and more and to say well you are my 'friend' and you are amazing and i want to have sex with you means that i will be screwing up what i have with my wife for sex with my friend! to answer you question and not to sound like i am beating up on you chic men and women can be friends if they look past the sex and see the person, see the friendship, figure out which one will last longer for your sis and me it is the sex... lol please tell her i said that lol for you and me ... the friendship... talk to you soon bye BTW i was friends with this guy 3 years before he met my sister his now wife (and our relationship has always been platonic) His response is a little personal but it is what it is and its what a guy, a male friend, a boy, a man had to say about women and me being friends... Link to post Share on other sites
LynnieBear Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I just emailed my closest male heterosexual male friend I asked can men and women be just friends? his reply... Chic listen, you are female I am male we are friends lets talk about you and me! intellectually I come to you with work related issues and even though we are in different fields of study you are able to give me a well rounded thought out answer... You are smart Being a clown is your favorite pastime you know how to defuse a bad situation with the right amount of humor or good graces most if not all of our friends like having you around... so do i religiously you are the best at religion damn you don't even go to church... but you believe in something bigger than yourself and i respect that... i keep you in my prayers family is important to you... you have the biggest family i know and you get along great with all of them sexually you are hot you have a mean mug but chic you got an amazing smile that is contagious... thank god for corrective dental methods for all these reasons why the hell won't i want to be more than friends with you? why won't anyone Male or female? but we are talking about me as great as you are you are not my wife... and my wife is everything that you are and more and to say well you are my 'friend' and you are amazing and i want to have sex with you means that i will be screwing up what i have with my wife for sex with my friend! to answer you question and not to sound like i am beating up on you chic men and women can be friends if they look past the sex and see the person, see the friendship, figure out which one will last longer for your sis and me it is the sex... lol please tell her i said that lol for you and me ... the friendship... talk to you soon bye BTW i was friends with this guy 3 years before he met my sister his now wife (and our relationship has always been platonic) His response is a little personal but it is what it is and its what a guy, a male friend, a boy, a man had to say about women and me being friends... He loves your personality. He thinks your hot. And he basically said he would have sex with you if he wasn't married. I think we have our answer. Link to post Share on other sites
almondeyes101 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 he would have sex with you if he wasn't married. No! Actually he said that he considered it... but he found that our friendship was more important... I don't think he is saying that men don't think about having sex with their female friends... I think he is saying not every friendship with a female has to be about sex! I don't know it that quantifies as an answer but I think it's pretty good reasoning! Link to post Share on other sites
LynnieBear Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 then I guess I am not only a girl and abnormal with this, but I'm also abnormal in the eyes of guys, too... because if i'm not screwing him, I don't care to be around him men were put on the planet to be together with women, if I want friends, i'll hang out with my girls <3 Link to post Share on other sites
riverman Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Too many people say NO to this but what about my childhood male friend. He liked another girl at work and only sees me as a friend or sister. According to my mother, as a joke my guy friend's mother told him ''You know, maybe you and C (me) should start dating'' and he responded ''No mom, I only see her as a sister, I can't see her in another way''. Same here.. it would be weird if we were dating. He's just like a brother to me. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=3667640 I think this is only one of the true exceptions b.c you two meet at such a young age. Men and women can be friends but the two need to be very mature and if one isn't attracted to the other,the person needs to accept that reality,which is quite hard. A male friend who is like a brother to me got married last year and consider his to be like a sister in law to me. She is attractive but it would seem weird sleeping with her b.c it's my friends wife and she like a sister to me. If god forbid they divorced,it would be best to limit the contact with her. A common friend of ours became friends with her also. In any other case jealousy or akwardness or some other problem can forum that it's best to not get that close emotionally with the other sex. It can work but the problems are not worth the risk. The male or female who are friends with each other for years need to accept hey nothing every going to happen if one isn't attracted to the other . It hard for most of us to accept that reality,put aside the attraction and say well let me just be glad this cool person is my friend. A friend gets drunk one day or decide I gotta spill me heart out and take a chance,when the other party has no sexual desire in that person. Then zap it's very hard to return back to the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
jyoun Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 I'll say it possible, but not easy. I'm a guy and my best friend of 17 years is a girl. Early on we also expressed the feeling towards each other as "brother and sister". I still feel that way now, but I must admit at times I think about us being together and it doesn't make me cringe. The hardest part for sure is when we're in a romantic relationship with other people, they get easily confused/jealous/uncomfortable by our friendship. My last girlfriend freaked out about it and left me over it. I couldn't convince her that "she just a friend"... so yeah, that was a hard breakup. Just be careful, be open about how you feel, try not to let them jump to conclusions. Link to post Share on other sites
SkylarkV Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 My personal experience is a wrenching one, all the more so because I was so surprised at how differently my friend, who I thought I knew well, responded to this issue. I was struck by "love at first conversation" with a co-worker over nine years ago; however, I knew at the time and at every moment thereafter it would never be in her best interest to get involved with me. (You might skeptically ask why. I came up with eight reasons, but I'll share just two: (1) I was/am way too old for her; (2) She wanted children and I couldn't provide them, for medical reasons.) Still, since I found her to be such a great person - fun, interesting, etc. - I decided I would like to be friends with her in any event. So I simply tucked away all romantic interest (unbeknownst to her). Over the years we gradually grew closer as friends, even after she got married about seven years ago, even after I moved away to another city several hundred miles away four years ago. She was by far my best friend at work, even long-distance: I confided in her on work matters and was grateful to have someone I could trust implicitly. She said the same. (We're both managers at the company.) Three months ago, she came to my city twice for extended training (two weeks in July, then another week in August). Naturally we had a great time "bumming around" together, all 100% platonic. We even hung around her hotel room a couple nights - playing cards, talking, etc. Not even a hint of a whiff of sexual suggestion. Something about those particular periods incited strong jealousy in her husband, though, and in late October my friend told me we had to greatly reduce contact with each other: "Maybe we can just get together for lunch a few times a year when you come to town." I understand the importance and overriding value of marriage bonds, but I suddenly became overwhelmingly concerned that what this really meant was the end of our long friendship. I then made what turned out to be a terrible decision (for me, that is): I told her I suddenly feared greatly for our friendship and perhaps she didn't appreciate how much I valued it. As "proof," I stupidly revealed I'd been in love with her for over nine years, thinking that (a) this wouldn't particularly surprise her (I thought "Women always know"!), and (b) she and her husband would see that with a nine-year track record of never so much as a peck on the cheek, my character and absolute restraint were beyond reproach. The rest should be apparent: Within a week she decided I should never contact her in any way, shape, or form again, because "Now it's awkward and weird. My husband thought you had more feelings for me than I realized, and he was right. If I'd known you had feelings, I would never have begun the friendship at all." I protested weakly that "Of course your husband was right. I would never have denied it if you'd specifically asked, but I've always considered it irrelevant and consider it irrelevant now! This has been the same situation for almost a decade without incident, without 'weirdness.' In another month you'll get accustomed to the new info, things will be back to normal, and you won't even think about it." But I could tell nothing I said or did at that point mattered anymore - she'd freaked out beyond repair and now wants nothing to do with me. So that's the way it is - I am devastated and semi-suicidal, unbelievably hurt at how easy it was for her to immediately flush a strong friendship down the toilet, astonished that I didn't even foresee this possibility because in my mind the bottom line was that we were "such good friends"! Moral of the story? I really do think people are fundamentally different when it comes to this sort of thing. Not just "men are this way, women are that way," but "some men are this way, some men are that way; some women are this way, some women are that way." So, assuming I pull out of my tailspin at some point and want to go on, what lesson have I learned? No, not that one shouldn't be friends with a member of the opposite sex. I think I've simply learned that one shouldn't make assumptions about what assumptions a friend of the opposite sex might make about such friendships, meaning it's essential to clarify the pre-conditions for friendship up-front. I'm certain there are many here who will say that's just B.S., that I'm full of sh*t. But guess what? I'm not. I really do believe responsible, multi-dimensional adults can have a good relationship of one kind even if they might prefer a good relationship of another kind. Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 It does really depend on the maturity of the guy in question, his situation, and what he is looking for in life. So... yes and no. If it helps, I am a gay man who is strictly friends with a number of other gay men. Friends as in I enjoy their company, but do not want to have sex with them even though they are attractive. So that answers your question. A guy can be friends with someone he finds attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
SkylarkV Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Thank you so much for the generosity of your kind and comforting words! They are very helpful... Link to post Share on other sites
LynnieBear Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 If a guy is friends with a girl, he wants to bone her, plain and simple. I don't keep male friends unless I am interested in them. I may talk to them online, but I don't hang out with them. Men want sex all the time, period, flat out end of story. A guy is not your friend if you're a girl. He never will be. He will always have an ulterior motive and if he doesn't, he's gay. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 That sucks for you, then. The guy you are in love with doesn't want to have sex with you, so he must not want to be your friend, either. So you are going to leave him alone then, and quit hounding him? Link to post Share on other sites
LynnieBear Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 That sucks for you, then. The guy you are in love with doesn't want to have sex with you, so he must not want to be your friend, either. So you are going to leave him alone then, and quit hounding him? Nowhere did I ever insinuate that I hound him. Are you going to quit making outrageous assumptions? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 No. But you aren't his friend, and that must really suck. Link to post Share on other sites
LynnieBear Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 No. But you aren't his friend, and that must really suck. I said, that's what I do. He does keep girlfriends. Don't twist my words around. Freak. Link to post Share on other sites
Floridaman Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 (edited) I said, that's what I do. He does keep girlfriends. Don't twist my words around. Freak. Don't get snappy, Lynnie. Lucky One as well as the others who posted have your best interests in mind. She's likely been where you are. We've all wanted partners who didn't have eyes for us. Understand it must be tough to be in a situation like that... You think we always had it easy? Should I tell you how many women I thought would be great in a relationship with me, but they didn't see it and wouldn't give me the time of day??? Edited November 8, 2011 by Floridaman Link to post Share on other sites
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