dizy Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I know, this question has been asked over and over again. I was a firm believer that the answer is yes. But today's experience confused me. A very old friend drove me home today, and he told me that he really likes me and wants to be more than just friends. what I found disturbing is that a year ago, he told me that he likes me and I made clear that he is only a friend to me. I though he got over it and things were on the right track but apparently no. just for more clarifications: i am really not the type of people who will take advantages of other people and get free rides. He totally shocked me when he came just to drive me home and I was worried that he might make some romantic declarations(which indeed happened). We never flirted, never had any kind of physical contacts and I just treat him like any good friends. We are close in the sense that we are good friends, he knows a lot about me. I am deeply sadden by the fact that we would probably never talk to each other again if he is not able to get over it because I am not comfortable hanging out with people who are interested in me when I know clearly that I am not interested to date them. I know this person for over 10 years and it rly hurts me that I have to be cold and take my distance. I don't even know if it's worth it to become close with any guy at all since it seems to always end that way. (a male friend that I am less close with stopped talking to me after a mutual consensus that it would be the best solution for him to forget me)
Eddie Edirol Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) If youre good looking, no you cant. Why dont you just hang out with women? Most likely, if a guy wants to hang out with you and hes single, he likes you romantically. If a man is single, and he tells you in the beginning that he is into you, then he will always be into you until he gets you. Are you at a shortage of friends, that you need to try to force men that like you into platonic relationships? Edited October 3, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
Dust Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Yeah guys and girls can be friends. If you want another girlfriend get a girl to be it though. A guy is a guy and you’ll have to have boundaries if you want to maintain a friendship. The same way same sex friendships aren’t necessarily for ever things can happen with opposite sex friends.
Paper Roses Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I say no, absolutely not. I have never in my life had a male friend that did not want to get me into bed.
The Outlaw Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 In some instances, they can indeed. But in my case, it's always turned out for the worse. And it was worse on my end because I thought of her as my best friend.
Author dizy Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 I am not short of friends it's just due to my personality I always have more male friends. female friends are either competitive, or busy with their bf or gossiping abt things that I don't care abt. and my close female friends are very busy with work/school. and I do maintain my boundaries very clearly, I don't even accept any flirty/sexual msg from my male friends because I know that if i am not interested at beginning i will never be interested so i might as well to make things clear outlaw: really? I thought that only happens to women. didn't know that guys have the same prob too
LynnieBear Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 My friend is proving himself to be right about, yes a man can be friends with a girl without liking her. Even if the girl is head over heels for him. In short: I like my friend, he doesn't like me... :''''(
jeffinthecity Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Yes, men and women can be just friends. As long as the guy's thinking with the big head instead of the little one, and you're both on the same "just friends" page, it should be fine. From personal experience, most of my closer and longer lasting friends have been girls. It wasn't by design, it just happened that way. Naturally, I've been to a few weddings.
LynnieBear Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Yes, men and women can be just friends. As long as the guy's thinking with the big head instead of the little one, and you're both on the same "just friends" page, it should be fine. From personal experience, most of my closer and longer lasting friends have been girls. It wasn't by design, it just happened that way. Naturally, I've been to a few weddings. romance, love and relationships starts in the "big head", so your answer makes little to no sense. relationships aren't solely based off thinking with the "little head". neither is liking someone.
Floridaman Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 (edited) I know, this question has been asked over and over again. I was a firm believer that the answer is yes. But today's experience confused me. A very old friend drove me home today, and he told me that he really likes me and wants to be more than just friends. what I found disturbing is that a year ago, he told me that he likes me and I made clear that he is only a friend to me. I though he got over it and things were on the right track but apparently no. just for more clarifications: i am really not the type of people who will take advantages of other people and get free rides. He totally shocked me when he came just to drive me home and I was worried that he might make some romantic declarations(which indeed happened). We never flirted, never had any kind of physical contacts and I just treat him like any good friends. We are close in the sense that we are good friends, he knows a lot about me. I am deeply sadden by the fact that we would probably never talk to each other again if he is not able to get over it because I am not comfortable hanging out with people who are interested in me when I know clearly that I am not interested to date them. I know this person for over 10 years and it rly hurts me that I have to be cold and take my distance. I don't even know if it's worth it to become close with any guy at all since it seems to always end that way. (a male friend that I am less close with stopped talking to me after a mutual consensus that it would be the best solution for him to forget me) You're very naive to think any guy would settle for being "just friends." What would you have to lose getting emotionally closer to a close guy friend? Haven't you heard the best dating relationships come from people who already know each other well? "Best friends" during a moment of emotional closeness in great, bonding conversation, frequently discover they're "right" for each other and take their relationship to a new level. You could discover the real love of your life through one of them. Perhaps it's better for him not to see you. He sees a future but no, you know better and "just know" (from hunches, not reality) it'd never work... I am deeply sadden by the fact that we would probably never talk to each other again if he is not able to get over it because I am not comfortable hanging out with people who are interested in me when I know clearly that I am not interested to date them. But women like you have no problem going for the "bad boys" when you have 2 good ones at your side and willing.... Seems to be a pattern with you. One day you may regret after you've had your "run...." Older, in your 40s, your looks will be gone and so will those "bad boys...." Those close guy friends -- the ones that really know you, would be loyal and never mistreat you -- they may look a lot better ... Edited October 8, 2011 by Floridaman 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I know, this question has been asked over and over again. I was a firm believer that the answer is yes. But today's experience confused me. A very old friend drove me home today, and he told me that he really likes me and wants to be more than just friends. what I found disturbing is that a year ago, he told me that he likes me and I made clear that he is only a friend to me. I though he got over it and things were on the right track but apparently no. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do people continue to dispute reality? Single, heterosexual, similar-aged males have ZERO INTEREST in merely being "friends" with a heterosexual woman when those males don't SEE THEMSELVES as being in-line for her romantic affections. This does not always apply to coworker-in-the-workplace interactions and family-created interactions. Even non-single males tend to want to keep one or two in the bullpen inappropriately so. Just write it down, commit it to memory, and stop listening to these clowns who pretent that reality is any different.
LynnieBear Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do people continue to dispute reality? Single, heterosexual, similar-aged males have ZERO INTEREST in merely being "friends" with a heterosexual woman when those males don't SEE THEMSELVES as being in-line for her romantic affections. This does not always apply to coworker-in-the-workplace interactions and family-created interactions. Even non-single males tend to want to keep one or two in the bullpen inappropriately so. Just write it down, commit it to memory, and stop listening to these clowns who pretent that reality is any different. So then, is my friend gay?
LynnieBear Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Yes one of my best friends is a married guy. I am married also and there would never be anything going on. I know his family and he knows mine. The reason we are such good friends is because during our careers we have studied a lot of the same type of things. It is more an intellectual thing I guess. If we are meeting for a coffee, both his wife and my husband are well aware of it. We brainstorm together and try and help each other out. Relationships start intellectually.
samsungxoxo Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Too many people say NO to this but what about my childhood male friend. He liked another girl at work and only sees me as a friend or sister. According to my mother, as a joke my guy friend's mother told him ''You know, maybe you and C (me) should start dating'' and he responded ''No mom, I only see her as a sister, I can't see her in another way''. Same here.. it would be weird if we were dating. He's just like a brother to me.
threebyfate Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Yes, men and women can be just friends if you share interests. If you don't share interests, there's no point in having a friend of any gender since you're going to be stuck for topics to discuss. If a guy is trying to befriend you with no common interests, most often he's interested in being more than friends. Talking about relationships, sex, emotions, all these topics are part of the danger zone for cross-gender friendships. Maintain boundaries and you'll be fine.
LynnieBear Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Yes, men and women can be just friends if you share interests. If you don't share interests, there's no point in having a friend of any gender since you're going to be stuck for topics to discuss. If a guy is trying to befriend you with no common interests, most often he's interested in being more than friends. Talking about relationships, sex, emotions, all these topics are part of the danger zone for cross-gender friendships. Maintain boundaries and you'll be fine. If they are friends, you should be able to talk about anything, without having it be a "danger zone". It should be exactly like a female/female friendship, or male/male friendship. Truth is, it's not. Anyone who says it is lying to themselves (and everybody else).
threebyfate Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 If they are friends, you should be able to talk about anything, without having it be a "danger zone". It should be exactly like a female/female friendship, or male/male friendship. Truth is, it's not. Anyone who says it is lying to themselves (and everybody else).Why should you be able to talk about anything? I don't talk about every, single thing with my female friends either. They have no interest in cold air intakes or exhaust manifolds. Gold last closed at below $1636. Do they give a crap and is it any of anyone's business if I bought or sold any gold and at what price? It really depends on how you view friendships and not everyone is going to view them the same way you do.
LynnieBear Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Why should you be able to talk about anything? I don't talk about every, single thing with my female friends either. They have no interest in cold air intakes or exhaust manifolds. Gold last closed at below $1636. Do they give a crap and is it any of anyone's business if I bought or sold any gold and at what price? It really depends on how you view friendships and not everyone is going to view them the same way you do. When I post a serious post, I expect a serious response. Your sarcasm is out of line and does not fit, or even come close to what I was saying. Don't try to twist the wisdom of my words around, because you don't agree with them.
somedude81 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I've never had a female friend that I didn't want to have sex with. And just because somebody will ask the question; no, just because I wanted to have sex with them did not mean that I did not consider them a friend.
LynnieBear Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I've never had a female friend that I didn't want to have sex with. And just because somebody will ask the question; no, just because I wanted to have sex with them did not mean that I did not consider them a friend. What would you do if that "friend" wanted to have sex with you, but only in the context of a serious, committed relationship, quite possibly even leading to marriage? As in, those were the boundaries? Would you run away and "friend zone" her?
somedude81 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 What would you do if that "friend" wanted to have sex with you, but only in the context of a serious, committed relationship, quite possibly even leading to marriage? As in, those were the boundaries? Would you run away and "friend zone" her? Interesting, I've never thought about that. It really depends on the girl. Some of my female friends, I would have loved to be in a serious relationship with and others I knew that we had no future. So anything more than a fling would be out of the question. Yes, I would friendzone a girl if she wanted to have sex, but only in a committed relationship, and I didn't want to date her. I'm not the kind of guy who can lie in that situation and tell her something that she wants to hear just to sleep with her.
LynnieBear Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Interesting, I've never thought about that. It really depends on the girl. Some of my female friends, I would have loved to be in a serious relationship with and others I knew that we had no future. So anything more than a fling would be out of the question. Yes, I would friendzone a girl if she wanted to have sex, but only in a committed relationship, and I didn't want to date her. I'm not the kind of guy who can lie in that situation and tell her something that she wants to hear just to sleep with her. So then it's true all men are pigs, then? lol thanks for clearing that up!!
somedude81 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 So then it's true all men are pigs, then? lol thanks for clearing that up!! lol wut? How did you come to that conclusion?
LynnieBear Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 lol wut? How did you come to that conclusion? I think anyone who is promiscuous, has casual sex, or "flings" in general, suck. lol and are people with very low standards and questionable morals
somedude81 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I think anyone who is promiscuous, has casual sex, or "flings" in general, suck. lol and are people with very low standards and questionable morals Then I guess you think almost everybody, men and women, suck.
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