D-Lish Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 You didn't read my title correctly either.My question is, "Why do men always look at me like I'm a piece of meat?" as in the ones I have met and/or encountered personally. I also did not ask, "Why do all men always look at me like I'm a piece of meat?" just for the fact that I wasn't trying to generalize. Yes, I DO know and have access to intelligent men BUT: 1) that doesn't mean I want to date them. 2) just because they're intelligent and educated doesn't mean they can't be sleazeballs, too. Wow, you're really splitting hairs here with your thread title and really quick to get combative with your responses.... If you have a great body and you're smart to boot, but men meet you and only want sex from you... What do you think it means? Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Wow, you're really splitting hairs here with your thread title and really quick to get combative with your responses.... If you have a great body and you're smart to boot, but men meet you and only want sex from you... What do you think it means? Or moreover, if you're so certain men only want you for your looks, then why not try taking the emphasis off them... as in, dress more conservatively, don't bother with make-up, etc? .... Or are you really so stunningly beautiful men are drooling over you even when you're wearing a burlap sack and haven't done anything to your face or hair. In which case: shut the heck up and stop complaining. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I didn't make an assumption--I AM pointing out the fact that guys always look at me like a piece of meat, and that means guys who I've met or encountered in person. YOU haven't looked at me in person nor have you seen a photo of me so obviously you don't count. It is you who is making assumptions. Young lady, we're done here. Link to post Share on other sites
Dorie Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I didn't make an assumption--I AM pointing out the fact that guys always look at me like a piece of meat, and that means guys who I've met or encountered in person. YOU haven't looked at me in person nor have you seen a photo of me so obviously you don't count. It is you who is making assumptions. Why so rude? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peace&Love Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Or moreover, if you're so certain men only want you for your looks, then why not try taking the emphasis off them... as in, dress more conservatively, don't bother with make-up, etc? .... Or are you really so stunningly beautiful men are drooling over you even when you're wearing a burlap sack and haven't done anything to your face or hair. In which case: shut the heck up and stop complaining. I really don't think I'm stunning or beautiful, which is why even as an adult now I still get embarrassed when I get compliments about my body. I might not wear overly baggy clothes anymore, but I also don't go around in tight jeans or mini-skirts. Getting harassed on the streets by strangers is one thing, but it really hurts when guys I'm supposed to trust (like boyfriends and guy friends) disrespect me, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peace&Love Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Why so rude? When I started this thread, I was really upset by these friends of mine who crossed the line and disrespected our friendships. I came on here to see if I can pick some guys' brains and get some answers. My guard was already up so when I got Carhill's less-than-helpful comment about looking at women, it just made me even more livid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peace&Love Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 This is the perfect way to siphon out the superficial men. If all they do is to compliment you on your looks, you know they're not keepers. I used to ask men the question, "what do you value in me?". Their responses will define your reaction! Excellent advice! Just like Severely Unamused said, I have a "convenient filtering mechanism." Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 But Carhill was being helpful. He was pointing out to you that there are many men who you deal with who are NOT looking at you in the way your OP suggests. He was pointing out that just as you argue you are more than a body, men are more than a pair of eyes on stalks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peace&Love Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) But Carhill was being helpful. He was pointing out to you that there are many men who you deal with who are NOT looking at you in the way your OP suggests. He was pointing out that just as you argue you are more than a body, men are more than a pair of eyes on stalks. I did not get that at all from his 2-line response. I hope he appreciates that someone bothered to read between the lines. I'm quite disappointed by him this time around because his advice is usually the best and most insightful. P.S. Cute kitty!! Edited August 17, 2011 by Peace&Love Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I did not get that at all from his 2-line response. I hope he appreciates that someone bothered to read between the lines. I'm quite disappointed by him this time around because his advice is usually the best and most insightful. P.S. Cute kitty!! So, you're familiar with Carhill enough to know he's not a combative person but someone who hopes to help others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peace&Love Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 So, you're familiar with Carhill enough to know he's not a combative person but someone who hopes to help others. I never said he was combative... Nor was I being combative. Perhaps I should stop using CAPS because people think I'm yelling? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I hate to say it OP, but you are on the other side of the coin, the pretty girls want to be appreciated for their talents, brains and personalities. And us, the other girls would just kill for a guy to think we were super-pretty. Unfortunately men aren't known for multi-tasking. I think it sucks either way. You'll have a lot of choices, but will any of them be good? Link to post Share on other sites
Easyguy14 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I hate to say it OP, but you are on the other side of the coin, the pretty girls want to be appreciated for their talents, brains and personalities. And us, the other girls would just kill for a guy to think we were super-pretty. Unfortunately men aren't known for multi-tasking. I think it sucks either way. You'll have a lot of choices, but will any of them be good? Im very much for a woman's personality ahead of looks, as long as Im a bit attracted to her on some physical level. I think the op needs to push out her better qualities to the men she dates so they have no choice but to see it or hit the high road. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 There' a thread going on right now where a young woman is complaining because her boyfriend is not bonkers with physical attraction towards her, though he is in love with everything about her. We're never satisfied. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Here's how I think: if I meet a pretty woman, I tend to think, "wow, she's pretty" and then I talk to them, and see if I like them. Many are likeable as well as shaggable. The two are not mutually exclusive. The ones that tend to know they're pretty and are not ashamed of it tend to have ways to deal with that and get beyond the superficial without getting upset by men finding them physically attractive. Once you find a way to be comfortable with how pretty you are, and you can take a compliment without being scared, you'll find you can make deeper connections with men. Remember, we're human too, and we have fears and neurosis too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peace&Love Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Here's how I think: if I meet a pretty woman, I tend to think, "wow, she's pretty" and then I talk to them, and see if I like them. Many are likeable as well as shaggable. The two are not mutually exclusive. The ones that tend to know they're pretty and are not ashamed of it tend to have ways to deal with that and get beyond the superficial without getting upset by men finding them physically attractive. Once you find a way to be comfortable with how pretty you are, and you can take a compliment without being scared, you'll find you can make deeper connections with men. Remember, we're human too, and we have fears and neurosis too. You offer a level of respect and courtesy that seems hard to come by these days. Thanks for being a gentleman. As for your second point, I don't get upset and scared with compliments unless they're blatantly obscene/vulgar. Currently, I'm more upset by the fact that men close to me feel okay with pushing the boundaries to the point where I don't feel comfortable with them anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Easyguy14 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 You offer a level of respect and courtesy that seems hard to come by these days. Thanks for being a gentleman. As for your second point, I don't get upset and scared with compliments unless they're blatantly obscene/vulgar. Currently, I'm more upset by the fact that men close to me feel okay with pushing the boundaries to the point where I don't feel comfortable with them anymore. pushing boundaries in what way? are you referring to wanting only to get physical with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peace&Love Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 pushing boundaries in what way? are you referring to wanting only to get physical with you? A combination of that and constantly asking me why I don't want to more than friends--even after I make it clear that I'm not interested in them as more than friends. At this point, it's gotten so bad that they're not even my friends anymore because I don't feel comfortable with them. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 So long as you're happy with yourself, it doesn't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 A combination of that and constantly asking me why I don't want to more than friends--even after I make it clear that I'm not interested in them as more than friends. At this point, it's gotten so bad that they're not even my friends anymore because I don't feel comfortable with them. Are you just now learning that many men that you think are on the platonic page with you actually have been planning on dating and were never intending to be just friends? Thats life my dear. When you are the image of "sexy" in mens eyes, most of the single and hungry ones will not want to be just friends if they are attracted to you. The ones that arent attracted to you probably wont go out of their way to hang out. You are going to have to live suspicious of single men that want to hang out with you, even after you tell them they have no chance. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveandSuch Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Are you just now learning that many men that you think are on the platonic page with you actually have been planning on dating and were never intending to be just friends? Thats life my dear. When you are the image of "sexy" in mens eyes, most of the single and hungry ones will not want to be just friends if they are attracted to you. The ones that arent attracted to you probably wont go out of their way to hang out. You are going to have to live suspicious of single men that want to hang out with you, even after you tell them they have no chance. So true. It has not a thing to do with you personally. Men are visual creatures. Just because they look, does not mean they want much more then just looking, enjoying the scenery, and going about their day. The same men are doing this all day with other nice looking women, as well. Some are more apparent than others. There really is not much you can do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Well, you can either see it as a threat, or see it as a compliment. If they keep badgering you, that's irritating, so you tell them to piss off if they are badgering you. It's the badgering, not the subject, that's annoying you (or at least, it can be such). Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Yes, I DO know and have access to intelligent men BUT: 1) that doesn't mean I want to date them. 2) just because they're intelligent and educated doesn't mean they can't be sleazeballs, too. I didn't notice anybody else honing in on this....I mean, I am all about being respected for who I am and not what I offer sexually, but on the same token, you have to want a man who will want you for who you are and not just for your sexuality. I agree with your second point, but likely, the guys who would see you for more than just your body are the very guys you're rejecting. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Yes, I DO know and have access to intelligent men BUT: 1) that doesn't mean I want to date them. 2) just because they're intelligent and educated doesn't mean they can't be sleazeballs, too. I agree with ShatteredReality. A classic case of someone saying that they want one thing but actually (maybe without realizing it) wanting another. So, these guys that do seem to appreciate your deeper qualities -- are they (the guys) ugly, "boring", "asexual"? I think you've painted yourself into a corner. Ideally, how would a guy approach you for dating? From his perspective, there doesn't seem to be any room between getting friendzoned on one side and not appreciating your deeper qualities enough on the other. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Maybe she doesn't want to date right now? Link to post Share on other sites
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