I've hate my job yet feel trapped

[Sugarkane]

D Lish your boss sounds like mine. The woman is a bully and loves putting everyone down too. She was away this week and everyone was so happy at my work. It was so less stressful without someone constantly losing it over small things and yelling at people. Everyone hates her. But my boss never sees it. Coz when he's there she is on her best behaviour and is constantly brown nosing him.

 

I also want to leave, I just don't know what to do next. My supervisor has put me off ever working for someone else again. Now I understand why people work for themsleves.

[oldguy]

I was in a similar situation but rather than tell you my story I'll tell you that I discovered that it was the things that owned me; big house, cars, properties, horses, plane & all that STUFF I was working for, all that Stuff that 'owned' me was not worth the grand life everyone else thought I was living. Fortunately just before the economy crashed I got rid of everything I didn't need, (the things I could live without), focused on paying for everything I felt I needed. Essentially I downsized, simplified, stopped living the 'great American dream' that everyone else had convinced me I should be living since... before I can remember.

It's taken a few years and has been a process but I don't work for things or a lifestyle that made me resent the work I did to keep those things or resent the things because I had to work a crap job to keep them.

 

No, I don't live in a grass hut on a tropical beach, yet, that's a few steps away:laugh: But I sleep better, I'm happier & I appreciate what I have, because I do own it rather that it owning me & even the crap that comes up with all jobs doesn't have the same effect because there isn't so much 'weight' tied to it. Take part of your upcoming holiday to 'get away from everything'. 'Eat Pray Love' A good movie for you right now

[Eddie Edirol]

N

 

And $1300 a month is cheap for Toronto.

 

That's the thing, I'm not willing to move backwards at the age of 41. I've already had a major setback losing my business, and I've worked hard to get back to where I am. I hate my job, but I'll stick it out until something acceptable comes along. Hence the title of my thread= feeling trapped.

 

I'll take a pay cut to move from where I am, I just need to find the right career path that I can get into with my qualifications and experience. That's more what I was looking for- feedback on what sort of work I might be able to get into given only having retail experience. I've only had experience with merchandising, sales and counselling. I have a good position right now (I just hate being screamed at every day)- I want to figure out how my skills and qualifications will transfer to a different career path that isn't a sales driven environment.

 

Ah, so since you wont move to a place outside of toronto that is 900$, youre not feeling trapped youre feeling entitled. I understand you dont want to move backward at 41, but you might not have a choice.

 

But with your experience, there no reason why you cant manage stores at another retail chain, or maybe even radio. Theres plenty of store management that you can apply for that might not have the same kind of insane boss. Maybe even management of employees at certain companies that arent retail, yknow, just office management. I think your experience will count more than relevance to the jobs in any industry, you never know hat job you can run into that you never knew you were good at....

[threebyfate]

D, with your looks, charm, sense of humour, intelligence and people skills, have you considered marketing as a future possibility?

[daphne]

Letting things roll off my back are hard for me given the anxiety. Everytime my phone rings my heart jumps into my throat... But given that I have started back on my meds- my anxiety is starting to get better.

My heart isn't into my job anymore, so I've become less tolerant of her yelling and insults. She hung up on me last week because I argued with her about something she wanted done that was ridiculous. It was good, because she was so mad at me, she left me alone for almost 2 days.

 

I must admit, after reading through your thread, I feel a lot better about my own job. There's been a lot of drama there and it's really stressful. I often feel trapped as well. However, I have the right to yell back and discipline people that act out of line. I can't imagine if my BOSS was behaving this way. Then I'd really be trapped.

 

I know that you don't want to adjust your lifestyle dramatically. I totally get that. I'm in the same boat. I have a job that pays extremely well. If I wanted to get another one like it, I'd probably have to leave the city I'm in. I am used to being able to buy almost anything I want, within reason. How do you go backwards? I don't have the answer. I do know, if I was in your unbearable situation taking meds for anxiety, I'd be willing to give up the expensive shoes and vacations and get a honda and tell the woman to f** herself. But you may have built up a tolerance level that you don't see how awful it is, except when you get back from vacation. You are probably risking your health (heart disease) in this environment.

 

Do you have 6 mos to a year saved up? I know that makes me feel like everything will be ok no matter what happens. Personally, I've considered getting my mba. I would start looking at this as an exit plan. Someone mentioned career counseling. I would make time to research a good center and follow through. Find what would make you happy and make you money. Save money. Make a plan. If you can organize these goals one by one, you will start to see what your options and it will reduce your feelings of helplessness and like you are doing nothing to improve your life. The latter seems to have quite a bit to do with why you stay. Inertia. I am speaking from experience.

[D-Lish]

I must admit, after reading through your thread, I feel a lot better about my own job. There's been a lot of drama there and it's really stressful. I often feel trapped as well. However, I have the right to yell back and discipline people that act out of line. I can't imagine if my BOSS was behaving this way. Then I'd really be trapped.

 

I know that you don't want to adjust your lifestyle dramatically. I totally get that. I'm in the same boat. I have a job that pays extremely well. If I wanted to get another one like it, I'd probably have to leave the city I'm in. I am used to being able to buy almost anything I want, within reason. How do you go backwards? I don't have the answer. I do know, if I was in your unbearable situation taking meds for anxiety, I'd be willing to give up the expensive shoes and vacations and get a honda and tell the woman to f** herself. But you may have built up a tolerance level that you don't see how awful it is, except when you get back from vacation. You are probably risking your health (heart disease) in this environment.

 

Do you have 6 mos to a year saved up? I know that makes me feel like everything will be ok no matter what happens. Personally, I've considered getting my mba. I would start looking at this as an exit plan. Someone mentioned career counseling. I would make time to research a good center and follow through. Find what would make you happy and make you money. Save money. Make a plan. If you can organize these goals one by one, you will start to see what your options and it will reduce your feelings of helplessness and like you are doing nothing to improve your life. The latter seems to have quite a bit to do with why you stay. Inertia. I am speaking from experience.

 

Thanks Daphne, that's good advice.

I could take a pay cut and still afford my rent and car, and my car is paid for which is nice. I have some savings, but not six months. If I wanted to go back to school, my dad said he would pay for it- but I do enjoy having an income.

 

I have been doing a lot of research online, and career counselling is probably a good idea as well.

 

I am going to use this next week to job search. I met my RM for lunch today and she flat out asked me if I was thinking of quitting (another Manager has quit and so has another Area Manager this week). I didn't know what to say- because we have a friendship, and I know she'd take it personally if I told her that I was thinking of moving on. I told her I was stressed just like everyone else (including her) from being bullied, but wasn't looking for anything else. She's actually the only reason I have stayed as long as I have.

[Nexus One]

I am going to use this next week to job search. I met my RM for lunch today and she flat out asked me if I was thinking of quitting (another Manager has quit and so has another Area Manager this week). I didn't know what to say- because we have a friendship, and I know she'd take it personally if I told her that I was thinking of moving on. I told her I was stressed just like everyone else (including her) from being bullied, but wasn't looking for anything else. She's actually the only reason I have stayed as long as I have.

 

All those managers that have quit and are thinking about quitting or are stressed out should collectively quit. Make a stand in numbers. When you quit one by one you give the owner or her minions time to re-hire and the effect doesn't have as much impact.

 

If you value the friendship of that one particular colleague and you both quit at the same time, then you can look for a job together at the same companies. Looking for a job together with a friend gives a lot more confidence, because you feel you stand stronger together.

[D-Lish]

All those managers that have quit and are thinking about quitting or are stressed out should collectively quit. Make a stand in numbers. When you quit one by one you give the owner or her minions time to re-hire and the effect doesn't have as much impact.

 

If you value the friendship of that one particular colleague and you both quit at the same time, then you can look for a job together at the same companies. Looking for a job together with a friend gives a lot more confidence, because you feel you stand stronger together.

 

I've jokingly told her to quit and take me with her (she's my boss). I would have quit 6 months ago if I had something else to go to. As stressed as she is, I would think she stays for the money. If I brought up quitting, I think she'd get upset with me.

 

I am so happy to have a break this week.

[Nexus One]

I'm getting way ahead of myself here, so take this question with a grain of salt.

 

Do you have experience in business to business sales? With that I mean making deals with companies and selling large numbers of products at once to them under contract?

 

Like I said, I'm getting way ahead of myself here and I might never get back to you on this, but I'm asking it as something for me to keep in mind (potentially) for the future. I can't get into any details, but I was just wondering if you had experience with business to business sales (landing contracts).

Edited August 15, 2011 by Nexus One

[daphne]

Thanks Daphne, that's good advice.

I could take a pay cut and still afford my rent and car, and my car is paid for which is nice. I have some savings, but not six months. If I wanted to go back to school, my dad said he would pay for it- but I do enjoy having an income.

 

I have been doing a lot of research online, and career counselling is probably a good idea as well.

 

I am going to use this next week to job search. I met my RM for lunch today and she flat out asked me if I was thinking of quitting (another Manager has quit and so has another Area Manager this week). I didn't know what to say- because we have a friendship, and I know she'd take it personally if I told her that I was thinking of moving on. I told her I was stressed just like everyone else (including her) from being bullied, but wasn't looking for anything else. She's actually the only reason I have stayed as long as I have.

 

Aw thanks. I try.

 

I probably wouldn't tell teh manager my intentions. It could put you and her in a really bad position. Especially if and when you leave and she has to answer someone about whether or not she knew.

[D-Lish]

I'm getting way ahead of myself here, so take this question with a grain of salt.

 

Do you have experience in business to business sales? With that I mean making deals with companies and selling large numbers of products at once to them under contract?

 

Like I said, I'm getting way ahead of myself here and I might never get back to you on this, but I'm asking it as something for me to keep in mind (potentially) for the future. I can't get into any details, but I was just wondering if you had experience with business to business sales (landing contracts).

 

Nope, I've only been a buyer- which is something I know I'd be really good at, just a tough business to crack.

 

Aw thanks. I try.

 

I probably wouldn't tell teh manager my intentions. It could put you and her in a really bad position. Especially if and when you leave and she has to answer someone about whether or not she knew.

 

I would stress her out and it would change the dynamic of our relationship pretty much immediately.

[Mikosun]

It's my site.

[betterdeal]

I always say when someone asks, and I say why. It has always gone down well, more so when it's with someone I consider a friend as well as a colleague. Managers need to know what they have and the more advance notice they have, the better they can deal with it.

 

My advice would be to tell her you're thinking of leaving, why you're thinking it, and then set a date in your mind, based on when you feel will be best for you. Then give your notice.

 

I'm skint, and finished work in May. My tenancy has been revoked as the landlord wanted 6 months rent in advance because I didn't have a permanent job any more. That's stressful, sure, but on the flip-side I have started (and wound up) a business idea I've wanted to try out for decades, and found a new job working half the hours for the same pay as the old one, except from home (wherever that will be) so home can now be pretty much anywhere in Europe and the company is much smaller and therefore has less deadweight to contend with. All in all, my life is much better now I have left a job that I didn't like any more.

[D-Lish]

I always say when someone asks, and I say why. It has always gone down well, more so when it's with someone I consider a friend as well as a colleague. Managers need to know what they have and the more advance notice they have, the better they can deal with it.

 

My advice would be to tell her you're thinking of leaving, why you're thinking it, and then set a date in your mind, based on when you feel will be best for you. Then give your notice.

 

I'm skint, and finished work in May. My tenancy has been revoked as the landlord wanted 6 months rent in advance because I didn't have a permanent job any more. That's stressful, sure, but on the flip-side I have started (and wound up) a business idea I've wanted to try out for decades, and found a new job working half the hours for the same pay as the old one, except from home (wherever that will be) so home can now be pretty much anywhere in Europe and the company is much smaller and therefore has less deadweight to contend with. All in all, my life is much better now I have left a job that I didn't like any more.

 

We actually spoke the other day- I gave her my new salary expectations and said if I didn't get it I was going to leave. She admitted she is thinking of leaving as well.

 

When I was hired I was lured with the bonus situation- then when I made my bonus my second month on the job, the owner started setting the goals so high, the chances of making bonus are so unrealistic, it's beyond ridiculous.

 

We actually had a really good talk about how both of us are so stressed out by our owner screaming and nit-picking at us on a daily basis that we've both resorted to taking anti-anxiety meds and sleeping pills.

 

The other day the owner created a transfer of goods from one of my stores to a new store. Of the 900 items, the transfer was off by one piece, ONE PIECE- and she instructed me to fire the Manager of the store that sent out the transer. I'm actually at that point where I am starting to defy her, and I did refuse to fire the manager. I told her if she wanted her fired for that she could do it herself.

 

My RM and I have talked about moving somewhere else together. She's looking for something new and has asked if she could find me a similar position, would I go with her. I told her I would. It might mean going back to managing a single store- but having a boss that believes in you, and maybe being in a different environment where there is more opportunity might be a smart option. I've been looking into other AM positions, but most co's want 5 years multi-management experience.

[gogozodbrpcc]

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[betterdeal]

There, sounds a lot better already, no?

 

You have a, er, sister-in-arms from this and opportunities opening up. I think business owners have been relying on the fear factor for too long (since the start of the recession) and part of the reason the recession is dragging on is because people are too afraid to move, ergo it's hard for newer companies to attract the right staff and so change the marketplace to suit conditions better.

 

Glad to hear you spoke with her about it.

[D-Lish]

There, sounds a lot better already, no?

 

You have a, er, sister-in-arms from this and opportunities opening up. I think business owners have been relying on the fear factor for too long (since the start of the recession) and part of the reason the recession is dragging on is because people are too afraid to move, ergo it's hard for newer companies to attract the right staff and so change the marketplace to suit conditions better.

 

Glad to hear you spoke with her about it.

 

She actually provided a great segway for the conversation by venting about how stressed she was and I asked HER why she wasn't looking for other jobs... So that opened her up to saying she's been considering it- and that's when I was able to talk openly about wanting more money and being stressed myself. I joked "Take me with you if you leave"... And that led to a more serious conversation about things.

 

You can't rule with fear, it creates an incredibly stressful and resentful environment. The way she makes me feel, the way she makes the Managers feel, no one is motivated to push sales for her.

[Nexus One]

When I was hired I was lured with the bonus situation- then when I made my bonus my second month on the job, the owner started setting the goals so high, the chances of making bonus are so unrealistic, it's beyond ridiculous.

 

I believe in giving people a guaranteed percentage of the profit they generate for me, because it's a good motivator. It's an alternative to bonus targets. That way employees, freelancers or contractors get a guaranteed bonus so to say, whether they generate a low profit or a high one. In that way it would benefit them to generate higher profits, because their payout is directly linked to the profit they make for me. (via an agreed upon percentage)

Edited August 30, 2011 by Nexus One

[D-Lish]

All those managers that have quit and are thinking about quitting or are stressed out should collectively quit. Make a stand in numbers. When you quit one by one you give the owner or her minions time to re-hire and the effect doesn't have as much impact.

 

If you value the friendship of that one particular colleague and you both quit at the same time, then you can look for a job together at the same companies. Looking for a job together with a friend gives a lot more confidence, because you feel you stand stronger together.

 

The thing is- the owner is CHEAP- and when a Manager quits- she is never in a hurry to hire a new one, she just makes ME micro manage the daily operations of my stores without managers. I've been running from store to store in my district acting as AM and M- because 2 of my 4 stores (soon to be six - but no raise for taking on those extra 2 stores) do not have a manager.

 

My RM has 18 stores, and in total I'd say 40% of the stores are currently operating without a manager.

[threebyfate]

D, you've got an opportunity here. What you're building is employee loyalty and when you find another job, make sure your ex-employees know where you've gone. This way, instead of having to head hunt, they will come to you and in no way will you have violated any non-comp/muzzle agreements.

[Nexus One]

The thing is- the owner is CHEAP- and when a Manager quits- she is never in a hurry to hire a new one, she just makes ME micro manage the daily operations of my stores without managers. I've been running from store to store in my district acting as AM and M- because 2 of my 4 stores (soon to be six - but no raise for taking on those extra 2 stores) do not have a manager.

 

My RM has 18 stores, and in total I'd say 40% of the stores are currently operating without a manager.

 

Except when enough people quit at the same time, then the company's organisational system/structure is bound to break. She can't keep shoving all the work of the people who quit onto the ones who don't. There's a limit to what an organisation at a company can take. Considering the pressure you're under and the fact that you and your colleague want to quit (after others already did), I'd say that limit has been passed a while ago already.

 

The only point that that break of structure would have though is for her to realize that her style of running the company, i.e. with an iron fist while at the same time being unreasonable, isn't working.

 

But from the description you've given regarding the way she treats people and the way she acts, I wonder if that realization will ever dawn on her.

[threebyfate]

I wouldn't recommend screwing with a previous employer by quitting as a unit. You want to maintain good relations since in the future, you may need them for a reference. It's also possible they might end up to be the only option for employment sometime in the future.

 

Toe the line so all your past references are glowing and rehire is an option.

[D-Lish]

D, you've got an opportunity here. What you're building is employee loyalty and when you find another job, make sure your ex-employees know where you've gone. This way, instead of having to head hunt, they will come to you and in no way will you have violated any non-comp/muzzle agreements.

 

You know what is funny? She just texted me asking me if I'd move to Vancouver. Apparantly she engaged a head hunter and has an opportunity and an interview. I just signed a year lease :-(

 

If I moved to a different company and stayed in retail- I can gurantee you 90% of the girls would come with me if I asked. The managers and staff that have stayed tell me that it's because they are loyal to me because I treat them with respect and give them a lot of support and compassion.

 

Obviously I am a buffer between myself and the stores I look after. If the managers knew what the owner screamed about everyday, they'd quit. They only get a quarter of the flack I get- and I know I only get 50% of the flack my RM gets.

[Nexus One]

I wouldn't recommend screwing with a previous employer by quitting as a unit. You want to maintain good relations since in the future, you may need them for a reference. It's also possible they might end up to be the only option for employment sometime in the future.

 

Toe the line so all your past references are glowing and rehire is an option.

 

With a boss like D-Lish described, I doubt it's possible to get good references from her boss at all when you quit, let alone get rehired by her. Unless of course her iron fist and unreasonable way of treating employees is an act and she's bluffing when she makes threats.

[threebyfate]

You know what is funny? She just texted me asking me if I'd move to Vancouver. Apparantly she engaged a head hunter and has an opportunity and an interview. I just signed a year lease :-(

Vancouver is wonderful (homer cheers!) but Toronto has far more retail opportunities.

 

If I moved to a different company and stayed in retail- I can gurantee you 90% of the girls would come with me if I asked. The managers and staff that have stayed tell me that it's because they are loyal to me because I treat them with respect and give them a lot of support and compassion.

So now, not only are you an excellent people motivator as an area supe, you also come with a ready made staff. Time to sell yourself!!

 

Obviously I am a buffer between myself and the stores I look after. If the managers knew what the owner screamed about everyday, they'd quit. They only get a quarter of the flack I get- and I know I only get 50% of the flack my RM gets.

When...not if, you leave, the removal of yourself as a barrier, will only help to illustrate to staff why they need to approach you for a job!