Do you know whether you're attractive or not? And leagues

[spiderowl]

I have absolutely no idea what league I'm supposed to be in. I seem to be one of these women who is not at all beautiful but is attractive to certain guys. I frequently got approached in public when I was young and was very confused about it because I know I'm not pretty or anything like that. At times it got positively scary and I was followed a few times, just going about my normal business, say travelling home on the train from college. I could sense when it was about to happen and could almost feel them fixing on me and approaching. When I passed a guy and felt this, I just knew he was going to reappear again and approach me. I found it frightening and confusing and used to do my best not to attract attention and to be looking the other way so I didn't catch anyone's eye. It didn't work.

 

I could never predict what kind of guy was going to be interested. A lot of really attractive guys asked me out and I refused. I seriously didn't think they were interested in me and thought they were just being friendly. Some of them were actually nice guys too so I kick myself now for turning them down. I don't understand what it was that seemed to draw some guys and it was certainly nothing obvious to me. Now I'm older, it still happens sometimes but not in the scary way it used to. I find guys often seem shy with me and I don't understand that either. It's as if they are seeing someone different to the person I'm seeing. I've only just learned, after all this time, that if a guy wants to spend time with me it is sometimes because he's attracted. I still find it hard to believe that guys are attracted to someone I see as quite plain.

Edited July 13, 2011 by spiderowl

[Wolf18]

Is Adonis an actual person on LS? Cause I see him referenced often when 'hot' bodies are being discussed. Obviously I get the reference from Greek mythology... but is there a real person using that name here on LS?

 

Adonis I need pics![/Quote]

 

It's a pop culture reference to male aesthetic beauty, which Adonis was supposed to embody. Unfortunately in the age of steroids and men who have 4 hours a day to spare on working out, Adonis would get laughed out of any bar or club in NYC by women.

[Lil1]

Haha! Ok I get it!

 

Darn... I was looking forward to seeing some sexy pics from an LS hottie "Adonis" lol!

[KR10N]

I take it most people do have an idea of how attractive they are, since most people seem to know what league to aim for?

 

I mean, not to sound mean or anything, but you'll hardly ever see an ugly guy hitting on a very attractive woman, or vise versa, because they'd know they'd just look ridiculous.

 

As for myself, I'm sure you all know by now that I've really got no idea about how attractvive I am or whether I even am attractive or ugly.

 

I'm just wondering how common it is to have a good idea of how attractive you are.

I have no idea at how attractive I am, or at all.

 

Eh, I certainly wouldn't say you're ugly (if that's you in your pic?). I'm not into redheads either, so... physically you do nothing for me.

[Rinas]

I think most people would rate themselves lower than how others see them.

/shrug.

[carhill]

I'm just wondering how common it is to have a good idea of how attractive you are

 

For some of us, we'll die with it being a mystery. For others, they are conscripted to a life of slavery with it as their master. Personally, I'm happy to not have everyone and their wannabe uncle clamoring for my attention and favors. I'm glad that is afforded to those precious few who win life's lottery. Go get 'em.

[KR10N]

I think most people would rate themselves lower than how others see them.

/shrug.

I'm definitely the type to do this. However, I don't even know what constitutes as attractive/unattractive on a scale of 1-10. I've never rated a man on a scale of 1-10, I don't see the point. If you find someone attractive (physically or personally) then that's all that really matters.

[iris219]

It's hard to look in the mirror and accurately gauge your own attractiveness. I think it's hard to do even in photos.

 

Has anyone of ever had this happen? You catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror or window and you don't realize it's you for a second. Right before you realize it's you, you judge the attractiveness of the person. It's a strange phenomenon and a more accurate way to determine what you really look like.

[Rinas]

It's hard to look in the mirror and accurately gauge your own attractiveness. I think it's hard to do even in photos.

 

Has anyone of ever had this happen? You catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror or window and you don't realize it's you for a second. Right before you realize it's you, you judge the attractiveness of the person. It's a strange phenomenon and a more accurate way to determine what you really look like.

 

Sometimes I forget that it's me looking back.

 

If I were to go by photos it's not always accurate for me, in some I look horrible due to lighting. I tend to go by the mirror, but in general people will always see us differently than we see ourselves.

[KR10N]

It's hard to look in the mirror and accurately gauge your own attractiveness. I think it's hard to do even in photos.

 

Has anyone of ever had this happen? You catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror or window and you don't realize it's you for a second. Right before you realize it's you, you judge the attractiveness of the person. It's a strange phenomenon and a more accurate way to determine what you really look like.

It's funny that you mention that. I was at my mothers last week looking at photos. I came across a graduation photo, while not paying attention, assumed it was a daughter of one of my moms friends. I said, "she's pretty, is that a daughter of a friend?" My mother gave me the oddest look & just laughed. I didn't understand, until I actually looked at the photo. After realising it was me, I felt ridiculous for saying that. Seeing as how I'm not into my looks in the first place, it was odd to view myself like that. It was a good ego boost for a whole 10 mins.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think I have a good idea of how attractive I am. I am slightly above average, somewhat pretty but not exceptionally so.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Sometimes I really have no idea. I know I'm average at least. I am tall, which is sometimes viewed by men as a negative. I don't have a large chest (wavers between 32B and 32C) which I'm occasionally insecure about. I'm extremely pale and don't even try to tan. I feel these things prevent me from being considered "conventionally" attractive, but I'm okay with that.

 

I modeled briefly, but as we all know, fashion models are not excellent representations of what men find attractive (in fact sometimes it's exactly what they don't find attractive).

 

As for leagues, it's all a wash. I've passed men on the street who were objectively unattractive that didn't give me a moment's glance. On the other hand, I've been pursued by men that I considered highly attractive (including my bf) on a number of levels.

 

I completely agree with the sentiment that one person's "9" is another person's "5."

 

Current bf seems to think I'm the hottest thing since sliced bread. And really, his is the only opinion I care about (beyond my own).

 

One absolute fact is that confidence is extremely attractive on anyone.

Edited July 13, 2011 by kiss_andmakeup

[welikeincrowds]

Threads like these make me feel pretty good about being the most attractive guy in the world the United States my neighborhood my apartment building.

 

But seriously, I think I could take my neighborhood. I find that it really helps to have a sense of humor about these things. For example, I installed light dimmers all over my apartment, and it wasn't for extra $2 a month off my utilities, you feel me?

 

Plus, "attractiveness" is pretty absurd. If you can "open your eyes" to this it makes life a little easier to bear. For instance, you could probably rate 50 women on a scale from 1-10 no problem. But could you rate 50 chimps that way? Could you even tell them apart? Back to humans: her breast's nipple is upwards more by this many centimeters, and has this many more ounces of fat in it, and suddenly it's the hottest bag of fat ever? What is our obsession with ( Y )-shaped ovals? I've gone on a rant on here before about how gross human hair is (I'm sorry). I know I'm sounding ridiculous, but if you try to sit down with someone and have them explain why someone is attractive, and I mean really why, it won't sound any better. It's all arbitrary, and a sure way to go crazy is to take it too seriously.

[Ross MwcFan]

I have numerous men who find me to be attractive, I also have some who see me as the opposite.

 

What matters most is how you see yourself. I won't be everyone's cup of tea, and I'm okay with that.

 

If I'm not good enough for someone, they're likely not good enough for me either.

 

Hmmm, aren't you Rinnix?

[Rinas]

Hmmm, aren't you Rinnix?

 

Recognize my typing, or my charming looks?

[oaks]

I think I'm of above-average attractiveness,

 

You definitely have above average body yumminess, judging from the photos in your sig.

[musemaj11]

There is such a thing as universal beauty.

 

Lauren Conrad will be considered attractive by most men whether they are in USA or in Hong Kong.

[Taramere]

I take it most people do have an idea of how attractive they are, since most people seem to know what league to aim for?

 

I mean, not to sound mean or anything, but you'll hardly ever see an ugly guy hitting on a very attractive woman, or vise versa, because they'd know they'd just look ridiculous.

 

As for myself, I'm sure you all know by now that I've really got no idea about how attractvive I am or whether I even am attractive or ugly.

 

I'm just wondering how common it is to have a good idea of how attractive you are.

 

No idea, really. It tends to come down to whether you're the other person's "type" or not. I don't think I have a particularly sexual face. I've good bone structure, but my face has always had a bit of a serious, earnest look about it. That puts me into the category of person-everybody-wants-to-confide in, rather than the woman everybody wants to shag.

 

When I was in my teens and twenties, it was a source of friction with my best friend that while she was the one the majority of guys zoomed in on, often when a really good looking/sexy guy came on the scene he would often go for me. That's probably less about being physically attractive, more about giving off the faint "prude" vibe that guys like that often view as a challenge. Also, I've often found that men who are very attractive physically often place less stock in women's looks than more average men do. Maybe physical beauty is less of a big deal to them.

 

So putting yourself and others in a particular league isn't always possible or sensible. You might find yourself at some point being pursued by somebody you consider to be a lot more physically attractive than you are. Other times you might be rejected flatly by somebody who others generally consider unattractive but who had something about them you thought was cute.

[rafallus]

There is such a thing as universal beauty.

 

Lauren Conrad will be considered attractive by most men whether they are in USA or in Hong Kong.

 

Chubby chasers will disagree vocally.

 

Also people around renaissance were valuing overweight ladies as beauty. Paleness was beautiful too - tan was considered to be the sign of a lowly peasant working in the sun.

[Dusk1983]

I think most people would rate themselves lower than how others see them.

/shrug.

 

I'm afraid all the psychological research in this area indicates the exact opposite.

[Rinas]

I'm afraid all the psychological research in this area indicates the exact opposite.

 

Hm, well from what I've seen from close friends and acquaintances, they all tend to see themselves as lower. However, this could be tied to lower self esteem.

 

Either way, more people in the study could have been more positive concerning their appearance.

[Taramere]

I'm afraid all the psychological research in this area indicates the exact opposite.

 

If somebody admits "I think I'm below average" they're making themselves vulnerable by confessing to low self esteem. I think most people would agree that it's healthy for somebody to view themselves as reasonably attractive. How do you define that on a scale, if asked? "Slightly above the average." That requires people to upgrade or downgrade others' appearance in order to conclude whether they personally are attractive.

 

Maybe to get a true picture it would be better to get away from the "scale" notion and just ask people something like "when you look at yourself in the mirror or see a photo of yourself, do you feel

 

a) a squirming sensation of horror and sickness in the pit of your stomach

b) strong distaste

c) mild distaste

d) general indifference

e) mild pleasure

f) strong pleasure

g) pure unadulterated glee, a sense of intoxicating success and strong desire for yourself...tinged with bittersweet sadness about your own mortality.

[ascendotum]

People who think leagues don't exist are just lucky enough to be so attractive they don't need them. If they were ugly, they'd realize leagues are still alive and well. It takes being on the bottom of the totem pole to see it. For instance, I absolutely never get hit on, flirted with, or asked out. I am, in fact, so ugly not even virgin nerds will stoop to hitting on me.

 

I agree with this, having lost a fair bit of weight at times due to health condition, I was left in no doubt my ranking had dropped markedly.

V - as for the virgin nerds, I am sure they're up for it, you just need to be a bit blunt that you are.

 

I think most people would rate themselves lower than how others see them.

I thought along the same lines as Dusk, and that the psychological research did show otherwise.

I have mixed feelings about this. I think the really beautiful people and really ugly people have no doubt and its the avg and slightly above or below people who are unsure, but like to think positively. I have definitely had quite a contrast in gfs or women who flirted with me or were nasty to me but it was very much correlated to my weight, so I am not too perplexed over it. With guys there is a contrast in type for those considered above average. How masculine a guy is will make him more attractive, but at the same time you have women/girls gushing over pretty guys with looks like Justin Bieber, Gerard Way, Micheal Jackson, etc. Confidence comes into play here too, to a markedly greater degree than it needs to for women to be considered higher league.

 

I see some of the women here downplay the 'leagues' aspect, and in real life a number of the women I know/knew also downplayed it, but when these women were single at a club and had loosened up a bit after a few drinks, they sure didn't consider themselves so low on the league ladder then, when guys approached them. I find too many women seem to have guys pegged as either loser/creeps or great guy.

With women, there's conflicting forces at work. They are more insecure about their looks than guys + also looks play a bigger factor in their LT relationship success, but at the same time it is much easier for a woman to score above her league when its ONs or flings or FWBs.

 

Ross have you scored with a women you consider pretty (and she wasn't drunk or going thru some sort of crises post badboy breakup)

Do you get short shift from average looking women when you chat them up? You can't determine where you stand on the basis of how you rate the women you have been with or the behaviour of what you consider above average single women when you flirt with them?

[Ross MwcFan]

If he was ugly... he'd already know the answer.

 

How would I know?

[Ross MwcFan]

I

It's not hard to realize how attractive other people you are. People will tell you. Or people who are interested in you will hit on you or tell you how attractive they find you.

 

For me it's been different, this is why it's so hard for me to be able to tell. I've only kissed a few girls, (I think 2 of them did it just to make their ex's jealous, and the other one did it for a dare), but apart from that I've never been hit on irl. I've been rejected plenty of times, been told that I'm really ugly, even by girls who are unattractive themselves. Yet quite a few people have told me that I'm good looking.

 

So I've got no idea what to think.