Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 He FINALLY communicated with me via email today. He said that he was out of town this weekend and that he needed some space. Upside is, he'll be dropping my stuff off! Yay! As far as I'm concerned, he can have all the space that he wants. I'm not an idiot, I can recognize excuses when they're hurled in my direction. "I just need some space" is tantamount to "I don't want to be with you anymore, but I don't want to sound too harsh and totally appear like a douche." Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I feel like perhaps I missed something somewhere. I feel like you completely over reacted. Did you need to jump the gun to stay in control? His reason makes sense to me. You spend a lot of time together, and sometimes you just want your own time. Maybe there is something I haven't read on this or another thread. I just don't see why you had blow this out of proportion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) I don't think I overreacted. How he'd been behaving the past week had been totally different from how he used to act. If he had to go out of town, he'd let me know. And besides, before the past week, we'd only been spending one day a week with each other. I made sure not to make him feel as though I was being needy or clingy by constantly texting or calling him. If he had wanted space, I'd given him a lot of it. I never demanded anything from him. Even if it were true that he left for the weekend, if he really didn't want me to worry about us and if he really wanted to be with me, why couldn't he have messaged me as soon as he read my messages and try to dissuade me from breaking things off? I think that if he genuinely cared, he would've sensed the urgency of what I'd told him and would've addressed it right away. He had been thinking about ending things with me but wasn't really sure. It just so happened that I said it first, so he felt like he should say something too so that he won't totally turn out to be a bad guy. I think that I deserve to be with someone who'd respond to my needs even if it weren't convenient for him sometimes. Edited July 12, 2011 by gothowitz Link to post Share on other sites
iJester Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 You didn't overreact at all. He wanted to end it, but didn't have the balls for whatever reason. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I feel like perhaps I missed something somewhere. I feel like you completely over reacted. Did you need to jump the gun to stay in control? His reason makes sense to me. You spend a lot of time together, and sometimes you just want your own time. Maybe there is something I haven't read on this or another thread. I just don't see why you had blow this out of proportion. I don't think she was over-reacting at all. They'd been dating for 5 months, then he fell off the face of the earth for what...5 days?! Jeez, I'd at least have the courtesy to let my SO know, "Hey, I need some space. I might be kind of distant (AKA completely non-communicative) for the next few days." If this happened with my SO, I'd worry that something had happened to him. Nobody should put someone they care about through that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 I've always believed that how a person breaks up with you, the worst possible scenario in any relationship, says a lot about that person. In my opinion, everything that he had done or didn't do, as it were, told me everything I needed to know before coming up with my decision to formally end things. I don't want to spend the next few months or years of my life with someone who'll just up and go anytime he pleases without any regard to my feelings. I don't want someone who's my boyfriend only when it's convenient for him. Link to post Share on other sites
SnowandStars Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I feel like perhaps I missed something somewhere. I feel like you completely over reacted. Did you need to jump the gun to stay in control? His reason makes sense to me. You spend a lot of time together, and sometimes you just want your own time. Maybe there is something I haven't read on this or another thread. I just don't see why you had blow this out of proportion. No, it makes no sense. Adults communicate, they don't just completely ignore you. For all he knows, she could have been worried sick thinking he was hurt or in jail. Link to post Share on other sites
GG3 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 No, it makes no sense. Adults communicate, they don't just completely ignore you. For all he knows, she could have been worried sick thinking he was hurt or in jail. Exactly. If he wanted some space he could have said something. You don't just disappear on someone you've been seeing for 5 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 It's funny how he asked for some space after I'd finally had the lady balls to say that our relationship was over. I don't know if it's a ploy to save face or his way to say that he may come back. I'm not gonna sit around to wait and find out. Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 It's funny how he asked for some space after I'd finally had the lady balls to say that our relationship was over. I don't know if it's a ploy to save face or his way to say that he may come back. I'm not gonna sit around to wait and find out. You did great, he needed some space:p well he,s got it.. I wish you could pass on the strength to my friend she been with a guy for 4yrs he never picks up the phone.. rarely see's her prob about 1 time in 3 weeks and says she is pissing him off when she asks him about it.. I wish she would grow some lady balls as you call it;) You will be just fine.. dont waste a min thinking about him Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 Tell your friend that things will only get worse of she sticks around and puts up with that kind of treatment. Her boyfriend will think that if she tolerates being treated with neglect then she must want it 'cause she's not leaving him. I've had to put up with disrespect in my relationship and decided to follow my head. It hurts but I'll only be unhappier if I let him have any sort of control over me. I got some sage advice from married loved ones, and they said that whatever bad behaviour you put up with now will only get worse in time especially if you decide to get married. He's showing her who he really is, it's up to her to choose between putting four years behind her or looking forward to possibly more years of misery. Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger Beer Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Just read the thread. OP sounds like a nice person, you don't deserve to be treated like that. It's absolutely horrible when someone just pulls away like that and you're sat there wondering why. He gives decent men a bad name. Hope you're OK gothowitz. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothowitz Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 Just read the thread. OP sounds like a nice person, you don't deserve to be treated like that. It's absolutely horrible when someone just pulls away like that and you're sat there wondering why. He gives decent men a bad name. Hope you're OK gothowitz. Thank you for your kind words Ginger Beer! I'm holding up alright I guess. It's just not in my nature to play with people's feelings, and maybe my being too nice got me burned. I took care of him when he was sick like a dog, tried to restore his favorite shirt to its stainless glory, cooked for him, supported him when he got one job rejection after another... I wanted to do all these things because that's just who I am when I care for somebody. And I guess a part of me was also hoping that he'd see what he had with me so that he wouldn't take me for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
bluestraps Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Remember , Youre not alone. My girlfriend or maybe ex by now..IDK ALso broke my heart. Someday they will pay>>> Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 I took care of him when he was sick like a dog, tried to restore his favorite shirt to its stainless glory, cooked for him, supported him when he got one job rejection after another... Insecure people with low self-esteem might interpret the above to mean you think they are incompetent, stupid, a failure, can't take care of themselves, can't do anything right, etc. Nothing to do with you but with their own beliefs about themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts