tmar8888 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Hi I have a problem, my wife recently told me that when her and her girlfriends most married go out to a club , they flirt with guys to get drinks . My wife told me that she enjoys flirting cause its fun . And when I told her to stop cause it hurts me she looked and expressed her dissapointment cause its so much fun. Am I being crazy or is she crossing the line ? Everytime I think about it it bothers me cause she is married to me but she wants to flirt , and after she gets back from the club she is ussually drunk and wants to have sex with me , that bothers me a bit cause I keep thinking that other guys are turning her on at the club and don't know what that can lead to in the future. Am I being too aranoid? Please help . Side note we have 3 kids and are both in love and happilu married I think lol Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 She loves attention and admiration. She is at risk of having an affair and the bar is fertile ground for that. I second this - did you guys marry really young or something? Your WIFE says to you "but it's fun" when you express valid concern for something? That's unacceptable. She has kids...don't come home drunk and flirt with other men when you have kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tmar8888 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Share Posted June 10, 2011 While I don't think she's cheating it still really bothers me Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Ah, I've been on the other side, as the 'fluffer'. Tread with caution. Your M has been de-prioritized. Strong measures may be necessary. Hope you're up to them. Welcome to LS. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Hi I have a problem, my wife recently told me that when her and her girlfriends most married go out to a club , they flirt with guys to get drinks . My wife told me that she enjoys flirting cause its fun and highly disrespectful to you. And when I told her to stop cause it hurts me she looked and expressed her dissapointment cause its so much fun. Am I being crazy or is she crossing the line ? she is crossing the line. and I'll go you one better(and I don't want to hear it from the "your'e jumping the gun crowd"). if she hasn't cheated, should would if the perfect opportunity presents itself. flirting is showing interest in someone else. Your wife isn't a wife at all. and her and her friends are married, but want to act single. I bet she takes off her wedding ring. Everytime I think about it it bothers me cause she is married to me but she wants to flirt , and after she gets back from the club she is ussually drunk and wants to have sex with me , that bothers me a bit cause I keep thinking that other guys are turning her on at the club and don't know what that can lead to in the future. Am I being too aranoid? Please help . Side note we have 3 kids and are both in love and happilu married I think lol she needs to act like a wife and not a college girl. I wouldn't put up with this kind of behavior. Let me guess, she has you stay home with the kids while she goes out and has her little fun like this? you are headed for disaster if this is how she is. you are married to a woman that likes attention from other guys. I think its time you tell her that you won't put up with being married to someone like her. because simply expressing your feelings to a cold, unfeeling attention ho like this isn't going to do the trick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tmar8888 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Share Posted June 10, 2011 Could it possibly be just harmless or is she out for more Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Have a friend quietly observe. Answers will come. Alternatively, pay for a sitter and insist upon going out as a couple. Healthy, harmless flirting can go on while you each wink at the other across the room. Edited to ask age and if, prior to your marriage, your wife was promiscuous? We have a thread running on that and your data point could be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 she needs to act like a wife and not a college girl. I wouldn't put up with this kind of behavior. Let me guess, she has you stay home with the kids while she goes out and has her little fun like this? you are headed for disaster if this is how she is. you are married to a woman that likes attention from other guys. I think its time you tell her that you won't put up with being married to someone like her. because simply expressing your feelings to a cold, unfeeling attention ho like this isn't going to do the trick. I agree. at best, she needs fluffing and booze to go home to you excited. At worst, she is on the train to cheating land or has already gotten there. It's line in the sand time. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Could it possibly be just harmless or is she out for more Define harmless? Just because she isn't actually screwing someone, assuming she isn't, does not make it harmless. The very fact that you're here asking proves it's harming you and your marriage. If she wants to act single, she should be single. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Could it possibly be just harmless or is she out for more since flirting is indicating interest or attraction to another, its never harmless Link to post Share on other sites
USCGAviator Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 My EX-wife used to do the exact same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
The End Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 If she is only going out with her girlfriends once a month then I wouldn't worry. Some people will admit fault or tell you something in a joking matter so it gets it off their chest. Hence they told you....if she is going out every week you need to take a new approach.....like having date night once a week....get a sitter.....my marriage is gone......you have time....change things up...get spicy so to speak....just my 2 cents....I am really not one to give advice my marriage is done.... Good luck.... Craig Hi I have a problem, my wife recently told me that when her and her girlfriends most married go out to a club , they flirt with guys to get drinks . My wife told me that she enjoys flirting cause its fun . And when I told her to stop cause it hurts me she looked and expressed her dissapointment cause its so much fun. Am I being crazy or is she crossing the line ? Everytime I think about it it bothers me cause she is married to me but she wants to flirt , and after she gets back from the club she is ussually drunk and wants to have sex with me , that bothers me a bit cause I keep thinking that other guys are turning her on at the club and don't know what that can lead to in the future. Am I being too aranoid? Please help . Side note we have 3 kids and are both in love and happilu married I think lol Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 If she comes home drunk one night and does not want sex you are in trouble. I'd tell her that I don't want to have sex with a woman that got all hot and bothered by other guys. then again, I wouldn't be with someone that went clubbing all the time, much less likes to, and admits to, flirting. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I'd tell her that I don't want to have sex with a woman that got all hot and bothered by other guys. then again, I wouldn't be with someone that went clubbing all the time, much less likes to, and admits to, flirting. Exactly - who wants to finish what some other guy started??? Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I bet that if YOU were the one going out to bars and flirting with other women "because it's fun", she'd hit the roof. Or hell, if you went with your buddies and watched strippers. Link to post Share on other sites
Osiris1234 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I bet that if YOU were the one going out to bars and flirting with other women "because it's fun", she'd hit the roof. Or hell, if you went with your buddies and watched strippers. This is actually a great idea. When you and your wife are both at home, tell her your going out with a few of your buddies and that you will be back later (strip club). Come home late (depends when late is for you) and tell her you had fun. If she asks where you went to a strip club, had a few drinks,etc. Now if she hits the roof about this, don't yell at her and calmly ask her what is wrong. After she tells you the problem bring up the issue of how she is always flirting with guys and coming home drunk and how it is any better? Link to post Share on other sites
bigmomma1974 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 it may be harmless flirting to her and may be fun, but you expressed your feelings to her and she acted like it wasn't a big deal when in fact it is a big ddeal for you. Sit her down again and explain to her how this makes you feel. Your feelings are valid and she is acting like they are not. I get alot of women go out and flirt with guys to get them to buy them free drinks and it sometimes is harmless. I was a bartender/waitress and I flirted alot it brings in the tips but that is all it was. My husband didn't seem to mind because it was my job. I never ever did it when I wasn't working I think it is disrespectful to the spouse. Also if a man asked to buy me a drink I always said please ask my husband and make sure it is ok with him before you do. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 As a previous poster mentioned, how would your wife feel if you went to bars with male friends to flirt with other women because it's fun? She is disrespecting you and your marriage. You have major problems. A woman who is happily married and flirts with other men at bars and gets drunk is sending you a clear message that she does not respect you at all. If you do not respect yourself then who will? You are a fool to allow this to continue. Link to post Share on other sites
bikinibeach Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 i do think that putting "fun" ahead of your feelings is not right. however, i'm not married but when i was in a relationship and went out with my friends and partied etc, it always made me (and whichever friends had bf's) miss my guy and realize how lucky i was to have him. the bar scene is fun but brutal. sexual aggression, chest thumping desperation..... we would always wax poetic about our guys at some point and be soooo glad to have them to go home to. as long as she's not doing it often, AND that she is willing to stop if it hurts you, then don't make it out to be a big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 (edited) It is essentially cheating. She is going to do what she thinks is fun. How does she dress to do this? Hot? Is there dancing involved. Does she give out her phone number for drinks. This type of stuff is single behavior and like ti or not many boundaries if they do exist will be crossed. MMSL GNO Check out the discussions on this blog about Girls Night Out and fidelity. Comments are worth reading. There is actually a series of blog posts on this topic. A GNO where wives are drinking, flirting and dancing with men in the meat markets is pretty much asking for trouble. Women enjoy being on the make. It is playing just the tip. It feels good for them so they do it. Always a good measurement for fidelity. If you enjoy it even though it is with other men it must be ok. BTW just becasue she is all hot and has sex with you afterwards does not mean she did not have sex with someone else first or is not considering it. So think sloppy seconds for you is possible. Edited June 11, 2011 by Entropy3000 Link to post Share on other sites
whammy Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 if i was married I would be very proud. I would wear my wife on my sleeve so everyone can see. I am weary of any married person that doesnt do this. My stance is, that if my wife/gf wants to act single then I will make her dream come true and let her be single... and ill find a woman that wants to wear me like a badge of honor. A women that is in love with a man has NO other man on her mind and is not interested in them at all. If a women lets other men into her "zone" then her interest in moving away from her husband/marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 So your wife is whoring herself out for free drinks. Why would that bother you? I tell you what--tell your whore to go get a job to earn money to buy herself her own drinks when she wants to go out. And I would say it EXACTLY like that, right to her face. She needs to hear it. I thuoght she's doing it for the free drinks. You just said so. IOW she's using her sexuality in exchange for an item of value which would otherwise cost her money. But then some whores enjoy their work I guess. Instead of telling her to stop because it hurts you (that won't work because she obviously doesn't care if she hurts you) tell her to stop, because she's acting like a whore, and you won't tolerate being married to a woman who acts like a whore. This b*tch is clearly "grooming" you to see how far she can shove her whoreness openly in your face. Your reaction--"oh boo hoo you hurt my feelings"--was the worst possible way to react to her, since she gets a sadistic thrill out of cuckolding you. She will respond to strength--possibly--but never weakness. You're not "crazy," you're very weak though, and that weakness is precisely why she feels free not only to take advantage of you this way, but to shove your face in it. Is she crossing a line? Depends on where you want to draw the line. If the line is not f*cking other men then she probably crossed that one a LONG time ago. Most likely she is f*cking other guys and coming home to give you the sloppy seconds. Or thirds. Or fourths. Or....well, I think you get the picture. No you're not happily married and haven't been for years. You just were a little late getting the 411 on that. P.S.: You need to get DNA tests to see if the kids are really yours. I'd be surprised if your wife hasn't been cuckolding you for your entire marriage. This feels a tad harsh. But I can't disagree with any of it. There don't appear to be any decernable boundaries other than it is fun. She does not care anbout his feelings so any love she may have for him as a Beta does not matter. The fact he is displaying weakness means he is not being Alpha enough. Women hate that. She will seek out a more sutiable mate to have sex with. Yes, he should stop her form going. Folks will say he can't. I say he can. At the very least he can not tolerate it. He needs to man-up but my money ios that he will not. I hope he does. I hate to see any man this weak. It gives the rest of us a bad name. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) Dude It is obvious you have never been married. Your statement is way too naive. He may very well be naive, but he is dead on and he should not accept bad behavior from his wife. He is much better off than going into marriage a weak man. I have been married for a good many years and would not accept this behavior from my wife. That said I think your point is that by the nature of women they will be very vulnerable to thoughts of other men. So yes I agree with you. He should just not trust. He should be aware. Unfortunately most of us are left to make our own mistakes and then realize how naive and foolish we are. Edited June 12, 2011 by Entropy3000 Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Yes but this has to be done much earlier in the relationship if it is to have any chance. When the wife is already out freely partying with the girls and guys and flirting and whatever she's doing, leaving dad at home with the three kids, it's way too late--the marriage is dead. It was dead a long time ago. These ground rules should have been established long before they were even married--when they first became a serious couple. "Um no honey, you don't go out to the bars without me to flirt with other guys in exchange for drinks." After years of marriage and three kids??? What is so hard about telling the wife "No more going out, period. You stay home and take care of your kids." LOL that will probably bring a firestorm down from the crowd of shrieking harlots and girlie-men that seem to predominate in this place. We are in complete agreement Link to post Share on other sites
eastsunshine2011 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Hi I have a problem, my wife recently told me that when her and her girlfriends most married go out to a club , they flirt with guys to get drinks . My wife told me that she enjoys flirting cause its fun . And when I told her to stop cause it hurts me she looked and expressed her dissapointment cause its so much fun. Am I being crazy or is she crossing the line ? Everytime I think about it it bothers me cause she is married to me but she wants to flirt , and after she gets back from the club she is ussually drunk and wants to have sex with me , that bothers me a bit cause I keep thinking that other guys are turning her on at the club and don't know what that can lead to in the future. Am I being too aranoid? Please help . Side note we have 3 kids and are both in love and happilu married I think lol No doesn't sound right to me. She likes the attention of new guys. It's fun. But why does she want to hang at bars when married. Can u get a sitter and u guys go out to bars together? Link to post Share on other sites
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