sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Lol. I actually did what Plasma noted. The whole working out and getting ripped, I did. It only worked for a while... until she finds another guy that is more ripped than me xD. Although, I am not doing it to get her back... so why are you? Why do you want to go through that dysfunctional phase again? Unless I read what you said incorrectly. Cause I want to get back into the dysfunctional mess and try to save her, lol or use my anger to move on to someone else once I do what I thought would 1 up the situation. I'm a lost soul right now.
Desensitized Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Cause I want to get back into the dysfunctional mess and try to save her, lol or use my anger to move on to someone else once I do what I thought would 1 up the situation. I'm a lost soul right now. You're setting yourself up for a rollercoaster ride, my friend - do not go back to her! I also wanted to save my ex-fiancee, but I just couldn't - it was like we would take two steps forward and 4 steps backwards - we would get nowhere! It is such an awful experience to go through, and I'm sure you would agree with me. You become so addicted to the pain after awhile that you feel that you need to be in that crazy/*****d up relationship to feel normal. I'm telling you man, just move on. Things will get better, just give it time.
Call Me Al Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Seriously dude, let it go. Even if she does...which you dont know with 100% certainty, you are putting far too much emphasis on her and not on you.
sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Nah...bpdfamily.org is only for people that want to accept the situation and move on with affirmations..lol. They don't want you to be angry..it's even in the TOC...too much anger, bitterness, they can get the mods on you. To me..to really deal with it..you have to find a place to do a collective primal scream..get it out of your system..be mad. Without underminers and people that don't know what the f--k they're talking about...haven't gotten to that point yet..but depression is just anger kept inside. I just want it out, then I can see if I want to do things that will help me to win her back, or make myself.
plasma Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I bet your hanging on your phone now waiting for a text or a call huh? checking that fone every 5 minutes is going to be taxing brother i can say this with confidence your going to relapse and chase her welcome to the BPD survivor group:D its up to you wether you want to live or die ( its that serious ) homebrew, i dont think you have anything of value to contribute to this lad for this scenario, leave this one to the pro's;) your other material is definatley good material, just not for this guy unfortunatly
sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 You're setting yourself up for a rollercoaster ride, my friend - do not go back to her! I also wanted to save my ex-fiancee, but I just couldn't - it was like we would take two steps forward and 4 steps backwards - we would get nowhere! It is such an awful experience to go through, and I'm sure you would agree with me. You become so addicted to the pain after awhile that you feel that you need to be in that crazy/*****d up relationship to feel normal. I'm telling you man, just move on. Things will get better, just give it time. I'd rather just try to leave it on a better, more mature note..like close to what we'd had before it broke down so bad. With my head held higher than this...maybe marriage, lol. DBT works...but just something that makes me look less an idiot that was spinning his wheels by some wanton trickster...by redeeming her and it..I redeem myself a bit..then I can move on to whatever. That's not to say you all are not 100 percent right...but I just don't like leaving important things undone.
Desensitized Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I bet your hanging on your phone now waiting for a text or a call huh? checking that fone every 5 minutes is going to be taxing brother i can say this with confidence your going to relapse and chase her welcome to the BPD survivor group:D its up to you wether you want to live or die ( its that serious ) homebrew, i dont think you have anything of value to contribute to this lad for this scenario, leave this one to the pro's;) your other material is definatley good material, just not for this guy unfortunatly Actually, no. I am not waiting for a text or call. However, I used to do those things a couple weeks back. Interesting enough, she called me yesterday - I did not answer, though. And you are completely right, it is a live or die situation. My ex-fiancee had so many opportunities to inflict serious, physical pain on me. I am honestly surprised she didn't, and I am thankful for that.
sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I bet your hanging on your phone now waiting for a text or a call huh? checking that fone every 5 minutes is going to be taxing brother i can say this with confidence your going to relapse and chase her welcome to the BPD survivor group:D its up to you wether you want to live or die ( its that serious ) homebrew, i dont think you have anything of value to contribute to this lad for this scenario, leave this one to the pro's;) your other material is definatley good material, just not for this guy unfortunatly ditto to the Homebrew part..every word..just wish he wouldn't take it so personally.
plasma Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 are you 2 living togther ? have children ? sharing a car? you have work to do
sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Actually, no. I am not waiting for a text or call. However, I used to do those things a couple weeks back. Interesting enough, she called me yesterday - I did not answer, though. And you are completely right, it is a live or die situation. My ex-fiancee had so many opportunities to inflict serious, physical pain on me. I am honestly surprised she didn't, and I am thankful for that. I'm waiting for Godot maybe..but my life is definitely in some holding pattern..when it can actually be quite decent right now.
sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 are you 2 living togther ? have children ? sharing a car? you have work to do No matter how they split you black..do they always try to contact you again?
Desensitized Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I'd rather just try to leave it on a better, more mature note..like close to what we'd had before it broke down so bad. With my head held higher than this...maybe marriage, lol. DBT works...but just something that makes me look less an idiot that was spinning his wheels by some wanton trickster...by redeeming her and it..I redeem myself a bit..then I can move on to whatever. That's not to say you all are not 100 percent right...but I just don't like leaving important things undone. My ex-fiancee underwent DBT therapy, but I am unsure of the effects it had on her. By the time she graduated from therapy, we were already broken up for a couple of months. Like you, I also wanted to get things back to the way they were. I came close, but I was unsuccessful (partly due to the fact that I slept with a girl that she really hated after a couple months after we broke up, but the girl I slept with was a rebound and I was vulnerable). I did redeem myself a bit (which is what you're trying to do), but after a while, things go back and she splits you back to the mean, evil guy.
sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 My ex-fiancee underwent DBT therapy, but I am unsure of the effects it had on her. By the time she graduated from therapy, we were already broken up for a couple of months. Like you, I also wanted to get things back to the way they were. I came close, but I was unsuccessful (partly due to the fact that I slept with a girl that she really hated after a couple months after we broke up, but the girl I slept with was a rebound and I was vulnerable). I did redeem myself a bit (which is what you're trying to do), but after a while, things go back and she splits you back to the mean, evil guy. How long does it take to make you white again after a horrible split? This sounds so much like my mum lol. I just lived with so much chaos..I'm used to navigating through it..
Desensitized Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 How long does it take to make you white again after a horrible split? This sounds so much like my mum lol. I just lived with so much chaos..I'm used to navigating through it.. Honestly, it only took about 2-3 weeks for her to split me back to white. If they love you, they will find a way to make things "right" in their mind. And keep in mind, we had a HORRIBLE split. Also, you shouldn't try to navigate through a lot of chaos, it's unhealthy. I don't care how much chaos you've endured in your life, it's time to take charge and make things better for yourself. Otherwise, when will the chaos end? Never. You'll be stuck living a unhealthy, chaotic life for the rest of your life. Do you want that?
sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Honestly, it only took about 2-3 weeks for her to split me back to white. If they love you, they will find a way to make things "right" in their mind. And keep in mind, we had a HORRIBLE split. Also, you shouldn't try to navigate through a lot of chaos, it's unhealthy. I don't care how much chaos you've endured in your life, it's time to take charge and make things better for yourself. Otherwise, when will the chaos end? Never. You'll be stuck living a unhealthy, chaotic life for the rest of your life. Do you want that? (was to be added to earlier post)Whatever lol, I know CFM is far farther along in this than I am, lol. I just want to be white again..so I can utilize that control for positive ****. But I know I need to work like it will never happen..but I want probabilities on if it will for drive...this time. Describe horrible...but yours wasn't in a rebound/replacement r/s though. So pretty much they have a lucid moment and at least try to make it right? No matter how bad..I need a horrible description. Homebrew's all too willing to say how bad/scary mine got.
plasma Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 No matter how they split you black..do they always try to contact you again? Id say yes , very good chance.... ( i just gave you a hit a herion ) the have abandonment issues, anxiety yada yada yada she will text you saying shes sick she will go as far as putting herself in the ER or if she knows you were on to her deceptive ways she may have already started checking out of the relationship
plasma Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Honestly, it only took about 2-3 weeks for her to split me back to white. If they love you, they will find a way to make things "right" in their mind. And keep in mind, we had a HORRIBLE split. Also, you shouldn't try to navigate through a lot of chaos, it's unhealthy. I don't care how much chaos you've endured in your life, it's time to take charge and make things better for yourself. Otherwise, when will the chaos end? Never. You'll be stuck living a unhealthy, chaotic life for the rest of your life. Do you want that? AGREED AGREED AGREED let it fly bro ! dont micro analyze her or your mistakes, let the chips fall
sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Id say yes , very good chance.... ( i just gave you a hit a herion ) the have abandonment issues, anxiety yada yada yada she will text you saying shes sick she will go as far as putting herself in the ER or if she knows you were on to her deceptive ways she may have already started checking out of the relationship She's gone already for nearly a year after a horrible reconciliation attempt 5 months ago, where I was practically competing with a playboy 4000 miles away lol. She had a choice to stay and meet me or fly another 4000 miles to meet him..even as she lied and said she didn't have that option. So, yeah..I would say officially 5 months b/up. Her time 10 mths.
Desensitized Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (was to be added to earlier post)Whatever lol, I know CFM is far farther along in this than I am, lol. I just want to be white again..so I can utilize that control for positive ****. But I know I need to work like it will never happen..but I want probabilities on if it will for drive...this time. Describe horrible...but yours wasn't in a rebound/replacement r/s though. So pretty much they have a lucid moment and at least try to make it right? No matter how bad..I need a horrible description. Homebrew's all too willing to say how bad/scary mine got. Horrible as in I was in and out of the hospital for nearly two months. I seriously couldn't break up with her out of fear that she would kill herself. She tried so many times to kill herself. She tried hanging herself, but the platform that she was trying to hang herself from fell over and so it ended up not working. Also ended up overdosing numerous times on pills and I had to take her to the hospital at least 5 times on different occasions. She had to end up staying in the hospital for two weeks under strict surveillance. During that time, I ended up changing my phone number and she claims that I "abandoned" her because of it. I later gave in and gave her my new number. I changed my number because I wanted to sever all ties with her and I thought that this would be the only way - I thought that changing my number would be the right thing to do because that would allow her time to heal and she would have people there to watch her so she doesn't do anything stupid now that I broke up with her. There's so many more horrible things, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. I don't really want to make all of this public...
sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Chose to be artificially cold and make my life a living hell instead...I've NEVER seen a person so conflicted. I really don't think she would've done the things she did had she had to look me in the eyes...I don't know how a person can love you and go again...rage against their obvious feelings. We cammed twice and she just couldn't hate me...couldn't..even though she was a bitch on email.
Call Me Al Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 As you wish... But can you please explain the following to me... because for the life of me, I do not understand. From what I have gathered about people with BPD is they will basically worship you in the beginning. However, at some point they "flip" and then your life becomes a living hell. What is it about BPD that makes a person want to stay or go back to them when they emotional and mentally abuse you? You have a Saviour Complex? The Great Sex? You are chasing a high like cocaine? Co-Dependent? You feel you are the only one that will truly love them? Worried about them harming themselves? Etc. I was just curious... Because from the outside looking in, it looks like a drug (person) addiction. You guessed it!
sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Horrible as in I was in and out of the hospital for nearly two months. I seriously couldn't break up with her out of fear that she would kill herself. She tried so many times to kill herself. She tried hanging herself, but the platform that she was trying to hang herself from fell over and so it ended up not working. Also ended up overdosing numerous times on pills and I had to take her to the hospital at least 5 times on different occasions. She had to end up staying in the hospital for two weeks under strict surveillance. During that time, I ended up changing my phone number and she claims that I "abandoned" her because of it. I later gave in and gave her my new number. I changed my number because I wanted to sever all ties with her and I thought that this would be the only way - I thought that changing my number would be the right thing to do because that would allow her time to heal and she would have people there to watch her so she doesn't do anything stupid now that I broke up with her. There's so many more horrible things, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. I don't really want to make all of this public... Yeah...you need to PM me this stuff if you can. If I'm reopening stuff, I'm sorry..I know you've had longer time to endure it than me..and it sounds like pure hell.
sinnister Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Lol...all relationships r codependent. Funny how a woman is never considered co-dep. Sounds like a way to strip a man's manhood. Some dudes want a nice life with a nice girl and that drives their focus..some want to **** anything that moves...so what?
Desensitized Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 You guessed it! That's not necessarily true, it's different for every person dealing with someone with BPD... please, be constructive.
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