So I just realized without a doubt, my ex has BPD.

[sinnister]

accurate and funny

 

Yeah especially 3 parts lol: the seldom crying at appropriate times, the end where it lists their positive traits, and when they were placed on the scale btw the normal and crazy people...the dog beating to get in with the crazies. It's amazing how they want/profess/know that there's something wrong with them but r either unable to communicate it to a GP/therapist, don't do the hard work to fix, or keep thinking/living from the effects of the illness like it's normal. Which is why they're considered chameleons and so dangerous. They really watch and mask norms as they hate their guts.

[Desensitized]

Yeah especially 3 parts lol: the seldom crying at appropriate times, the end where it lists their positive traits, and when they were placed on the scale btw the normal and crazy people...the dog beating to get in with the crazies. It's amazing how they want/profess/know that there's something wrong with them but r either unable to communicate it to a GP/therapist, don't do the hard work to fix, or keep thinking/living from the effects of the illness like it's normal. Which is why they're considered chameleons and so dangerous. They really watch and mask norms as they hate their guts.

 

Yes. My ex-fiancee told me nearly everything that was wrong with her, but she never really did anything to fix it. She would just keep making the same mistakes over and over again. But then again, they are addicted to the drama, so that is probably the reason that they don't put in the effort to change. If she wants to keep playing the same "drowning" victim, she can go ahead, but I won't be the one pulling her out of the water this time.

[Art_Critic]

Is there anyone posting in this thread who has ever been in a relationship with someone who really has BPD.. for real... I mean someone who has been seen by a qualified therapist and been diagnosed as having BPD ?

 

Has anyone in this thread ever read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" ?

 

How you would deal with someone who has symptoms and someone who actually has BPD can be totally different..

 

Many healthy people who don't have BPD may have some or many symptoms..

 

If you deal with a healthy person in the same manner as you deal with someone who has the disorder then you are doing a huge disservice to the healthy person.

 

Arm Chair Psychology can be very dangerous when it comes to this disorder.. If you really feel you are in a relationship with someone who might have it then seek the help of a qualified therapist.. not some people posting on an internet forum who haven't a clue how to deal with the disorder.

 

JMO

[sinnister]

I don't know about you..but if I see a pattern of behavior..triggers..or whatelse..and I've read...and I've seen it in strangers from my experience and their reading (after I brought it up) and they corrolate in that exact same manner..same schemas if you will..by more than 3 separate STRANGERS....that's all I need to know.

 

Anyway, I think my ex lied about what she was being treated for. She kept undervaluing her therapy sessions and was given citophram for a while and it made her feel dead which drove her mad..she needs to be frantic lol. This is HIGH FUNCTION crazy, and I correlates with so many other people. I mean CFM knew NOTHING about BPD before I said so..and it was like a checklist to what we'd experienced. I called it b/f he'd even started this thread by what I'd seen..and he wasn't even in depth with her symptoms. If this was a court, the jury would've been unanimous. However, since there's so many people that NEED psych help and was told that prob...they want to make everything quacky/convoluted.

 

Still I think my ex KNEW she had BPD...she was given homework..which I don't see in really any other disorder and bounced around from therapist to therapist before just quitting (not of her will, they transferred her to more specialized people supposedly ).

[Art_Critic]

And the point of the question is?

 

To see if anybody on this thread actually knows WTF they are talking about...

 

If nobody on this thread has dealt with a person who has been diagnosed then all these posts are just eye wash for people reading them...

 

BPD is a serious disorder.. it can even be life threatening and many of the musings on this thread are just ridiculous.

 

BPD sufferers and people who are in relationships with people who have BPD should see a qualified therapist not posters on an internet forum that deals with break ups and dating.

[Art_Critic]

I don't know about you..but if I see a pattern of behavior..triggers..or whatelse..and I've read...and I've seen it in strangers from my experience and their reading (after I brought it up) and they corrolate in that exact same manner..same schemas if you will..by more than 3 separate STRANGERS....that's all I need to know.

 

Anyway, I think my ex lied about what she was being treated for. She kept undervaluing her therapy sessions and was given citophram for a while and it made her feel dead which drove her mad..she needs to be frantic lol. This is HIGH FUNCTION crazy, and I correlates with so many other people. I mean CFM knew NOTHING about BPD before I said so..and it was like a checklist to what we'd experienced. I called it b/f he'd even started this thread by what I'd seen..and he wasn't even in depth with her symptoms. If this was a court, the jury would've been unanimous. However, since there's so many people that NEED psych help and was told that prob...they want to make everything quacky/convoluted.

 

Still I think my ex KNEW she had BPD...she was given homework..which I don't see in really any other disorder and bounced around from therapist to therapist before just quitting (not of her will, they transferred her to more specialized people supposedly ).

 

So.. your EX was never diagnosed with BPD by a qualified therapist that SHE was seeing ?

[sinnister]

Yes. My ex-fiancee told me nearly everything that was wrong with her, but she never really did anything to fix it. She would just keep making the same mistakes over and over again. But then again, they are addicted to the drama, so that is probably the reason that they don't put in the effort to change. If she wants to keep playing the same "drowning" victim, she can go ahead, but I won't be the one pulling her out of the water this time.

 

Yeah..hearing other's stories live...I'm trying to get my head around the same conclusion. I'm accepting that I'm a perpetual "Knight n Shining"...I can't help it...I love romance...I love overcoming...but I'm able to remain happy with peace..cause it's really so rare for me lol. IDK...still doesn't diminish the impact of being with such a future faker...even if the choice was only half hers...if anyone could know that beautiful rollercoaster, lol. I've never been tested so much and love it...or as much as I could...till the inevitable betrayal. The betrayal makes people look like sour grapes..but it's also the same thing that lets you know you didn't deal with an ordinary crazy/person or confused person...it takes a whole lot of delusional ability to strip all of their so-called morals off and do what they do...after talking/fearing so much that you would.

[Desensitized]

Is there anyone posting in this thread who has ever been in a relationship with someone who really has BPD.. for real... I mean someone who has been seen by a qualified therapist and been diagnosed as having BPD ?

 

Has anyone in this thread ever read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" ?

 

How you would deal with someone who has symptoms and someone who actually has BPD can be totally different..

 

Many healthy people who don't have BPD may have some or many symptoms..

 

If you deal with a healthy person in the same manner as you deal with someone who has the disorder then you are doing a huge disservice to the healthy person.

 

Arm Chair Psychology can be very dangerous when it comes to this disorder.. If you really feel you are in a relationship with someone who might have it then seek the help of a qualified therapist.. not some people posting on an internet forum who haven't a clue how to deal with the disorder.

 

JMO

 

My ex-fiancee was seen by a qualified therapist and was diagnosed with BPD...

[Art_Critic]

My ex-fiancee was seen by a qualified therapist and was diagnosed with BPD...

 

Was she diagnosed before you dated her ?

Did you ever go to counseling with her ?

Did you ever read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" ?

[plasma]

I've been on the site a bit lately going through a breakup and dealing with some NC issues and tonight feel completely enlightened. Someone mentioned in one of my posts that my ex has BPD. I didn't really think about it at first or consider it. My ex has been through a LOT of family drama in her life.. an unfair and ridiculous amount, of which I completely blame her parents for being irresponsible in letting her be so involved in their broken relationship. She's been on the receiving end of endless drama for years with lawsuits, restraining orders and suicide attempts between them and it is simply a certifiably dysfunctional home life. I didn't quite realize how bad it was and how constant it was until I lived in the house and witnessed it on a regular basis. I remember wondering HOW she dealt with it her entire life.. how she coped.

 

Well, tonight like I said I did some reading about BPD. I have come to the conclusion that without a doubt my ex has a definite case. EVERY sign of it has been huge in our relationship through the years. I went from being the best man in the world, her 100% obsession, her life, her everything.. to being a horrible boyfriend who could never do anything right. I'll admit that I haven't been the best of boyfriend at times, but looking back in the long run I was a very very very very accepting, nice and caring boyfriend who catered to her every single whim. I remember always feeling like no matter what I did it was never enough. I remember when she wanted me to completely stop doing something I would, and I would give her 100% of myself.. and then she'd want me to stop being so "clingy". She never was satisfied for long.. I'd go buy her lavish gifts that most men won't even buy their wives, and would feel like they weren't appreciated more than a couple of days. I remember she basically took control of my myspace, my facebook, went through every email I ever wrote, my phone, my bank account, my paypal.. EVERYTHING through the years and it became normal.

 

She would regularly belittle me.. it was slow at first.. I almost thought she had an issue not holding her tongue, but quickly came to realize she would say extremely inappropriate and inconsiderate things to her mother as well when she was in her "bad mood". I made endless excuses for how she acted.. I told myself it was because of what she's been through and I accepted it. I wanted to be the guy who changed her perception of men. I remember always wanting to go back to the high of when we first met and first started dating. It was an AMAZING high.. but then I read this is how it works with women with BPD.. after all of the years it never went back to that high for long. I remember how she was at first so interested in me and my life.. then it all became about her and never went back. I was in Iraq dealing with insane amounts of stress at times.. I dealt with death and depression and she really never cared enough to ask me about any of it. I remember always just having to hear about her day, about how she felt.. and when I didn't want to hear it, I was the bad guy... I wasn't "there" for her.

 

She turned everything that she ever did wrong to my fault. She cheated on me and blamed me for it.. told me that if I didn't do what I did that it never would have happened. She blames me for every negative aspect of our relationship.. claims that things would still be perfect if I hadn't done this or that. She would always call me selfish when I didn't put her before myself, yet wouldn't put me before her in hardly any ways. She has had times where I can't recognize her at all.. like a completely different person in her body, immune to emotions and lack of care for things that at other times mean everything to her. She's full of herself one moment and in the next she's angry about being fat or ugly.

 

I poured 4 years of love, devotion, money and endless effort into this girl, yet at the end of the day she acts like I ruined her. I've beaten myself up and felt extreme guilt for letting us fall apart and she's had no problem passing full blame. Even now as I've begged for her back she'll gladly continue to be my friend and hurt me.. and her justification? I left her, she can do what she wants. I've been in an abusive relationship for 4 years and it's taken nearly everything out of me, nearly driven me to suicide.

 

I can't believe it's taken this long to come to this realization. I know that I'm a good guy.. I know that I was a good boyfriend. I know that no matter what I did the outcome would have been similar to this.

 

We've been in complete NC for a couple of days now. She's been calling and texting. I don't think her new "friend" is going to last long and I moved near her to try to "fix us". I don't think she's fix-able anymore.. not without a lot of time and effort.. gonna be hard when she won't accept anything is wrong with her. She has a great heart and is smart and beautiful. It's hard to know that the girl I love more than anything is in for a very difficult time and I don't think 90% of guys in the world would treat her as well as I did given the circumstances.

 

Have a feeling those calls and texts aren't the last I'll hear from her...

 

Is this an accurate diagnosis?

 

ill chime in later, im certified expert in this field, 10 years exp with BPD GF's..... obviously my flaws looked passed those faults in them thus jumping in head first into the under-toe

 

when i have time later on ill read this

[sinnister]

So.. your EX was never diagnosed with BPD by a qualified therapist that SHE was seeing ?

 

Would you really tell a person that? If when you look it up, you will see all of that sh-t..lol? I believe she lied about what the therapy was about...I believe how she responded to some of my links after I had the emails notified (make sure they were read) that she either knows something was wrong or was hiding it the whole time. She was NCing me then..so why would she even care to look at anything I'd sent. I know she knows there's something MAJORLY wrong..I just don't know if she hid it. She told me ALL of her thoughts/fears/symptoms a million times and the end of the r/s verifies the dark side of it...as well as the push/pull arguments that seemed senseless if only to test boundaries or reaffirm that I won't abandon her b/c a hobby or whatever was taking more of my attention than she allocated to herself. Sorry..I don't need you seal of approval here.

[sinnister]

Was she diagnosed before you dated her ?

Did you ever go to counseling with her ?

Did you ever read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" ?

 

Lol..next he's gonna ask you to look to the right n cough..lol. R U helping or devaluing?

[plasma]

I've been on the site a bit lately going through a breakup and dealing with some NC issues and tonight feel completely enlightened. Someone mentioned in one of my posts that my ex has BPD. I didn't really think about it at first or consider it. My ex has been through a LOT of family drama in her life.. an unfair and ridiculous amount, of which I completely blame her parents for being irresponsible in letting her be so involved in their broken relationship. She's been on the receiving end of endless drama for years with lawsuits, restraining orders and suicide attempts between them and it is simply a certifiably dysfunctional home life. I didn't quite realize how bad it was and how constant it was until I lived in the house and witnessed it on a regular basis. I remember wondering HOW she dealt with it her entire life.. how she coped.

 

Well, tonight like I said I did some reading about BPD. I have come to the conclusion that without a doubt my ex has a definite case. EVERY sign of it has been huge in our relationship through the years. I went from being the best man in the world, her 100% obsession, her life, her everything.. to being a horrible boyfriend who could never do anything right. I'll admit that I haven't been the best of boyfriend at times, but looking back in the long run I was a very very very very accepting, nice and caring boyfriend who catered to her every single whim. I remember always feeling like no matter what I did it was never enough. I remember when she wanted me to completely stop doing something I would, and I would give her 100% of myself.. and then she'd want me to stop being so "clingy". She never was satisfied for long.. I'd go buy her lavish gifts that most men won't even buy their wives, and would feel like they weren't appreciated more than a couple of days. I remember she basically took control of my myspace, my facebook, went through every email I ever wrote, my phone, my bank account, my paypal.. EVERYTHING through the years and it became normal.

 

She would regularly belittle me.. it was slow at first.. I almost thought she had an issue not holding her tongue, but quickly came to realize she would say extremely inappropriate and inconsiderate things to her mother as well when she was in her "bad mood". I made endless excuses for how she acted.. I told myself it was because of what she's been through and I accepted it. I wanted to be the guy who changed her perception of men. I remember always wanting to go back to the high of when we first met and first started dating. It was an AMAZING high.. but then I read this is how it works with women with BPD.. after all of the years it never went back to that high for long. I remember how she was at first so interested in me and my life.. then it all became about her and never went back. I was in Iraq dealing with insane amounts of stress at times.. I dealt with death and depression and she really never cared enough to ask me about any of it. I remember always just having to hear about her day, about how she felt.. and when I didn't want to hear it, I was the bad guy... I wasn't "there" for her.

 

She turned everything that she ever did wrong to my fault. She cheated on me and blamed me for it.. told me that if I didn't do what I did that it never would have happened. She blames me for every negative aspect of our relationship.. claims that things would still be perfect if I hadn't done this or that. She would always call me selfish when I didn't put her before myself, yet wouldn't put me before her in hardly any ways. She has had times where I can't recognize her at all.. like a completely different person in her body, immune to emotions and lack of care for things that at other times mean everything to her. She's full of herself one moment and in the next she's angry about being fat or ugly.

 

I poured 4 years of love, devotion, money and endless effort into this girl, yet at the end of the day she acts like I ruined her. I've beaten myself up and felt extreme guilt for letting us fall apart and she's had no problem passing full blame. Even now as I've begged for her back she'll gladly continue to be my friend and hurt me.. and her justification? I left her, she can do what she wants. I've been in an abusive relationship for 4 years and it's taken nearly everything out of me, nearly driven me to suicide.

 

I can't believe it's taken this long to come to this realization. I know that I'm a good guy.. I know that I was a good boyfriend. I know that no matter what I did the outcome would have been similar to this.

 

We've been in complete NC for a couple of days now. She's been calling and texting. I don't think her new "friend" is going to last long and I moved near her to try to "fix us". I don't think she's fix-able anymore.. not without a lot of time and effort.. gonna be hard when she won't accept anything is wrong with her. She has a great heart and is smart and beautiful. It's hard to know that the girl I love more than anything is in for a very difficult time and I don't think 90% of guys in the world would treat her as well as I did given the circumstances.

 

Have a feeling those calls and texts aren't the last I'll hear from her...

 

Is this an accurate diagnosis?

 

oh yea without a doubt she is BPD, time to detox your mind, the relationship you think you had was never about you. do some research, brace for impact, protect your feelings, start healing, start finding out why you let this go on for so long ect ect ect.....

[Art_Critic]

oh yea without a doubt she is BPD, time to detox your mind, the relationship you think you had was never about you. do some research, brace for impact, protect your feelings, start healing, start finding out why you let this go on for so long ect ect ect.....

 

This is what I'm talking about...

 

You cannot diagnose someone from a post that their BF or GF puts up on an internet forum..

 

This thread is a mess...

[Art_Critic]

Sorry..I don't need you seal of approval here.

 

No.. you don't.. but I have read the book.. and was married to someone who suffered from BPD for many years...

and I can tell you that telling people that their BF or GF has BPD without the counsel of a qualified therapist is just misguided and dangerous.

 

Okay.. I've said my piece...

 

Carry on

[Art_Critic]

Lol..next he's gonna ask you to look to the right n cough..lol. R U helping or devaluing?

 

Is this thread helping or devaluing ?

[sinnister]

Is this thread helping or devaluing ?

 

Look at CFM's earlier threads and their titles AND U TELL ME? Lol.

[sinnister]

Is this thread helping or devaluing ?

 

He actually has experience with it..and instead of giving us INSIGHT..he gives admonishments...when he can tell us FIRST if the experiences are typical..lol. I think he wants to keep the BPD trophy or some **** lol. See what I mean by really selfish people...he wants to be able to delineate HIS AWFUL EXPERIENCE and the WORK HE PUT INTO IT...with our little musing. We didn't work hard enough/live through enough/rs enough....he'll always have some ONEUP. What a joke.

[Desensitized]

Was she diagnosed before you dated her ?

Did you ever go to counseling with her ?

Did you ever read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" ?

 

She was diagnosed a couple of months into us dating. Yes, I did go to counseling with her. No, I did not read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells", but I did do my homework on the topic of BPD.

[plasma]

theres too much negotiation going on with her justifications for being BAD !

 

what normal girl plays those games ?

 

he described my Ex to the letter, of course this thread is a mess, because HIS MIND IS A MESS RIGHT NOW!

 

her tales of " always going to love you"

 

" ill never leave you "

 

yada yada yada

 

if you never been with one you wont recognize one!

[Desensitized]

He actually has experience with it..and instead of giving us INSIGHT..he gives admonishments...when he can tell us FIRST if the experiences are typical..lol. I think he wants to keep the BPD trophy or some **** lol. See what I mean by really selfish people...he wants to be able to delineate HIS AWFUL EXPERIENCE and the WORK HE PUT INTO IT...with our little musing. We didn't work hard enough/live through enough/rs enough....he'll always have some ONEUP. What a joke.

 

I know what you mean. I don't think it's fair to judge another person's suffering. What appears to be "mild" pain could be an extreme amount of pain for the person actually having to go through it. This is why I never judge anyone's pain.

[sinnister]

I know what you mean. I don't think it's fair to judge another person's suffering. What appears to be "mild" pain could be an extreme amount of pain for the person actually having to go through it. This is why I never judge anyone's pain.

Or feel somehow you have the monopoly on it..that's why I love helping the people here. I can't believe I do..it's cathartic in a way. But my **** is not better than anyones..I use it as an example or if someone gets personal..but otherwise..when I can help with something.

[plasma]

The sooner you detox the faster the vertigo will stop.

 

right now this guy is in vertigo, dunno what do, say , feel, handle this girl.

 

these types of girls are tremendous to handle during and then after they blind side you

 

what ever you say to reconsile or get back togther she already has a checklist aka a " log " of all the bad little things you did or said to her to " hurt " her.

 

trust me the more you try and save this the more wounded your going to wind up.

 

Unless he likes picking up broken glass with no gloves on he is f*cked.

 

The absolute best thig you can do now is some research, fade away slowly and set some boundries, contact 1-2 a week

 

or if your well being and happyness comes from her contacting you or seeing you its almost like a herion high and your just acting like a junky.

 

 

feels good after she comes back from her disapearing acts dont it?

 

 

i know what im talking about, start taking action now, she can ruin your life and not flinch

[sinnister]

The sooner you detox the faster the vertigo will stop.

 

right now this guy is in vertigo, dunno what do, say , feel, handle this girl.

 

these types of girls are tremendous to handle during and then after they blind side you

 

what ever you say to reconsile or get back togther she already has a checklist aka a " log " of all the bad little things you did or said to her to " hurt " her.

 

trust me the more you try and save this the more wounded your going to wind up.

 

Unless he likes picking up broken glass with no gloves on he is f*cked.

 

The absolute best thig you can do now is some research, fade away slowly and set some boundries, contact 1-2 a week

 

or if your well being and happyness comes from her contacting you or seeing you its almost like a herion high and your just acting like a junky.

 

 

feels good after she comes back from her disapearing acts dont it?

 

 

i know what im talking about, start taking action now, she can ruin your life and not flinch

 

All very tragic n true.

[Art_Critic]

I think he wants to keep the BPD trophy or some **** lol. See what I mean by really selfish people...he wants to be able to delineate HIS AWFUL EXPERIENCE and the WORK HE PUT INTO IT...with our little musing. We didn't work hard enough/live through enough/rs enough....he'll always have some ONEUP. What a joke.

 

You are calling me selfish...

Dude...

 

I'm only saying that a serous disorder such as BPD shouldn't be diagnosed on LS..

 

Do you want help.. Go read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells"

If your partner has BPD then this book will bring you to your knees.

 

There...I helped you.