So I just realized without a doubt, my ex has BPD.

[marqueemoon4]

uh.. you seriously need to calm down. you think calling me names is helping things? I think I made a valid point and I stand by it. I'm not sure why you're so angry.. and this isn't even your thread. Take some deep breaths or something.

[sinnister]

Meaning, if you believe that person does have the characteristics of whatever...and you choose to not give your story/patterns...it is a ****ing sheep that does what they feel is the "popular" thing and say the same goddamned insults/undermine..then come back with the same excuse why they acted like EVERYBODY else with some bull**** and got nothing done. Now your stance is the popular one..u will see now that peple don't need to be ****ing popular anymore. Lead, follow or get the **** out of the way.

 

Yeah, let's stop everything/our tactics and make it about explaining ourselves to you now. Let's do that...you're important...you have the popular stance...you don't believe in dx'ing patterns. What else bugs you about a thread that isn't about what you want?

[marqueemoon4]

dude, you're melting down.. you're taking what I said out of context. And believe me, I've shared plenty on this site, and respect what the OP is going through. have a nice day.

[Mack05]

enough guys. There is some good information in this thread (whether we all agree or not). Don't ruin it with back and forth slagging off

[sinnister]

Now I'm crazy...you just make some popular snarky statement w/no explanation..get people to stop and react to you..and the flow stopped. Good job...there was no flow..but I'm just showing people how some work when they want to get involved in something they're not informed about/insecure about. But you're the realist and I'm now on edge..when I was calm b/f you came to make it about your tactics.

[sinnister]

dude, you're melting down.. you're taking what I said out of context. And believe me, I've shared plenty on this site, and respect what the OP is going through. have a nice day.

Don't let the door hit you. And this is how I will respond when anyone attacks a tactic with no explanation and any prior information. Oneliners r popular but doesn't do dick. Make your own thread refuting or come with some reason why we can't do how we do. Don't need to be made more a loser than how I feel, and don't need to have the ex placed more in the safety zone than she has.

[sinnister]

Mack's link is very informative and my own internal assessment during the r/s and what the research reaffirmed. I literally told her her BPD traits exactly before I'd even known about BPD, cause her feelings were so honest.and I knew who she WANTED TO BE from all that time....I could actually link them to the disjointed behavior. Damn I wish I could post the emails w/o blowing privacy. Anyway...the people that hate r like those people that hear you say your alcoholic father caused a lot of hardship in your life and b/c they either drink alcohol, had similar experiences, or none b/c theirs was a drinker and nothing happened or the opposite..they feel the need to **** on everything. I've lost tolerance of that in every thing I try to research and learn on. There's so many shades of grey and everyone wants to keep the world black/white...but I don't get why they get pissed if you even look at the shades...not about them.

Edited June 2, 2011 by sinnister

[sinnister]

http://openbpd.yuku.com/topic/909/How-do-people-with-BPD-feel-think-act

 

Sounds familar to people with uDX'd exes. To really know how to heal..you must know where the focus should be. Yeah..takes two to tango and not all parties r innocent..but if you keep blaming yourself, when you thought you had this and given that...plus had you known you had that, you would've been better prepared to walk or stay; I would much rather start my healing from this place..

[CFM]

Some interesting replies here. Exit and marquee, I see where you're coming from.. the problem is, you don't see where I'm coming from. It's far too easy to stand back on this website and say what you said. You can read posts I made over a year ago professing my undying love to this same woman as she stomped all over me. I felt crazy continuing the relationship.. not a single person thought I should, yet I did. I have loved and continued to love this woman with all of my heart and have always given her the benefit of the doubt. In five years now I haven't considered that she even had any type of illness, yet I was subject to ALL of the abuse described in websites that outline what BPD is and what those on the receiving end will experience. I always made excuses for her behavior. Other people saw bits and pieces of it and knew something wasn't right. It's not just slight similarities.. I feel like someone was watching MY relationship and took notes. This is the person she was verbatim, and the person described in the relationship.. always wanting to hold on, save her, fix it, go back to the highs, etc etc was me.. exactly. I lived in this relationship day in and day out for the better part of my adulthood and there is no exaggeration here. I could list 500 more stories off the top of my head, even things that happened a week ago that would immediately fall into the category of being emotionally abused by this person or watching her do it to other people she cares about.

 

I remember during spring break reading some word document on her computer. I thought it was a school thing at first then realized it was just a random writing about how she felt. It said how her boyfriend (me) never wanted her and she was never enough. How her dad abandoned her and never loved her. Things about her mother. I was super thrown off by it at first.. I'd never seen her write anything so dark before. I didn't bring it up to her or anything. I just couldn't understand how she felt that way.. I always wanted her, she was always enough.. I bought her gifts and told her every single day that I loved her and how beautiful she is. It's like she never really listened to my words or paid attention to my good actions and believed whatever she wanted to. Always focused on my faults and my mess ups, even if they were 1% of the time and 99% of the time was good. Looking back this is probably the darkness she really feels.. the hurt, sad and emotionally abused girl she is deep down.

 

I appreciate the objectivity by those who don't agree, but in this case you simply don't know what you're talking about and I hope that you don't ever understand what it's like to give your everything to someone many many many many times and no matter if you were doing EXACTLY what she wanted, within a week it'd be back to you being wrong and doing it wrong. I went through some hard depression in my life for a while.. this girl told me depression doesn't exist, it's just people being weak and wanting to complain. Do you know how it feels to be told that you're a weak person by the one person you care about more than anything? That you're not really depressed? That it's all in your head and you could snap out of it at any moment but are too weak? All of this while struggling with the actual depression? I was kicked when I was down.. by the person who meant the world to me, who I tried to make happy every day for 4 years. It's not normal, it wasn't normal, and it's not "every woman" or me bringing her down to feel better about myself.

 

Thanks for the support from those who have been on the receiving end of this type of thing. It's heartbreaking to me that it all happened. It's heartbreaking to know if I ever brought it up she would flip it on me being crazy. It's heartbreaking to think that this new life she's living isn't going to make her happy either. She's such an amazing, smart, strong and passionate person.. I want her to be happy and taken care of.

Edited June 2, 2011 by CFM

[Desensitized]

CFM, welcome to the club. My ex was diagnosed with BPD several months back.

[worldgonewrong]

sinnister - I think you're reading intent & tone into marqueemoon4's comments that aren't there.

[CFM]

CFM, welcome to the club. My ex was diagnosed with BPD several months back.

 

Hope she's recovering and mending the rifts created from it.

[CFM]

sinnister - I think you're reading intent & tone into marqueemoon4's comments that aren't there.

 

Yeah I think he overreacted a bit.. pretty clear this is something close to his heart though. Sometimes you feel like you're the crazy one when you've just been dealing with crazy so long.

[Mack05]

Thanks for the support from those who have been on the receiving end of this type of thing. It's heartbreaking to me that it all happened. It's heartbreaking to know if I ever brought it up she would flip it on me being crazy. It's heartbreaking to think that this new life she's living isn't going to make her happy either. She's such an amazing, smart, strong and passionate person.. I want her to be happy and taken care of.

 

This about sums it up for me too CFM, but there comes a point you have to let them go and focus on ourselves. I came to that point (after 6 weeks NC) on Tuesday evening, when I unexpectantly saw my ex in my local bar. What will happen for them will happen for them. Their lives and the outcomes are out of our control, but we can control our own future and our own happiness.

 

Here is a reply from EXIT on another thread on a different topic. It's about focusing on ourselves, not them. I feel you pain. Losing a relationship with someone who has BPD is harder then anything I have ever to gone through. But through sheer will and determination I am getting my own issues resolved and I am letting her go. I go to the gym twice a day. I have educated myself on BPD so that I could understand where she was coming from and then forgive her. Forgiveness frees us to genuinely move on. I have also bought other self help books which have been a real help also.

 

Focus on you mate now, not her. Stop beating yourself up. Stop obsessing. It is what is his. It's horrible to have to go through (believe me I know!) but use this time to become a better person, learn from your mistakes and achieve happiness within yourself. Once you do this you will be free from the grip she has over you and you will be in a great position to meet a new girl. This is Exit's reply in another thread..

 

"It doesn't matter a single bit what happens with her, whether this date/relationship is even real or fake, whether it will succeed and be the love of her life or rather it will crash and burn because she made a mistake. Even if it did matter, nobody here can give you a single bit of insight, every situation is different, every human being is different, and none of us can read her mind for you or predict the future.

 

The type of wondering and thinking that you are doing right now is not conducive to your healing. It doesn't matter what is going on with her. You should be focusing on yourself, finding your own happiness in your life, reflecting on the relationship and thinking about what you learned about yourself and what you can do better next time.

 

Let her take the low road and focus her attention on someone else this soon. That's not the right way to go. The time after a relationship falls apart should be spent doing the things I mentioned already. Once you're single again, you should look in the mirror and think about it all. Some people don't have the courage to look in the mirror and question themselves, they'd rather find someone new to look at.

 

If every time you get your heart broken, you take the high road, and you take care of yourself, and figure out how to improve, each relationship you have will only get better (even if it's with a previous ex coming back for round 2). People who don't take the time to do this, just jump from relationship to relationship, and they never improve, and they never learn, and they will be having the same relationships when they're 30 as they did when they were 17. Yuck!

 

The only bit of information regarding her that should matter to you is that she is not with you and apparently not attempting to repair things either. Whether she is still upset over things that happened about you, or ready to marry someone else, or moving to a different country, none of it should matter to you.

 

I would be careful about confidently assuming that she's going to regret all of this and come back to you. Don't set yourself up for more heartbreak. Even if you two did try again, it should only be after a period of time spent apart, after you have both thought things over and are ready to do the hard work it will take to repair things. You touched on it yourself, even if she came back right now, it could be because she's upset that her new guy didn't work out. Does that sound like a good starting point for a new try between you two? No. Neither is it a good re-starting point if you sat there for 5+ weeks and just missed her and wondered about her and didn't do anything better with your time. You should be enjoying life, seeing friends, reading books, catching up on movies, exercising, taking care of yourself, and if life ever decides to bring to two back together, you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

 

It really doesn't matter what's going on with you. If I could see the future and told you she's gonna marry someone else, would that make you feel better or worse? If I told you she'll be back eventually, would you just sit around counting the minutes until she contacts you? Even if you had these pieces of information, they never really provide what you're looking for. It becomes an addiction. "If I could only know this about her, if I could only know that" and you'll just keep getting more and more answers (answers which you probably won't like) and you'll come up with more and more questions.

 

Try to move on. I know it's not easy"

[marqueemoon4]

my stbx has made my life hell for over a year now... I really do think she COULD be full blown BPD.. but can't be sure. Would be a neat and tidy explanation though. and again, she'll never address her issues, so much easier just to put all the blame on the other person.

[CFM]

I guess what I wonder to is what I am in this girl's life at this point. I was the obsession for years. She has so many negative associations with me, yet so many positive. Just how sometimes she hones in and focuses on all negative, I assume at times she does the same about the positive things. I know I made her feel secure about herself, feel good, wanted, loved. If I continue NC will she just let the negative completely cloud the good and just completely focus on this new guy? I already see tendencies that I recognize.. she stays up ALL night talking to him on messenger. She doesn't have much going on right now.. so if he's free to talk, she's talking to him. Seems right now he's reacting well to it because the fresh and new is fun, she's a fun & pretty girl stroking his ego and coming onto him very strongly.

 

Thing is, he's in what I call her separate life. The life that is an hour away, where she goes on weekends and hangs out with an entirely different crowd than her day to day life. These are people her best two girl friends have never met or hung out with together. In fact she almost never hangs out with the friends she always used to be with/grew up with.. just this new crowd, her college life people. These were the same people she was hanging out with when she cheated on me.. the guy she cheated on me with (who basically just used her for sex, then told her to go back to me when I got back from Iraq) was in this same crowd. The guy who she became someone with I didn't recognize.. was so reckless and slept with him unprotected many times. This girl isn't a whore, yet for that time she acted like one completely, then snapped right back into devoted and loyal girlfriend. People don't just flip like that.

 

Just curious with BPD way of thinking where I'll lie in her life. Will she come crawling back the first time a negative thing happens with one of these new guys? Once she feels like she might be actually losing me?

[Mack05]

my stbx has made my life hell for over a year now... I really do think she COULD be full blown BPD.. but can't be sure. Would be a neat and tidy explanation though. and again, she'll never address her issues, so much easier just to put all the blame on the other person.

 

marque thats a good point. I mean despite the fact my ex has BPD I was not a good boyfriend the last 3 months of our relationship. I did a lot right with her but I also did things I really am not proud of. Before, when I broke up with girls I blamed them. This time I decided to do something about it. I went to Therapy and faced my demons. This was very hard for me because I had a great life until I was 30. Great family/friends, great life, job. The most normal guy u could meet. But somewhere in the last 5 years I have gotten lost.

 

I know many people frown at people who go to Therapy but honestly its changed my life. I really know myself now and the positive outlook I used to have on life is back. I am determined to live life to the full and if I am lucky enough to meet the right girl I know I will be a great boyfriend.

 

This is the point I made on my previous reply in this thread. In these times we need to focus on ourselves and make ourselves better people. Not focus on our exe's and their faults. We can't change their lives, but we can change ours..This site has been a great place for me to vent and there is nothing wrong with that, but venting will only get you so far. Up to us now to complete the journey back. Thankfully, I am almost there after the worst 5 months of my life..

Edited June 2, 2011 by Mack05

[Mack05]

I guess what I wonder to is what I am in this girl's life at this point. I was the obsession for years. She has so many negative associations with me, yet so many positive. Just how sometimes she hones in and focuses on all negative, I assume at times she does the same about the positive things. I know I made her feel secure about herself, feel good, wanted, loved. If I continue NC will she just let the negative completely cloud the good and just completely focus on this new guy? I already see tendencies that I recognize.. she stays up ALL night talking to him on messenger. She doesn't have much going on right now.. so if he's free to talk, she's talking to him. Seems right now he's reacting well to it because the fresh and new is fun, she's a fun & pretty girl stroking his ego and coming onto him very strongly.

 

Thing is, he's in what I call her separate life. The life that is an hour away, where she goes on weekends and hangs out with an entirely different crowd than her day to day life. These are people her best two girl friends have never met or hung out with together. In fact she almost never hangs out with the friends she always used to be with/grew up with.. just this new crowd, her college life people. These were the same people she was hanging out with when she cheated on me.. the guy she cheated on me with (who basically just used her for sex, then told her to go back to me when I got back from Iraq) was in this same crowd. The guy who she became someone with I didn't recognize.. was so reckless and slept with him unprotected many times. This girl isn't a whore, yet for that time she acted like one completely, then snapped right back into devoted and loyal girlfriend. People don't just flip like that.

 

Just curious with BPD way of thinking where I'll lie in her life. Will she come crawling back the first time a negative thing happens with one of these new guys? Once she feels like she might be actually losing me?

 

again CFM I ask you to read Exit's reply...You are me 2 months ago. You need to stop obsessing and let go. I recommend buying a book called "How to break your addication to a person"

 

""It doesn't matter a single bit what happens with her, whether this date/relationship is even real or fake, whether it will succeed and be the love of her life or rather it will crash and burn because she made a mistake. Even if it did matter, nobody here can give you a single bit of insight, every situation is different, every human being is different, and none of us can read her mind for you or predict the future.

 

The type of wondering and thinking that you are doing right now is not conducive to your healing. It doesn't matter what is going on with her. You should be focusing on yourself, finding your own happiness in your life, reflecting on the relationship and thinking about what you learned about yourself and what you can do better next time."

[CFM]

Okay People... Your Exes are crazy and have issues!

 

Inside of worrying about them... Let's address and fix your problems inside!

 

Your Problems:

 

1. Your GF / BF pickers are defective!

2. You ignored or blew through all the Red Flags.

3. You didn't dump your Ex when you should have.

4. Allowing someone to treat you like crap.

5. Etc.

 

You're right. My relationship didn't exactly go down like most though. Meeting once in person for a brief moment quickly turned into an online LDR. I needed someone during trying times in the Army, she was there for me. She needed someone, I was there for her. The relationship kind of manifested in ways that I didn't really see it coming. I developed a deep care and concern for her and before I realized it I was full blown in love with her. LDR with seeing someone one weekend a month is like putting in fresh batteries every month. You blame the issues on distance, look at the times together as the "real" relationship. It was a dysfunctional relationship during a dysfunctional time in my life and I truly thought my unhappy life was to blame for the negative in the relationship. Not until I moved on from that life and gave everything to the relationship did I see it for what it really was. But, that leaves me heart broken from 4 years of commitment, love, and deep caring for another person. That is why it's been so hard to just let go, to accept it for what it is.

[CFM]

again CFM I ask you to read Exit's reply...You are me 2 months ago. You need to stop obsessing and let go. I recommend buying a book called "How to break your addication to a person"

 

I read that reply right after I posted and thought damnit.. he's right, haha. It's so hard to just chalk it up as done. She still calls me, texts me, stops by my place. She called the other day and when I picked up she was so sweet and said "I just want to talk to you" and I could tell she was in a good mood. I was an ******* back and told her I didn't want to talk to her. Being mean to her hurts me.. makes me feel horrible. I just have to be firm though, I have to show her that I'm not her safety net and she can't keep hurting me.

[WTRanger]

There hadn't been one mention of BPD on LS lately, until it was brought up as a joke counter-point to GIGS saying that all you need to do is provide some vague descriptions and everyone will connect the dots.

 

If your ex or partner has BPD (which more than likely they don't but you want to assign something to it) you should be smart enough and have done enough research on BPD to know that it is not up to you to fix it. If the person with BPD won't get help, you need to LEAVE THEM ALONE. Staying in their life, fighting for the relationship or second chance, is just wasting time and energy. But, I guess, if anyone has done any accurate analysis on BPD they'd already know that.

 

Read this, then break up with, or leave them alone, them if they really have BPD.

http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

 

In case you are too lazy to click the link, here's the short and most important part about ten beliefs that will hold you back.

 

Ten Beliefs that hold you back

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][sIZE=2][COLOR=#182638]

[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]1) Belief that this person holds the key to your happiness

 

We often believe that our BPD partner is the master of our joy and the keeper of our sorrow. You may feel that they have touched the very depths of your soul. As hard as this is to believe right now, your perspective on this is likely a bit off.

 

Idealization is a powerful “drug” - and it came along at a time in your life when you were very receptive to it. In time, you will come to realize that your partner's idealization of you, no matter how sincere, was a courting ritual and an overstatement of the real emotions at the time. You were special - but not that special.

 

You will also come to realize that a lot of your elation was due to your own receptivity and openness and your hopes.

 

You will also come to realize that someone coming out of an extended traumatic relationship is often depressed and can not see things clearly in the end. You may feel anxious, confused, and you may be ruminating about your BPD partner. All of this distorts your perception reality. You may even be indulging in substance abuse to cope.

 

2) Belief that your BPD partner feels the same way that you feel

 

If you believe that your BPD partner was experiencing the relationship in the same way that you were or that they are feeling the same way you do right now, don't count on it. This will only serve to confuse you and make it harder to understand what is really happening.

 

When any relationship breaks down, it's often because the partners are on a different “page” - but much more so when your partner suffers from borderline personality disorder.

 

Unknown to you, there were likely significant periods of shame, fear, disappointment, resentment, and anger rising from below the surface during the entire relationship. What you have seen lately is not new - rather it's a culmination of feelings that often arise later in the relationship.

 

3) Belief that the relationship problems are caused by you or some circumstance

 

You concede that there are problems, and have pledged to do your part to resolve them.

 

Because there have been periods of extreme openness, honesty, humanity and thoughtfulness during the relationship, and even during the break-ups, your BPD partners concerns are very credible in your eyes.

 

But your BPD partner also has the rather unique ability to distort facts, details, and play on your insecurities to a point where fabrications are believable to you. It's a complex defense mechanism, a type of denial, and a common characteristic of the disorder.

 

As a result, both of you come to believe that you are the problem; that you are inadequate; that you need to change; even that you deserve to be punished or left behind.

 

This is largely why you have accepted punishing behaviors; why you try to make amends and try to please; why you feel responsible.

 

4) Belief that love can prevail

 

Once these relationships seriously rupture, they are harder to repair than most - so many wounds from the past have been opened. Of course you have much invested in the relationship and your partner has been an integral part of your dreams and hopes - but there are greater forces at play now.

 

For you, significant emotional wounds have been inflicted upon an already wounded soul. To revitalize the relationship, you would need to recover from being a wounded victim and emerge as an informed and loving caretaker - it's not a simple journey. You need compassion and validation to heal - something your BPD partner most likely won't understand - you'd be on your own to find it.

 

For your partner, there are longstanding and painful abandonment fears, trust issues, and resentments that have been triggered. They are coping by blaming much of it on you. For your partner, it is often much easier and safer to move on than to face all of the issues above.

 

5) Belief that things will return to "the way they used to be"

 

The idealization stages of a relationship with a BPD partner can be intoxicating and wonderful. But, as in any relationship, the "honeymoon" stage passes.

 

The idealization that one or both of you would like to return to isn't sustainable. It never was. The loss of this dream (or the inability to transition in to a healthy next phase of love) may be what triggered the demise of the relationship to begin with.

 

BPD mood swings and cycles may have you conditioned to think that, even after a bad period, you can return to the "idealization". Your BPD partner may believe this too.

 

A more realistic representation of your relationship is the one you have recently experienced.

 

6) Clinging to the words that were said

 

We often cling to the positive words and promises that were voiced and ignore or minimize the negative actions.

 

Many wonderful and expressive things may have been said during the course of the relationship, but people suffering from BPD are dreamers, they can be fickle, and they over express emotions like young children - often with little thought for long term implications.

 

You must let go of the words. It may break your heart to do so. But the fact is, the actions - all of them - are your truth.

 

7) Belief that if you say it louder you will be heard

 

We often feel if we explain our point better, put it in writing, or find the right words….

 

People with BPD hear and read very well. But when emotions are flared, the ability to understand diminishes greatly.

 

Most of what you are saying is being interpreted as dogmatic and hurtful. And the more insistent you become - the more hurtful it is - the less your partner feels “heard” - and the more communications break down.

 

Your BPD partner will not likely validate or even acknowledge what you have said. It may be denial, it may be the inability to get past what they feel and want to say, or it may even be payback.

 

This is one of the most difficult aspects of breaking up - there is no closure.

 

 

8) Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder

 

We often think that by holding back or depriving our BPD partner of “our love” - that they will “see the light”. We base this on all the times our partner expressed a fear that we would leave and how they needed us.

 

During an actual break-up it is different. Distancing triggers all kinds of abandonment and trust issues for the BPD partner (as described in #4).

 

People with BPD also have real object constancy issues - “out of sight is out of mind”. They may feel, after two weeks of separation, the same way you would feel after six.

 

Absence generally makes the heart grow colder.

 

9) Belief that you need to stay to help them.

 

You might want to stay to help your partner. Possibly to disclose to them that they have borderline personality disorder and help them get into therapy. Maybe you want to help in other ways while still maintaining a “friendship”.

 

The fact is, you are no longer in a position to be the caretaker and support person for your BPD partner - no matter how well intentioned.

 

Understand that you have become the trigger for your BPD partner's bad feelings and bad behavior. Sure, you do not deliberately cause these feelings, but your presence is now triggering them. This is a complex defense mechanism that is often seen with borderline personality disorder when a relationship sours. It's roots emanate from the deep central wounds of the disorder. You can't begin to answer to this.

 

You also need to question your own motives and your expectations for wanting to help. Is this kindness or a type “well intentioned” manipulation on your part - an attempt to change them to better serve the relationship as opposed to addressing the lifelong wounds from which they suffer?

 

More importantly, what does this suggest about your own survival instincts - you're injured, in ways you may not fully even grasp, and it's important to attend to your own wounds before you are capable of helping anyone else.

 

You are damaged. Right now, your primary responsibility really needs to be to yourself - your own emotional survival.

 

If they try to lean on you, it's a greater kindness that you step away. Difficult, no doubt, but more responsible.

 

10) Belief that they have seen the light

 

Your partner may suddenly be on their best behavior or appearing very needy and trying to entice you back into the relationship. You, hoping that they are finally seeing things your way or really needing you, may venture back in - or you may struggle mightily to stay away.

 

What is this all about?

 

Well, at the end of any relationship there can be a series of break-ups and make-ups - disengaging is often a process, not an event.

[GreenPolicy]

Okay People... Your Exes are crazy and have issues!

 

Inside of worrying about them... Let's address and fix your problems inside!

 

Your Problems:

 

1. Your GF / BF pickers are defective!

2. You ignored or blew through all the Red Flags.

3. You didn't dump your Ex when you should have.

4. Allowing someone to treat you like crap.

5. Etc.

 

This pretty much says it all. None of us are qualified to diagnose somebody as having BPD, unless we have extensive training in mental health services. It's okay to take note of strange behavior and see that it resembles BPD, but to put a label on your ex is pointless.

 

If you've been in a relationship that ended and can see at a macro level that something was "off" about your ex, then all you need to do is learn from it, how to spot the red flags, and move on! Delving in on a micro level to figure out just exactly what they are is waste of time. You can only fix yourself.

[Mack05]

Ranger I have read all those articles and after reading that one did I completely disengage. As I have said numerous times that I am 500% sure my ex has BPD. Leave her alone is exactly what I did and what I will do for the rest of my life..

[CFM]

Thanks for the reply WTRanger and I can say that every point you said is 100% accurate in how I have felt when continuing to put time and effort into this relationship. I don't think you've read 90% of what I've said based on your little comment "If your ex or partner has BPD (which more than likely they don't but you want to assign something to it)", but I won't hold that against you. There are few things I have been certain of in my life, and one is now that my ex has a case of BPD.

[Mack05]

Ranger I have read all those articles and after reading that one did I completely disengage. As I have said numerous times that I am 500% sure my ex has BPD. Leave her alone is exactly what I did and what I will do for the rest of my life..

 

as some of the guys have stated...BPD or not we need to focus on ourselves..