Author myname Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Please don't. Don't. I think you're not able to think clearly. And you'd be piling anxiety and upset on to anxiety and upset. I'm not saying NEVER contact him. I'm suggesting you leave everything, where he's concerned, a good 24-48 hours to really sleep on it. Be true to YOURSELF, not the drama. thank you, I need to hear this right now. He either really knows how to pull on my feelings, or I just am very needy most especially over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author myname Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Anger has it's place here. It belongs. It helps you remember and stay strong. You're already feeling a draw towards him because he's reached out to you. This is the man who told his W that you stalked him and chased him and that you are responsible for the A. This is the man who has made you feel as if you didn't matter, that the last couple of years were nothing but lies. This is the man who will keep both you and his W hanging, without regard for either one of you. He is doing nothing but damage control with both of you. You deserve so much more than this. Let the anger do its job. Stay strong. Stay NC until you get perspective and then go from there. You're totally right, and I have been softening my feelings towards him since the text. It's really hard. I've been trying to make excuses again for him in my head, trying to understand why he would've done those things, trying to make a sense of it that will still mean he loves me and that I mean something to him. Thanks for the reminders, and the advice just not to contact him. I'm going to not even think that contacting him is an option right now. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Thanks everyone for the support, kind thoughts and best wishes. I might need even more support now to keep staying strong, he's just texted me, asking if I'm never going to speak to him again or whether it's just too soon. I'm not sure if I'm tempted to respond or not, feelings are all over the place, but it is playing on my mind and I'm having to remind myself that it doesn't mean anything, that he doesn't need me, that nothing's changed, that it's not a declaration of undying love and I'm still better off out of this. A silly part of me is pleased he's obviously thinking of me still, and I need to not let that grow within me cos if I do it'll just lead to further disappointment. Got to remember that I spent most of the weekend in tears. He wants to be wanted; doesn't matter who it is. I truly would at this point contact his wife and let her know you have asked him to NOT contact you and he is not honoring it and if he doesn't knock it off, you will file a harassment charge. Do NOT get sucked back into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author myname Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 He wants to be wanted; doesn't matter who it is. I truly would at this point contact his wife and let her know you have asked him to NOT contact you and he is not honoring it and if he doesn't knock it off, you will file a harassment charge. Do NOT get sucked back into it. I'm in a state, and awfully close to contacting him, although have not done anything so far. I don't think a couple of emails and a text can really constitute harassment, I also don't have his wife's phone number, she blocked her number when she called me. I'm also aware that there's a bit of me that is liking the fact he's still trying to get in touch with me, it makes me feel less hurt and less like I was totally dispensable and unimportant to him, so I don't want to cut him off totally by contacting his wife. I know I'm teetering on the edge of a very slippery slope right now, I've been missing him and wanting to find a way to forgive what he's done. This is crazy I know, I do remember the pain, the misery, the fact that he wouldn't give me what I wanted, the fact that I can never believe a word he could ever say to me again, that I doubt the truth of everything he did ever say. It hurts so much I'm wishing I could have him comfort me again and make it all alright, even though I know it can never be alright. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Myname. Your actions now do not need to restrict anything you may or may not choose to do in the future. Just have a bit of respite. I bet everything seems so urgent, so in the 'now', so important. It isn't. Take as much time as you like. But make it a good decision. Make it a decision you have thought about and can stand by. Maybe - imagine this - in a month's time, after a month of NC, you decide you want to contact him, for whatever reason. You can! Nothing needs to decided or final now. But emotions are slippery little feckers and they'll convince you to do things before you're ready sometimes. Take a mental holiday from it all. Say that for 7 days (or however) you will not be engaging in anything to do with MM or his wife. You're 'on holiday'. Mentally, put your Out-Of-Office on and if anyone comes knocking, you're not in!!! Have some you-time. Don't DO anything. It's so hard. Christ I know it's hard. I have lived it and it's harsh. But you don't have to live your whole life today, or this week. Relax... Link to post Share on other sites
Author myname Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 Myname. Your actions now do not need to restrict anything you may or may not choose to do in the future. Just have a bit of respite. I bet everything seems so urgent, so in the 'now', so important. It isn't. Take as much time as you like. But make it a good decision. Make it a decision you have thought about and can stand by. Maybe - imagine this - in a month's time, after a month of NC, you decide you want to contact him, for whatever reason. You can! Nothing needs to decided or final now. But emotions are slippery little feckers and they'll convince you to do things before you're ready sometimes. Take a mental holiday from it all. Say that for 7 days (or however) you will not be engaging in anything to do with MM or his wife. You're 'on holiday'. Mentally, put your Out-Of-Office on and if anyone comes knocking, you're not in!!! Have some you-time. Don't DO anything. It's so hard. Christ I know it's hard. I have lived it and it's harsh. But you don't have to live your whole life today, or this week. Relax... That's great advice, thanks. It is hard, I am feeling an urge to have everything sorted out right now. That is either not having anything to do with him ever again and already having forgotten/wiped him clean out of my life, or somehow getting him back, yes, my feelings are creating some delusional thinking right now. Wish I wasn't in this stage of missing him now though, it's so sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 That's great advice, thanks. It is hard, I am feeling an urge to have everything sorted out right now. That is either not having anything to do with him ever again and already having forgotten/wiped him clean out of my life, or somehow getting him back, yes, my feelings are creating some delusional thinking right now. Wish I wasn't in this stage of missing him now though, it's so sad. I remember the loss. Feeling lost, empty. The confusion and anger. It WILL pass. Link to post Share on other sites
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