myname Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Argh, I'm feeling so angry now. Having spoken to his wife, having found out that he put all the blame on me, said I was chasing him, when the truth was all the times I tried to finish it he pulled me back in with his chasing. All the lies he told me and her are making me so cross. When she phoned I was pretty taken aback, I felt so bad for her, and so ashamed at my part in it, that I didn't go into any of the things that could've hurt her, I didn't want to hurt her, but I am mad that because of that I ended up somehow protecting him. The things I could've told her about what he'd said, what he'd done, the proof I have in his emails and texts and cards that totally shows the lies both ways. Just needing to rant, I am so angry that he used me, lied to me and then blamed it all on me, and even then his last email to me was moaning on about how he was the only one who's having to deal with the consequences of what he's done. I want to tell him what a spineless cowardly lying scumbag he is, but I won't contact him so I can't. In the end he allowed his wife to do his dirty work of getting rid of me from their life when all he ever had to do was be honest with me. I wouldn't have forced myself on him.
Author myname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 The only one you should be angry at is yourself, for getting involved in an affair with a married man, in the first place. Everything you are now griping about flows as a direct consequence of your decision to have an affair with a married man. Your actions are 100% your own fault. Yeah, I know my part in it, and I am angry and disappointed in myself, but I didn't lie to anyone or lead anyone on, or use anyone when I had no intention of giving them what I promised them. He did. He did those things to two people, me and her. My actions are my own responsibility and I take the consequences of them, I'm angry with him cos he's not taking responsibility for his actions.
John Michael Kane Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 The only one you should be angry at is yourself, for getting involved in an affair with a married man, in the first place. Everything you are now griping about flows as a direct consequence of your decision to have an affair with a married man. Your actions are 100% your own fault. Spot on, buddy.
2sure Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Myname: No matter what his wife said to you in anger or fear...she KNOWS. You are the easy target for her right now...trust me, she is going to be turning this over for a while and it will all lead to him. She knows she was lied to, she knows it doesn't matter a whit who chased who.
Author myname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Myname: No matter what his wife said to you in anger or fear...she KNOWS. You are the easy target for her right now...trust me, she is going to be turning this over for a while and it will all lead to him. She knows she was lied to, she knows it doesn't matter a whit who chased who. Thanks for not responding with hate like the other two posters. I know I was an idiot to believe him, but I did, just like she did. I'm just hurt by it all I guess and of course if I could go back in time with this knowledge I wouldn't do any of it.
John Michael Kane Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Thanks for not responding with hate like the other two posters. Nobody responded with "hate" we gave you the obvious truth, which you already knew from the get-go. I know I was an idiot to believe him, but I did, just like she did. I'm just hurt by it all I guess and of course if I could go back in time with this knowledge I wouldn't do any of it. Well she's the one who's really betrayed so to be honest, you're pain doesn't even match hers. There's no comparison. You already know what you need to do.
Spark1111 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Argh, I'm feeling so angry now. Having spoken to his wife, having found out that he put all the blame on me, said I was chasing him, when the truth was all the times I tried to finish it he pulled me back in with his chasing. All the lies he told me and her are making me so cross. When she phoned I was pretty taken aback, I felt so bad for her, and so ashamed at my part in it, that I didn't go into any of the things that could've hurt her, I didn't want to hurt her, but I am mad that because of that I ended up somehow protecting him. The things I could've told her about what he'd said, what he'd done, the proof I have in his emails and texts and cards that totally shows the lies both ways. Just needing to rant, I am so angry that he used me, lied to me and then blamed it all on me, and even then his last email to me was moaning on about how he was the only one who's having to deal with the consequences of what he's done. I want to tell him what a spineless cowardly lying scumbag he is, but I won't contact him so I can't. In the end he allowed his wife to do his dirty work of getting rid of me from their life when all he ever had to do was be honest with me. I wouldn't have forced myself on him. Don't beat yourself up too bad. FWS spouse here, and you know what? I did not believe half of what he told me, not initially. Somehow my radar finally went on high alert and I could start to distinguish what was true and what was bs. I am not an idiot. You can't have a long-term affair with someone and not be 50% responsibile for it, just as in a marital relationship. Plus, I have a lot of the emails, cards, gifts, bank statements and cell phone records. I know, pretty closely, how it all went down. He certainly was NEVER blameless, ever!!!!! But that is an amazing realitization about protection, and one, frankly, I never understood. Why and what and whom were you protecting him from? Why do that? When I finally spoke to the OW in my sitch, she still protected him. And more shockingly to me, she did have one single question for me. Not one. I was kind to her and would have answered anything she wanted to know. Why is that?
Spark1111 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Myname: No matter what his wife said to you in anger or fear...she KNOWS. You are the easy target for her right now...trust me, she is going to be turning this over for a while and it will all lead to him. She knows she was lied to, she knows it doesn't matter a whit who chased who. Ditto! But still, why protect him? I just do not understand it.
Author myname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Nobody responded with "hate" we gave you the obvious truth, which you already knew from the get-go. Well she's the one who's really betrayed so to be honest, you're pain doesn't even match hers. There's no comparison. You already know what you need to do. Yeah, I need to correct your childish mistakes with grammar and punctuation. It's your not abbreviated you are, idiot. But thanks for the support, hope when you need some support people will respond in kind as you have here and everywhere else on this board.
Author myname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Ditto! But still, why protect him? I just do not understand it. I didn't mean to protect him, that wasn't my goal, but that was what came about because I didn't want to hurt her by telling her the things he'd promised me or the nasty things he'd said about her.
Author myname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Don't beat yourself up too bad. FWS spouse here, and you know what? I did not believe half of what he told me, not initially. Somehow my radar finally went on high alert and I could start to distinguish what was true and what was bs. I am not an idiot. You can't have a long-term affair with someone and not be 50% responsibile for it, just as in a marital relationship. Plus, I have a lot of the emails, cards, gifts, bank statements and cell phone records. I know, pretty closely, how it all went down. He certainly was NEVER blameless, ever!!!!! But that is an amazing realitization about protection, and one, frankly, I never understood. Why and what and whom were you protecting him from? Why do that? When I finally spoke to the OW in my sitch, she still protected him. And more shockingly to me, she did have one single question for me. Not one. I was kind to her and would have answered anything she wanted to know. Why is that? I wasn't prepared at all for the conversation, maybe if I had been it would have been different. I also felt ashamed and so didn't feel it was my place to ask anything even though I'd had an over two year 'relationship' with him where he had made out to me it was a proper relationship. It was like I felt that what I'd had was such a total lie that I should just back off and answer anything she asked honestly but not create any more trouble than was already there. I don't know, it was so obvious that he'd not told her many of the things he had told me he had told her but I was feeling like such a piece of rubbish that I just left it. I suppose given the chance I'd like to have the conversation again, because I was on the back foot, and so I didn't tell her all she probably needs to know. Edited May 10, 2011 by myname
2sure Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Not quite related but not quite a t/j either: I had accumulated a ton of info about the OWomen and the activities involved in my H's infidelities. I knew a lot, more than him. When I contacted the OW...lol, some of them made up stuff either to make him seem worse (not really possible) or to make me feel worse. I could never figure that out. I mean, sure - throw him under the wheels, but why add fabrication? Anyway...you feel like you protected him but its likely that if his wife doesnt figure it out on her own...she'll call you back.
Irishlove Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 People are here to help you. I don't think you need to result in name calling. If you can not handle yourself like an adult then maybe you should find another forum?
Author myname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Not quite related but not quite a t/j either: I had accumulated a ton of info about the OWomen and the activities involved in my H's infidelities. I knew a lot, more than him. When I contacted the OW...lol, some of them made up stuff either to make him seem worse (not really possible) or to make me feel worse. I could never figure that out. I mean, sure - throw him under the wheels, but why add fabrication? Anyway...you feel like you protected him but its likely that if his wife doesnt figure it out on her own...she'll call you back. I actually wish she would call me back. Again, I feel like I shouldn't contact her as I shouldn't contact him, because I was accused of chasing and trying to ruin their relationship, even just going to see him to make them have rows about me. She asked me if he loved me, and rather than saying that he always said he did and said that he'd never felt so much love as he did for me, I said I don't know, because the truth is how could I know after I'd heard all the lies he'd told her about me. She asked if he'd ever said he needed to stop seeing me to work on his marriage I said he did say something like that a while ago, not mentioning that it was two years ago and that less than a week after that he was back contacting me again saying he couldn't be without me and that since then he'd always said he didn't want to ever lose me and wouldn't ever stop seeing me.
Author myname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 People are here to help you. I don't think you need to result in name calling. If you can not handle yourself like an adult then maybe you should find another forum? Fair enough, I shouldn't have called JMK an idiot, but I don't think he's here to offer support.
John Michael Kane Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Yeah, I need to correct your childish mistakes with grammar and punctuation. It's your not abbreviated you are, idiot. Oh excuse me for making a mistake in my grammar. I thank you so much for making corrections for me. But thanks for the support, hope when you need some support people will respond in kind as you have here and everywhere else on this board. Thank you. Hopefully you'll learn to control your sexual urges in the future and think about the choices you make.
Irishlove Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 With any forum you read it, take what you can and leave the rest. Always take the higher road.
Arrangrl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Some of the replies on here are not at all supportive. Keep your chin up, tomorrow will be a brighter day. Arran
Author myname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Some of the replies on here are not at all supportive. Keep your chin up, tomorrow will be a brighter day. Arran Thanks, most of the replies have been supportive, it was just those two coming in first, and I was feeling angry already!
surrender Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 From what I've read on this board and the infidelity board only "some" people are here to help others. A good many are here to rip people to shreds in a feeble attempt to avenge what they feel has been done to them. myname...you are entitled to feel your feelings...be it anger or anything else...you were very gracious to her and you did take the high road.
Author myname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 From what I've read on this board and the infidelity board only "some" people are here to help others. A good many are here to rip people to shreds in a feeble attempt to avenge what they feel has been done to them. myname...you are entitled to feel your feelings...be it anger or anything else...you were very gracious to her and you did take the high road. Thank you.
Author myname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Oh excuse me for making a mistake in my grammar. I thank you so much for making corrections for me. Thank you. Hopefully you'll learn to control your sexual urges in the future and think about the choices you make. I probably should make the choice to not respond at all to you , but I did control my sexual urges to a large extent, I didn't have sex with him until we'd already been involved for five months, he'd said he loved me and wanted to be with me. Yes, in retrospect I feel foolish for believing him and wish I hadn't, but I'm not some voracious marriage wrecker jumping into bed with anything in trousers.
John Michael Kane Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I probably should make the choice to not respond at all to you , but I did control my sexual urges to a large extent, I didn't have sex with him until we'd already been involved for five months, It wouldn't make a difference if it was a day after you met him, or ten years. he'd said he loved me and wanted to be with me. After sex people say stupid things. After affair sex, people lie. Yes, in retrospect I feel foolish for believing him and wish I hadn't, but I'm not some voracious marriage wrecker jumping into bed with anything in trousers. So OM/OW are not marriage wreckers? And please don't even say the marriage was already destroyed because that's just another attempt to justify such destructive behavior.
Author myname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 It wouldn't make a difference if it was a day after you met him, or ten years. After sex people say stupid things. After affair sex, people lie. So OM/OW are not marriage wreckers? And please don't even say the marriage was already destroyed because that's just another attempt to justify such destructive behavior. He said those things before the sex if you read my reply. And he wrecked his marriage, I didn't force him to do a thing. It is the responsibility of those in the marriage to make it work or to destroy it. In fact I suggested many times that he should/could put the effort in to get the feelings back within his marriage rather than being with me, he didn't want to.
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