Never thought I would be doing this

[vsmini]

Well said Minnie.

 

Foggy I have to ask because I was talking about this the other day with my boyfriend and the vows one takes when they get married. For better, for worse. Sickness and in health. Do most people understand and agree with what they are saying?

Did you? And what changes? Is it just because it gets to be so hard?

 

My boyfriend thinks that people take vows, things get tough and then a person stops making the relationship a priority because that promise made 5, 10, 15 or 25 years ago just doesn't matter that much to them anymore.

 

So what is your story on that?

Edited May 5, 2011 by vsmini

[bentnotbroken]

Excuse me if I am rambling, I just want to give you information on my situation and answer your comments and questions.

 

I understand where everyone is coming from and I appreciate your replies. I think there is no chance she will go psycho, just by knowing her, but maybe I am wrong. I know you can't predict such things. I have known her for more than two years and we have become very close over the last 6-7 months. She is very level headed and very mature for her age. 22 is the new 16? Not really. She is more adult and responsible than many 30 year olds I know.

 

I did ask her if she would like me to get her a room of her own, during our upcoming trip, and she said it was not necessary. I asked her is she was uncomfortable about the trip and she said no that she was really looking forward to it.

 

I have tried for years to address the sexual issues at home. It is just not important to my wife. She went to one appointment years ago and never returned. I wanted to go with her, but they wanted her to go alone the first time. I tried to get her to see someone else, if she was unhappy with that first meeting. No luck. It has been much more than a few "casual conversations." It has been ongoing for years.

 

If this 22 year old wanted a just a booty call, she would have made the attempt months ago. She is attractive enough that she could have anyone her own age, if she wanted. We have been alone enough times that she could have made an advance, if that was the only thing she was looking for.

 

And yes, I do believe if we had met under different circumstances, 20 years ago and were the same age, we would have hit it off. We have so many common interests and just click - I know it sounds stupid, but we can talk for hours and hours and not run out of things to say. She is genuinely interested in me. I have met thousands of people during my career and never hit it off with someone like I do with her. During recent accomplishments and promotions I have received, my wife never really bats an eye. My friend is excited and wants to know all about it. She reminds me exactly of myself, at her age. She is going into the same line of work, in media. She has not asked me for one favor, using my connections, and I really do not believe she is using me for any kind of personal career gain.'

 

Is she stroking my ego? Of course she is. Who doesn't like to feel important and cared about? I am not blind, I just do not see anything sinister in my friend pursuing me. I get the feeling she is a bit embarrassed about it and she has said she has never become such good friends with someone 20 years older than her.

 

She does have a long-term boyfriend that thinks she is going out of town for a different reason. She has made excuses to him before to spend time with me.

 

I have had friendships with younger girls that I have met through work and through mutual friends. A few have flirted with me. A few I could have had sex with, if I would have pursued it. I did not jump at the first pretty young girl that looked my way. This is different, much deeper, at least for me.

 

I can't see myself living the rest of my life in a basically affectionate void relationship. Not just sex, but simple things like long hugs, kisses, and other foreplay just doesn't interest her. I have really tried to get her to understand how important this is to me, to no avail. I know it is hard on her too and I just don't understand why she is just settling with things. She just doesn't seem to care that I am suffering in this way and have been for years. I think she is embarrassed and doesn't want to open up to a professional about these personal things.

 

When I was in my early 20's I did have a relationship with a woman in her early 40's and we were great together. I think things like this can work out, although I am sure the percentage is very small.

 

Do I love the attention? Do I love that someone actually listens to me, wants to learn about me, and appreciates having me as a friend? Of course I do. I am attention and affection starved at home and have been for years. I am a very affectionate person - my wife has become the polar opposite. In every other way, things in our relationship are fine.

 

Is it really that wrong to want a fantasy-like weekend getaway, without someone who not only is very smart (a recent college grad), has a great personality, and enjoys my company? We have talked about FWB relationships before and she knows I am married, so I doubt she is making any long-term plans for a relationship with me, although the upcoming weekend could push either one of us in that direction.

 

We have no kids together, but I do have a 20 year old son from my first marriage, who lives about 300 miles away..

 

Sorry for rambling. Just trying to give you the details of my situation. I am very conflicted about this.

 

 

That's younger than my oldest:sick: Stroke your own ego for pete's sake. 2 years older than your own child:sick:

[SidLyon]

I know what you are talking about F&C and I am the BW of a MM who had an affair.

 

He was so similar to you, starving for affection and intimacy. Our marriage had little sex in it; more than yours, but little enough that it would be considered a borderline sexless marriage.

 

You need to read up on "sexless marriages" as that is what yours is, and probably mine was.

 

My H also tried to address it on numerous occasions with me. He never once told me:

 

"I am attracted to what'shername, she is attracted to me and we are about to commence a relationship because I feel I am totally starved in the affection physical intimacy department".

 

Instead he embarked on the affair with her. It lasted several years and took several years further for me to find out.

 

My initial inkling that he was merely just talking with another women resulted in a complete wake-up call to me as I came to the realisation of what I was about to lose. We immediately recommenced an active sex life as I came to the very sudden realisation of the effect the low sex was having on my H (ie he was looking elsewhere). A short time later was when the true d-day occurred as it came out that in fact he had already looked elsewhere.

 

The delay between me finding out that he might be about to look elsewhere, and me finding out that he already had, was enough for us both to understand that he should have been honest with me several years earlier.

 

Now nearly 3 years after d-day (10 years after the A started) we still have an active sex life and we are both in our mid 50s now. I still know that I could live without frequent sex but he obviously has more difficulty.

 

I am also a sadder and wiser woman about the importance of sex/physicality in a marriage. I don't want anyone to think that I am just laying back enduring it because I'm not. I have always enjoyed it but didn't necessarily want it often. Now I make an effort to be sexual, think about it, etc and it actually works as I look forward to it.

 

I am suggesting you be totally honest with your wife, now. Don't go down the track you have already tried as obviously that didn't work. Just tell her that you have developed an emotional connection with another woman and that you will be following through on that unless you and your wife can find a satisfactory resolution to your own problems. It sounds harsh but you are at crisis point now.

 

If my own H had done this before having the affair, it would have saved enormous, unbelievable pain to many people, including I believe preventing the death of the OW's husband in our situation.

 

If you don't tell your wife exactly the score and the consequences of her disinterest in sex then you are not sincere in my opinion.

[foggyandconfused]

Again this is not just about sex. If that was the case I could find it, without the emotional connection. I hear a lot about what I need to do to help my wife and I agree and I have been doing that for years. As much as I should? Probably not. Am I perfect. No. I am a very affectionate person and when I don't get voluntary hugs, kisses, or any outward showing of affection for weeks at a time, it kills me.

 

As someone said, it is like I am living with a roommate. I understand the lack of sex possibly due to a medical condition. The other parts? I am not so sure. I just don't know what to think.

 

My wife knows with 100% certainty that this has been stressing me out and depressing me for years. As I said, I have tried hard to get us into therapy, or even have a deep conversation about it. A few times she seemed serious enough to follow through, but didn't.

 

To answer a question, yes I have mentioned her to the wife, she may have even met her a few years ago, during the one semester she worked with me. Have I mentioned anything deeper? No. There are two pictures, from two years ago on both of our facebook pages, from a work related event.

 

I just am at the point where I feel I am nearing the end of my rope in all this, which I hate, because the last ten years of my life have been the best. No huge fights, rarely argue, my friends and co-workers even comment on how they think we are perfect together.

 

Someone mentioned my wows and I rook them very seriously, which is why I have tried to fix this over the last 5-6 years. Unfortunately, I do not think my wife took them seriously either, since she knows this has been eating away at me for years and has basically done nothing.

 

I do not like feeling like this. Do I like the attention from my friend, the long conversations, compliments, laughs, and good company? Sure I do. (What is wrong with calling her my friend? I have not kissed or slept with her yet.) Do I like that I am developing feelings for someone else? I do not. It just seems like a runaway train. I am very conflicted and hate to throw everything out the window and start over, but am way to stubborn to except things the way they are.

[Minnie09]

SL pointed out the importance of being upfront with your spouse, which I totally support, BUT what I don't believe is that the problem is merely their sexual incompatibility. I do believe, though, that OP is using that as an excuse for himself in order to justify his actions. He is admitting (not to his W, obviously, but here on this board) that he is thriving on the emotional connection (hence the ego-boost) of the A with a girl half his age, and not so much (yet) on the sex part. And that's hard to admit to a spouse. I think if he minimizes it to the sex (which he's allegedly not getting at home), it's going to be a LOT easier for him to justify. He's a man after all. Who wouldn't understand that? Right?

[SidLyon]

Again this is not just about sex. If that was the case I could find it, without the emotional connection. I hear a lot about what I need to do to help my wife and I agree and I have been doing that for years. As much as I should? Probably not. Am I perfect. No. I am a very affectionate person and when I don't get voluntary hugs, kisses, or any outward showing of affection for weeks at a time, it kills me.

 

As someone said, it is like I am living with a roommate. I understand the lack of sex possibly due to a medical condition. The other parts? I am not so sure. I just don't know what to think.

 

My wife knows with 100% certainty that this has been stressing me out and depressing me for years. As I said, I have tried hard to get us into therapy, or even have a deep conversation about it. A few times she seemed serious enough to follow through, but didn't.

 

To answer a question, yes I have mentioned her to the wife, she may have even met her a few years ago, during the one semester she worked with me. Have I mentioned anything deeper? No. There are two pictures, from two years ago on both of our facebook pages, from a work related event.

 

I just am at the point where I feel I am nearing the end of my rope in all this, which I hate, because the last ten years of my life have been the best. No huge fights, rarely argue, my friends and co-workers even comment on how they think we are perfect together.

 

Someone mentioned my wows and I rook them very seriously, which is why I have tried to fix this over the last 5-6 years. Unfortunately, I do not think my wife took them seriously either, since she knows this has been eating away at me for years and has basically done nothing.

 

I do not like feeling like this. Do I like the attention from my friend, the long conversations, compliments, laughs, and good company? Sure I do. (What is wrong with calling her my friend? I have not kissed or slept with her yet.) Do I like that I am developing feelings for someone else? I do not. It just seems like a runaway train. I am very conflicted and hate to throw everything out the window and start over, but am way to stubborn to except things the way they are.

 

That's all well and good, we do understand what is happening to you and especially the feelings generated by the emotional connection; but you haven't been honest with your wife yet, have you.

 

She doesn't know that you have developed an emotional connection with this other woman and that it's about to turn physical. I can almost guarantee you that it will make all the difference to your wife.

 

From a wife's perspective it's the difference between a husband who grumbles and is unhappy about the state of his marriage, including lack of sex; compared with a husband who is actively betraying and manipulating his wife. And yes, you will be manipulating your wife, probably to stay married to you, by keeping it secret in order to avoid the consequences.

Edited May 6, 2011 by SidLyon

[vsmini]

I am very conflicted and hate to throw everything out the window and start over, but am way to stubborn to except things the way they are.

 

The harder you try to fight the universe the harder she bites back. You better learn to accept things the way they are because this situation is going to unfold in the most natural way = divorce and you being alone. You can't have your cake and eat it too. The odds are stacked against you.

 

You say you're miserable in your marriage for reasons and then you go on to say the last 10 years have been great. You're all over the place.

 

You want to have sex and possibly start a relationship up with this new girl. Then do it. We could all post on this thing till we are blue in the face but it doesn't seem like it's doing much.

 

Let's all call this what is its - you want to fulfill your fantasy weekend and you probably will. You will be another couple that is spoiled by an affair. A dime a dozen...happens every day. The most average situation as the day is long. Snoooooze

[Tayla]

I can barely muster up any empathy here on this scenario, simply because they are both ADULTS walking a thin line.

 

Step one: Get a lawyer, start the divorce proceedings.

Step two: Repeat Step One.

[whichwayisup]

Then I suggest you go to counselling on your own to figure this out. Tell your wife the truth..Not the "truth" how you're letting your wife to believe it is. Tell your wife your intentions. IT could wake her up!! IT could make her fight for you if she knew just how close you are to having an affair.

 

Please re-read all advice given in the next few days and let it sink in.

[SidLyon]

Then I suggest you go to counselling on your own to figure this out. Tell your wife the truth..Not the "truth" how you're letting your wife to believe it is. Tell your wife your intentions. IT could wake her up!! IT could make her fight for you if she knew just how close you are to having an affair.

 

Please re-read all advice given in the next few days and let it sink in.

 

You are right but I get the impression that he doesn't want to tell his wife the real truth. But somehow he is trying to convince us that he has tried everything.

 

While there was no OW on the scene, perhaps he had tried everything but now the OW is there with their "amazing connection that isn't just about the sex", like many MM he just doesn't want to do anything (like tell his wife) to jeopardize that.

 

The saying "men want affairs not divorces" springs to mind.

[whichwayisup]

I honestly think she, like just any spouse, was told the truth BEFORE the affair actually happened, to be told "i like this person and i want to have sex with them" would be a HUGE wake up call and make the spouse fight hard for their marriage if they knew what they were up against.

[BB07]

You are right but I get the impression that he doesn't want to tell his wife the real truth. But somehow he is trying to convince us that he has tried everything.

 

While there was no OW on the scene, perhaps he had tried everything but now the OW is there with their "amazing connection that isn't just about the sex", like many MM he just doesn't want to do anything (like tell his wife) to jeopardize that.

 

The saying "men want affairs not divorces" springs to mind.

 

I honestly think she, like just any spouse, was told the truth BEFORE the affair actually happened, to be told "i like this person and i want to have sex with them" would be a HUGE wake up call and make the spouse fight hard for their marriage if they knew what they were up against.

 

 

Yes to both of these posts. He just wants to enjoy the sex, the connection and the ego feed and be stud muffin to the 22 yr old.......and KEEP the wife and the lifestyle. To divorce or lay it all out on the table to his wife is too hard and doesn't take finding his balls. Can anyone say cowardly?

 

Typical uh!

[SidLyon]

I honestly think she, like just any spouse, was told the truth BEFORE the affair actually happened, to be told "i like this person and i want to have sex with them" would be a HUGE wake up call and make the spouse fight hard for their marriage if they knew what they were up against.

 

 

Exactly. It worked with me.

 

[even though as it turned out the affair had already happened, but I found that out later]

[2sunny]

i hadn't realized the trip was in a few weeks. yikes! i thought he said six months.

 

listen - since you said you enjoy the emotional connection - and now you want it physical - you seem to be lying to yourself. IF you enjoyed the emotional connection (which IS still betraying your wife btw, since you COULD be trying to connect with her on this level - you NOW want more from your OW. so... ----> it's now with your intentions to become physical. so you already have cheated. intent is everything.

 

IF you intend to get on this ride with the young hotty -allow your wife to understand the character of the man she married. that is only honest.

 

your W deserves this - at the very least.

 

for some reason i don't believe this is your first rodeo. to set up a trip and invite your OW isn't the usual way a first timer plays this out. either way - it's no accident - and you PLANNED it. now you are stuck with guilt whether you go or not - as someone will be let down through YOUR ACTIONS. yes, imagine that - your actions affect how others feel and what they do.

 

all the cover up tells you it's not right.

 

no one can tell you what to do - go with your own conscience - that is what you are left with when you place your head on the pillow at night. what does your conscience speak to you?

[Richard Friedman]

Lol lot of textbook female shaming going on here. .Any women who dismisses sex as nonessential shouldn't be taken seriously. They have no idea what it's like to be a man with testosterone flowing through your veins. They'll tell you what to do and what not to do but they don't give a damn about your needs. You've gotta take care of yourself buddy. I say so long as you dont shirk your duties as a father or husband in other ways, there's nothing wrong with getting some action on the side. Especially if your wife won't hold up her end of the marriage. You're only going to live once so be discreet and have you're fun. Best to capitalize while these hot young women still find you attractive. Or you choose the 'noble path' like so many other men and live for everyone but yourself. You'll spend the next ten years watching the remainder of your youth fading, whacking off in the shower and wondering what could've happened but hey, at least you'll have the women of loveshack to pat your back.

[vsmini]

I say so long as you dont shirk your duties as a father or husband in other ways, there's nothing wrong with getting some action on the side.

 

Pray tell Dick, what exactly do you mean when you say "other ways" Which ways of a husband are OK by YOU to shirk on. We're all interested.

[bentnotbroken]

Lol lot of textbook female shaming going on here. .Any women who dismisses sex as nonessential shouldn't be taken seriously. They have no idea what it's like to be a man with testosterone flowing through your veins. They'll tell you what to do and what not to do but they don't give a damn about your needs. You've gotta take care of yourself buddy. I say so long as you dont shirk your duties as a father or husband in other ways, there's nothing wrong with getting some action on the side. Especially if your wife won't hold up her end of the marriage. You're only going to live once so be discreet and have you're fun. Best to capitalize while these hot young women still find you attractive. Or you choose the 'noble path' like so many other men and live for everyone but yourself. You'll spend the next ten years watching the remainder of your youth fading, whacking off in the shower and wondering what could've happened but hey, at least you'll have the women of loveshack to pat your back.

 

This doesn't just happen to men. There are some women who lived with men who not only couldn't satisfy, they could not understand why the female had a problem. It isn't gender specific. I don't to which "noble path" you refer, but I do prefer to be able to look myself in the mirror in the morning and know when I am teaching my children right from I am not just giving them lip service.

[bentnotbroken]

Pray tell Dick, what exactly do you mean when you say "other ways" Which ways of a husband are OK by YOU to shirk on. We're all interested.

 

 

:lmao::lmao:There goes a cup of water.

[SidLyon]

Lol lot of textbook female shaming going on here. .Any women who dismisses sex as nonessential shouldn't be taken seriously. They have no idea what it's like to be a man with testosterone flowing through your veins. They'll tell you what to do and what not to do but they don't give a damn about your needs. You've gotta take care of yourself buddy. I say so long as you dont shirk your duties as a father or husband in other ways, there's nothing wrong with getting some action on the side. Especially if your wife won't hold up her end of the marriage. You're only going to live once so be discreet and have you're fun. Best to capitalize while these hot young women still find you attractive. Or you choose the 'noble path' like so many other men and live for everyone but yourself. You'll spend the next ten years watching the remainder of your youth fading, whacking off in the shower and wondering what could've happened but hey, at least you'll have the women of loveshack to pat your back.

 

This is not being fair to the women on LS. Of course we haven't experienced being men!

 

I have fully acknowledged that for a MM it can be a sad and lonely existence "whacking of in the shower" as you put it. When a husband is "getting some action on the side" (also your words) this can just about destroy a wife.

 

I am advocating this guy be honest and upfront with his wife. Extremely upsetting for her I know, but nowhere near as upsetting as what you're suggesting.

 

If it doesn't work then she will know exactly what he's going to do and can make her own choices. I'm not saying that won't be difficult. But as someone who's been through it all I know I would prefer a difficult and uncomfortable truth to being lied to, betrayed and manipulated.

 

Foggy why do you think your wife doesn't deserve honesty about this and why do you think she deserves to be betrayed, lied to and manipulated by you? At present you are portraying yourself as "entitled" to cheat.

[John Michael Kane]

I honestly think she, like just any spouse, was told the truth BEFORE the affair actually happened, to be told "i like this person and i want to have sex with them"

 

Okay lets be hypothetical for a moment and take away the obvious disrespect in that statement. Even if she was told that, it doesn't mean the BS deserved to be cheated on. That doesn't give someone the green light to desensitize their marriage even more. Everyone is still responsible for their actions and controlling their sexual urges.

 

would be a HUGE wake up call and make the spouse fight hard for their marriage if they knew what they were up against.

Now lets discuss this with the obvious disrespect:

 

I'm sure the BS already know what they're up against if their partner says that type of crap to them. Now I agree that it would be a huge wake up call, but not in the spin you're putting on it. Honestly if one is thinking about screwing someone else and destroying their marriage then it's time to leave. That's not only disrespectful, but a treacherous attempt to manipulate a spouse into doing what they want them to do. And if one has their mind on someone else, most likely they already flirted with them or had some sort of sexually charged conversation with them (or already went the distance and screwed them), which is classified as an emotional affair. It's basically the ILYBNILWY speech twisted into different words. If one is not giving up the booty or not being a good spouse in other ways, just be mature and tell them you want a separation or divorce, not being a cheater and mentally slapping your spouse in the face with things of that nature.

[foggyandconfused]

While I agree with many posts, I also agree somewhat with Richard. How long do I live for everyone but myself?

 

I am trying to look at this in different ways. When is enough enough? Will I ever have a chance to connect with someone in this way again? I honestly don't think I have ever felt so connected with someone, or appreciated by them. Three years ago, I left for a weekend, after failing to convince my wife for counseling. She promised everything would change. It did, for about a weekend.

 

I am not trying to put all the blame on her, even though it probably appears that way. She is a good person. She just has seemed to have lost the ability to want to be affectionate. Again, not just sex, but just about every aspect of affection. She is not mean to me. It is just like I am living with my best friend. I want to live with a lover and someone that, at least once in a while, makes me feel sexy. This is the first time I have felt that way in a long time. Should I postpone a "fantasy weekend" until the divorce is over and maybe ruin a chance with my friend? I would bet the chances of anything long term with my friend are slim. I try to think I am not that clueless.

 

However, I also know that the chances of connecting with anyone this way again are also slim. I may be "in a fog" but I know I have not felt this way about anyone since I was in my late teens.

 

Given these circumstances, a voice wants to tell me that I should just go for it. I really don't think I am going to try to convince my wife to change. I just don't think that is in the cards, as much as I wish it was. Again, when is enough enough? Yes, the affection thing, over the last 5 years or so has been very distressing, but my wife does treat me good in every other way and I know she loves me, she just can't show it, for some reason.

 

I do feel that, after years of no success, trying to make things different, that maybe I should not throw away this opportunity for the weekend of a lifetime, which I have a feeling will be absolutely amazing. After so long of trying to bring affection back into my marriage, it is staring me in the face, even if it may be for only a weekend. As much as I know the consequences and as much as I do really love my wife, it is very hard to resist. I must be honest.

 

I try to convince myself that my friend may be going on the trip just out of friendship and that nothing may happen, but I guess the chances are slim. Remember, nothing has happened as of now, except for hugs and long conversation. The flirting has not even been extreme. The connection though, is undeniable. As a man, I am honest enough to know that I would love to have a fantasy weekend with a young, very attractive girl. Isn't that every man's fantasy?

 

I will go back and re-read everyone's posts, over the next week or so, and really try to think things out. I want to be the "good guy" and do the right thing, but I know that sometimes "nice guys finish last." I am at the point that I just want to do something for myself, even though I do feel lots of guilt even thinking about it. Selfish? I guess so. But sometimes we have to do things for ourselves, don't we?

Edited May 6, 2011 by foggyandconfused

[vsmini]

You seem to be totally ignoring people's recommendation of telling your wife. You don't mention it. Why not? Do you plan on admitting it to her? If not, why?

 

Selfish? I guess so. But sometimes we have to do things for ourselves, don't we?

 

It is selfish. You can coat it with some sugar by saying that you have to do this for your own well-being but there's no excuse for you not to be open and honest with your wife.

 

You also seem to be putting a lot of expectations on this "weekend of a lifetime" as you call it. Go get your fantasy. Ego stroke. Whatever. At the end of the day you're still yourself and still have to be the person you are. This girl is only going to temporarily fill that void. I know no fantasy weekend will never let me recalibrate my personal worth scales.

[bentnotbroken]

While I agree with many posts, I also agree somewhat with Richard. How long do I live for everyone but myself?

 

I am trying to look at this in different ways. When is enough enough? Will I ever have a chance to connect with someone in this way again? I honestly don't think I have ever felt so connected with someone, or appreciated by them. Three years ago, I left for a weekend, after failing to convince my wife for counseling. She promised everything would change. It did, for about a weekend.

 

I am not trying to put all the blame on her, even though it probably appears that way. She is a good person. She just has seemed to have lost the ability to want to be affectionate. Again, not just sex, but just about every aspect of affection. She is not mean to me. It is just like I am living with my best friend. I want to live with a lover and someone that, at least once in a while, makes me feel sexy. This is the first time I have felt that way in a long time. Should I postpone a "fantasy weekend" until the divorce is over and maybe ruin a chance with my friend? I would bet the chances of anything long term with my friend are slim. I try to think I am not that clueless.

 

However, I also know that the chances of connecting with anyone this way again are also slim. I may be "in a fog" but I know I have not felt this way about anyone since I was in my late teens.

 

Given these circumstances, a voice wants to tell me that I should just go for it. I really don't think I am going to try to convince my wife to change. I just don't think that is in the cards, as much as I wish it was. Again, when is enough enough? Yes, the affection thing, over the last 5 years or so has been very distressing, but my wife does treat me good in every other way and I know she loves me, she just can't show it, for some reason.

 

I do feel that, after years of no success, trying to make things different, that maybe I should not throw away this opportunity for the weekend of a lifetime, which I have a feeling will be absolutely amazing. After so long of trying to bring affection back into my marriage, it is staring me in the face, even if it may be for only a weekend. As much as I know the consequences and as much as I do really love my wife, it is very hard to resist. I must be honest.

 

I try to convince myself that my friend may be going on the trip just out of friendship and that nothing may happen, but I guess the chances are slim. Remember, nothing has happened as of now, except for hugs and long conversation. The flirting has not even been extreme. The connection though, is undeniable. As a man, I am honest enough to know that I would love to have a fantasy weekend with a young, very attractive girl. Isn't that every man's fantasy?

 

I will go back and re-read everyone's posts, over the next week or so, and really try to think things out. I want to be the "good guy" and do the right thing, but I know that sometimes "nice guys finish last." I am at the point that I just want to do something for myself, even though I do feel lots of guilt even thinking about it. Selfish? I guess so. But sometimes we have to do things for ourselves, don't we?

 

 

You are entitled to live with someone who shows you passion and caring. You are entitled to live with a lover. All anyone is saying is go be with your lover. Do it! But don't hedge your bets. Your insecurities about what you will get when you leave a marriage allows you do justify the cowards way out. Don't cheat....get you behind in gear and go find that love you want. Just don't leave you wife in the wings being you fall back person. Your safety net in your old age because you are too scared to be alone if somebody gets tired of dealing with an older man as they age.

 

Very few people want to be with someone who they will end up taking care of(whether they should or not) like a parent when they are in the prime of their lives.

[vsmini]

As a man, I am honest enough to know that I would love to have a fantasy weekend with a young, very attractive girl. Isn't that every man's fantasy?

 

I swear - you are the Jesse James of giving yourself pats on the back for the weirdest confessions. Honest enough to know you'd love to have a fantasy weekend with a young girl? What the EFF does that mean?

[bentnotbroken]

I swear - you are the Jesse James of giving yourself pats on the back for the weirdest confessions. Honest enough to know you'd love to have a fantasy weekend with a young girl? What the EFF does that mean?

 

 

He speaks like a man without a daughter. For those of us who have them and don't want someone coming in and blowing smoke up their behinds while having a mid life pity party about what they deserve at the expense of two women.