moimeme Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 and wishing he was doing her So you read minds, do you? Ask the guys here how many of them have wished they were doing the strippers they've seen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 I HAVE talked to him about it Arabess and he just doesn't see anything wrong with it. He says he enjoys the female body. And obviously, being his girlfriend I DO give him my own show....I dunno, it's just odd and has always confused me. It's like an acceptable way that a man can dream about cheating or something. Why should that be allowed? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 that a man can dream about cheating or something Another assumption. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 moimeme, Why would they even WANT to look at them if they didn't want to look at them to think their bodies look so hot and they just wanna do them? If that's not the reason then PLEASE explain to me why men go. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Some of the guys already have but you're ignoring them. We've had a bunch of threads on this and the men generally say the same thing; they don't want to 'do' the women. They just want to look. Tell me, do you go to movies with male movie stars in them? If so, how do you explain looking at them? What about men on TV? Do you want to 'do' every man you see on a beach? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Sweetheart, you SOOOOOOO don't get it. Guys don't go to stripclubs to fantasize or potentially get some. Most don't anyway. I sure as hell wouldn't have sex with a stripper. That's just me, sure, but I'm telling you, I bet most guys feel the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 I know this is my first hop into this thread, but... If that's not the reason then PLEASE explain to me why men go. Men are visual creatures. They enjoy visual stimulation. Most of the guys I know who have gone or do go to strip clubs have no interest in "doing" the girls onstage, they just have appreciation for the female form, and these female forms happen to come in pasties! Frankly, I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill, and giving yourself seriously unnecessary stress over something that really does not seem to have a negative effect on your relationship outside your reaction to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 moimeme, That's different...when you go into a strip club you KNOW the women are going to be mostly naked...it's not like that in a movie or going to the beach. The point here is the purpose of going...which at a strip club would be to see the women while at a movie or a beach it's to get pulled into an interesting plot or swim... Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Why did you create this post? You aren't listening to anyone here. We're all telling you our thoughts and you're basically telling us we're wrong. We don't get it. We don't know what's going on. And that whole beach defense. Wow. Yeah. Try again. NO ONE's almost naked at the beach. Guys NEVER check out girls at the beach. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 dreaming4ever, are you trying to prove a point, or do you actually want to be helped? By the way, you won't get this one, but did anyone find this insanely funny? {boldness added} Originally posted by dreaming4ever Oh my god! No I don't have control, self-esteem or trust issues...I just think strip clubs seem nasty because I wouldn't want a boyfriend of mine to be looking elsewhere at other woman. Is that so wrong? I'm not saying he'd leave me because of a strip club and that's what I'm worried about, I'm just saying I think it is wrong because guys shouldn't want to look at other girls who are mostly naked when they have a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 Sorry, I really do appreciate you all trying to help me to figure out why guys like strip clubs and I AM listening to you...I just don't think it's right. Sorry. I wasn't starting a post to try to get people to change my mind, I was just trying to get different perspectives on the topic. And thanks a lot dyermaker....I absolutely LOVE it when people make fun of me. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Sorry. Sometimes I get out of control. From your posts, there is certain evidence of control issues. You feel entitled to interpret, control, and authorize the thoughts of your man. Unhealthy, start from there. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 The arctic bird is right, dear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 So it's controlling that there's one place I would want a boyfriend of mine to go to? Why? He can go everywhere else. I'm sure there's got to be some places he wouldn't want me to go....right? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Okay....you've got a right to say it bothers you. I think it would be pertinent to figure out though....WHY it is that this would bother you so much??? If he's STILL with you after binging twice a year at Nudie Bars......why do you find it a personal problem? Sometimes if you kick it around and banter on here....you can find solutions and hidden feelings within yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Arabess - agreed...that's what I was trying to get at in my initial post. d4ever: If this one thing causes you this much stress, it would likely be a good idea to address what's underlying the stress for you. If it is as simple as you truly feel that strip joints are wrong, you are absolutely entitled to that opinion. Your bf seems to disagree with you, however, and in order for there to be a resolution to this, you are going to have to come to a point of resolution between the two of you about it. My take on it is that strip clubs are not catalysts for cheaters in almost every case. People like to jump to conclusions, as I'm sure you've seen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 What do you expect me to say? I just don't like them....that's it. It's not because I'm insecure because I KNOW my boyfriend will come back to me after going to those places...I just don't like knowing that he's there. It's hard to explain. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 What do you expect me to say? I just don't like them. That's as good a reason as you need, and that's really truly fine. I'm sorry that you dislike them so much, and dislike that your bf goes to them. Understand that the reason you're getting the responses in posts the way you are receiving them is due to the fact that for the most part, those who have responded do not agree that they are wrong. I'm not saying anyone is more right; just pointing out the causality. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Originally posted by dreaming4ever So it's controlling that there's one place I would want a boyfriend of mine to go to? No, it's controlling to feel as if it's justified. Again, you feel you need to be the arbiter of his sexual thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 I'm among the ones who hate strip clubs. I wish they didn't exist. While I don't see anything wrong in a single man going to a strip club, I think it's utterly wrong, bad and disgusting if a man in a commited relationship goes to one. Unless of course his girlfriend does not care if he goes. I might not make a fuss if my boyfriend goes to a strip club once in a while, but I'd still be pissed off and thinking he is not respecting me. BTW I don't have any big problems with my boyfriend watching porn. He has tons of it and it's okay with me. and I'd be willing to give up reading romance books any time. Not that I read a lot of that stuff anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker By the way, you won't get this one, but did anyone find this insanely funny? Sorry to be the one cracking the news to you, but this is what MANY women feel. I'm not saying it's not wrong to think that, or that it is a sane and healthy way of thinking, still, that's how average female mind works. And I didn't find it funny at all. Why do you think guys in romance novels are so appealing? not because they have great bodies, are brave, are handsome, but because the female main character of romance books is usually the only one woman in their thoughts. I'm starting to feel depressed hell, do I *wish* I were gay. or male. or both. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Originally posted by Pyrannaste Sorry to be the one cracking the news to you, but this is what MANY women feel. I don't find this female train of thought funny, I find it unsettling. When I was talking about finding it funny, I was referring directly to the number of possesive words used in her contention that she wasn't possesive. It was a semantic joke, not a psychological one. Why do you think guys in romance novels are so appealing? not because they have great bodies, are brave, are handsome, but because the female main character of romance books is usually the only one woman in their thoughts. That's fiction though, a majority of men don't think like that. I'm starting to feel depressed I'm sincerely sorry if I've contributed to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Dyer, I owe you my excuses I re-read my posts and I guess they sound quite rude. I was sort of upset after a discussion with a friend about men IRL, so I guess I sort of took a few things personally. I also totally misinterpreted what you wrote. I'm really sorry about that. <makes a note to think before she talks next time> PS of course men in romance novels are different from men in real life.... I didn't mean that I think men should be like that. I just meant that in romance novels you get an idea of "what a man acts like" in average women's fantasies. Which women usually can tell apart from reality. I hope no sane woman compares guys in romance novels to their partners. It would be as unrealistic and unfair as expecting a girl to be always ready to have sex and do anything in bed like the chicks in the porn movies, and to be as beautiful as them. One thing is not liking the idea that men fantasize about other ladies but acknowledging it -hey, it's male nature!, another is expecting our partners to stop- like people could control their fantasies, lol. Guess it's a bit like men not liking that women have PMS- you wish PMS did not exist, but what can you do about it? not like you can ask your partner non to have her period. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 blah, don't worry about it, I've been having an awful night as well. you wish PMS did not exist, but what can you do about it? not like you can ask your partner non to have her period. I've made this comparison before. Female PMS is like male fantasies. It's fueled by a chemical urge, brings grief to the other partner if they're not understanding, can be stopped but with great discomfort, and there's always a mess to clean up when you're done. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 A person can go out and sleep with someone else and still come home to the person they love, so to say that they still come home to you doesn't say much. There is a big difference in looking at women at the beach etc. and going to a place to pay a woman to grind on you. Women at the beach don't come up to your So, get nude or in a g-string, grind on them, put breasts in their face, and put 'other' things in their face. That's not fantasy. That's a real live woman doing things to you. It's flat out cheating to me. Paying doesn't make it right. Paying a prostitute is still cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
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