He sabotaged 1st date showed late and drunk. 1st email included and more to come

[NoMagicBullet]

As a bartender through college, I've seen so many people leave the bar drunk and I don't feel right letting anyone leave like that. To me, that's like saying it's ok to kill someone b/c you're drunk. So, I did let him in and told him I'm not going anywhere. We do have a mutual friend so on that level, I did feel somewhat but not totally secure with him in my home at that time and we did talk before meeting many times.

 

Well, that's admirable, but why didn't you call a taxi or a cab to pick him up and take him home? If you were going out, I'm sure he had his wallet and a means of paying his own way home. There was no reason to let him stay at your home and sleep in your bed, not after showing up late & drunk, and especially not after the rape comment.

 

My two cents: "I could rape you right now" is not a joke. It may not be a direct threat, but no one says things like this on a date to get a laugh. If by some bizarre chance he actually meant it as a joke, he would have said, "Yeah, you're right!" after you said you'd kick his a**, not say the same creepy thing again.

 

And after that, you have him over in your home again for a 2nd date. You didn't have sex, but were you expecting to? Because often at-home dates imply sex. And you weren't feeling that great, but he was sober -- he was much more capable of carrying out his "I could rape you" than the first time when he was drunk.

 

Just b/c I let a sorry excuse for a date sleep off his drunken stooper in my bed does not mean I don't have any boundaries or lack of self respect.

 

But ignoring all the red flags that you did over this entire saga sure seems to indicate that you do. You may be getting back into dating, and yes, people make mistakes, but you've shown multiple instances of seriously bad judgement with this guy. If you do have boundaries, you threw them out the window for him. Yes, this guy is a loser, but for your own safety, you really should look at the decisions you made and set some strong boundaries (like when a man gets to come into your home) before you continue to date.