Duckduckgoose's Coping Thread.

[dreamingoftigers]

Imma go check out #189 right now.

 

I just want to say that I had a dream last night where I met a real cute Latino guy, born and raised in America (not someone looking for a green card), spoke normal American non-accented english, and a really upbeat personality. In my dream I was really wanting to date the guy. Till he said that he smoked pot.

 

When I woke up I was like if he existed IRL and didn't smoke pot I would probably date him. I've never dated a latino lol

 

I do warn you that my posting style is....well....long and personal. I could refer you to resources with the orginal data and show you where certain things fit together, but it is a ton of reading and a bit of a nightmare. I have a small library.

 

But the posts probably keep it brief if you comb through the personal stuff, the posts I referred you to I actually didn't review.

 

If you would like I can break it all down but it will probably take a few posts.

 

I never dated a Latino either. I dated an East Indian once (and some Natives). The Indian guy was funny though, he drove cab and on our first date it was very late (work schedule) so we ended up sitting outside of a convenience store..... I find that kinda funny.

[Floridaman]

I do warn you that my posting style is....well....long and personal.

Same here.

Sorry for the rants earlier.

 

Like that NEAR-fiance I had. A politically liberal woman who was so conservative sexually. Why couldn't she have been "liberal" on both ends?

I wouldn't have hesitated...... and of course would have respected her. Well.. I was sexually conservative so I may have "questioned" her to make sure that's what she wanted. Yup. I did that once in my late 20s with someone else. Should have accepted her offer.

 

I have a lot of regrets and wish I'd done things differently. Feel like I missed out on a lot of life.

 

Trust me, I wasn't so sexually restrained after I met my future wife at 30. Let's just say both of us "made up" for years of no relationship or sexual expressoin....

Edited April 10, 2011 by Floridaman

[Duckduckgoose]

I checked out #189. It didn't make much sense to me. The relationships I've had haven't ended for the same reasons, thankfully as the guys were quite different. ExH was kind of mentally weird I knew from he get-go. I just took it in stride as part of his personality, not as a person-breaking defect, which in fact is what it was.

 

I was ready to commit to someone around the time I met him. I was also afraid of getting hurt and rejected again. He loved me before I loved him, he did and said most of the things he was supposed to. He wasn't perfect and the times he was mentally... off... I could understand... I put it down to him being more sensitive than I was. That part was very true.

 

But the porn thing was the elephant in the room the whole relationship. He told me about the sorts of things he looked at but that since he was with me he didn't really feel the need to... slowly though he started using it more and more. Then shutting down on me started... yeah...

 

These are things I will keep an eye out for future potential husbands. I won't be the frog slowly boiling in THAT kind of pot again. As soon as the heat goes up in regards to issues or mental problems its going to be a clear "get help or get out".

 

And today I had a pretty interesting revelation. We were discussing in Sunday School about how we can fathom God like a worm can fathom us.

 

It brought me back to yesterday when I was hiking with mountain bike guy. I didn't really want to be around him but he seemed to have a better attitude so I was gonna leave it at that. I had also been thinking that God uses everyone you meet in your life for some reason or other... AND also that God tends to use animals/other critters to convey messages to me cause that's how I listen I guess.

 

Well anyway; MBG was busy looking at an unclear sign and trying to figure it out. I had found a caterpillar crawling on my shirt. It was real cute, green and white with a black head. But I didn't want it to bug me anymore so to speak. I found a small stick and tried to coax the little guy onto the stick, so I could put him back in the forest. Well caterpillar wasn't getting on the stick and kept trying to go around it. Finally I got fed up and MBG had figured out the sign (looking at his GPS more like) and it was time to get moving again, so I just used the stick to flick that bug back where it belonged.

 

Only did it hit me that God uses "sticks" to try and get us going in the right direction and when we don't listen does he use the brute force of flicking us with the stick to put us where we need to be. I told my example to the teacher and she loved it, the whole class loved it.

 

So I got a double lesson... maybe a triple lesson... yesterday. One is that I should pray that I see the sticks I should be climbing before I get flicked with it, another that I can't fathom why the stick is there but I should trust it before I try and go around it. Three is that God uses people for the strangest of things. I'm pretty sure he's using MBG in a lot of ways with me... not the least of them being getting me out to nature so He can show me other things. I am sure God is using me to teach MBG some things too. What those things are I dunno and its not my business it's between him and God.

[dreamingoftigers]

I checked out #189. It didn't make much sense to me. The relationships I've had haven't ended for the same reasons, thankfully as the guys were quite different. ExH was kind of mentally weird I knew from he get-go. I just took it in stride as part of his personality, not as a person-breaking defect, which in fact is what it was.

 

I was ready to commit to someone around the time I met him. I was also afraid of getting hurt and rejected again. He loved me before I loved him, he did and said most of the things he was supposed to. He wasn't perfect and the times he was mentally... off... I could understand... I put it down to him being more sensitive than I was. That part was very true.

 

But the porn thing was the elephant in the room the whole relationship. He told me about the sorts of things he looked at but that since he was with me he didn't really feel the need to... slowly though he started using it more and more. Then shutting down on me started... yeah...

 

These are things I will keep an eye out for future potential husbands. I won't be the frog slowly boiling in THAT kind of pot again. As soon as the heat goes up in regards to issues or mental problems its going to be a clear "get help or get out".

 

Okay maybe it was #185 that made a bit more general sense. The point I was trying to make was that at a young age a lot of these guys go through a neural disruption often having to do with their primary care system. It causes sort of a disconnect from their emotions and their intimacy. Even they have no idea why, they just know that being intimate/touching etc, causes them high, high anxiety. It may not appear so because they take out their anxiety with activities like porn and become ever so much more conflict-avoidant.

 

And today I had a pretty interesting revelation. We were discussing in Sunday School about how we can fathom God like a worm can fathom us.

 

It brought me back to yesterday when I was hiking with mountain bike guy. I didn't really want to be around him but he seemed to have a better attitude so I was gonna leave it at that. I had also been thinking that God uses everyone you meet in your life for some reason or other... AND also that God tends to use animals/other critters to convey messages to me cause that's how I listen I guess.

 

Well anyway; MBG was busy looking at an unclear sign and trying to figure it out. I had found a caterpillar crawling on my shirt. It was real cute, green and white with a black head. But I didn't want it to bug me anymore so to speak. I found a small stick and tried to coax the little guy onto the stick, so I could put him back in the forest. Well caterpillar wasn't getting on the stick and kept trying to go around it. Finally I got fed up and MBG had figured out the sign (looking at his GPS more like) and it was time to get moving again, so I just used the stick to flick that bug back where it belonged.

 

Only did it hit me that God uses "sticks" to try and get us going in the right direction and when we don't listen does he use the brute force of flicking us with the stick to put us where we need to be. I told my example to the teacher and she loved it, the whole class loved it.

 

So I got a double lesson... maybe a triple lesson... yesterday. One is that I should pray that I see the sticks I should be climbing before I get flicked with it, another that I can't fathom why the stick is there but I should trust it before I try and go around it. Three is that God uses people for the strangest of things. I'm pretty sure he's using MBG in a lot of ways with me... not the least of them being getting me out to nature so He can show me other things. I am sure God is using me to teach MBG some things too. What those things are I dunno and its not my business it's between him and God.

 

Those are all excellent lessons. As I have gotten older I believe that God uses two ways to communicate with us: blessings and curses (warnings too). But I also think that everything can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you look at it. Hardships can be extreme blessings in the long run.

[Duckduckgoose]

I can see a little of how this divorce was a blessing...I say a little cause it's like getting drag through the mud and beat up before you get your Mercedes Benz prize. Or Honda CRZ in my case haha.

 

BTW, MBG's mom friended me on FB...I never met her don't know her but I know it's his mom from his FB... I accepted but I'm kinda like WTH?

 

Am I getting "checked out" or something?

[dreamingoftigers]

I can see a little of how this divorce was a blessing...I say a little cause it's like getting drag through the mud and beat up before you get your Mercedes Benz prize. Or Honda CRZ in my case haha.

 

BTW, MBG's mom friended me on FB...I never met her don't know her but I know it's his mom from his FB... I accepted but I'm kinda like WTH?

 

Am I getting "checked out" or something?

 

Yes 85% chance that you are getting checked out.

[Duckduckgoose]

Makes me wonder wth he's been telling her about me. I only mentioned him once to my parents they don't feel the need to "check him out" they just let me do my own damn thing.

 

Oh I really don't want him to sit me down one day and tell me that he feels something for me

 

Does "fresh out of a divorce" not ring ANY alarm bells seriously?

 

Or does my backing off cause of his attitude and also my mental state after signing those papers just look like playing "hot and cold", or doing the "chase" game or wtf ever it is that some people do?

 

Is he starved for female attentions? He's got the money, the job, the house and the car it shouldn't be hard to find a woman. That car makes me drool all over my steering wheel. My Civic gets jealous lol

 

I know I am stroking my own ego a bit with this next one, but I had a feeling... the itchy ears feeling... that in those big rich neighborhoods on the mountains my name was getting thrown around a lot. I had that feeling twice then I just shut it down as the mind of a crazy divorced person trying to get some ego back.

 

I probably wasn't too far off the mark. On being crazy and divorced... AND on getting the feeling that my name was being thrown around.

 

Maybe that damn GIS job will call me tomorrow and get my mind of this. There's gotta be better things to overthink.

 

DAMN you MBGs mom why you do this 2 me?

[dreamingoftigers]

Makes me wonder wth he's been telling her about me. I only mentioned him once to my parents they don't feel the need to "check him out" they just let me do my own damn thing.

 

Oh I really don't want him to sit me down one day and tell me that he feels something for me

 

Maybe you better look into that maternity wedding dress after all.

 

Does "fresh out of a divorce" not ring ANY alarm bells seriously?

 

He is Male.

 

Or does my backing off cause of his attitude and also my mental state after signing those papers just look like playing "hot and cold", or doing the "chase" game or wtf ever it is that some people do?

 

He is Male.

 

Is he starved for female attentions? He's got the money, the job, the house and the car it shouldn't be hard to find a woman. That car makes me drool all over my steering wheel. My Civic gets jealous lol

 

You go out to the woods with him, you haven't killed him (yet) because of the political jackassery and: He is male.

 

I know I am stroking my own ego a bit with this next one, but I had a feeling... the itchy ears feeling... that in those big rich neighborhoods on the mountains my name was getting thrown around a lot. I had that feeling twice then I just shut it down as the mind of a crazy divorced person trying to get some ego back.

 

LOL, probably not. Usually those things are true unless you are a narcissist. Can't imagine many mountains out in the SE states. I guess maybe TN....I thought everything was marshy and flat out there for the most parts. But I have only gotten to FL and never much around it. I guess you are going with "Mountain Bike Guy" so it makes sense.

 

I probably wasn't too far off the mark. On being crazy and divorced... AND on getting the feeling that my name was being thrown around.

 

Maybe that damn GIS job will call me tomorrow and get my mind of this. There's gotta be better things to overthink.

 

DAMN you MBGs mom why you do this 2 me?

 

We can call her MOE (Mom of Evil) for now if it makes you feel better.

 

My H is just about here, let me know if you want some better, more organized info.

[Duckduckgoose]

Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Kentucky and Arkansas are the states that have the mountains in them in the south. Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi do not. Flat flat states. Rollerblading would be safer in those states that's for sure!

 

Yeah there are mountains here for sure I look at them every day and drive through them too. I hike them bike them and wish I owned them so people would stop putting huge ugly houses and golf courses on them.

 

I just took a mental health quiz thing online and it said I score high in paranoid and dependent. SO THEY ARE OUT TO GET ME I KNEW IT! I've always been kinda paranoid haha it keeps me alive.

 

So not really narcissistic but I am vain about my car and myself sometimes if that makes a person narcissistic.

 

Wow nevermind I just read about Narcissistic people that **** is ****ed up.

 

Yeah I had some pretty bad runs earlier I was gonna go out and take a nice long walk but instead just got a notebook, took a shorter walk around a lake and wrote down a to-do list that I need to organized into "need, wants, long term". I need new brakes first thing.

[Duckduckgoose]

Ugh runs again today as soon as I sat down to eat my breakfast I had to "run" to the bathroom. I guess me feeling sick the other day migrated down to my GI tract and made itself at home there

[Duckduckgoose]

Drove to distillery yesterday and learned how whiskey was made. Got all my runny bowels out before I went.

 

Beat the storms barely.

 

Very anxious about the GIS company that they will please call, email, or something. I don't want to drive myself nuts but I am good at that.

[rachel7475]

Hey I've been following your posts, keep posting!

[Duckduckgoose]

NM to update right now, got a job interview for another Wal-Mart tomorrow and a job interview on Thursday for a homemaker position with an assisted living place. Homemaker is basically what they call CNAs that work for assisted living places instead of nursing homes.

 

I am debating whether or not I should take MBG up on his offer of a ride in a nice pretty convertible. I just want a picture of me with the car... I also want to drive the car but he is not having any of that.

 

I don't want to lead him on but he is dropping some very tempting bait. Its like trying to resist a chocolate bar dangling in front of my face.

[Duckduckgoose]

Oh, and I was out on my bike last night on a greenway... these two guys were walking and as I passed one of them was like "You're hot!"

 

Bleh. I hate that ****. It really gets on my nerves when males yell that sort of thing, or honk and holler from their vehicles (usually trucks) if I am out walking. I am not "hot" so to speak, at least I don't think so.

 

There were a few cute guys fishing, but they were all country boys. DDG don't want none a that. One of them I wanted to hug like a teddy bear.

[dreamingoftigers]

So not really narcissistic but I am vain about my car and myself sometimes if that makes a person narcissistic.

 

Wow nevermind I just read about Narcissistic people that **** is ****ed up.

 

My Dad is NPD, yeah it is pretty ****ed up. I see quite a few of those tendencies in my husband too, very blindsided....

 

I need new brakes first thing.

 

My car needs brake work done too, dammit!

 

Ugh runs again today as soon as I sat down to eat my breakfast I had to "run" to the bathroom. I guess me feeling sick the other day migrated down to my GI tract and made itself at home there

 

Drove to distillery yesterday and learned how whiskey was made. Got all my runny bowels out before I went.

 

Very anxious about the GIS company that they will please call, email, or something. I don't want to drive myself nuts but I am good at that.

 

Hey I've been following your posts, keep posting!

 

Yes DDG, I haven't heard an update on your poo poo problems today.

 

NM to update right now, got a job interview for another Wal-Mart tomorrow and a job interview on Thursday for a homemaker position with an assisted living place. Homemaker is basically what they call CNAs that work for assisted living places instead of nursing homes.

 

I am debating whether or not I should take MBG up on his offer of a ride in a nice pretty convertible. I just want a picture of me with the car... I also want to drive the car but he is not having any of that.

 

Next him.

 

I don't want to lead him on but he is dropping some very tempting bait. Its like trying to resist a chocolate bar dangling in front of my face.

 

Didn't see this coming..... Maybe you should tell his Mom that you don't want to play with him anymore...

 

Oh, and I was out on my bike last night on a greenway... these two guys were walking and as I passed one of them was like "You're hot!"

 

Bleh. I hate that ****. It really gets on my nerves when males yell that sort of thing, or honk and holler from their vehicles (usually trucks) if I am out walking. I am not "hot" so to speak, at least I don't think so.

 

One of my super-hot friends doesn't think that she is either.

 

There were a few cute guys fishing, but they were all country boys. DDG don't want none a that. One of them I wanted to hug like a teddy bear.

 

haha, good to hear that you are still having fun and staying focused, how are your birdies?

[Duckduckgoose]

Took the birds back to the vet for their follow up, the one that originally got sick is better. The one that wasn't so sick is worse. They are now on a different antibiotic and I have to put apple cider vinegar in their water for 10 days.

 

Cost: $80.

 

I can't keep affording these expensive vet visits. The price of sanity is getting too high. The birds help keep me sane.

 

No word from the GIS company today. I was crying in my car after the vet visit praying that Jesus would please let them (the GIS company) come through and call me with a job offer. I did so well on the interview and everything the main boss was saying sounded like I already had the job, there were no tentative words. It made me very hopeful.

 

Wal-Mart interviews went well I have my third interview and drug test tomorrow, then I go straight to the Assisted Living place interview.

 

I don't know who reads this or what gods or God they believe it but please pray that I get the GIS job that I interviewed for last week. I am coming to the end of my rope on finances and my sanity. Haven't I been kicked while I am down enough? Really? I am far too intelligent to be unemployed and I've been applying for so many jobs for almost 2 years now.

 

The Wal-Mart job would only be part time and would NOT pay my bills. The GIS job would, and then some. I do not live extravagantly I do not have a big expensive apartment I do not drive a fancy schmancy car I do not eat expensive foods I don't have expensive habits I don't go out and spend money no vacations I quit playing WoW to save the $13 a month I can't cut back any more... I don't have health insurance I can't afford it I can't afford to get sick or get dental work... gas is getting too expensive to afford...

 

Sorry... bad day.

[dreamingoftigers]

Holy cow DDg!

 

I will pray 4 u. But I am not too sure how tight ms and the Big Guy are right now.

 

Sorry to hear about your birds.

 

Wal mart makes you take drug tests down there?! Holy cow!

That is so unheard of!

 

Do they make you give criminal checks too?

 

I heard that the economic situation had not recovered yet down there but I had no idea it was that bad.

 

DDG have you thought of starting some kind of small business for yourself? I clean houses for a living, our rate is $40 per hour per person (CDN).

 

That is not even the extent of market value, our competitors charge between $44-62.50 per hour.

 

I know that small business regulations down there are not so stringent and then many people prefer ( and I hate to say thus but it is true) people whose first language is English and have a clean criminal check.

 

Starting the business was not too hard and it is relatively inexpensive to advertise. In fact we built over half of our business on advertising that cost $13.99 a week(CDN).

 

I had never cleaned at all before starting it, and there is PLENTY of work. You would definitely have the edge in your area and this job has paid better then the University position I used to have.

 

If you start independent, it shouldn't take more then a couple of months to out together something full-time and at a decent rate, then you can hire someone and pay reasonable wages while profitting.

 

I can see what I used as an early outline if that would help.

 

The good thing about it too is that it would keep you focused and earning while you looked for another job if you wanted. If you got a better position, you could turn over your little business or sell it. I knew one independent lady who sold 3 days a week of contacts to another lady for $4000.

 

Don't shoot it down without looking into it. As well, you can start it completely part-time if you do get the Wal-Mart job.

 

Truly though, I know a lot of unestsblished cleaners put there rates very low. I did it too ($20 per hour). DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE. Cleaners that price themselves high tend to get better clients, better houses and more consistency, less headache, more money.

[willowthewisp]

Duck,

 

I seem to remember you saying after the GIGS interview that they said to call them if you hadn't heard by a certain date? Be sure to follow up on it, shows you are keen.

 

Do you have any charities where you are that can help with the vet bills? In the UK we have certain charities that will help pet owners on low incomes with cost of essential treatment. Also, I notice that you have talked about your faith, do you go to a church and if so are they able to help you with food and utilities? I know some churches have funds that they can give to people who are in need due to unemployment, divorce etc.

 

Re the health care, no free clinics in your area? I'm not really sure what the situation is in the US? Is there no provision at all for essential medical care and family planning (I know you mentioned wanting to get yourself screened for stds due to XH)?

[Duckduckgoose]

Duck,

 

I seem to remember you saying after the GIGS interview that they said to call them if you hadn't heard by a certain date? Be sure to follow up on it, shows you are keen.

 

Do you have any charities where you are that can help with the vet bills? In the UK we have certain charities that will help pet owners on low incomes with cost of essential treatment. Also, I notice that you have talked about your faith, do you go to a church and if so are they able to help you with food and utilities? I know some churches have funds that they can give to people who are in need due to unemployment, divorce etc.

 

Re the health care, no free clinics in your area? I'm not really sure what the situation is in the US? Is there no provision at all for essential medical care and family planning (I know you mentioned wanting to get yourself screened for stds due to XH)?

 

Yes, they told me if I didn't hear from them by this Friday to call back. Well I am about to scream with frustration so I am going to call tomorrow. Tomorrow BEFORE the 3rd interview with Walmart and the Assisted Living interview.

 

There are low cost spay/neuter clinics and the food banks give out dog and cat food, but birds are exotics and only a few vets treat them.

 

My church gave me a $100 gift card for Xmas to get a futon. All I had to sit on after exH wiped half the apartment was wooden chairs or my bed.

 

The free clinic(there is only one in this city) is open a couple days a week, and people camp out the night before to get in... people who are really sick. I am not sick thankfully I eat fruits and whole grains and cheese and yogurt to keep from getting sick its far cheaper to eat those foods then to pay for health insurance. I also take a multi-vitamin.

 

I am going to try and apply for food stamps. I managed to get high unemployment benefits but I still rather have a job that pays my bills. I want to work.

 

The health department does family planning and STD tests. It doesn't say what the costs are they are probably cheaper then going to the gyno... but my gyno was free on health insurance and BC pills were only $20/month. That was when I had a job and could afford health insurance.

[Floridaman]

Oh, and I was out on my bike last night on a greenway... these two guys were walking and as I passed one of them was like "You're hot!"

 

Bleh. I hate that ****. It really gets on my nerves when males yell that sort of thing, or honk and holler from their vehicles (usually trucks) if I am out walking. I am not "hot" so to speak, at least I don't think so.

 

There were a few cute guys fishing, but they were all country boys. DDG don't want none a that. One of them I wanted to hug like a teddy bear.

I know it's rude for guys to do that and all -- like men at a construction site hooting, hollering and "whistling" at a passing girl -- I imagine it was good for your confidence to see some male attention like that.

You are desireable and good looking.

[Duckduckgoose]

I think it will be better for my confidence to get that GIS job tomorrow when I call.

 

I've been wanting a reason to celebrate so badly...and I be wanting some sushi so badly.

[Floridaman]

I think it will be better for my confidence to get that GIS job tomorrow when I call.

 

I've been wanting a reason to celebrate so badly...and I be wanting some sushi so badly.

Let's hope and pray that you do get that job.... Trust me, I know how you feel in that area as well...

 

On the church giving you that gift card for the bed, that's great of them to do that. Good that people can help others in need like that.

 

Didn't realize you were living like that. I assume you don't waste money on cable TV.....

 

The thread I started explains why my wife isn't living with me (she's out of state). I cut cable out and bec. I dont' have a converter box for my 2004 TV, I can't watch over-the-air TV, so I just have the radio, internet radio/music and the Internet, which the co. pays for... $50+ for cable alone seems too high....

 

Can't say I really miss TV, though I watch it in hotels on business trips...

[Duckduckgoose]

I stopped watching TV in college. I have had to fight with Comcast here because they like to "add" cable in to my internet bill every other month or so.

 

I don't give much of a crap for TV I can find the information I need on the internet.

 

I also plan to see Rango... if its still in theaters. The last movie I saw in the theater was in 2008. So it's been a while since I been to a theater and seen a movie

 

I don't have a stupid ass data plan on my cell phone its a nice Rumor2 with minimal minutes but unlimited text. Plan is like $60/month. I would have got a prepaid phone but when exH split the cell phone plan into two separate plans they made ME sign a damn new contract. I asked why since he was the one requesting the split and they said its because his name was on the original plan.

 

My car insurance will go up once the D is final, and because I've put more than 7000 miles on it this year. Once D is final you get single insurance rates which are higher. I wasn't driving the car much so I got a discount for going less than 7000 miles/year but that has changed. I can't trim much fat off my car insurance I have a lot of liability because people are sue happy, so I set my liability limits FAR above the state minimum.

 

I try to minimize my electric bill by unplugging things I'm not using. Only things that stay plugged in all the time are the fridge, alarm clock, and the bio-filter on the 10 gallon tank. That's not only to save money but also to reduce the kilowatts I use to help be "green". I open the windows to avoid using A/C or heater whenever possible... and comfortable. I shut off lights when I leave rooms too. Water bill is included with rent and rent is static.

 

And no, I don't sleep on a futon, I sleep on a queen sized bed... just want to clarify. The futon is so my butt won't be numb from sitting on wooden chairs all the time. Sitting on wooden chairs all the time was making my butt bleed.. hemoroids is what it felt like.

 

Well maybe I will get lucky tomorrow when I "follow up" with the GIS job. Please pray for me if you read this that I will land that job. I don't really care who you pray to just pray please

[Duckduckgoose]

Maybe I will go see the "Rio" movie instead it has nice pretty birds... if I get the job that is

[dreamingoftigers]

Maybe I will go see the "Rio" movie instead it has nice pretty birds... if I get the job that is

 

I will pray to Tony, Patron Sant of Loveshack.....just kidding.