Duckduckgoose's Coping Thread.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'd say the red flag is me being vulnerable. Right now I am on the defensive like crazy.

 

The person who teaches DivorceCare said the worst person you can get involved with is a recently divorced person because they are like a wounded animal, and wounded animals can be very unpredictable.

 

Totally get that.

 

I like to think I have more brains than an animal, but the concept is pretty solid.

 

We still have the emotional circuitry of animals.

 

It seems like my emotions have been tenderized and fried pretty bad. I am in a lashing out kind of mood, and that's not a mood I should be around people in.

 

I hear you.

 

Most females my age are ****ing idiots. They are either pre-occupied with girly things that I just don't find interesting, are stuck on their boyfriend or husband which I don't want to hear about, or are raising kids and don't have time to hang out. Those sorts also talk a lot about kids and child rearing related things... something I have no experience with and not particularly interested in. In general I get along better with males. I have little patience for females and their drama.

 

You are right about my age aren't you? I think it sucks when you see people together and you can just tell that they have that really innocent feeling about relationships still. Like no one in the world would ever hurt them that deep and they don't understand why someone wouldn't want a relationship. I think our walls will be up in various places for the rest of our lives because of this, it is good and bad.

 

I've been told many many times I am wise beyond my years. While I think that may be partly true there is also a lot I do not know and am learning along the way. I do however believe that I probably have a far older soul than most people.

 

Man, my emotions are a mess right now... I am angry yet I feel like crying. I am lonely but I don't want to be around anyone. The walls are so high that if someone managed to scale them a sniper would pick them off as they reached the tip top.

 

LOL with a sling-shot, that's a big part of why I've been hanging on LS. No stupid people that don't get it whining about going out and seeing their pet bird or whatever.

 

I don't think the co-dependent comes from venting to him or him being smart and witty... it's more from getting attached when I am in such a bad state. Logic and emotions tell me to be suspicious. Maybe I just don't want to talk to the guy about it... even though I am really wanting to talk about it to someone... to have someone who cares listen.

 

Yeah he probably wouldn't be the best person for that anyways.

 

God this is part of the ****ing reason I got married after all... because I loved him and because I wanted that person that would listen and help me when I am down. I would do the same in turn... and did. Yeah divorce really ****s things up.

 

I totally hear what you are saying. Even though I am not divorced I know what losing that partner who cares is like. I don't know what will happen but when that support gets knocked out it is so hard to adjust to, especially when there isn't really anyone else to reach out to and have affection with.

 

Eh I need to go mess with my laundry before I go to bed. I will probably cry some more before then.

 

Then get up tomorrow and work on your stuff. No more pity party on the coping log.

[Duckduckgoose]

I wanted to go and take a tour of a local distillery today but it's supposed to storm bad.

 

I wasn't going to have too much samples of alcohol there haha I just wanted to see how they make the stuff.

[Floridaman]

You've gotten some good advice here.

Be careful about jumping back into dating, as you asknowledge the pitfalls of that.

 

Keep busy with activities.

 

I'm sure you'll do fine, Duck.

[Duckduckgoose]

Dear Diary...

 

lol

 

It is day XX of no contact. Yeah I realized I don't have to count the days I haven't talked to exH... because I don't WANT to talk to him... nothing he can/will say if he responds would be worth listening to. I will admit I did struggle with it for a month or so, but really the crap that he dragged me through when I HAD to contact him to get my **** back was all the motivation I needed to not want to speak with him again. In that way it seems like I am doing well. Its not him I am dealing with its the fallout he left in his wake. Sort of like Japan cleaning up after the earthquake and tsunami... and ON TOP OF THAT having to deal with the nuclear problems. I am not trivializing the triple disasters in that area by comparing my situation with something as serious as what is taking place over there, but I can see how the two are similar.

 

My earthquake and tsunami are done, but my nuclear plants are not stable. If that makes any sense.

 

I have been feeling much better yesterday and today. I had some anger that I've been working through. I found it best to just cut all contact with Mountain Bike Guy, he's been a jerk lately and that's just pushed me over the edge of what I am going to tolerate. I guess he just can't stand me now because he knows I am a liberal. Nevermind that I don't bring up politics and that until he knew he didn't have a problem with me. He tries to spin EVERYTHING into something political and when I try to get on a different topic he tries to paint me to be crazy. **** THAT ****. I am silly and playful, and his attitude is too much. I kept trying to set the political **** aside but apparently it was really coloring his view of me. I guess there is a good reason he's still single. I hope he finds what he's looking for in this life. I also pray that Jesus will show him his attitude and how it affects others... its definitely put me completely off at this point.

 

But anyway. Yesterday my Acanthoscurria Geniculata escaped her enclosure. She's not big yet... only 2 inches. I freaked because she's the most valuable tarantula I have and I am planning to sell her once she's full grown. Full grown she can pull up to $300 if she reaches 10 inch legspan.

 

I found her pretty quickly, I knew she wouldn't have gone far. She didn't... she was behind some books on a bookshelf. I decided to name her Boo after that because when I pulled out the book she was on it freaked me out haha.

 

I also went and got her a very SECURE enclosure so she can't escape again. A. Geniculata can be very fast and nervous when they want. Mine isn't so much... but I've seen speed on her when she takes food so I know it's possible.

 

While I was out getting her enclosure I went to Fresh Market and got a Jer's peanut butter and caramel bar. I am saving it for Friday after my GIS interview. I have another interview on Thursday now for a position at a local Wal-Mart (there are like 10 here lol).

 

So for the rest of the week... I have counselling today, tomorrow I want to go to the distillery and then DivorceCare. Thursday and Friday I have interviews for jobs. Hopefully that will be enough to keep me busy... and even more hopefully I can land that GIS job!

[Duckduckgoose]

My counselor's husband came back from Europe and she brought me a bunch of chocolate! A couple milk chocolates but the rest dark!

 

NOM NOM!

 

I was going to go for a long walk after counselling but I decided to stop by my apartment and drop the chocolate off. Glad I did...

 

Because there was vomit on my laptop, vomit on the wall, and vomit in the bird cage.

 

One of my cockatiels got very sick while I was at counselling. I called the vet and took her immediately in. She is at the vet overnight. She has a yeast infection and something else they think. She was not pooping for them, peeing yes but no poo.

 

Weird because she was perfectly fine last night and took a big old crap on one of the chairs, as well as eating and pooping this morning...

[Floridaman]

My counselor's husband came back from Europe and she brought me a bunch of chocolate! A couple milk chocolates but the rest dark!

 

NOM NOM!

 

I was going to go for a long walk after counselling but I decided to stop by my apartment and drop the chocolate off. Glad I did...

 

Because there was vomit on my laptop, vomit on the wall, and vomit in the bird cage.

 

One of my cockatiels got very sick while I was at counselling. I called the vet and took her immediately in. She is at the vet overnight. She has a yeast infection and something else they think. She was not pooping for them, peeing yes but no poo.

 

Weird because she was perfectly fine last night and took a big old crap on one of the chairs, as well as eating and pooping this morning...

Hope your laptop survived... but I guess it did:)

 

I accidentally spilled a little bit of water onto my laptop keyboard at the airport a week or two ago.... Dabbed it off with a kleenex.

[Duckduckgoose]

It was closed/off/unplugged because I wasn't around... I cleaned the vomit off with a baby wipe.

 

I have another laptop in case this one does for some reason get fried. Its older but it has a better wireless card... at least lol

[dreamingoftigers]

Hey there,

 

WHen it rains it pours eh?

 

The lastest casualty for my laptop is my poor spacebar. My daughter ripped it off tonight. My posting average is probably going to drop to one a week now!

 

That sucks about moutain dude, you'll find better company.

 

I was going to write a little political joke or something but having no spacebar just clips my postings.

 

I am rooting for ya, Duck!:bunny:

[Duckduckgoose]

Eh I mentioned him and his odd behaviour to my counselor and asked her if I could have handled it differently. She doesn't think I could have. She says I showed a lot of self-control and patience with him. I can't help if he started being a jerk.

 

He might have been a jerk all along better that he showed his true colors quickly I guess. Kind of sucks to lose him as a friend though. He was a pretty interesting guy I could have learned a lot from him, but the political **** was just too much. I even told him when he started twisting everything into something political that not everything was about politics. That really pissed him off

 

Hopefully there is a girl out there for him that doesn't mind or perhaps thrives on that sort of angry political ****. I don't. It would have been so much easier for him to just stay on common ground or at least be ****ing civil enough to hold his tongue when he wants to make a stupid comment. I know I bit my tongue several times.

 

Sorry about your spacebar DoT.

 

I don't mind political jokes. Go ahead and make one. I think most politicians are nutters. I feel sorry for Obama and would not want his job right now for anything. He inherited a nation with problems. And now his approval ratings are down because he can't fix everything with a magic wand. Poor guy. Even a Republican president would have low approval ratings. It takes time to get into a mess, it takes time to get out of a mess. That's just how it is.

 

I miss my poor cockatiel that is at the vet... she is so sweet and my other cockatiel misses her too... she was acting out earlier and getting very antsy and cantankerous looking for her friend.

 

I guess I won't be able to go to the distillery tomorrow since I will have to spend a lot of money on the vet visit, overnight stay, and medicine. As long as my bird is healthy and happy its worth it.

[Floridaman]

He was a pretty interesting guy I could have learned a lot from him, but the political **** was just too much. I even told him when he started twisting everything into something political that not everything was about politics. That really pissed him off

 

Hopefully there is a girl out there for him that doesn't mind or perhaps thrives on that sort of angry political ****. I don't. It would have been so much easier for him to just stay on common ground or at least be ****ing civil enough to hold his tongue when he wants to make a stupid comment. I know I bit my tongue several times.

You handled that well, and your posting shows you didn't break off with him just bec. he was opposite you politically.

Even if he were the same, I think you'd be repelled if all he talked about was politics.

Funny how this side of him just now popped up.

 

He sounds like my younger bro., who is closer to me politically but he dwells on politics and emails political emails, etc., so much it's repellent.

 

I don't post my political views on these boards (I know there's an off-topic and prostelytizing section) bec. I know how divisive politics are. And I've not posted my views.

Let's just say I may have different views from the posters on this thread but as I've said to other women in PMs who out of the blue queried my opinon on certain highly divisive political issues, I don't rigidly hold to such views and can't listen to other sides.

I said I feel this way about this issue but your views are legitimate as well. I won't be disrespectful towards you or your views.

[Duckduckgoose]

I think he was trying to hide it for a while till he got a little more comfortable around me.

 

They say don't play the crazy card too quickly.

 

I put my crazy card on the table first thing haha.

 

More to report tomorrow when I get my bird back hopefully... and praying for a not too crazy vet bill.

[dreamingoftigers]

Sorry about your spacebar DoT.

 

That'sokayI'llbefine:lmao:

 

Sorry to hear about your bird.

[Duckduckgoose]

$160 later and both birds are now on antibiotic and antifungal.

 

Both birds have yeast and bacteria infections. Lots of things can make that happen. Yeast infection is usually hormonal and both birds are female... AND its that time of year... combined with a lot of other things. I guess I should have figured they were gonna get sick.

But now they are on the road to being well again and that is what's important.

 

I brought my other bird in just as a precaution since they didn't know what made the first bird sick.

 

And me... ugh. I am starting to get sick. I been good so far I was surprised and thankful I didn't get sick when exH left up till now... but I guess it's all catching up with me finally. I been eating lots of fruits and taking vitamins making sure I get my Vitamin C and Zinc... maybe the past couple weeks was just too much for my immune system to handle, and with the ****ing crazy ass bipolar weather lately.

 

I just hope I feel better before Friday so I don't blow my interview with the GIS company.

[Floridaman]

And me... ugh. I am starting to get sick. I been good so far I was surprised and thankful I didn't get sick when exH left up till now... but I guess it's all catching up with me finally. I been eating lots of fruits and taking vitamins making sure I get my Vitamin C and Zinc... maybe the past couple weeks was just too much for my immune system to handle, and with the ****ing crazy ass bipolar weather lately.

 

I just hope I feel better before Friday so I don't blow my interview with the GIS company.

Let's hope you don't get sick..

Hope your interview goes well.

 

Maybe I missed it, but what does GIS stand for? I realize it's medical. Gastrointestinal.... Maybe you'd prefer to PM me on that if it's too invasive.

 

EDITED TO ADD: If you got sick, that would certainly be for the birds...

Edited April 7, 2011 by Floridaman

[Duckduckgoose]

I could explain it but I will make it far more complicated than it really is. My degree is in Geosciences/GIS.

 

I was a Geospatial Analyst till I lost my job. Its not medical... far from it.

 

http://gis.com/content/what-gis

 

Is a basic definition. I can PM details if you are still confuzzled.

 

However I still plan to do the old career switcharoo, if i get the GIS job I will take the RN classes at night.

 

I thought about it for a long long time, and realized that with the way the market has changed lately if I want to progress in the GIS field i would have to go back for my masters in Engineering or Computer Programming. Neither of which interest me.

 

However nursing is a field with an always growing demand and a person with an RN license is very flexible in what they can do. RNs are needed everywhere. I could get a job anywhere with my RN and some experience.

[dreamingoftigers]

You could work anywhere in the world:)

 

Glad to hear that the birdies are doing better.:bunny:

 

If you think I am kidding about my keyboard, I posted a pic of it on my 2nd album of my profile. I had to share it with someone and thought that this was a good thread for it.

 

So how often do you go to divorce care?

[Duckduckgoose]

Oh God that keyboard is a mess! Its not just the spacebar missing... its like every other key

 

The suck part is going to be giving 2 birds, 2 meds, 2 times a day. They don't like taking meds very much, especially the really sick one she had an infection a couple years ago. The other one was just nomnoming the antibiotic up... she didn't like the antifungal and would shake her head or sneeze it out her nose.

 

DivorceCare is once a week. Some people go for more than one 13-week program. There are 3 ladies that have been to several. I think I will be okay just finishing with one 13-week session. I could technically make it 12 weeks because one of the weeks focuses on kids and how divorce affects them. I don't have kids so it doesn't really apply to me

 

I have learned a whole lot from DivorceCare. I have also learned a lot from counselling. If nothing else, divorce has taught me a lot. I can't say these are lessons I WANTED to learn but hopefully with all my hard-earned wisdom I will be able to help someone in a bad spot someday.

 

Perhaps, just perhaps.. when I marry again someday I will be that much better equipped in picking out a man and not make the same dumb **** mistake twice. Marriage was not the mistake I find, it was marriage to the wrong person.

[dreamingoftigers]

Oh God that keyboard is a mess! Its not just the spacebar missing... its like every other key

 

LOL I Know, she is a little terror.

 

The suck part is going to be giving 2 birds, 2 meds, 2 times a day. They don't like taking meds very much, especially the really sick one she had an infection a couple years ago. The other one was just nomnoming the antibiotic up... she didn't like the antifungal and would shake her head or sneeze it out her nose.

 

I can't imagine, I once had to give 4 dogs meds, ugh!

 

DivorceCare is once a week. Some people go for more than one 13-week program. There are 3 ladies that have been to several. I think I will be okay just finishing with one 13-week session. I could technically make it 12 weeks because one of the weeks focuses on kids and how divorce affects them. I don't have kids so it doesn't really apply to me

 

Don't overgo, then it just becomes wallowing.

 

I have learned a whole lot from DivorceCare. I have also learned a lot from counselling. If nothing else, divorce has taught me a lot. I can't say these are lessons I WANTED to learn but hopefully with all my hard-earned wisdom I will be able to help someone in a bad spot someday.

 

Usually the most important lessons come at the highest personal price. Look at Nelson Mandela.

 

Perhaps, just perhaps.. when I marry again someday I will be that much better equipped in picking out a man and not make the same dumb **** mistake twice. Marriage was not the mistake I find, it was marriage to the wrong person.

 

Yeah, no kidding!

[Duckduckgoose]

Hmm... part of me wants to think that some of the ladies that have been there for several sessions are wallowing... but another part thinks that they are just much slower to process the hurt... one has been divorced 10 years and is very bitter, she just started coming to DC to learn about divorce so she can move on with her life.

 

There is the pitfall of getting stuck in the "healing" phases... hooked on recovery I guess it's called. I kind of watch for that with them, and myself lol

 

Really I just think they are slower to process the hurt, it might be a deeper hurt for them... they were also married longer than I was and have kids... that's not an easy one for anybody.

 

I also know some of the people there are on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. **** must've hit them super hard. I really don't believe in taking meds for things unless I absolutely need to. I don't like taking tylenol

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't like taking meds either. I don't take anything for headaches/ time of the month etc. I avoid pharmaceuticals although I have started ADD meds in November and they did improve my quality of life significantly. I would like to switch to Naturopathic options instead. There isn't anything wring with divorce care but I have seen people in 12 step who seem to use it as their socializing crutch and don't make outside friends, I think that that brews trouble.

 

I think that being on anti-depressants shouldn't comf as any form of shock. I feel pretty half-dead some days and still break down regularly throughout the week.

[Floridaman]

you think I am kidding about my keyboard, I posted a pic of it on my 2nd album of my profile. I had to share it with someone and thought that this was a good thread for it.

That's a great pic of you, your child and your husband.

Looks nice.

 

I changed my profile pic.

 

That pic, BTW, is from '97, during our first year of marirage. Obv., it wasn't taken in Fla.

I look a little older now..

 

Added a recent pic of me and my wife in the folders...

Edited April 7, 2011 by Floridaman

[Duckduckgoose]

Aww you and your wife are real cute together!

 

I feel better from yesterday, I ate more frozen fruits that helped. I also took my bike out on the trail.

 

As I was getting my bike to the back of my car hot cop pulled up and was watching me, so I was kind of paying half attention to what I was doing and my front gear teeth nailed me HARD in the back of my right calf. Straight through my jeans. Bled, bruised, and torn. Of course I just played that off till I noticed it was bleeding

 

That's what I get for paying attentions to him and not what I was supposed to be doing

 

I am a little gimpy now lol

 

BIG interview tomorrow excited about that. And nerves. Haha.

 

I am curious DoT, how does people using DivorceCare for socializing breed trouble? The teacher did say that he will sometimes have to chase off the "wolves". He's not a small guy and I wouldn't want to be on the bad side of him. He's a bit slow but if he got ahold of me I'd be hurting lol

 

I also know that some people go through DivorceCare more than once to chart how much they have healed/their progress through divorce kind of thing. Sometimes there are also widows in there, because they are lonely and don't have any other program to go to.

 

I heard Kanye West's "All of the lights" feat. Rihanna, and Kid Cudi on the radio coming back from the trail... I blasted it.... it's a beautiful song

 

I kinda want to dance on hot cop's car like on the video

 

Oh yeah... when I got back he was parked and was watching me drag my ****ing heavy ass bike back up the stairs. Part of me was wanting to say, GTF over here and get this bike up the stairs for me jerk.

 

Same **** that my exH did actually. First time I tried to get the bike up the stairs last year my exH was at work and one of my neighbors was out smoking, so he helped me get the bike up the stairs. I told exH about it when he got off work, and his response was "I would have finished my cigarette while I watched you struggle with the bike... then I /might/ have offered to help".

 

Jerkwad.

[Floridaman]

Aww you and your wife are real cute together!.

Thanks, Duck!

I've wanted to show my pics to others (I've sent facebook links and links to an anonymous photobucket album with the same pics to others in PMs), but posting in the profile allows for more anonymity.

 

If you ever post a pic to your profile, please notify me.

You can set it to only your "contacts" can view the pics.

 

------

Sorry you wracked your calf up like that. Yes, I've done that too in basic bicycle riding, not the mountain biking you love to do.

[dreamingoftigers]

Aww you and your wife are real cute together!

 

I totally second that!

 

I feel better from yesterday,

 

As I was getting my bike to the back of my car hot cop pulled up and was watching me, so I was kind of paying half attention to what I was doing and my front gear teeth nailed me HARD in the back of my right calf. Straight through my jeans. Bled, bruised, and torn. Of course I just played that off till I noticed it was bleeding

 

Ouchies!

 

BIG interview tomorrow excited about that. And nerves. Haha.

 

You'll do fine!

 

I am curious DoT, how does people using DivorceCare for socializing breed trouble? The teacher did say that he will sometimes have to chase off the "wolves". He's not a small guy and I wouldn't want to be on the bad side of him. He's a bit slow but if he got ahold of me I'd be hurting lol

 

Not what I was getting at... Just for instance if one attends 12 step and they stop looking for outside social activities, then their whole social outlook becomes coloured by say "I am an alcoholic." It gets wrapped up in the problem. Best to have a decent variety of social sources.

 

 

I hope that your interview tomorrow goes great!:bunny::bunny: The bunnies will be there to back you up.

[Duckduckgoose]

I straight pwned that interview.

 

They are really laid back there.

 

One of the hiring managers brought up World of Warcraft. I told him I was a healer on that game lol

 

The other manager said I should hear back from them before next Friday... and if not, to call.

 

They know one of the references on my resume personally, because he worked there at one point haha. And his best friend/neighbor still does work there. Small ****ing world lolol

 

Did I mention its REALLY close to my apartment so I wouldn't have to commute 30+ mins each day?

 

Thank you Jesus for this good interview!

 

Only thing I think might be a problem is they also knew my old manager at my other GIS job... if they get ahold of him **** gonna get bad and fast. It didn't end so well with my other job and not because of me.

 

Of course they didn't ask why I'd lost my other job and I wasn't about to volunteer the information. I asked my father the best way to handle if they did ask what happened. I rather people be under the impression that I was laid off. They're pretty much gonna have to hold me to the wall and threaten me to get the truth. The worst part is a lot of people contacted me afterwards and said the same thing was going on with them and they were afraid to speak up... unlike me... cause they didn't want to lose their jobs too.

 

Thankfully that manager left not long after I got let go and moved VERY VERY far away. This city is mine and and ******* exH and old manager better gtfo

 

Its a pretty nice day otherwise and my birds are feeling much better. The one that was barfy doesn't even have crusty feathers around her mouth anymore so I know she will recover. She still acts like I am an abusive owner when I give her meds though