ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 asking somebody out isn't harassment, people... OP, go for it. Both of you are consenting adults here. If she's not interested, for whatever reason(s) (professional or otherwise), I'm sure she'll let you know that it's not going to happen. Conversely, she might be down with that sort of thing, in which case, it's just a date (i.e. nothing to write home about). But one thing's for sure, OP, I say its high time you taught you professor a lesson. Qua-PISH!! go for it.
Author one goal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Would it be ok to ask her out the last day of class? Or would it be better to email her and ask her out after the final grades are in? that way she really can't screw with my grade.
Cracker Jack Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I think you should ask her out on the last day of class. Btw, I seriously doubt you need to worry about your grade being messed with.
AmEricanWomann Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 If this is for real, then its a bad idea. The professor could lose her job if she dates a student. You may both be adults, but she holds a position of trust and dating a student would be violating the trust. If you insist on asking her out, do it after your done with all your classes at that school and are actually attending your other school. Don't be surprised if you get shot down even then. Yes, some teachers have dated their students , but the vast majority stay away from that sort of thing. They've studied many years and worked very hard to achieve their status and most are not about to throw it away for some young pup wet behind the ears. Also, if she's as hot as you say, you probably aren't the first student to have taken an interest in her.
Kamille Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 She seems like a nice lady, but you know how women can take offense to stuff easily and blow it up. Lovely stereotype. However, a woman wanting to protect her professional reputation wouldn't be blowing things out of proportion if she consulted with her supervisors as to what the proper etiquette could be. It honestly doesn't sound, from the comments you've made here about her seeming nice enough or you worrying that she might screw your grade that you actually have that much of a rapport with her. Do you? Do you guys chat about stuff other than classwork? What is this crush about? Would it be ok to ask her out the last day of class? Or would it be better to email her and ask her out after the final grades are in? that way she really can't screw with my grade. I teach at a university level and I wouldn't want to be asked out by any student. Granted, I'm just starting and I worked my ass off to get here, so building my professional reputation is my priority. However, if a student were to ask me out, I would much prefer he do it after I submitted the final grade.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Dude, I looked at some of your other threads, and you're a creepy stalker. All my advice is off. If someone did it respectfully, he wouldn't be crucified for asking out his teacher. You, on the other hand, will probably go to jail for sexual harassment. If you're serious, have fun in prison!
Author one goal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 If this is for real, then its a bad idea. The professor could lose her job if she dates a student. You may both be adults, but she holds a position of trust and dating a student would be violating the trust. If you insist on asking her out, do it after your done with all your classes at that school and are actually attending your other school. Don't be surprised if you get shot down even then. Yes, some teachers have dated their students , but the vast majority stay away from that sort of thing. They've studied many years and worked very hard to achieve their status and most are not about to throw it away for some young pup wet behind the ears. Also, if she's as hot as you say, you probably aren't the first student to have taken an interest in her. Well she's late 30s IMO and has been teaching since she's gotten out of college I think. So I'm sure especially when she was younger that she's had to have some guys going after her.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Dude you stalked a girl in class, and a girl at work. Now you're asking if you'll be arrested for asking out a professor? If you had options, you wouldn't be asking this, because normal girls don't charge you with sexual harassment, if you do it respectfully. If this teacher is as respectable as you say, she wouldn't charge you with harassment...unless it was warranted. Dude, you remind me of Christian Bale's character in American Psycho. Or some other sociopath. You need help, and it's not "dating" help.
Author one goal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 I was in the academic world in the US so I can for certain say this: The only person who gets in trouble for sexual harrassment is the professor or graduate student TA, not the undergrad student. A student is in a position of vulnerability, so if the student has sex with the professor, it's considered an abuse of power. The student has no power and can lose a lot. Sex between a superior and a subordinate is thought of to be coercion. Students don't sign sexual harrassment policies in school, only grad students and professors do. They are staff of the university and must adhere to a code of conduct. If a student (male or female) feels harrassed, they should report it to the department head. Sexual harrassment in a university is a serious offense, akin to plagiarism among undergrads. It could ruin a person's career. So what does sex have to do with asking her out??
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 So what does sex have to do with asking her out?? You just don't get it. She probably doesn't want to be asked out by you. You're a college student, she's almost in her 40's, and also probably very married. You're thinking with your penis. I've been guilty of that as well, but I don't ask out my professors who I find attractive - simply because I know they would never go for me. Some of the posters in here are right. And you ARE irrational.
Author one goal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 You just don't get it. She probably doesn't want to be asked out by you. You're a college student, she's almost in her 40's, and also probably very married. You're thinking with your penis. I've been guilty of that as well, but I don't ask out my professors who I find attractive - simply because I know they would never go for me. Some of the posters in here are right. And you ARE irrational. She is single. She isn't married. So? 39 isn't that old. They are also at their sexual peak then.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 She is single. She isn't married. So? 39 isn't that old. They are also at their sexual peak then. How old are you? Unless you're around her age, chances are she's not gonna dig being hit on by a college student. I'm 28, and 39 year old women would NOT be interested in dating someone my age.
moontiger Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) Well she is really hot looking, and she is single. Like the last day of class just for grins if I hit on her and like asked her out for lunch or something like that, do you think she would freak out? I mean I'm going to a different university in the fall and that so I wouldn't be going back to the same college. Could she get me in trouble for that and claim harassment? As of last year, I was a very young-looking, single female professor. During my time as a professor, I was asked on a date by an undergraduate from another university. I wasn't interested, mainly because our life stages seemed so different: He didn't have a car, lived in a dorm room with another student and for our proposed date wanted me to pick him up there, and was worried about taking exams while I was giving them. For me I had left all of that behind so long ago that he seemed like a baby. Not to mention that I don't think my colleagues would have looked kindly upon my dating an undergrad, even if he was from another university--and your reputation matters when you go for tenure. That said, I was not offended by his interest; I was amused and flattered. I can't imagine having claimed harassment unless he harassed me, which he did not...he very honestly told me he found me attractive and wanted to date, and when I said no that was that. So if you are sure that you will be changing schools and also you do not want a letter of recommendation from her in the future, I don't think it's grossly inappropriate to ask a former professor out. My uncle was a professor and ended up marrying one of his students (he was very young, and she was older than average.) That said, she sounds a lot older than you, so prepare for her to say no and for things to be awkward afterward. Edited March 14, 2011 by moontiger
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 ^ Exactly. You put it in a way that I couldn't. Also, OP, you need to recognize your own faults. Girls aren't bait, you don't pursue them, stalk them, harass them until they say yes. They'll say yes if they're interested, they'll say no if they're not. And you have to accept that, unless you want to be faced with a restraining order. You have a very limited view of male-female relationships. I believe it's caused by watching too much porn. Hint: women don't act the way that porn stars act, and you're not going to get a blowjob or handjob for just being good looking. You have to actually go out on a date before things progress that far.
Author one goal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 As of last year, I was a very young-looking, single female professor. During my time as a professor, I was asked on a date by an undergraduate from another university. I wasn't interested, mainly because our life stages seemed so different: He didn't have a car, lived in a dorm room with another student and for our proposed date wanted me to pick him up there, and was worried about taking exams while I was giving them. For me I had left all of that behind so long ago that he seemed like a baby. Not to mention that I don't think my colleagues would have looked kindly upon my dating an undergrad, even if he was from another university--and your reputation matters when you go for tenure. That said, I was not offended by his interest; I was amused and flattered. I can't imagine having claimed harassment unless he harassed me, which he did not...he very honestly told me he found me attractive and wanted to date, and when I said no that was that. So if you are sure that you will be changing schools and also you do not want a letter of recommendation from her in the future, I don't think it's grossly inappropriate to ask a former professor out. My uncle was a professor and ended up marrying one of his students (he was very young, and she was older than average.) That said, she sounds a lot older than you, so prepare for her to say no and for things to be awkward afterward. So how did he meet you if he went to a different school. Btw I'm 27 and she's probably very late 30s. Most people say I look more like in my early 20s though because I look young for my age. Also Im pretty sure shes very liberal. Im very far to the right. She knows I'm mid 20s.
Author one goal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 asking somebody out isn't harassment, people... OP, go for it. Both of you are consenting adults here. If she's not interested, for whatever reason(s) (professional or otherwise), I'm sure she'll let you know that it's not going to happen. Conversely, she might be down with that sort of thing, in which case, it's just a date (i.e. nothing to write home about). But one thing's for sure, OP, I say its high time you taught you professor a lesson. Qua-PISH!! go for it. I mean if I ask her out wouldn't it be obvious to her that I like her, and attracted to her lol? I mean she knows she's not being asked out just to hangout.
johan Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I say do it. But you would be smart to try simple conversation with her before you blindside her on the last day. It would be less uncomfortable if you already had some kind of easy-going thing established. Hopefully involving homor and smiles. If you can't do that then asking her out won't go well.
Author one goal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 I say do it. But you would be smart to try simple conversation with her before you blindside her on the last day. It would be less uncomfortable if you already had some kind of easy-going thing established. Hopefully involving homor and smiles. If you can't do that then asking her out won't go well. So what should I talk to her about to make her like me more, and think I'm funny?
johan Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 So what should I talk to her about to make her like me more, and think I'm funny? That's for you to figure out.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I mean if I ask her out wouldn't it be obvious to her that I like her, and attracted to her lol? yes, genius... what do you think the point of asking anyone out is? expressing disinterest? +1 strange point.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 yes, genius... what do you think the point of asking anyone out is? expressing disinterest? +1 strange point. Read his posts history. He's a very strange guy.
Author one goal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Read his posts history. He's a very strange guy. I'm not strange. I just wanted some advise on how to ask this hot looking chick out.
confused192 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Before asking her out, you may want to do some research on your university's policy on professorial/student relationships and boundaries. I am a female and when I was in undergraduate school, I asked a professor of mine out the day after grades were posted for the class. I was also in a similar situation you are in...I was not transferring schools but I was switching majors so there was no possibility that this professor would have any jurisdiction over my assessment or grading. Just FYI, he accepted my invitation...fast-forward 3 years and we were married. I think it just depends on if she is willing to date a younger man who may not be in the same life situation she is in while also dealing with the stigma of dating a former-student. I had to deal with that a lot in my situation and he definitely dealt with it way more than I did, mainly from colleagues. As long as grades have been posted and she will truly not have any future jurisdiction over you, then you should be fine. Good luck!
Author one goal Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Before asking her out, you may want to do some research on your university's policy on professorial/student relationships and boundaries. I am a female and when I was in undergraduate school, I asked a professor of mine out the day after grades were posted for the class. I was also in a similar situation you are in...I was not transferring schools but I was switching majors so there was no possibility that this professor would have any jurisdiction over my assessment or grading. Just FYI, he accepted my invitation...fast-forward 3 years and we were married. I think it just depends on if she is willing to date a younger man who may not be in the same life situation she is in while also dealing with the stigma of dating a former-student. I had to deal with that a lot in my situation and he definitely dealt with it way more than I did, mainly from colleagues. As long as grades have been posted and she will truly not have any future jurisdiction over you, then you should be fine. Good luck! But I wont see her again when final grades are posted. They are posted like a week after the final class. So would my only other option to be to email her then? I'd feel strange asking her out via email. Also based on your avatar you're hot looking. Of course a guy wouldn't say no. So would it be better to ask her the last class then, or wait and just email her? She's probably about 12ish years older than me.
Author one goal Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Well honestly of course I want to go out with her in order to get in her pants. Why else would a guy ask a hot chick out?
Recommended Posts