What brand of affair was ours?

[BB07]

I am in no way assuming that all men feel as I do. I think I made that quite evident by pointing out a particular type of man who feels the complete opposite of what I do. Did I not?

 

 

OK.........don't be so defensive.

 

I don't think you've posted your story, I just got a little bit of it by reading your comments on other threads.

So.........what are you going to do about your predicament?

[BB07]

WORD BB!!!!!!!

 

 

I kinda liked it myself!

[OWoman]

Both technically AND legally she's still an OW, which was my point. Unless MM did the same thing you said yours did and change all of his legal paperwork to leave her medical power of attorney and the beneficiary of his assets, that is.

 

You're implying I lied?

 

If he were to be in an accident, medical decisions would defer to the current W. If he were to die, his assets would defer to her as well, etc etc etc. If they really loved the OW that much, it seems to me that they would want the OW to be protected. But if an MM were to go to all of the trouble to change all that paperwork, it seems a little odd that they wouldn't just file that divorce paperwork too while they were at it.

 

I don't know where you live, but in both of the countries I have residence in, upon death assets are discharged as per the deceased's Last Will and Testament, not according to whether or not there is still an extant (albeit estranged) spouse or not UNLESS the person dies intestate. In which case the next of kin - whoever that is - would be the beneficiary. I've had legal advice in both countries as I own assets in both, and nowhere was the assumption made that my assets would automatically pass to my H unless he was listed as my NoK or as my heir in my will.

[whichwayisup]

 

 

I have not posted my story. If I read the terms and conditions of this site correctly then in order to post my story I must start a thread about it rather than using someone else's space to do so. Since I am not here seeking your advice or counsel on anything pertaining to my own situation at this time, I find it neither required nor prudent of me to do so. To try to persuade me to use this space to do so seems rather baiting to me.

 

There must be a new trend. It's always been rare that someone just joins this place to "join in on the discussion threads", but recently there's been a whole bunch of new posters who seem to have joined LS only TO participate in discussion threads.

 

I've also noticed those newbies don't reply to other OW or new posters who truly DO need help and support.

[donnamaybe]

There must be a new trend. It's always been rare that someone just joins this place to "join in on the discussion threads", but recently there's been a whole bunch of new posters who seem to have joined LS only TO participate in discussion threads.

 

I've also noticed those newbies don't reply to other OW or new posters who truly DO need help and support.

And they also quickly single out and insult folks. That's okay. I've seen many ousted lately. A trend which naturally follows the trend of which you speak above.

[whichwayisup]

I have posted where I felt I had something of value to offer. I am sorry if you feel that I have somehow slighted someone who could use my advice. Please feel free to tell me directly where I should go in order to dispatch said advice to those who may want it.

 

Nope. You can do that all on your own by reading various OW stories and newbie OW/OM threads.

 

Sorry if you feel what I've said has offended you.

[whichwayisup]

Not at all. There are no rules as to who replies to who's thread and their situation. An OW who's been here for a long time or a newbie. I just find it odd that a handful of new people have joined to either boast about being in an affair and also just to talk on discussion threads.

 

50 posts and 1 month served on LS, I think makes one an established member.

[BB07]

You accuse me of making a blanket statement generalizing all married men into one category yet when I prove you to be patently incorrect you respond with nothing more intelligent than some childish street jargon?

 

How exactly does one find the ignore button on this site?

 

 

 

I have not posted my story. If I read the terms and conditions of this site correctly then in order to post my story I must start a thread about it rather than using someone else's space to do so. Since I am not here seeking your advice or counsel on anything pertaining to my own situation at this time, I find it neither required nor prudent of me to do so. To try to persuade me to use this space to do so seems rather baiting to me.

 

Damn! You are very defensive! Bait you? Too funny! And I didn't ask you to post your story in this thread. Oh and EXCUSE me but you are posting on a public forum so comments are to be expected. And.........I didn't assume you were asking for my advice.

[whichwayisup]

And will someone kindly point out how I go about blocking posts of people trying to bait me into a fight. I do not see an ignore button.

 

I've never put anybody on ignore so I'm not sure how it's done, but check your profile, there could be an option somewhere there to put someone on ignore.

[donnamaybe]

Damn! You are very defensive! Bait you? Too funny! And I didn't ask you to post your story in this thread. Oh and EXCUSE me but you are posting on a public forum so comments are to be expected. And.........I didn't assume you were asking for my advice.

I know, huh? Baiting is now equated with having a different opinion. :lmao:

 

I think I know from whence the issues stem.

[TinaniT]

And will someone kindly point out how I go about blocking posts of people trying to bait me into a fight. I do not see an ignore button.

 

 

Click on their name. Go to their profile. Click on User Lists in their profile, and there is an option, Add to Ignore List.

[BB07]

I think you are reading my confusion as defensiveness where it is not. In order to feel defensive, I must first feel as though I am doing something that I need to excuse in some manner. I do not feel the need to excuse anything, so I do not need to defend my right to do it. Therefore defensive is the last thing I am being.

 

As to assuming that I was seeking your advice. You are the one who asked me what I was going to do about my "predicament" which implies that you see my situation as being an unpleasantly difficult, perplexing, or dangerous situation. That, to me, implied that you thought I was here seeking advice. I am not. At least not at this time. But thank you for your concern.

 

OK.......I'm sorry I asked about your predicament but again you put it out there and by putting it out there it's open for comment. That's the way it works for ALL of us around here. Going by what you said, it wasn't a jump to assume it was a problem for you. I replied in the other thread when you brought it up and I wasn't snarky at all in my reply. I took you at your word instead of jumping in your crap as it sometimes happens here.

Lighten up.........and you'll find it is easier around here.

[BB07]

I was curious as I'm sure others will be about your story whathesaid.........so shoot me.

[desertIslandCactus]

You seem to be unable to grasp what I am saying. What I mean is that when a man like that seeks another woman for an affair, he is purposefully targeting women that he thinks are morally, emotionally, and characteristically beneath him. Which has absoultely nothing to do with socioeconomic class distinctions you seem to believe I am implying. He does not seek someone he feels is his equal in those areas so he is not changing his perception of her because of her willingness to have an affair with him. He always had that perception of her, it is her "loose" morals that he was seeking to begin with.

 

The MM who contacted me did so probably because I was single. After that an OW's morales come in to play if she continues to communicate with him with the knowledge that he is M. She may tell herself that she can handle communication, etc..

[Silly_Girl]

If your OW helped you to find alternate living arrangements so you could move out, but then on the day you were supposed to move, you went MIA, don't you think the OW would be irresponsible to NOT consider all of the possibilities?

 

What are 'all of the possibilities' jt?

[Silly_Girl]

Both technically AND legally she's still an OW

 

If that's the case, why are there marital statuses on forms called 'married', 'separated' and 'divorced'? Surely only 'married' and 'divorced' would be required?

[desertIslandCactus]

I am sorry but can you please explain what you mean by this post? It is very confusing as it appears to in no way address what I was talking about.

 

Nor does it make any sense to me simply because it seems a jumble of words with no point to them. I am trying to understand and maybe I am missing the point but what does you being single have to do with what I was discussing?

 

What does morale have to do with morals?

 

How does an OW's confidence, cheerfulness, discipline, and willingness to perform assigned tasks determine if she is going to communicate with a married man?

 

And what does her telling herself she can "handle communication" have to do with anything I said about a man purposefully seeking out a woman he believes to have low moral standards, a woman he thinks of with disdain before commencing the affair with her and so therefore does not change his perception of her after the affair?

 

Please explain, because I am just at a loss trying to figure this one out. I am honestly not trying to be thick, I just do not understand this post at all, nor how it pertains to anything I said.

 

never mind .. just read some of your other posts .. Now I know where you have come from .. or where you've been .. ha

Edited March 15, 2011 by desertIslandCactus

[White Flower]

SG, I think your affair is the Classic Affair.

 

Boy marries girl, boy becomes disillusioned with girl, boy finds better girl but wants to do 'the right thing'.

 

Boy spends time 'doing the right thing' only to find it was actually the wrong thing, then decides to focus on what is really right before it is too late.

 

As the sun sets, boy grabs 'right girl' by the hand, and walks into the sunset before the camera fades to black.

 

Congratulations Silly Girl.

[Silly_Girl]

SG, I think your affair is the Classic Affair.

 

Boy marries girl, boy becomes disillusioned with girl, boy finds better girl but wants to do 'the right thing'.

 

Boy spends time 'doing the right thing' only to find it was actually the wrong thing, then decides to focus on what is really right before it is too late.

 

As the sun sets, boy grabs 'right girl' by the hand, and walks into the sunset before the camera fades to black.

 

Congratulations Silly Girl.

 

WF, that's cute! I like. Thank you.

[OWoman]

If that's the case, why are there marital statuses on forms called 'married', 'separated' and 'divorced'? Surely only 'married' and 'divorced' would be required?

 

Perhaps on some planets there is no provision for real life, only its idealised form?

[greengoddess]

If that's the case, why are there marital statuses on forms called 'married', 'separated' and 'divorced'? Surely only 'married' and 'divorced' would be required?

 

I'm trying to think of what forms I have seen separated and the one that comes to mind are the parent contact forms for the children at school. In that case, separated is very relevant because the school needs to know if the children and the parents are going through a divorce. It really helps the teachers to know that there are family problems occuring and that they may have to contact both parents separately.

[Silly_Girl]

I'm trying to think of what forms I have seen separated and the one that comes to mind are the parent contact forms for the children at school. In that case, separated is very relevant because the school needs to know if the children and the parents are going through a divorce. It really helps the teachers to know that there are family problems occuring and that they may have to contact both parents separately.

 

Applying for a personal loan

Applying for a mortgage

Applying for a store card

Applying for free tickets to tv show recordings

Setting up a dating profile

 

I see it an awful lot. And not in respect of my son's school at all. They merely ask for the names of those to be contacted and their relationship to the student in question.

 

GG, are you trying to suggest that 'separated' is not a bona fide marital status understood and accepted in society?

[fooled once]

There must be a new trend. It's always been rare that someone just joins this place to "join in on the discussion threads", but recently there's been a whole bunch of new posters who seem to have joined LS only TO participate in discussion threads.

 

I've also noticed those newbies don't reply to other OW or new posters who truly DO need help and support.

 

Agree.

 

Oh who man! Can we PLEASE get back to the ORIGINAL post and not all this thread jacking? Silly, I have no idea what type of affair you have. You would be the best judge for that.

 

 

Sometimes, I believe people just have affairs and have no idea what "type" they have - I guess it is up to the person who is cheating to determine that. I mean that sincerely, since they are the one with the options - saying, leaving or cake eating or whatever. I do think jthorne brought up a good point about lack of divorce and legal / medical issues. It is one thing that has been talked about to death on here - an OW has no say so in the MM's legal obligations after his death nor medical decisions if he is hurt. That goes to the next of kin and in many places in the US, wills can be contested. But I do believe - at least with the military type of benefits - an ex wife would get something - even after the divorce. I believe the couple had to be married 10 years first tho. Not entirely sure, but those are things to think about. No one plans for their death (unless they have a fatal disease). No one plans to get hit by a truck. I am not sure even if he wrote up something and had it notarized if it would even make a difference to a judge while he is still married (should he die before he could divorce).

 

But back to what you asked - only you (or he) knows what type of affair you have. What does he say?

[White Flower]

WF, that's cute! I like. Thank you.

 

You're quite welcome my dear.

[Silly_Girl]

Agree.

 

Oh who man! Can we PLEASE get back to the ORIGINAL post and not all this thread jacking? Silly, I have no idea what type of affair you have. You would be the best judge for that.

 

 

Sometimes, I believe people just have affairs and have no idea what "type" they have - I guess it is up to the person who is cheating to determine that. I mean that sincerely, since they are the one with the options - saying, leaving or cake eating or whatever. I do think jthorne brought up a good point about lack of divorce and legal / medical issues. It is one thing that has been talked about to death on here - an OW has no say so in the MM's legal obligations after his death nor medical decisions if he is hurt. That goes to the next of kin and in many places in the US, wills can be contested. But I do believe - at least with the military type of benefits - an ex wife would get something - even after the divorce. I believe the couple had to be married 10 years first tho. Not entirely sure, but those are things to think about. No one plans for their death (unless they have a fatal disease). No one plans to get hit by a truck. I am not sure even if he wrote up something and had it notarized if it would even make a difference to a judge while he is still married (should he die before he could divorce).

 

But back to what you asked - only you (or he) knows what type of affair you have. What does he say?

 

I note you perceive us as still being in an affair, FO. I just wonder if you have an opinion as to whether the 'separated' marital status is invalid/fake as gg appears to believe? They are on the same mortgage, and that's it. They live in NO WAY WHATSOEVER as a couple...

 

I have zero concern as to what might happen to his finances/belongings were he to expire tomorrow, to be frank.

 

As for the 'type' of affair, we've talked about infidelity in general, but not in as clinical a way as I've seen here. Jennie mainly but also some others had researched a lot, hence me asking here.

 

His opinion is that he's been woken up after years of denial and is happier than he's ever been and away from pretense and lies. So I guess he'd probably term it a 'successful affair'.