Still strugling

[tojaz]

I have come to the conclusion that there are a lot of ***** in this world and my ex was one of them. Good ridance to bad rubbish and I will NEVER allow myself to be hurt like that again, because I will never put myself in that position again, from now on it's me, myself and I, never again will I allow a man to get near me, NEVER.

 

Edit- as a side note it seems all you guys want is a b1tch anyway from the way you all go on about the absolute cows that some of you are married to on here and yet you all still want them back, well from now on that's me, give em what they want, seems that if you treat a man well, you get s*** on, but treat em like c*** and they still want you even though there are women, genuine, loving, caring women out there no one wants! So from now on I'll be the b1tch that you all seem to want, but to get what I want for a change, like I said NEVER again will a man get near me emotionally.

 

Well Willow that is obviously your decision and your welcome to it. That does come with responsibility though. The responsibility that you, right here, right now are making a conscious choice to live your life that way. Its no longer about your ex, or the poor dating pool, you have decided this fate for yourself.

 

TOJAZ

[willowthewisp]

Well Willow that is obviously your decision and your welcome to it. That does come with responsibility though. The responsibility that you, right here, right now are making a conscious choice to live your life that way. Its no longer about your ex, or the poor dating pool, you have decided this fate for yourself.

 

TOJAZ

 

Given up fighting. It's become clear to me over the last two years and the way I have been treated that no one gives a d**m about anyone but themself, men just go on and on about how they want an independant women, then when they marry one they are SHOCKED to find that the independant, self centred women they married only cares about.....drum roll THEMSELF!

 

This is about what has happened to me, it's changed me, no one wants me as I am so I have little choice but to start treating people the way they are asking to be treated and to look out for number one. I have come to the conclusion that to get on in this life you have to be a liar and a cheat. So, that's what is wanted, that is what I shall become. No more nice Willow, those days are gone.

Edited March 3, 2011 by willowthewisp

[debtman]

Sorry to hear that willow. Your posts make you out to be a caring, compassionate and feeling person. It's never a good idea to over-generalize, but it's easy to strike out sometimes and make sweeping judgments.

 

It sounds like the last thing you need right now is a relationship. Try avoiding them for a while. Loneliness can be extremely healing and therapeutic once you learn to embrace it. Try finding some social hobbies, try making some new friends.

 

It's easy to be bitter, angry and lash out. But, it's healthier and more rewarding to make the extra effort to go out and live life, enjoy the moments, remember how lucky we are to be able to eat every day, experience things that 90% of the world will never know.

 

The world is an amazing place and we've been giving a wonderful gift of being alive and living in the moment...don't waste a second of it.

 

Tojaz had some fantastic advice in his post and speaks from experience. Let it go.

 

Good luck...keep posting...

[tojaz]

Given up fighting. It's become clear to me over the last two years and the way I have been treated that no one gives a d**m about anyone but themself, men just go on and on about how they want an independant women, then when they marry one they are SHOCKED to find that the independant, self centred women they married only cares about.....drum roll THEMSELF!

 

This is about what has happened to me, it's changed me, no one wants me as I am so I have little choice but to start treating people the way they are asking to be treated and to look out for number one. I have come to the conclusion that to get on in this life you have to be a liar and a cheat. So, that's what is wanted, that is what I shall become. No more nice Willow, those days are gone.

 

Willow, I'm nobody to listen to, just another person who had to walk a similar path. I don't expect you to take my advice.......

 

So why not take your own!

Tojaz, Don't become anyone that you are not or change yourself because of the way some other people have choosen to treat you, that would be a loss to those deserving of you if you did.

 

You posted this! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t252384/ To me, when i was in a place similar to where you are now. You also asked me a question

 

This "dear friend" though, why were they so dear to you?

I don't believe i ever answered this. They were so dear because they displayed all these qualities that you are trying to cast off. I don't know what kinds of guys your talking to, but all those qualities, genuine, caring, loving, understanding! These are the things I value most. The selfish and callous will find themselves lacking my company every time.

 

TOJAZ

[willowthewisp]

Thanks for the replies, I'll admit I was a bit drunk when I wrote that last night and I am again tonight, not coping too well. I'm not bitter or angry though I've just relaised from what has happened to me, from dating and from reading the posts of men here on LS, that women like me are not appreciated.

 

The number of men right here on this board, all crying and trying to get back a women who has cheated on them!

 

My crime, I asked my ex not to go out with his friends as much because he worked really long hours and because I was unwell I spent most of my time alone.

 

Apparently this justifies leaving me, jilting me, telling me it was OK to do so because "at least I didn't let you get to the point of buying your wedding dress", no, but you walked me round four different wedding venues, two churches, told my family, had been engaged to me for 8 years and led me to beleive you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Made me homeless, my hair fell out, my nervous system broke down and I lost 10 lbs in weight in 4 days.

 

That was my crime. Asking my ex to spend a bit more time with me = I was controlling.

 

Geesh, so you guys on here will take back, actually will BEG back a women who has f*****d another man but I am cast out, treated like dirt and cut out of his life like a cancer, to be replaced with a younger women, who now lives in my home, with my things, furniture, using my closet, hanging my Christmas decorations and planning a wedding which should have been mine.

 

So, I figure, if that is what you guys want and it seems these b**** get treated like princesses then why am I wasting my time being nice and end up being treated like dirt?

 

Do you know, I go out with girlfriends who think nothing of flirting with guys to get free drinks all night. I have NEVER once taken advantage of a guy in a bar like that, I would never accept a drink of someone whom I had no interest in.

 

Hell, some of my girlfriends will hint at sex to get free drinks, cab rides etc and these men fall all over them, show a bit of clevege or leg and the world is your oyster it seems.

 

Manipulative b***** that is what you all want. There are good women out there, I have single friends, left on the shelf like me at 35 who are intelligent, funny, caring, loyal, faithful and decent women. It seems men do not want this, no, men marry the ones who PLEASE them, yes women. Until that is, you no longer provide them with what they wanted you for, they got the kids, they got the house, you stopped taking them to dinner and movie and they go f*** someone else. Manipulation, give the man what he wants to get what you want, when he no longer provides you with you want find a new man. Spoilt little princesses.

 

Time for a change.

[worlybear]

I hear on the news that ET has been sighted! If you're not quick, I'll get him first!:laugh:

[trippi1432]

Willow - It's understandable coming here and reading all these stories, how people mistreat each other, how there were some that were the best wife or husband and were left behind, how dysfunction tore a home apart, how someone cheated on someone or cheated on each other...it's all right here on this forum. How a strong woman has an opinion and is deemed controlling instead of appreciated...how a man who loves his wife worships her and then is told to "man-up". Yep...all right here. It's get depressing sometimes even without the drink.

 

How to get your spouse back...seeming to become more a strategy and manipulation..than with the instruction that it's truly about the heart, emotions or even a genuine feeling of doing what is right. Not sure how many on here have used that strategy in their favor to actually get their spouse back in relation to those who don't...but it's a win/win anyway because by implementing it, you effectively work on you and "get over it"....yada yada yada...right? Isn't that what they preach?

 

Each and every person on this board has the capacity to be genuine, caring, understanding, compassionate, forgiving, selfish, callous and insensitive. That is the genetic makeup of most personalities. It's also the balancing act of most relationships...but when the scales get tipped too far...well, we wind up here. Why? Because most people have forgotten that caring about someone is the ability to love someone, hate something they do, but forgive all in the same breath. Instead they harbor...or they aren't able to get their opinion out...or it doesn't matter so they stay quiet...or they feel insignificant..and the wound just festers.

 

Because you asked for more time with your ex did not make you controlling...it was him trying to control his environment and effectively YOU. It was him tipping that proverbial scale in his direction to put you off balance. He saved you a wedding dress...that is callous and insensitive...I wish mine had actually done that for me instead of me sitting in my bathtub the night before my wedding crying my eyes out because I found out he made out with one of my bridesmaids. Oh yeah...and I was an idiot, I married him anyway.

 

So yeah...does it leave you deflated that this is how it is...men out there chasing down what they can't have for those that would do better for them...that this is all that is left in the world? Yeah, I can say that it looks a little grim...right here, right on these boards because this is the battle that everyone is fighting. I'm sure you will hear the men say the same thing...why does she want that guy who hurts her when there are more deserving and good men in the world. We are all here just trying to understand how to be a better person, trying to understand what went wrong, trying to understand how to date again after not being out in the world in so long. I am right there with you, I finally found my heart again...but I'll be d*mn'd if I am ever going to give it to someone again. I'm going to keep it for me this time and love myself for a while.

 

And you know what Willow - when you do that, keep a big part of your heart for you, it won't matter if they walk out...if they cheat....if they abuse you. Because you will love you enough to know how to not be down there where they are and it may be you putting on the walking shoes if they are not treating you the way you deserve, with all the good things you do for them.

 

Book reference: Look for Mars and Venus Starting Over - A practical guide for finding love again after a painful breakup, divorce, or loss of a loved one. I know you probably don't have a lot of time to read other things with classes and exams, but perhaps one to put on the shelf and read when you are ready.

[Bigbopper]

As always, excellent words from Trippi.

Willow, you MUST realise that not all people are the same.

 

For every bi***y girl, there is a genuine person like you, for every selfish man, there is a man who is generous. For every person that seems perfect in every way, apart from the fact they dont have time for you, there is someone that only has time to give, and nothing else.

 

I am slowly realising this, and I hope to find love again one day.

 

It saddens me when I read how negative you feel, mainly because I am there occasionally too. Please be strong, you have a lot of support right here on LS.

 

Smile, and the world smiles with you

x

[willowthewisp]

I had a counselling follow up appointment today, IC says he twisted things, me wanting to spend more time with him, asking for committment effectively, him not being able to commit more time due to being a committment phobic.

 

B****y b*****d he knew something was wrong with him all those years, he's wasted nearly 20 years of my life and twisted it all round on me to make it all to be my fault when it wasn't. Deciet, lies, that's how he lives his life. Well, now he's marrying a women who only wants him for his money and to have children, and you know what? She's welcome to him. I'm done.

 

IC wants me to phone my ex and blast him, says I need to stand up for myself, express the anger that has been turned inward on myself for the last two years and take my power back. I'm mulling it over, IC thinks I won't ever be able to let go until I've had my say due to the way I was left. I'm not scared of my ex anymore, nothing he can say or do can hurt me anymore, not now I see him for the pathetic coward that he is.

[2.50 a gallon]

Willow

 

I feel your frustration. Please understand that you are in a very bad place, but the mouth of the tunnel is getting closer, and should be here by this summer.

 

I have not spent much time on this board lately as I have been very busy with a writing project. Lots of research, writing, drawing, rewriting and redrawing.

 

And that is my point. Thirty years ago, when the XW and I separated, I was pretty much in your shoes. Wasted years of my life, uprooted myself from family and long time friends. I found myself in a new place a thousand miles from home, totally alone and almost broke.

 

Not only that but my best friend, my lover, was bringing the OM by our old apartment to rub my nose in her new affair.

 

Why? Why? I wondered.

 

As it turned out there was a reason. Up until we broke, I was just a vanilla, 40 to 50 hour a week, factory worker. Weekends were BBQ's, some drinking partying, and getting ready to go back to work for another week.

 

But I was destined for more. I would never have considered getting into historical research, writing articles, much less being able to call other writers, college professors, etc. as friends, had the XW and I stayed together.

 

And I see a similar story emerging in your life.

 

Look at what you are on the verge of becoming. A very learned person, in the field of law. This was your destiny.

 

Your quest still lays ahead of you. You are just about to reach the summit in a few more months, and then you will be able to see a new view on life. Once on the summit, you be able to look around and pick and choose which valley, glen or wood you want to explore.

 

Please don't let this a-hole twist your view of the opposite sex. True be on your guard, but when it does happen, just relax and enjoy the ride.

 

As the song says, "You just haven't met him yet." And he will come out of no where, when you least expect it.

 

And you are beautiful. When it comes to looks, you are in the top 10 percent. I have seen your picture. Once you get out of your present living conditions and begin to find out who you really are, they guys will come knocking.

[willowthewisp]

Willow - It's understandable coming here and reading all these stories, how people mistreat each other, how there were some that were the best wife or husband and were left behind, how dysfunction tore a home apart, how someone cheated on someone or cheated on each other...it's all right here on this forum. How a strong woman has an opinion and is deemed controlling instead of appreciated...how a man who loves his wife worships her and then is told to "man-up". Yep...all right here. It's get depressing sometimes even without the drink.

 

How to get your spouse back...seeming to become more a strategy and manipulation..than with the instruction that it's truly about the heart, emotions or even a genuine feeling of doing what is right. Not sure how many on here have used that strategy in their favor to actually get their spouse back in relation to those who don't...but it's a win/win anyway because by implementing it, you effectively work on you and "get over it"....yada yada yada...right? Isn't that what they preach?

 

Each and every person on this board has the capacity to be genuine, caring, understanding, compassionate, forgiving, selfish, callous and insensitive. That is the genetic makeup of most personalities. It's also the balancing act of most relationships...but when the scales get tipped too far...well, we wind up here. Why? Because most people have forgotten that caring about someone is the ability to love someone, hate something they do, but forgive all in the same breath. Instead they harbor...or they aren't able to get their opinion out...or it doesn't matter so they stay quiet...or they feel insignificant..and the wound just festers.

 

Because you asked for more time with your ex did not make you controlling...it was him trying to control his environment and effectively YOU. It was him tipping that proverbial scale in his direction to put you off balance. He saved you a wedding dress...that is callous and insensitive...I wish mine had actually done that for me instead of me sitting in my bathtub the night before my wedding crying my eyes out because I found out he made out with one of my bridesmaids. Oh yeah...and I was an idiot, I married him anyway.

 

So yeah...does it leave you deflated that this is how it is...men out there chasing down what they can't have for those that would do better for them...that this is all that is left in the world? Yeah, I can say that it looks a little grim...right here, right on these boards because this is the battle that everyone is fighting. I'm sure you will hear the men say the same thing...why does she want that guy who hurts her when there are more deserving and good men in the world. We are all here just trying to understand how to be a better person, trying to understand what went wrong, trying to understand how to date again after not being out in the world in so long. I am right there with you, I finally found my heart again...but I'll be d*mn'd if I am ever going to give it to someone again. I'm going to keep it for me this time and love myself for a while.

 

And you know what Willow - when you do that, keep a big part of your heart for you, it won't matter if they walk out...if they cheat....if they abuse you. Because you will love you enough to know how to not be down there where they are and it may be you putting on the walking shoes if they are not treating you the way you deserve, with all the good things you do for them.

 

Book reference: Look for Mars and Venus Starting Over - A practical guide for finding love again after a painful breakup, divorce, or loss of a loved one. I know you probably don't have a lot of time to read other things with classes and exams, but perhaps one to put on the shelf and read when you are ready.

 

Yep, I should have left him when he refused to be at my side whilst my mother laid in hospital having a heart attack because he had plans with friends. Or maybe when he lied to me, blantanly to my face and I caught him out, or how about the time that he wasn't there for me when I had to have surgery or the time he left me in pain and agony wirthing on the floor to go to a party. What a t*****r (British word hope you all know it!)

[willowthewisp]

Willow

 

I feel your frustration. Please understand that you are in a very bad place, but the mouth of the tunnel is getting closer, and should be here by this summer.

 

I have not spent much time on this board lately as I have been very busy with a writing project. Lots of research, writing, drawing, rewriting and redrawing.

 

And that is my point. Thirty years ago, when the XW and I separated, I was pretty much in your shoes. Wasted years of my life, uprooted myself from family and long time friends. I found myself in a new place a thousand miles from home, totally alone and almost broke.

 

Not only that but my best friend, my lover, was bringing the OM by our old apartment to rub my nose in her new affair.

 

Why? Why? I wondered.

 

As it turned out there was a reason. Up until we broke, I was just a vanilla, 40 to 50 hour a week, factory worker. Weekends were BBQ's, some drinking partying, and getting ready to go back to work for another week.

 

But I was destined for more. I would never have considered getting into historical research, writing articles, much less being able to call other writers, college professors, etc. as friends, had the XW and I stayed together.

 

And I see a similar story emerging in your life.

 

Look at what you are on the verge of becoming. A very learned person, in the field of law. This was your destiny.

 

Your quest still lays ahead of you. You are just about to reach the summit in a few more months, and then you will be able to see a new view on life. Once on the summit, you be able to look around and pick and choose which valley, glen or wood you want to explore.

 

Please don't let this a-hole twist your view of the opposite sex. True be on your guard, but when it does happen, just relax and enjoy the ride.

 

As the song says, "You just haven't met him yet." And he will come out of no where, when you least expect it.

 

And you are beautiful. When it comes to looks, you are in the top 10 percent. I have seen your picture. Once you get out of your present living conditions and begin to find out who you really are, they guys will come knocking.

 

My destiny? Well we will see if I get the job??!!!!

 

Thanks for the compliments Gallon but I think maybe your taste isn't that of other men, I don't seem to get much attention whilst out, apart from an ex boyfriend I dated recently who asked me if I was wearing those pants (underwear) that suck you in under my clothes and wouldn't beleive me when I told him I wasn't! :laugh:

[trippi1432]

I'm with Lady Grey on that one....heck Willow - I think you told me the same thing about my exH a while back. Hard to take our own advice sometimes I know.

[willowthewisp]

Well, that was an enlightening weekend! Seems I am misunderstood by a lot of people, endured being criticised all weekend by a close friend.

 

I'm done, from now on I will not be myself, I will give people what they want, at least that way I might get some happiness and some of what I would like.

 

I still have a small amount of hope that I could be myself if I ever met someone, but it seems very unlikely that I ever will meet anyone now. I guess I will just have to get used to the fact that I am alone and always will be.

[LostMyHeart]

That is sad actually.

[BB07]

Willow, please go read over at the Baggage Reclaim site. I think there is a lot of good information there for you.

[trippi1432]

I'm done, from now on I will not be myself, I will give people what they want, at least that way I might get some happiness and some of what I would like.

 

Actually, no...you will get walked all over and respect yourself even less in the end. That happiness is fleeting actually....I did it for years in my career. Also, if you look around, most men wipe their feet on a woman who gives them what they want...doormat....don't compromise your principals. Where you are at..with what you have sacrificed...don't.

 

Someone recently told me that getting back into my work is what led me to divorce in the first place...that's not entirely true..because I did what any average person would do....I built a home, a foundation and a future for my family. I did that as a woman, no different than a man would do with the same morals and principals...only it was I that had them.

 

I wasn't raised to look at culture, background, family ethics and breeding for what I wanted in life as a mate. I was raised to accept people as they are..it was who my family was...accepting of all they ever met or encountered. Then I met my husband...a family bent on marrying into money or potential..gossip mongers who are even tonight, raising rumors that now that my son is back home, he is going to drop out of school because he lives with his "mom"...evil music ensues. This coming from a man who wanted me to sell everything and move to a trailer park six months before he left me..yes, I KNOW what I am dealing with..trash....it typically picks up on Thursdays.

 

Don't compromise yourself to be what someone wants...it's okay to have standards. This one man...almost the same length of time as I..you put weight into his opinion? I did that for a while...and you know what..his opinion was wrong. Do you know what true beauty is? It's not being perfect...beauty lies in being flawed....being human...being you. It's when a man loves you for who you are....and you love him for who he is...not what they want..that's when you will find happiness Willow..not being what someone wants you to be. Discontent starts within ourselves....be above it...the "right" man will come along that will complement you and your strengths.

[willowthewisp]

Willow, please go read over at the Baggage Reclaim site. I think there is a lot of good information there for you.

 

Thank you so much for that link, what fantastic info, has really helped and I plan to build upon it. Truely thank you so much!

 

Actually, no...you will get walked all over and respect yourself even less in the end. That happiness is fleeting actually....I did it for years in my career. Also, if you look around, most men wipe their feet on a woman who gives them what they want...doormat....don't compromise your principals. Where you are at..with what you have sacrificed...don't.

 

Someone recently told me that getting back into my work is what led me to divorce in the first place...that's not entirely true..because I did what any average person would do....I built a home, a foundation and a future for my family. I did that as a woman, no different than a man would do with the same morals and principals...only it was I that had them.

 

I wasn't raised to look at culture, background, family ethics and breeding for what I wanted in life as a mate. I was raised to accept people as they are..it was who my family was...accepting of all they ever met or encountered. Then I met my husband...a family bent on marrying into money or potential..gossip mongers who are even tonight, raising rumors that now that my son is back home, he is going to drop out of school because he lives with his "mom"...evil music ensues. This coming from a man who wanted me to sell everything and move to a trailer park six months before he left me..yes, I KNOW what I am dealing with..trash....it typically picks up on Thursdays.

 

Don't compromise yourself to be what someone wants...it's okay to have standards. This one man...almost the same length of time as I..you put weight into his opinion? I did that for a while...and you know what..his opinion was wrong. Do you know what true beauty is? It's not being perfect...beauty lies in being flawed....being human...being you. It's when a man loves you for who you are....and you love him for who he is...not what they want..that's when you will find happiness Willow..not being what someone wants you to be. Discontent starts within ourselves....be above it...the "right" man will come along that will complement you and your strengths.

 

It's time for a massive change in me Trippi, I will not allow anyone to walk all over me ever again.

[willowthewisp]

It's two years today. Time to say enough, once an for all.

 

I met a nice 23 year old on Saturday night, didn't get his number or give him mine, him being 12 years my junior. Also got hit on by a nice hockey player and a couple of other guys. Time to have some fun me thinks.

[What_Next]

What an amazing turn around. I am so genuinely happy for you. It seems like you came upon a fork in the road and took the right path. Good luck. You deserve it.

[willowthewisp]

What an amazing turn around. I am so genuinely happy for you. It seems like you came upon a fork in the road and took the right path. Good luck. You deserve it.

 

Thanks WN. I do think it's a shame that I have had to change myself (and in my opinion not for the better), but this whole experience has taught me a hell of a lot about human nature and what one has to do in order to succeed.

[willowthewisp]

Well, it seems since doing some further reading on the points I had gleened from what my ex did to me, the last two years and this board, that my thoughts were correct.

 

To be perfectly honest I have reached the point where I just cannot be bothered with a relationship anymore. It's truely depressing the way that men will allow themseleves to be manipulated by undeserving women and yet women who do want an honest, intimate, upfront, cards on the table, two adults working together to meet each others needs so both are happy, mutual respect, mutual desire, LOVE relationship are passed over and all in the name of "the chase".

 

I just cannot be bothered, at the end of the day I am worth having, I am something special and if a man can't see that without me having to play silly games to keep his interest piqued, then I would rather be single. Truely, I still have some reading to do and maybe when I finish I will come out the other side, but right now, I just think want a shame and what a waste of a perfectly good women.

 

The message is to not care whether they want you or not, ironically then I am in the perfect position mentally right now for a guy to treasure me, except and it's a big except, I don't want a relationship anymore, it's way too much effort and game playing for my tastes, I think if that is how it has to be, then I will be much happier by myself.

[tojaz]

I am worth having, I am something special and if a man can't see that without me having to play silly games to keep his interest piqued, then I would rather be single.

 

Well I might not have the popular opinion Willow, but I will offer you my applause. :bunny:

 

It truly is a sad state of affairs that us guys are so dumb that we can have our heads turned by the games and trickery that seem to make up the dating world these days. Heads turned so much that we often miss the gem standing in the corner not trying so hard to get our attention.

 

In reading things om LS willow, I think you will be much happier in the long run, and when yo are ready to have someone in your life, it will mean so much more because you will never have to question why they are there... it will be for you, and not a you portrayed, but the real you.

 

To thine own self be true Willow, let everyone else follow suit!

TOJAZ

[willowthewisp]

Well I might not have the popular opinion Willow, but I will offer you my applause. :bunny:

 

It truly is a sad state of affairs that us guys are so dumb that we can have our heads turned by the games and trickery that seem to make up the dating world these days. Heads turned so much that we often miss the gem standing in the corner not trying so hard to get our attention.

 

In reading things om LS willow, I think you will be much happier in the long run, and when yo are ready to have someone in your life, it will mean so much more because you will never have to question why they are there... it will be for you, and not a you portrayed, but the real you.

 

To thine own self be true Willow, let everyone else follow suit!

TOJAZ

 

Sadly this is exactly when a guy does pay a women attention. He doesn't want the one who seems into him, who wants to spend time with him, who desires a companion, because that is seen as needy. Independance. the guy notices a women when she isn't looking, when she isn't trying, she's out having fun, paying no attention to guys. This works, I had no desire to find anyone last Saturday, I was having fun dancing with my girlfriend and I git hit on 4 times in 2 hours.

 

I guess this is why people keep saying, stop looking and he will trun up when you least expect it.

 

The reason it is so sad is that to maintain his interest you have to "act" disinterested, kind but disinterested everytime he isn't giving you what you need. That isn't a relationship, that's manipulation and it's what every women eventually learns they have to do if they want to have a guy around. The whole foundation is based upon lies.

 

You guys have no idea how much effort women have to make to spark and keep your interest, the minute we show any sign of emotional need, you run. That isn't right, it's human to have needs, one of which is to be loved.

Edited March 10, 2011 by willowthewisp

[tojaz]

Sadly this is exactly when a guy does pay a women attention. He doesn't want the one who seems into him, who wants to spend time with him, who desires a companion, because that is seen as needy. Independance. the guy notices a women when she isn't looking, when she isn't trying, she's out having fun, paying no attention to guys. This works, I had no desire to find anyone last Saturday, I was having fun dancing with my girlfriend and I git hit on 4 times in 2 hours.

 

I guess this is why people keep saying, stop looking and he will trun up when you least expect it.

 

The reason it is so sad is that to maintain his interest you have to "act" disinterested, kind but disinterested everytime he isn't giving you what you need. That isn't a relationship, that's manipulation and it's what every women eventually learns they have to do if they want to have a guy around. The whole foundation is based upon lies.

 

For you guys wondering out there why your wife is off having an affiar, it's because they no longer get what they need from you, they have probably been asking for it, which you see as nagging and needy instead of what it actually is. Eventually the women emotionally detaches, she gives up and there are plenty of guys out there looking for sex. It doesn't matter that he is a down grade, he gives her what she needs at the moment, even if it isn't real, attention, time, emotional support, affection and she doesn't have to nag to get it. Not that I'm condoning it, I'm not.

 

You guys have no idea how much effort women have to make to spark and keep your interest, the minute we show any sign of emotional need, you run. That isn't right, it's human to have needs, one of which is to be loved.

 

None of that is exclusive to just women. Nor is it true for every man. Pigeonholing the entire population isn't really fair.

 

The women that I will forever remember for all time, were not in the least trying to attract my attention, nor have any of them been found in a bar or club or any of the other varied places people look for mates. The best ones always happen by accident If your in a place known as a "pick up spot" then your walking into a meat market where everybody is playing the same game.

 

Just meet people Willow, without looking for a relationship, just new people, new groups. If you find someone you click with and enjoy their company.... well nature takes over. If you try and force it you will seldom be happy with the results, your a genuine person Willow just be yourself and see what happens.

 

TOJAZ