Hello - lurker has finally joined and need !

[Goldenspoon]

He can talk and he can cheat, even to his wife and the mother of his child. What makes you think he won't do it to you 3, 5, 7 years down the road?

 

Maybe he'll do it with a younger woman or maybe he'll do it with his future ex.

[fooled once]

Hi there.

I have been lurking on here since early last year; popping on and off reading people's advice and stories.

 

I have come to a crucial point in my affair now and would like some advice about how to proceed. I also hope I can maybe help others who might be heading in the same direction as me.

 

To cut a stupidly long story short, I was married up until last August to a man who I have known since my early twenties. We have two small children together but our marriage began to breakdown after the birth of DS2 (April 09). We stopped sleeping together, rarely communicated properly and despite countless efforts to get him to open up to me, I gave into an affair with a close friend who was also having marital problems. That was December 2009.

Over the last 14 months I have lost weight and worried myself sick over this situation with MM. In the end I couldn't stand the thought of having an affair any longer and ended my marriage. My MM continued to live with his deceit because he couldn't bear to be parted from his young daughter .

Since November, MM and I have fallen hopelessly in love. we always cared for each other but it has become deeper and stronger and more intimate. He spoke of leaving his wife this year and started to make preparations to do so. I knew it would be a long process, with her already suspicious of me, I had to lay low and wait.

 

Yesterday I sent him an email as my texts were refusing to send. The email basically said "phone messing about, can't text back. Miss you but not as much as I love you." I figured he'd pick it up on his iPhone as usual. I hadn't banked on him having just landed in Spain, taking longer than usual to retrive it. As it turns out my texts WERE getting through. Fast forward 2 hours. I receive a call from an unknown number. Thinking it was my letting agent I cheerily answered it. Oh no. it was THE WIFE. my blood ran cold when she asked if I was having an affair with her husband. I sighed, told her to speak to him and hung up. Call it shock...

She rang me 3 times over the next couple of hours. the first call was BE HONEST, the 2nd was to tell me she'd rung him and he had denied me saying I was a sick fantasist and what was she to believe now? I was DEVASTATED. i thought I could die. When he text to ask if I had spoken to her, I told him to go to hell. Turns out he didn't say anything of the sort but she gave a persuasive argument and made me doubt his integrity.

I haven't called or text him since. I figure he's had enough to be getting on with being on "holiday" with his stepson (poor kid!) and the family getting wind of the whole thing.

 

Today, I received a call while at work from an unknown, but not witheld, number. I rang it back and was shocked to hear his sister in law on the other end. The poor woman had 6 bin bags in the boot of her car - all his belongings - as a "present" for me. I couldn't take them as I have no car so she took them back for the time being. Mortified doesn't even come close!

 

My sister is dating MM's business partner who spoke to him today. MM says he won't contact me til he is back as he wants to discuss this in person and doesn't want to text it all. He says he is still madly in love with me but has to tread carefully now. I'm actually scared of seeing him, daft as that sounds. I feel responsible for forcing this with my awful error of judgement. If only I hadn't have sent that stupid email.

 

Thanks for reading if you got this far. As you can imagine, I feel guilty, sick, sad and miserable for causing such pain to everyone and I haven't a clue where to go from here. :(

 

I am so confused. What did you sending him an email have to do with his wife finding out? Was the email to him? How did she see it?

 

You really know nothing about her but what he and his buddy tell you. You don't know if he treated her like ****, if he was having crazy sex with her daily or if he has had other affairs.

 

So she tossed him out and he hasn't bothered to call you to explain anything? He wants to wait to see you in person so he can squeak out a tear or two and tell you that he loovveess you and only you and he is glad she knows because now he can be with you?

 

So for the last 14 months, while you two have been sneaking around and double dating (that is just gross) with your sister and his business partner, he continued to go home to his wife after being with you. He never made a single move to change his marital status and his wife, God bless her, has now taken that decision out of his hands.

 

Or he will come back and tell you how she is threatening to end her life or keep his daughter from him and how he HAS to stay .... for now ..... with his wife.

 

And you.... will you accept being the choice by default? Will you continue to sneak around with him if he smooths the waters at home and convinces his wife that you were nothing? Because you really have NO TRUE idea if he told his wife that but is telling you he didn't say that. Why would you believe him? He has a history of lying. His wife, why would she tell you that and then kick him out? She has no reason to lie to you, especially since she kicked him out!

 

I sure hope your children don't know about him and I sure hope they don't get caught up anymore in all this drama. They are already feeling the effects of all this I am sure - because you are stressed, you are focused ON HIM and your emotions are all wrapped up in this situation. Kids aren't stupid, they know something is going on.

 

Best thing in the world would be for him to stay far away from you. Best thing in the world would be for him to stop the games, stop the lies and man up...to his wife and tell her the TRUTH --- all of it. It isn't fair for you or him to with hold things from her. I don't understand why you didn't tell her the truth instead of throwing it back on him. YOU were involved with HER husband. Why don't you own that? Are you going to say "because he is married to her, not me"? Because that fact didn't bother you when you were sleeping with her husband.

 

I hope you can end this affair and move forward, without him being the center of your life. He sounds like quite a loser.

[wheelwright]

I don't understand why you didn't tell her the truth instead of throwing it back on him. YOU were involved with HER husband. Why don't you own that? Are you going to say "because he is married to her, not me"? Because that fact didn't bother you when you were sleeping with her husband.

 

I hope you can end this affair and move forward, without him being the center of your life. He sounds like quite a loser.

 

Re bolded - it's not about not owning up. It's about loyalty to your AP.

 

OW instinctively know there is lots BS shouldn't hear in eyes of WS.

 

If compassion alone isn't enough.

[Carrot2000]

 

When the business partner went over to his house to drop off van keys, MM was on the phone to the wife and was telling her everything. BPartner has known MM for 28 years and her for 10 of them. He doesn't trust her an inch and has known her to try and come between them before for whatever reason.

 

I have four older brothers and a slew of male cousins and I can tell you this: men stick together. MM's business partner has his back and will help this man gaslight his wife and you. More than likely MM and his partner have done their fair share of dirt together over the last 28 years and have helped cover each other's tracks. No wonder the BS has been trying to come between the two of them!

[Emme]

I have four older brothers and a slew of male cousins and I can tell you this: men stick together.

 

 

That is so true! Women turn on each other but men have the brotherhhood that's strong.

[BB07]

theSilliestFairy..............

 

Yesterday I sent him an email as my texts were refusing to send. The email basically said "phone messing about, can't text back. Miss you but not as much as I love you." I figured he'd pick it up on his iPhone as usual. I hadn't banked on him having just landed in Spain, taking longer than usual to retrive it. As it turns out my texts WERE getting through. Fast forward 2 hours. I receive a call from an unknown number. Thinking it was my letting agent I cheerily answered it. Oh no. it was THE WIFE. my blood ran cold when she asked if I was having an affair with her husband. I sighed, told her to speak to him and hung up. Call it shock...

She rang me 3 times over the next couple of hours. the first call was BE HONEST, the 2nd was to tell me she'd rung him and he had denied me saying I was a sick fantasist and what was she to believe now? I was DEVASTATED. i thought I could die. When he text to ask if I had spoken to her, I told him to go to hell. Turns out he didn't say anything of the sort but she gave a persuasive argument and made me doubt his integrity.

I haven't called or text him since. I figure he's had enough to be getting on with being on "holiday" with his stepson (poor kid!) and the family getting wind of the whole thing.

 

Today, I received a call while at work from an unknown, but not witheld, number. I rang it back and was shocked to hear his sister in law on the other end. The poor woman had 6 bin bags in the boot of her car - all his belongings - as a "present" for me. I couldn't take them as I have no car so she took them back for the time being. Mortified doesn't even come close!

 

My sister is dating MM's business partner who spoke to him today. MM says he won't contact me til he is back as he wants to discuss this in person and doesn't want to text it all. He says he is still madly in love with me but has to tread carefully now. I'm actually scared of seeing him, daft as that sounds. I feel responsible for forcing this with my awful error of judgement. If only I hadn't have sent that stupid email.

 

Thanks for reading if you got this far. As you can imagine, I feel guilty, sick, sad and miserable for causing such pain to everyone and I haven't a clue where to go from here. :(

 

RE: the bolded........I don't believe it. My guess is that he is in"cover my ass mode". There is a small chance I'm wrong but I'm afraid that he threw you under the bus and his main concern has nothing to do with the people he has hurt but it's all about saving his own ass. As many OW have found out, throwing the OW under the bus can and is often done without a 2nd thought. IMO this is one way a real man shows you who he is really is and if he denies and keeps on lying to all, he is no good.

[Ms. Red]

Hi there.

I have been lurking on here since early last year; popping on and off reading people's advice and stories.

 

I have come to a crucial point in my affair now and would like some advice about how to proceed. I also hope I can maybe help others who might be heading in the same direction as me.

 

To cut a stupidly long story short, I was married up until last August to a man who I have known since my early twenties. We have two small children together but our marriage began to breakdown after the birth of DS2 (April 09). We stopped sleeping together, rarely communicated properly and despite countless efforts to get him to open up to me, I gave into an affair with a close friend who was also having marital problems. That was December 2009.

 

Over the last 14 months I have lost weight and worried myself sick over this situation with MM. In the end I couldn't stand the thought of having an affair any longer and ended my marriage. My MM continued to live with his deceit because he couldn't bear to be parted from his young daughter .

Since November, MM and I have fallen hopelessly in love. we always cared for each other but it has become deeper and stronger and more intimate. He spoke of leaving his wife this year and started to make preparations to do so. I knew it would be a long process, with her already suspicious of me, I had to lay low and wait.

 

Yesterday I sent him an email as my texts were refusing to send. The email basically said "phone messing about, can't text back. Miss you but not as much as I love you." I figured he'd pick it up on his iPhone as usual. I hadn't banked on him having just landed in Spain, taking longer than usual to retrive it. As it turns out my texts WERE getting through. Fast forward 2 hours. I receive a call from an unknown number. Thinking it was my letting agent I cheerily answered it. Oh no. it was THE WIFE. my blood ran cold when she asked if I was having an affair with her husband. I sighed, told her to speak to him and hung up. Call it shock...

She rang me 3 times over the next couple of hours. the first call was BE HONEST, the 2nd was to tell me she'd rung him and he had denied me saying I was a sick fantasist and what was she to believe now? I was DEVASTATED. i thought I could die. When he text to ask if I had spoken to her, I told him to go to hell. Turns out he didn't say anything of the sort but she gave a persuasive argument and made me doubt his integrity.

 

I haven't called or text him since. I figure he's had enough to be getting on with being on "holiday" with his stepson (poor kid!) and the family getting wind of the whole thing.

 

And that is probably why she lied to you. She wanted to make you doubt him and it worked. She's desperate and will do anything to make you feel like $hit.

 

 

Today, I received a call while at work from an unknown, but not witheld, number. I rang it back and was shocked to hear his sister in law on the other end. The poor woman had 6 bin bags in the boot of her car - all his belongings - as a "present" for me. I couldn't take them as I have no car so she took them back for the time being. Mortified doesn't even come close!

 

Yeah, she's doing the ol "go be with her" bit. Maybe she's glad it's over and she can now be the betrayed one while he looks like $hit.

 

My sister is dating MM's business partner who spoke to him today. MM says he won't contact me til he is back as he wants to discuss this in person and doesn't want to text it all. He says he is still madly in love with me but has to tread carefully now. I'm actually scared of seeing him, daft as that sounds. I feel responsible for forcing this with my awful error of judgement. If only I hadn't have sent that stupid email.

 

That's actually smart of him. I tried texting a long message out once because my pc was down and it was an important message. The receiver ended up getting them all out of order and they didn't make sense.

 

And, you had no idea that she would receive the e-mail. Don't feel bad for that. It isn't your fault she read it.

 

Thanks for reading if you got this far. As you can imagine, I feel guilty, sick, sad and miserable for causing such pain to everyone and I haven't a clue where to go from here. :(

 

Just try to stay busy, try to relax your mind. Just wait till he gets back and you can talk in person. Now is not the time to ignore him or heaven forbid go NC. He will need you more now than ever.

 

Hang in there and I wish you well.

[Woman In Blue]

She rang me 3 times over the next couple of hours. the first call was BE HONEST, the 2nd was to tell me she'd rung him and he had denied me saying I was a sick fantasist and what was she to believe now? I was DEVASTATED. i thought I could die. When he text to ask if I had spoken to her, I told him to go to hell. Turns out he didn't say anything of the sort but she gave a persuasive argument and made me doubt his integrity.

You can be quite assured he DID say it.

 

He had two choices - cover his pathetic ass and lie his way out of trouble, or do the honorable thing and be honest and stop the deceit. As most all married men do, he didn't choose the high road but instead lied his worthless ass off and painted you as a nut job. No surprise there. No suprise at all.

[Heather1]

Call it woman's intuition because I have never met her, despite being friends with him for 3 years. She rung me once, before the A began, asking me if I was carrying on with him!!

 

She knows him better than you think...probably not his first rodeo?

 

It sounds like he needs the time to do some damage control & get a straight story together. You should probably figure out what about his story you want to believe. If his W wants to talk to you, I'd do it & get her side of what her life must be like w/ him & if that's what the best environment is for your children.

 

I have to laugh @ the integrity??? Just kind of a contradiction.

[Carrot2000]

Just try to stay busy, try to relax your mind. Just wait till he gets back and you can talk in person. Now is not the time to ignore him or heaven forbid go NC. He will need you more now than ever.

 

MM hasn't contacted TSF since this whole mess broke, so it sounds like he's already gone NC!

 

Since he's out of town and away from the wifey, there's no reason on earth why he can't call TSF and let her know his plans instead of sending her second-hand "messages" from his business partner? Ol' boy is definitely doing damage control.

[Sharon1961]

Call it woman's intuition because I have never met her, despite being friends with him for 3 years. She rung me once, before the A began, asking me if I was carrying on with him!!

 

She knows him better than you think...probably not his first rodeo?

 

It sounds like he needs the time to do some damage control & get a straight story together. You should probably figure out what about his story you want to believe. If his W wants to talk to you, I'd do it & get her side of what her life must be like w/ him & if that's what the best environment is for your children.

 

I have to laugh @ the integrity??? Just kind of a contradiction.

 

She had the wife labeling him a cheat and she still got involved with him and thinks he has integrity. Getting involved with someone who is proving themself dishonest by the very act of getting involved with you has to involve a lot of delusion. Or illusion.

[BeachBetty]

She had the wife labeling him a cheat and she still got involved with him and thinks he has integrity. Getting involved with someone who is proving themself dishonest by the very act of getting involved with you has to involve a lot of delusion. Or illusion.

 

So you must also realize that you are saying the same about his W.

[2sunny]

MM hasn't contacted TSF since this whole mess broke, so it sounds like he's already gone NC!

 

Since he's out of town and away from the wifey, there's no reason on earth why he can't call TSF and let her know his plans instead of sending her second-hand "messages" from his business partner? Ol' boy is definitely doing damage control.

 

he is buying time- and not contacting TSF because this gives him an easy out to do his damage control... then see where things are with the wife when he arrives home... THEN see if he can get TSF to her original position again (OW) when the dust settles. god enough reason for him to stay quiet while the tornado spins. when he returns - if the W won't take him back... then he can spin his web bigger for TSF to step into the lover position knowing that his W won't have him. it sounds like he's an expert at this - i think he's done it before.

 

She had the wife labeling him a cheat and she still got involved with him and thinks he has integrity. Getting involved with someone who is proving themself dishonest by the very act of getting involved with you has to involve a lot of delusion. Or illusion.

 

so all the dishonesty has been pointed at TSF... in an attempt to make the MM look innocent to his W. the lies... if only TSF had just spoken her truth when she was asked for it... i'd be tempted to contact his wife at this point - at least to speak your truth - knowing that in the end at least you gave what honesty you had to give.

 

lying by omission is still a lie. give your truth.

[Sharon1961]

so all the dishonesty has been pointed at TSF... in an attempt to make the MM look innocent to his W. the lies... if only TSF had just spoken her truth when she was asked for it... i'd be tempted to contact his wife at this point - at least to speak your truth - knowing that in the end at least you gave what honesty you had to give.

 

lying by omission is still a lie. give your truth.

 

I got involved with a guy who had a girlfriend. When I found out I sent him a message telling him to get lost. The gf got the message and called me. I told her the truth.

 

The guy still managed to weasel his way back with the (apparently) common lie that I was obsessed with him and trying to break them up.

 

If you think about it, the wife of the guy TSF was involved with KNEW he was readily capable of having an affair but stayed with him. Somehow, all too often these guys not only have APs who they can spin a web with but also spouses.

 

They are not having healthy relationships with any of them. It is all dysfunctional. So, telling the BS the truth would have probably done no good. He would have just done the same bit of damage control.

[2sunny]

I got involved with a guy who had a girlfriend. When I found out I sent him a message telling him to get lost. The gf got the message and called me. I told her the truth.

 

The guy still managed to weasel his way back with the (apparently) common lie that I was obsessed with him and trying to break them up.

 

If you think about it, the wife of the guy TSF was involved with KNEW he was readily capable of having an affair but stayed with him. Somehow, all too often these guys not only have APs who they can spin a web with but also spouses.

 

They are not having healthy relationships with any of them. It is all dysfunctional. So, telling the BS the truth would have probably done no good. He would have just done the same bit of damage control.

 

the good it does is to allow TSF the peace of mind moving forward that she began to be honest... by having a voice and speaking her truth. that is a new beginning - and a necessary starting point when a person wants to understand peace of mind.

 

 

it matters not what her MM is or isn't going to do (she can't control him; only can control what SHE may or may not DO) - it is now up to TSF whether she wants to obtain a clear mind and move forward= whatever that may be for HER - to be honest is key if she intends to live her life in honor.

[Sharon1961]

[/b]

 

the good it does is to allow TSF the peace of mind moving forward that she began to be honest... by having a voice and speaking her truth. that is a new beginning - and a necessary starting point when a person wants to understand peace of mind.

 

 

it matters not what her MM is or isn't going to do (she can't control him; only can control what SHE may or may not DO) - it is now up to TSF whether she wants to obtain a clear mind and move forward= whatever that may be for HER - to be honest is key if she intends to live her life in honor.

 

Yes! Very well said. :bunny:

[pureinheart]

Hi there.

I have been lurking on here since early last year; popping on and off reading people's advice and stories.

 

I have come to a crucial point in my affair now and would like some advice about how to proceed. I also hope I can maybe help others who might be heading in the same direction as me.

 

To cut a stupidly long story short, I was married up until last August to a man who I have known since my early twenties. We have two small children together but our marriage began to breakdown after the birth of DS2 (April 09). We stopped sleeping together, rarely communicated properly and despite countless efforts to get him to open up to me, I gave into an affair with a close friend who was also having marital problems. That was December 2009.

Over the last 14 months I have lost weight and worried myself sick over this situation with MM. In the end I couldn't stand the thought of having an affair any longer and ended my marriage. My MM continued to live with his deceit because he couldn't bear to be parted from his young daughter .

Since November, MM and I have fallen hopelessly in love. we always cared for each other but it has become deeper and stronger and more intimate. He spoke of leaving his wife this year and started to make preparations to do so. I knew it would be a long process, with her already suspicious of me, I had to lay low and wait.

 

Yesterday I sent him an email as my texts were refusing to send. The email basically said "phone messing about, can't text back. Miss you but not as much as I love you." I figured he'd pick it up on his iPhone as usual. I hadn't banked on him having just landed in Spain, taking longer than usual to retrive it. As it turns out my texts WERE getting through. Fast forward 2 hours. I receive a call from an unknown number. Thinking it was my letting agent I cheerily answered it. Oh no. it was THE WIFE. my blood ran cold when she asked if I was having an affair with her husband. I sighed, told her to speak to him and hung up. Call it shock...

She rang me 3 times over the next couple of hours. the first call was BE HONEST, the 2nd was to tell me she'd rung him and he had denied me saying I was a sick fantasist and what was she to believe now? I was DEVASTATED. i thought I could die. When he text to ask if I had spoken to her, I told him to go to hell. Turns out he didn't say anything of the sort but she gave a persuasive argument and made me doubt his integrity.

I haven't called or text him since. I figure he's had enough to be getting on with being on "holiday" with his stepson (poor kid!) and the family getting wind of the whole thing.

 

Today, I received a call while at work from an unknown, but not witheld, number. I rang it back and was shocked to hear his sister in law on the other end. The poor woman had 6 bin bags in the boot of her car - all his belongings - as a "present" for me. I couldn't take them as I have no car so she took them back for the time being. Mortified doesn't even come close!

 

My sister is dating MM's business partner who spoke to him today. MM says he won't contact me til he is back as he wants to discuss this in person and doesn't want to text it all. He says he is still madly in love with me but has to tread carefully now. I'm actually scared of seeing him, daft as that sounds. I feel responsible for forcing this with my awful error of judgement. If only I hadn't have sent that stupid email.

 

Thanks for reading if you got this far. As you can imagine, I feel guilty, sick, sad and miserable for causing such pain to everyone and I haven't a clue where to go from here. :(

 

((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) TSF,

 

I have not read any of the replies yet so this may be old news as more could have transpired, sooooo based on your OP, my advice would be to talk to no one but him. Your R was with him and not all of the others.

 

You know him, you know when he is not telling the truth, go by that.

 

Most of the time I advise against contact with the W, most want someone to take their anger out on, and what better POC than the AP, especially a willing AP. Most of the time AP's feel guilty so they are more than willing to be beat up even if they don't deserve it.

 

He CHOSE to have an A with you...it sounds to me like you are taking all of the responsibility...it is his M not yours, take what is yours and nothing more...to take more is almost a desire to self destruct.

 

Take care of you right now, and let him explain himself, and let HIM take care of it....please don't jump to any conclusions until you have all of the facts sorted in your mind...certainly you may not get the real truth either way, but you will know by your heart what is more likely the truth, go by that...

 

Good luck with everything and please keep posting....

Edited February 19, 2011 by pureinheart

[pureinheart]

In thinking...why would the W throw the H out of the house, bags packed and everything if H would have thrown OW under the bus?

[Heather1]

FWIW - if you hadn't been outed, I wouldn't talk to the W or be the one to break the news to her. Do you want to tell her your side of the story? Do you want to hear hers?

[whichwayisup]

In thinking...why would the W throw the H out of the house, bags packed and everything if H would have thrown OW under the bus?

 

I know of 5 stories on here where that happened and the BS (one was a BH) still didn't believe CS, threw them out anyway. Many CS's throw their AP under the bus. Me thinks it's a defense mechinism that happens to protect their own hide, reguardless of the what the truth is.

 

Remember stamps? He NEVER ever thought his MW would throw him under the bus..She did.

[findingnemo]

TSF,

 

Everybody has given you great advice about what to expect from MM based on what usually happens.

 

But let me defend this MM a little. Not all MMs are losers (many are). Not all MMs who are unhappy in their marriages can leave there and then, and not all MMs even know how much they want out of the marriage until d-day 1, 2 or 3. So the fact that he hasn't communicated doesn't mean he is in NC or that he is trying to formulate some story to tell you or BS. Even if he wanted to leave his wife, he needs time to think.

 

The key is YOU and what you need to do to make you and your kids happy. The A itself is not good for your psyche. Get rid of the guilt and pain and anxiety by taking time out. Go NC and give him time to really understand what he did. Let him settle down meanwhile you will have moved on as a person. I hated the way being an OW made me feel less of a PERSON because all my needs were relegated to last place. Work to get out of that state and by the time you are done, maybe he will be free for both of you to start a "real" relationship. The thing is that you really don't want him now - the way he is. In fact, you do not want to have the same kind of relationship you have been having. End the A now and start over.

 

From all you have written, you know what you don't want. So now it's time to figure out what you want.

[LakesideDream]

I can't defend the MM, he hasn't been heard from yet. I can address Fairey..

 

First of all (((fairey))))) cause you need them. You are being battered and attacked both in your home and on this forum. Chaos is frightening. Not having a structure to live in is frightening. Chaos can't continue forever, it's to energy intensive.

 

Ride this one out as much as you can. Wait for your MM to contact you. Try and ignore the other people trying to influence you. Remember that it's your life, it doesen't belong to anyone else.

 

I know from experiance that love is a fleeting thing. Sometimes it's there forever, it never lasts long enough. I wish you well fairey, I hope peace begins to return to your life.

[jj33]

Oh my. Poor you you must be going out of your mind. I wont question the details of the text email etc its fresh news and you may be protecting your privacy.

 

Couple of things. As others said you know him. Was he REALLY preparing to leave or was he saying he was preparing to leave? There is a real contradiction between his stuff being at your door and him not calling. Does that make sense to you?

 

If he is in Spain without her, then things are not good. In that case you have been thrown under the bus. No reason he couldnt call you from a hotel phone or something.

 

If she is in Spain with him and told the Sister in law to go to the house and get his stuff and take it to you thats another story.

 

As for speaking to the wife it really depends on you. Did you admit you were having an affair with her husband? More than that Im not sure needs to come from you? You are perfectly entitled to tell her to speak to her husband.

 

If he were away without her I can tell you one thing. He would NOT be able to fob me off telling me we will talk when I get back. If he wants to speak to you at all when he gets back he owes it to you to take 15 minutes out of his busy schedule and let you know what is going on so that you dont sit there wondering and waiting.

 

If he cant do that you know all you need to know and prepare yourself for the "but my daughter speech" when he gets back if you even want to see him to discuss it. If it were me I dont think I would even want to see him to hear it. What is the point? But that is just me. I would be livid and hurt and angry etc.

 

But I would NOT sit there and wait til it was convenient for him to tell you. F that.

 

One thing I would caution you NOT to do because karma is a b*tch. Do not lie to or gaslight his W. Either tell her talk to your H or tell her your truth but I can tell you now you dont want to tell her "your truth" as being anything more than we were in an A unless you know where he stands because if he is coming back to tell you I cant do it I cant leave my daughter, you dont want to look like the fantasist he may have said you are.

 

And if he doesnt leave, you dont want this woman calling you and working out her anger on you in the weeks and months to come. She needs to save that up for him;)

 

Im not saying there is no hope. Just saying be prepred for anything and DONT let him lead you around by your heart. Hes a grown man. He can call and give you some comfort or warning or insight into what is going on.

 

The important thing is that you take care of you and your kids. Hope you are doing OK. Big hugs

[BB07]

"Battered and attacked".........oooo pls give me a frackin' break!!!!

[whichwayisup]

"Battered and attacked".........oooo pls give me a frackin' break!!!!

 

Lakey, I luv ya and all, but in this thread I haven't seen attack/ battered, rude, name calling or anything along those lines.

 

jj33, that was an amazing post reply!