WHAT ARE people THINKING when they go MIA instead of responding???

[ecm]

I think so, too! He had no reason to lie about being on the phone. My Mom thinks I am looking for a reason not to trust him, but to me he LIED so wtf?

 

thanks, tami-chan. It still sucks, though. I hate having a good gut instinct. I'd rather be dumb.

 

AND, I think the reason he went MIA bc he was busted.

[youngskywalker]

So, hearing almost the whole story, what do you think? I know what I think in my head, but I am curious to see what you/ others think bc I tend to thing the worst....way worse than what other people think is the worst.

 

After hearing the long story I think something is wrong with this guy. Listen to tami-chan and simply forget about him.

 

Don't text him or contact him. You did more than enough already.

[ecm]

After hearing the long story I think something is wrong with this guy. Listen to tami-chan and simply forget about him.

 

Don't text him or contact him. You did more than enough already.

 

Thanks you literally made me Lol. Thank you for reading through it! Sad, sad, sad. He's a freaking doctor- scary, huh?

[daphne]

They're thinking they don't want an overly emotional confrontation and are worried they'll get it. They want a fast, painless exit. They don't want to be talked into staying.

 

It sounds disrespectful, but I'll be honest and admit that I wish I didn't feel the need to tell someone that it's not working and just fizzle out like others do. I don't like hurting someone's feelings and dealing with guilt trips and anger just because I decided I didn't see a future with someone. We all have the right to change our minds but some people don't necessarily agree.

[ecm]

Thanks, Daphne. I guess it's hard for me to believe that some people can be such cowards. He presented himself in such a different way. He claimed to be a "full disclosure" type person. My A*S!!!!

 

It comes down to commitment phobia, I think. I've dealt with it with my ex. The reason I say that is because the "fade away" started THE DAY after he woke me up at 3am to tell me that he was losing sleep over how crazy he was about me.

 

I guess I'd rather learn it after 2 months than be left at the altar.

 

I can't handle cowards. Have the guts to say it to me. Yeah, I might get upset. I would NEVER just leave someone wondering like that...but maybe that's because I care about other people's feelings. He obviously does not, so he can take a big #2 for all I care now. Still sad, but effffffff him.

 

thanks

[MorningCoffee]

ECM, I think he is hiding something from you---please, for your sake, forget this man. It is ok to text, email or call, once even twice and not get a response...but really not ok, to keep on trying. There is nothing to understand, he is dishonest and that's all there is to it.

 

I agree. Just one guy's take on it, but what I think he is hiding, based on what you write . . .

 

Then he called me at 3 am to tell me he was losing sleep over me (in a good way). So, next day we talk for 3 hours. Toward the end of the coversation, I ask him (not in an accusatory way) if he thinks there's a reason why he usually falls for girls who live in different cities. THEN, things got weird. He told me that was "heavy" and that nobody ever pointed out these things to him before (committment issues, etc)

. . . is that he goes for girls in different cities because in his hometown he is married or otherwise involved. You caught on early, and busted him. Or scared him that you would soon bust him.

[ecm]

I agree. Just one guy's take on it, but what I think he is hiding, based on what you write . . .

 

. . . is that he goes for girls in different cities because in his hometown he is married or otherwise involved. You caught on early, and busted him. Or scared him that you would soon bust him.

 

Honestly, I am so grateful to have found this site bc if I talk to certain friends about this, they tell me I'm nuts for thinking these things. So, thanks again.

 

That's what I'm thinking, morning coffee. Not married bc he calls me from his home number and has me call him there. But there's definitely SOMETHING. The reason I think he responded on fb is bc he doesn't want anything traced to his phone. Whatever. If that's what it is, I'm glad I'm "crazy" either way, it sucks that I fell for him.

 

Thanks for listening, guys

[ConflictedGuy27]

I once received a voice message from a girl I was getting to know.

this message threw up a red flag that said to me she might not be stable.

 

I weighed it & NC was the best course of action.

I was likely correct, as I continued receiving random texts for at least 4 months afterward. maybe once a month or so.

 

that was my reason. i'd be quicker to go NC (without explanation) in a dating context (where more emotions are involved) if I sensed the same.

[youngskywalker]

This has been an interesting thread to follow. Seems like ya'll got to the bottom of something potentially big! You never know if it's the real truth but the red flags are there to bail even if it's not as bad as it seemed. ECM, I'm glad you were able to get out when you did. Better luck next time

[ecm]

I once received a voice message from a girl I was getting to know.

this message threw up a red flag that said to me she might not be stable.

 

I weighed it & NC was the best course of action.

I was likely correct, as I continued receiving random texts for at least 4 months afterward. maybe once a month or so.

 

that was my reason. i'd be quicker to go NC (without explanation) in a dating context (where more emotions are involved) if I sensed the same.

 

I'm confused. I may be paranoid, but are you saying that I'm mentally unstable bc of this story??? Or are you saying he is? or what? Could you please clarify?

[ecm]

This has been an interesting thread to follow. Seems like ya'll got to the bottom of something potentially big! You never know if it's the real truth but the red flags are there to bail even if it's not as bad as it seemed. ECM, I'm glad you were able to get out when you did. Better luck next time

 

Thanks! I just hope my red flags are legit and not my way of sabotaging. If anything interesting comes our of it, trust me, I'll post aaaaalllll about it. Ha.

[youngskywalker]

I just hope my red flags are legit

 

Well my first impression was different and you can go back and read it but it seems like more clues came out as the thread went on.

 

If you're worried about the red flags being legit you can always leave the door cracked and don't burn any bridges. Just make sure to guard your heart! If you don't think you can handle it then run as fast and far as you can immediately. This one isn't worth it.

[ConflictedGuy27]

I'm confused. I may be paranoid, but are you saying that I'm mentally unstable bc of this story??? Or are you saying he is? or what? Could you please clarify?

 

first off, decaf.

 

you seem pretty high strung. im not implying that anyone in your situation

is (or isn't) unstable.

 

I was just sharing one reason why I went MIA on a woman I used to know. further, I was tossing out the idea that people may vanish simply because they've seen enough -- i.e. they know enough of what it is that they do (or don't want) & when/if they arrive at "enough", it's okay to pull a houdini.

 

I am this way when I come to the conclusion the person I'm dealing with isn't "normal".

[ecm]

first off, decaf.

 

you seem pretty high strung. im not implying that anyone in your situation

is (or isn't) unstable.

 

I was just sharing one reason why I went MIA on a woman I used to know. further, I was tossing out the idea that people may vanish simply because they've seen enough -- i.e. they know enough of what it is that they do (or don't want) & when/if they arrive at "enough", it's okay to pull a houdini.

 

I am this way when I come to the conclusion the person I'm dealing with isn't "normal".

 

decaf- that's pretty perfect. You can tell I'm like that just from my posts? Haaaaa. Well, you're right. I'd say I'm the normal one of the two of us (the man and me). He'd probably say the same though. It just sucks. What a pu**y move to go MIA. All it's doing is making him look guilty after everything that happened.

 

Thank you all again. I really appreciate all of the feedback. It really makes me see things differently than if I were just sitting around thinking to myself.

 

Youngskywalker- I'm all about keeping the door cracked-even if it's just to get my answers or even to be friends. He really is a fantastic person....until this week. My mom seems to think after meeting him that he legitimately could have holiday issues (loss of his dad) but I don't know. We shall see. Thanks again!

[youngskywalker]

Youngskywalker- I'm all about keeping the door cracked-even if it's just to get my answers or even to be friends. He really is a fantastic person....until this week. My mom seems to think after meeting him that he legitimately could have holiday issues (loss of his dad) but I don't know. We shall see. Thanks again!

 

You don't know how everything will work out or what the absolute truth is so I'm glad to see your not burning the bridge.

 

I'm actually MIA on a girl right now that I was chasing for a month. I just dropped out of sight but I still really like her. I had to make a choice on how to play my cards because I could tell things weren't going in my favor. I plan to call her in a few weeks or month and hopefully get a date. I'm sure she thinks I'm gone (and possibly glad, who knows) but I'm still not finished with this girl because I think she's awesome. See how things can play out when you think otherwise? You never know what a guy is thinking.

[BobSacamento]

You don't know how everything will work out or what the absolute truth is so I'm glad to see your not burning the bridge.

 

I'm actually MIA on a girl right now that I was chasing for a month. I just dropped out of sight but I still really like her. I had to make a choice on how to play my cards because I could tell things weren't going in my favor. I plan to call her in a few weeks or month and hopefully get a date. I'm sure she thinks I'm gone (and possibly glad, who knows) but I'm still not finished with this girl because I think she's awesome. See how things can play out when you think otherwise? You never know what a guy is thinking.

 

Isn't a month a lot of time for a so called awesome girl to find another dude...

[ecm]

You don't know how everything will work out or what the absolute truth is so I'm glad to see your not burning the bridge.

 

I'm actually MIA on a girl right now that I was chasing for a month. I just dropped out of sight but I still really like her. I had to make a choice on how to play my cards because I could tell things weren't going in my favor. I plan to call her in a few weeks or month and hopefully get a date. I'm sure she thinks I'm gone (and possibly glad, who knows) but I'm still not finished with this girl because I think she's awesome. See how things can play out when you think otherwise? You never know what a guy is thinking.

 

 

What do you mean things weren't going in your favor?

 

I just don't get why go MIA instead of tell her you need as minute to think?? I'm not judging, just asking bc I'm in her position right now <including the awesome part- haha> and I think the longer you make her wait, the more likely you are to get a big "EFffffffff Youuuuu" out of her

 

Bob Sacramento- I was thinking the same thing as you.

[youngskywalker]

What do you mean things weren't going in your favor?

 

I just don't get why go MIA instead of tell her you need as minute to think?? I'm not judging, just asking bc I'm in her position right now <including the awesome part- haha> and I think the longer you make her wait, the more likely you are to get a big "EFffffffff Youuuuu" out of her

 

Bob Sacramento- I was thinking the same thing as you.

 

In my situation by MIA I mean I just stopped contacting her but she isn't contacting me either. She's always called me back and texted back right away and did a lot of the initiating too. Long story short, she flaked a few times, was busy a lot to set up dates, so I got frustrated and told her we should just be friends. Couple weeks later I told her that I had feelings for her. I was waffling back and forth and I saw that as a bad character so I decided taking a break would be the best thing. Our last text I asked her out for dinner (she couldn't) and said, bla bla bla ttyl. I said bla bla bla ttyl. That's the last contact. I felt she had a lot of interest at first but it started to wayne so I went for the exit door even though I'm SOOO into this girl. Strange? IDK. Just protecting my dignity I guess. Better to jump ship on a good note then to bug her until she tells you it's not going to work.

 

So that' my story, I'm not sure if that helps you at all. But I think I may take Bob's and your advice on contacting her again sooner rather than later. Maybe I'll do it at the start of the new year. I hope I can rekindle something. Or at least talk and figure out the 'whys'. Sorry to ramble in your thread but you asked LOL.

[Truly Lost]

Ecm....sorry to hear that you had the terrible misfortune of meeting this A**. I am going through a very similar situation. The guy I was dating was an hour and 15 minutes away. That's far, but not far enough to give up on someone. Anyway, he lifted my spirts and got me very excited for the future only to start acting weird and then turn his back on me completely.

 

I got frustrated with him because for two weeks he said he was coming out on a certain day to see me and when the day finally arrived he would call to cancel. He had all kinds of excuses. Either he was sick, doing something for work, and even said he was running an errand for his Mom. Although the excuses sounded legitimate.....but for two weeks straight??? C'mon!! One of the weeks was during Thanksgiving. We both had two days off work and the weekend. I think he was diliberately avoiding me. Although he called me everyday.

 

Anyway the last time I talked to him (3 weeks ago) he told me, yet again, he wasn't coming by as promised, and I was a bit angry and said, out of frustration, "This isn't working out and I'm starting to lose interest because you aren't coming around. We haven't known each other long and I'm trying to get to know you better, but I can't if you keep cancelling on me!!" (BTW He is not great for conversations on the phone).

 

After I said that the sound in his voice changed and he suggested that if that's the case than we shouldn't meet up tomorrow either. I told him that I wanted to see him and that if he is too busy to come by this evening than I have no choice but to accept it.

 

I know that conversation didn't help the situation, but it shouldn't have pushed him into deciding to never speak to me again. There has got to be some other underlying reason. If you like someone, you aren't going to throw in the towel that easily. Anyway I don't expect to hear back from him again. I left him a total of four messages. Two the night he started ignoring me. One the next day and one a week and a half later. That was it. I didn't call him names, just that I wish he would call me so I could understand what happened, but nothing.

 

Again, now I don't expect any call from him. I don't want him back after doing this, because he would just do it again. If I was to take him back (not likely)...he would have to do some serious A** kissing (and I won't go easy on him, he's better off staying where he is). If he doesn't like it, then he can just go away. Something he seems to be pretty good at doing.

 

So I understand completely your frustration. You like someone, he built up your hope, only to completely deflat you with no closure. That's a sh*ty thing to do to someone and shows they have no respect for your feelings. Not someone worth dating.

[BobSacamento]

In my situation by MIA I mean I just stopped contacting her but she isn't contacting me either. She's always called me back and texted back right away and did a lot of the initiating too. Long story short, she flaked a few times, was busy a lot to set up dates, so I got frustrated and told her we should just be friends. Couple weeks later I told her that I had feelings for her. I was waffling back and forth and I saw that as a bad character so I decided taking a break would be the best thing. Our last text I asked her out for dinner (she couldn't) and said, bla bla bla ttyl. I said bla bla bla ttyl. That's the last contact. I felt she had a lot of interest at first but it started to wayne so I went for the exit door even though I'm SOOO into this girl. Strange? IDK. Just protecting my dignity I guess. Better to jump ship on a good note then to bug her until she tells you it's not going to work.

 

So that' my story, I'm not sure if that helps you at all. But I think I may take Bob's and your advice on contacting her again sooner rather than later. Maybe I'll do it at the start of the new year. I hope I can rekindle something. Or at least talk and figure out the 'whys'. Sorry to ramble in your thread but you asked LOL.

 

Oh sorry man I just realized I read your original post wrong. I thought I read that you thought things WERE going in your favor. I totally understand you going MIA. I've been through similar situations. If a woman is flaky, I put them way down on the dating ladder. I think you are doing the right thing however make sure you get back on the horse again. Don't waste your time thinking about this flake.

[youngskywalker]

Oh sorry man I just realized I read your original post wrong. I thought I read that you thought things WERE going in your favor. I totally understand you going MIA. I've been through similar situations. If a woman is flaky, I put them way down on the dating ladder. I think you are doing the right thing however make sure you get back on the horse again. Don't waste your time thinking about this flake.

 

Yep exactly, you have to put them on the bottom rung of the ladder. I have two other possibilities going so that's great! But what I was trying to say to ECM is that she doesn't have to tell the guy to get lost. Just quietly get out of the situation like I did. Maybe it was a misunderstanding and something will happen again with her and this guy. If not, oh well, she moves on and finds a better guy.

 

It bugs me when people need to get the last say in a relationship even if it means being cruel. Just quietly moving on is sometimes the best way to do it. Seems like ECM is doing that, and chances are at some point in the future he's going to contact her again. At that point she can ask him WTF is wrong with him lol.

[mr.dream merchant]

Always wondered the best way to approach a situation where an old flame who ignored and flaked on you hits you up after a while of no contact. Obviously whatever they put you on the back burner for isn't working, so they feel they can pick you up for the meanwhile until something better comes along. Couple things though:

 

1. What if you're mildly disrespected/annoyed about how said person just put you on the shelf and now has the audacity to try and toy with you again?

 

2. What if you really want to **** her again? Lmao..

[ecm]

I was so excited to see so many responses. Thanks.

 

Youngskywalker- I did ask and I wouldn't care about people asking their own questions, anyway

 

Truly Lost- it just sucks. Does he live in Maryland, by chance? lol

 

Mr Dream Merchant- if you're mildly mad (as you should be) you should donkey punch the b*tch when you see her. TOTALLY JOKING. I don't know. Do you give her a chance? Will she just do it again? And if you wanna $%&! her, and she wants the same...and you can agree on what it's going to "be"...then whatever!

 

With my guy, one thing that makes me kind of feel better about the situation is this: when I mentioned that he might have commitment "issues" he recognized it...and made an appt to "see someone". Yeah-great. So, he can get all "fixed" for someone else. The fact that he recognized it showed some strength. BUT- going MIA is showing quite the opposite.

 

We're still friends on facebook and I guess he didn't go FULL MIA since he wrote "Merrry Christmas" on my wall. Still- no thought about why he did that instead of just text back?? I think it's some f-ed up sort of control game...if it's not bc he didn't want to use his phone.

 

ahhhh- I just wanna grow up and move on from these games. I'm in my 30's!! It's about time to stop being in high school.

[ecm]

so, he called tonight. He "needed a break from all of the drama." He had a little attitude in his voice. We'll see what happens from here. I won't be calling him or texting him first any time soon.

 

Funny though, in the 6 days I hadn't heard from him (other than Merry Christmas on my fb) I've had 2 different friends ask if I'm single bc they have people who they want to set me up with.

 

So, I hung up with him after a decent conversation and talked to one of the new "friends" my friend set me up with for a while.

 

Still aware of those red flags though.

 

I guess my advice would be when they run, don't chase? (as stated ALLLLL around this site )

 

I heart loveshack for helping me through these things.

[EricaH329]

so, he called tonight. He "needed a break from all of the drama." He had a little attitude in his voice. We'll see what happens from here. I won't be calling him or texting him first any time soon.

 

Funny though, in the 6 days I hadn't heard from him (other than Merry Christmas on my fb) I've had 2 different friends ask if I'm single bc they have people who they want to set me up with.

 

So, I hung up with him after a decent conversation and talked to one of the new "friends" my friend set me up with for a while.

 

Still aware of those red flags though.

 

I guess my advice would be when they run, don't chase? (as stated ALLLLL around this site )

 

I heart loveshack for helping me through these things.

 

Good for you that you are getting out there and enjoying yourself!! As you should!

 

As far as the flaker goes, i'm glad you are keeping your eyes open. He is capable of disappearing. People who are capable of doing that, usually dislike confrontation of any kind. Be aware that he is more than capable of doing it again, and most likely will if things get serious and he wants to break things off.

 

Also, "all the drama"?! Seriously, dude?! You had very legitimate concerns, which you voiced. If he would like to have a body to sleep next to, without a voice box, he can invest in a blow up doll. Or better yet, since males are known for their 'non-dramatic' ways, you could tell him to change teams.

 

I'm sorry, there's a bit of frustration in my post. I know I don't know this guy, but I don't like him so far. What he has done already, and what he has the audacity to do now, is pissing me off