Losing my wife to change

[losttoerotica]

Please bear with the length of the post. Ultimately, the result is the same - my wife has changed....and I am struggling with such change.

 

About a year ago, she started to have a desire to go out more, and experience life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. She has been a stay at home mom for eight years and naturally needs to "get out". She did during that time but perhaps not as much as she wanted or could have.

 

However, over that year, the choice of venues and events has surprised me and sometimes hurt me. A close friend of hers cheated on her husband and my wife reached out to her to "help" her. (note - they are still together). However, this is the friend that my wife has been going out with the most. Over the summer time she went to a bondage club and participated in a "show". I did not know about it until later. She now goes to concerts, clubs and even 18+ clubs (my wife is 37). She is attempting to hang on to youth.

 

Along the way she has chosen to become an "erotica" author. She is sinking all her energies into it....during the day when the girls (8 & 5) are at home. She stays up at night until 3 or 4 am writing or "building" her stories. Recently she started a facebook account and a blog. She posts very explicit stories (at least in my mind). She states it is her fantasy world but she has created contacts with porn director and porn stars on there.

 

In addition she flirts online, she has kissed other men (on the cheek) with me present and ultimately has even insulted me in her blog and writings for not being open to her chosen path.

 

I am somewhat to blame - I am not the most open minded person but this goes against my religion and such. Last week I broke down in front of her and asked what had I done wrong. She stated "I know you are looking for reassurance, but right now I cannot give you any." She even stated she may want to leave religion.

 

Ultimately she is becoming a person I do not know. During the summer she made I statement - "I could not let my true self come out as I was afraid you would not want me anymore." That was the most hurtful thing she has ever said to me. I am having difficulties getting past it. Ultimately I feel like she deceived herself and myself.

 

Back to erotica - it seems like an addiction at this time. Additionally she is experiencing a sexual awakening as she is not longer satisfied with our sex life (we usually made love/had sex 1-2x per week). She does not want that anymore....instead she wants to feel "raped" by me. She wants me to use household items on her (e.g. beer bottle). She wants ball gags, and leather straps.

 

While I tried to spice things up I cannot bring myself to doing some of that. It is simply outside my comfort zone.

 

She just seems to be a different person. I have consulted an attorney and while I am not ready to move forward I am very concerned. We are trying counseling but she is in denial. Her stance - "this is who I am and who I've always been". I wish she would have let me see her.

[Gunny376]

If you cannot "improvise, adapt and over-come" I would suggest you cut your loses and move on?

 

In short your the one with the so-called "problem" ~ in your inability to adapt to your wife's sexual preferences ~ it is what it is?

 

You'll drive yourself MAD trying to understand it ~ in trying to reconcile it with your societal/cultural/religious conditionty? (Too many filters to sift it through I guess?)

 

The fact of the matter is?

 

Different strokes for different folks?

 

Why?

 

I don't have a freaking clue?

 

Things that GF's/SO have asked me to do? I was just clueless about? ("Well alright? If that makes you happy? Whatever works for you?")

 

I drew the line when it came to some things and just plain out told them it wasn't going to happen!

[sally4sara]

What part of her sexual desires is in conflict with your religious views?

 

Do you get your sexual desires met?

 

Are the children being cared for or is she neglecting them?

 

If your religion of choice inhibited you from being "who you really are", would you stop practicing your religion of choice?

[iheartboobs]

I am somewhat to blame - I am not the most open minded person but this goes against my religion and such

 

Man, **** that noise!

 

Listen, she completely changes her life, turns her back on her previous values and morals, and decides she wants to be a stupid flirty slut girl and, somehow, you're to blame? No. You're not to blame. She may want you to think that you're to blame because you're not "understanding enough" or that "you don't support her", but the fact of the matter is that you married one woman and somehow you're now married to a whole other woman. That's not your fault. Don't let her tell you that it is.

 

Tie that bitch up, stick a Pringles can in her ass, and get the hell out. You can even leave a "Dear Jane" letter in the can if you're feeling romantic.

[YellowShark]

Tie that bitch up, stick a Pringles can in her ass, and get the hell out. You can even leave a "Dear Jane" letter in the can if you're feeling romantic.

 

 

OMFG That is HILARIOUS!!! Thanks for a great laugh IHB!

[karnak]

I used to think that Michelle Langley was wrong in several aspects, concerning her theories.

 

Not anymore, not anymore...

 

Crazy bitches.

[imagine]

If you are a Christian, then you will see that the bible is quite erotic. Song of Solomon is a sexual guide to a godly man.

 

However, her dwelling on porn rather than her husband is an act of covetousness. Expose her to her family, friends that will assist. You are trying to save your marriage, enlist friends help.

 

You cannot change her decisions. You need to discuss which areas that you will not support. Meet her emotional needs. Do not be her doormat.

 

Check her underwear with "Checkmate" or similar to see whether she has been unfaithful. Refrain from sex until this has been confirmed.

[Gunny376]

Song of Solomon is a sexual guide to a godly man.

 

You've got to be kidding me!

 

Among the common populace?

 

Its practically an unheard of book!

 

Why not the Book of Enoch? (And 99.99% of here haven't a clue as to Hell he was? Hint~ Moses!)

[iheartboobs]

Enoch was Noah's great-grandfather. He was a prophet who fortold the coming of the messiah and was taken up to heaven somehow (I want to say chariot of fire) even though he never died. The book of Enoch describes the war in heaven and it's aftermath (or maybe just the aftermath), which explains the origins of the Nephilim and giants... it's an odd book to say the least.

 

The Song of Soloman is hardly a sexual guide for a Godly man... Soloman had like 600 wives and 300 concubines. Good luck finding a preacher who'll agree to that.

 

**** yeah! Religious studies coming in handy!

[hopesndreams]

Get tested for STD's. She isn't just writing about her experiences, she's participating! With only God knows who!!

 

She has told you she is now a wh*re. Believe her.

 

Infidelity is God's green light to end a marriage.

[YellowShark]

....instead she wants to feel "raped" by me. She wants me to use household items on her (e.g. beer bottle). She wants ball gags, and leather straps.

 

Gosh. How "romantic."

 

Nothing says "I love you darling" like feeling raped by your husband.

 

She's plain nuts losttoerotica. What's next? Branding her with cattle irons and smashing her teeth out with a 10lb sledge hammer?

[losttoerotica]

Thanks all. Funny jokes aside (which are good) I'm concerned more so now. I found a private facebook page (her "pen name") and some postings are quite scary - even when the kids are around. She went to the bedroom and got herself off with some toy while the kids were plopped in front of the TV and she posted that on this facebook page!!! Then all her buddies were commenting. She posted a picture of a woman with milk running down her legs and some dude said "I guess I missed some" and she replied "yeah, usually you are more thorough than that". Unreal!!!

[hopesndreams]

Thanks all. Funny jokes aside (which are good) I'm concerned more so now. I found a private facebook page (her "pen name") and some postings are quite scary - even when the kids are around. She went to the bedroom and got herself off with some toy while the kids were plopped in front of the TV and she posted that on this facebook page!!! Then all her buddies were commenting. She posted a picture of a woman with milk running down her legs and some dude said "I guess I missed some" and she replied "yeah, usually you are more thorough than that". Unreal!!!

 

How safe are your daughters? How far could her depravity go?

 

Was she "normal" before? Is it only the last year she has went a bit cuckoo?

[losttoerotica]

She claims this is who she's always been. Saw a glimpse of two in college (17 years ago!!!) but nothing until now. She claims this is now her time. Her answer to everything - "this is who I am, don't control me". I'm just trying to hold my family together!!! She just told me she's going out to a concert on Friday night and another one on Saturday night this coming weekend. Gone....completely gone.

[YellowShark]

Thanks all. Funny jokes aside (which are good) I'm concerned more so now. I found a private facebook page (her "pen name") and some postings are quite scary - even when the kids are around. She went to the bedroom and got herself off with some toy while the kids were plopped in front of the TV and she posted that on this facebook page!!!

 

Ok. Now it's serious because she is crossing boundaries that should not be crossed. Sure it's ok to get kinky if that is what floats your boat, but when it's done WHILE THE KIDS ARE AROUND then you're crossing some real red lines in the sand.

 

Let's say one of the kids walks in on her sessions while she's gagged herself, has a cucumber sticking out of her butt, and nipple clamps on. That's just something a kid doesn't need to see mommy doing.

[Gunny376]

Enoch was Noah's great-grandfather. He was a prophet who fortold the coming of the messiah and was taken up to heaven somehow (I want to say chariot of fire) even though he never died. The book of Enoch describes the war in heaven and it's aftermath (or maybe just the aftermath), which explains the origins of the Nephilim and giants... it's an odd book to say the least.

 

The Song of Soloman is hardly a sexual guide for a Godly man... Soloman had like 600 wives and 300 concubines. Good luck finding a preacher who'll agree to that.

 

**** yeah! Religious studies coming in handy!

 

Your less than <.ooo1 than that KNOW that!?

[tinktronik]

My sympathies to the OP. Your wife has jumped the shark. What a nightmare to marry one woman only to be informed later that person never existed. I am typically for whatever floats your boat as far as consensual sex goes but your wife behaving however she sees fit without ever consulting or considering her family or anyone else's needs beyond her own is a sickness. Either you need to pack your kids and go or you need serious outside help. I think an earlier poster said you should 'out' your wife, I agree.

[collegeguy_24]

Dude, you need to photograph all this as evidence, if it ever comes down to divorce you can use this to ruin her in court. You need to consider the possibility that this is where its heading, so get preppared.

[losttoerotica]

Exactly. I've printed out 200 pages of this crap. I'm two weeks from Christmas and my little girls deserve a good one, but this is nuts. She won't stop. Blames me for everything.

[hopesndreams]

She claims this is who she's always been. Saw a glimpse of two in college (17 years ago!!!) but nothing until now. She claims this is now her time. Her answer to everything - "this is who I am, don't control me". I'm just trying to hold my family together!!! She just told me she's going out to a concert on Friday night and another one on Saturday night this coming weekend. Gone....completely gone.

 

Go to the concerts with her.

[YellowShark]

Exactly. I've printed out 200 pages of this crap. I'm two weeks from Christmas and my little girls deserve a good one, but this is nuts. She won't stop. Blames me for everything.

 

She is trying to defend what is indefensible. Bottom line. Her behaviour is waaaaaaaay out of line. Recognize that she is making you - (the normal one) - out to be the bad guy in all this, cuz she's gone off the deep end.

 

Don't argue with her. Keep your composure, stay strong for the kids, and just keep documenting... and after Xmas drop the bomb on her. Tell her unless she gets immediate help, you have to leave.

[Gunny376]

I've read of the Neflin and the Giants, and I've read the Book of Enoch?

 

Read of Zaric Sacthins "Earth Chronicles"

 

I orginally read it while pulling OOD ~ for twelve hours (OOD = Officer of the Day) at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina

[michaelhopes]

Your marriage is over.

She is on a self destructive path and will bring you and your family down with her.

It's up to you now to put a 100% stop to this.

Do not allow any of her creepy behavior in your house.

Take away computer use, throw away her toys etc....

Save your daughters. Kick her to the curb.

[sally4sara]

Thanks all. Funny jokes aside (which are good) I'm concerned more so now. I found a private facebook page (her "pen name") and some postings are quite scary - even when the kids are around. She went to the bedroom and got herself off with some toy while the kids were plopped in front of the TV and she posted that on this facebook page!!! Then all her buddies were commenting. She posted a picture of a woman with milk running down her legs and some dude said "I guess I missed some" and she replied "yeah, usually you are more thorough than that". Unreal!!!

 

Are these kids home schooled? I guess the 5 year old isn't in school yet, but surely the 8 year old is gone for a chunk of the day right?

 

And I'll ask again; what is it about what she wants you to do sexually that is against your religion? Without knowing what your religion is, I can only guess from your first post. I was under the impression that if it was between a married couple, its all good by god?

 

How is the sex life otherwise; do you get your desires met?

 

Is is how often she is going out? Where she is going out? Does she ask you not to go with her? Do you know what she is doing or only guessing?

 

I'm just trying to figure out what is fact and what is so far just suspicion.

[losttoerotica]

Sara - you asked twice...here are the answers.

 

1. I am Catholic (yes....criticize me all, but that is my religion).

2. She want to get raped, use household items and/or multiple toys.

3. She continues to go to bondage shows and wants to participate

4. She eluded to an "open" marriage

5. She told me she wants to be with women

 

My own sexual needs are not fulfilled. Sex is virtually non-existent. If only she would be willing to do some of what she writes about. Not so though.

 

Going out -

 

10/2

10/12

10/19

11/5

11/12

11/13

11/14

11/19-22 we went out of town else she may have gone out.

11/25-28 Thanksgiving weekend....she spent 4 hrs with the family on Thanksgiving day.

11/30

12/9

12/17 (planning to)

12/18 (planning to)

 

Need more