Are you being blown off? What do you do?

[USMCHokie]

When you sense that you're being blown off (which in hindsight may or may not be accurate*), how do you normally respond?

 

Most of my correspondence early on is "fire and forget." If I ask her a legit question (excluding random nothings...) or something that needs a response and I get nothing, then I assume she's either not interested or just plain inconsiderate. LAUNCH.

 

Do you just... do nothing, even if that means letting it die?

 

Generally, it's already dead before I even have a chance to "let it die"...

 

Do you... ask/inquire if that's what's happening?

 

Maybe in later stages, but if it's after a first or second date or something, nah...

 

Do you... chase?

 

No.

 

How does this normally work out for you? Does it matter how much you like the person, or how long you've been dating?

 

It's more important how much interest she has in me...no matter how much I might be interested in a girl, if she has no interest in me, then my feelings are irrelevant.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I am ashamed of how I acted with the politician guy. He started blowing me off by rescheduling our dates. His excuses seemed legit but my gut told me otherwise. After a second reschedule, I sort of told him that we don't have to make another date if he doesn't want to. I told him - it is OK, I just want to know. He assured me that the work has been super busy but he wants to see me. This went on for few weeks and writing was on the wall. I also noticed that he was logging in to OKC all the time (where he stopped for a period of time when we were dating). I was super into him so I asked him if he has met someone else. He replied with "Absolutely not. I am with you". Turns out, he was keeping me around until his R with his now GF took off.

 

SO yeah, no point in asking, most dudes are completely dishonest and will only tell you the truth when they are 100% that they don't even want you as an option.

[zig]

When you sense that you're being blown off (which in hindsight may or may not be accurate*), how do you normally respond?

 

Do you just... do nothing, even if that means letting it die?

 

Do you... ask/inquire if that's what's happening?

 

Do you... chase?

 

How does this normally work out for you? Does it matter how much you like the person, or how long you've been dating?

 

 

*Examples of sensing that you're being blown off might include the other person cancelling/asking to reschedule (but not setting an alternative date), dwindling/sudden change in contact level, plentiful reasons for not being able to get together, etc. (you get the idea).

 

 

I do exactly what you listed in order. First I play it cool and see where things go. Then I ask where she is at in the relationship and hopefully the feelings are mutual. Third I chase. But I learned by the time I get to the chasing stage it's time to throw in the towel. You will only make it worse which brings you to number 4. Dump 'yourself' and move on. I just went to no contact mode and I'm hoping she comes around and we can start up again. Not likely I know.

[zig]

I am ashamed of how I acted with the politician guy. He started blowing me off by rescheduling our dates. His excuses seemed legit but my gut told me otherwise. After a second reschedule, I sort of told him that we don't have to make another date if he doesn't want to. I told him - it is OK, I just want to know. He assured me that the work has been super busy but he wants to see me. This went on for few weeks and writing was on the wall. I also noticed that he was logging in to OKC all the time (where he stopped for a period of time when we were dating). I was super into him so I asked him if he has met someone else. He replied with "Absolutely not. I am with you". Turns out, he was keeping me around until his R with his now GF took off.

 

SO yeah, no point in asking, most dudes are completely dishonest and will only tell you the truth when they are 100% that they don't even want you as an option.

 

What you described is EXACTLY what I recently went through. It hurts when someone isn't upfront with you. Funny thing is I actually trusted this girl and wanted to believe her because she told me how she would never lead a guy on.......yeah right.

[USMCHokie]

What you described is EXACTLY what I recently went through. It hurts when someone isn't upfront with you. Funny thing is I actually trusted this girl and wanted to believe her because she told me how she would never lead a guy on.......yeah right.

 

Silence is a completely sufficient response early on...if the other person isn't putting forth any effort towards the relationship, then they either have other options they would rather explore or they just aren't interested...or they just suck at life...

[Star Gazer]

It's more important how much interest she has in me...no matter how much I might be interested in a girl, if she has no interest in me, then my feelings are irrelevant.

 

So, you might be super interested, but remain mute.

 

Who's to say she's not doing the same thing?

 

SOMEONE's gotta give!

 

Why's it okay for you (and I don't really mean YOU specifically, just generally) to go mute, but not her?

 

I mean, bailing because you don't get a response to a text? Seems a bit preemptive.

[phineas]

ran into a woman at work that asked me out a few times. We'd hang out for a week or two then either cancelled last min. or just disappeared.

She would not respond to my texts or return my phone calls.

 

This happened a few times. I didn't really care because she is kind of a party girl.

 

Last I talked to her she said she'd give me a call.

Time before that she said she'd give me a call when she got back from vacation.

 

I saw her yesterday for the first time in about a month.

She tells me I "fell off the face of the earth"

 

I tell her that I thought she was going to give me a call.

She says I could always call her & I told her I have called her, she don't call me back so now I don't call her anymore.

 

she tried to play it off like I was being catty or something but I just laughed it off & told her to have a nice day.

 

I won't be calling her.

[Green]

So, you might be super interested, but remain mute.

 

Who's to say she's not doing the same thing?

 

SOMEONE's gotta give!

 

Why's it okay for you (and I don't really mean YOU specifically, just generally) to go mute, but not her?

 

I mean, bailing because you don't get a response to a text? Seems a bit preemptive.

 

Am I missing some other meaning to this conversation I wonder?

 

As a man I don't really face this situation in the same way a girl does. The women I've gotten cold to and just decided to forget about didn't give me to much trouble. This girl who really liked me tried to kiss me and I was like nah, then she gave me her number and I never called... then I saw her and she invited me to this bowling party thing and I was like yeah maybe and never went. It was always awkward seeing her but I feel it went better then "leave me alone I'm not attracted"

[USMCHokie]

So, you might be super interested, but remain mute.

 

Who's to say she's not doing the same thing?

 

Well, in that case she either (1) didn't get my last correspondence, (2) ignored my last correspondence, or (3) just doesn't respond to correspondence...

 

Why's it okay for you (and I don't really mean YOU specifically, just generally) to go mute, but not her?

 

I don't necessarily go mute for the sake of elliciting a response from her. I go "mute" because her lack of a response to me tells me something about her interest level or her character.

 

I mean, bailing because you don't get a response to a text? Seems a bit preemptive.

 

The only thing I really expect a response from is a voicemail, as anything that's important enough to "require" a response early on should be done over the phone. Perhaps an email, if I asked for a response or an answer to a question or something.

 

But texts are texts...not a big deal...if she misses one here or there, it's not the end of the world...

[USMCHokie]

Am I missing some other meaning to this conversation I wonder?

 

There is no other meaning to this conversation.

[Star Gazer]

I am ashamed of how I acted with the politician guy. He started blowing me off by rescheduling our dates. His excuses seemed legit but my gut told me otherwise. After a second reschedule, I sort of told him that we don't have to make another date if he doesn't want to. I told him - it is OK, I just want to know. He assured me that the work has been super busy but he wants to see me. This went on for few weeks and writing was on the wall. I also noticed that he was logging in to OKC all the time (where he stopped for a period of time when we were dating). I was super into him so I asked him if he has met someone else. He replied with "Absolutely not. I am with you". Turns out, he was keeping me around until his R with his now GF took off.

 

SO yeah, no point in asking, most dudes are completely dishonest and will only tell you the truth when they are 100% that they don't even want you as an option.

 

Meh. The way you asked and continued on about it does sound a lot more insecure than the way I go about it, so I understand your hesitancy to do it again. But IME, each time I've asked and have had a positive response, he's kept it going for quite a while thereafter...even more effort, if anything. No other flaky/delay/etc. behavior.

 

But I know if I brought it up once, and he continued to behave in an uninterested way, I'd just move on. I'd NEVER ask a second time.

[Banker Chick]

If it seems like things just dwindled but I couldn't really pinpoint why and I really liked the guy I might send ONE text that said something along the lines of "Since I haven't heard from you I get the impression you're feeling like we aren't a good match. Just wanted to say no hard feelings and it's been nice getting to know you. Best of luck to you!". It either 1) prompts them to **** or get off the pot or 2) they ignore it bc they realize they were a cad for not being honest in the first place. Either way, it allows me a clean break.

 

I do this very seldom though. Usually I have so little invested I just move on.

 

One time I went out to lunch with this guy and thought we hit it off. We said good-bye and did the awkward "ok, I'll call you" kinda thing. I waited and waited ... nothing. Finally after a couple months I was deleting old contacts out of my phone and saw his # and since enough time had gone by to just text him as a friend, I sent a simple "Just seeing how you're doing, hope life is treating you well" kind of thing and he responded immediately and we talked for awhile. He said he'd had a great time and was hoping we'd go out again. I said "But you never called after our lunch" and he said "Neither did you so I thought you weren't interested". Ugh. We had a Mexican stand-off going on or something. We ended up going out for a couple more months.

[USMCHokie]

He said he'd had a great time and was hoping we'd go out again. I said "But you never called after our lunch" and he said "Neither did you so I thought you weren't interested". Ugh. We had a Mexican stand-off going on or something. We ended up going out for a couple more months.

 

Hahah, seriously?! :laugh:

 

This guy was waiting for you to call after the date...? Yikes...

[Star Gazer]

If it seems like things just dwindled but I couldn't really pinpoint why and I really liked the guy I might send ONE text that said something along the lines of "Since I haven't heard from you I get the impression you're feeling like we aren't a good match. Just wanted to say no hard feelings and it's been nice getting to know you. Best of luck to you!". It either 1) prompts them to **** or get off the pot or 2) they ignore it bc they realize they were a cad for not being honest in the first place. Either way, it allows me a clean break.

 

I do this very seldom though. Usually I have so little invested I just move on.

 

One time I went out to lunch with this guy and thought we hit it off. We said good-bye and did the awkward "ok, I'll call you" kinda thing. I waited and waited ... nothing. Finally after a couple months I was deleting old contacts out of my phone and saw his # and since enough time had gone by to just text him as a friend, I sent a simple "Just seeing how you're doing, hope life is treating you well" kind of thing and he responded immediately and we talked for awhile. He said he'd had a great time and was hoping we'd go out again. I said "But you never called after our lunch" and he said "Neither did you so I thought you weren't interested". Ugh. We had a Mexican stand-off going on or something. We ended up going out for a couple more months.

 

I usually do the very same thing as your first paragraph, also very seldomly. It lets me have a clean break and maintain control over my emotions.

 

I also experienced a similar standoff. I texted the guy, but apparently it was his work phone and he didn't have texting enabled. We dated for a good 4-5 months after we reconnected (ran into each other on Facebook).

[SadandConfusedWA]

Meh. The way you asked and continued on about it does sound a lot more insecure than the way I go about it, so I understand your hesitancy to do it again. But IME, each time I've asked and have had a positive response, he's kept it going for quite a while thereafter...even more effort, if anything. No other flaky/delay/etc. behavior.

 

But I know if I brought it up once, and he continued to behave in an uninterested way, I'd just move on. I'd NEVER ask a second time.

 

Don't you think that the guy in my example is being a d%ck for being blatantly dishonest?

[Citizen Erased]

Don't you think that the guy in my example is being a d%ck for being blatantly dishonest?

 

Pretty much my take on it.

[Star Gazer]

Hahah, seriously?! :laugh:

 

This guy was waiting for you to call after the date...? Yikes...

 

Quite a while back, you and I once had an email/text standoff...each waiting for the other to initiate that day. Remember?

 

See my point? The reasons behind silence aren't always obvious.

[Banker Chick]

Hahah, seriously?! :laugh:

 

This guy was waiting for you to call after the date...? Yikes...

Yeah, he reeked insecurity but it was fun for a couple months anyway. And obviously I wasn't that invested in him since he technically didn't even rate the "**** or get off the pot text" that I referred to. He just got the "I was bored on a Saturday and finding things to fill up my time" text.

[Star Gazer]

Don't you think that the guy in my example is being a d%ck for being blatantly dishonest?

 

Eh, not necessarily. When he first answered you, for all you know he might have been honest about how he was feeling at the time. You're the one who kept it going by letting him continue to flake and basically continuing to ask "Do you like me?" despite the obvious signs to the contrary. That behavior probably made him kinda see you as a doormat, I'm afraid.

 

I assert myself and make my boundaries clear. I ask ONCE, to make clear that I don't care for what's happening. If his actions don't match the answer he gave me, I bail. Done.

 

Fool me once, ...

[johan]

I'm pretty used to being ignored, even by people on LS. Getting blown off is just another way to be ignored. No big deal. I think it's their loss. Their miserable loss.

[Citizen Erased]

I'm pretty used to being ignored, even by people on LS. Getting blown off is just another way to be ignored. No big deal. I think it's their loss. Their miserable loss.

 

You ignored my last email.

[Star Gazer]

I'm pretty used to being ignored, even by people on LS. Getting blown off is just another way to be ignored. No big deal. I think it's their loss. Their miserable loss.

 

My PMs were shut off, man! Not by choice!!

[studiomuffin]

I usually have a 3 strike rule as well. Depends on how strong the connection is and whether or not i feel theres a chance of success.

 

1, Normally call/text back 2-3 days and try to start a conversation and possible chance to meet up one. If a excuse i will give a casual answer and suggest another time.

 

2, I will try again later in the week if she free next week. If excuse i will give a understanding but slightly dissapointed reponse.

 

3, If i get another excuse i will leave it 2 weeks and see hows she doing. If its a no, i pretty much leave it and erase any texts or calls from my phone's history. Though i keep hold of the number for about a month in case.

 

If in any case that i get a "No", "Just like you like a friend" or the rare, "i'm seeing someone else at the moment". Then my rule is out and i move on and try again the next week.

[USMCHokie]

Quite a while back, you and I once had an email/text standoff...each waiting for the other to initiate that day. Remember?

 

See my point? The reasons behind silence aren't always obvious.

 

Hahah, good point.

 

Yea...people are weird sometimes...

[Ruby Slippers]

I move on.