Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Hmmm...this reminds me of the pouty little boy who just sits there and crosses his arms, lets out a "hmph," and refuses to say a word... Are you talking about me? Or him? I reached out to him 3 times over the last two days, by phone. Three messages I left, the last two expressing explicit concern ABOUT HIM. And he has not bothered to respond in any form. Also, the one time I called him Friday and he picked up, we talked for a few minutes, I told him I wanted to talk more later that night, it was important, he said he would "try" and then I never heard from him.
Star Gazer Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I'm really sick and tired of your competitiveness. Understand that I honestly don't see you as competition. There's only ONE woman I'm competitive with, and I assure you, it isn't you. I don't see you as competition either, lady. Your implication that I do is hilarious. ANYWAY... I don't think A is being fair to C given what he's going through. I don't think she's looking at this entire situation - what he's going through, their relationship, etc. - through his eyes. He's not a bad guy here.
Star Gazer Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Are you talking about me? Or him? I reached out to him 3 times over the last two days, by phone. Three messages I left, the last two expressing explicit concern ABOUT HIM. And he has not bothered to respond in any form. Also, the one time I called him Friday and he picked up, we talked for a few minutes, I told him I wanted to talk more later that night, it was important, he said he would "try" and then I never heard from him. Why aren't you reading between the lines??
threebyfate Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 There's only ONE woman I'm competitive with, and I assure you, it isn't you. I don't see you as competition either, lady. Your implication that I do is hilarious. ANYWAY... I don't think A is being fair to C given what he's going through. I don't think she's looking at this entire situation - what he's going through, their relationship, etc. - through his eyes. He's not a bad guy here.This is exactly why I've stopped engaging with you. Each interaction is all about one-upmanship rather than consideration for any of the opening posters. Let's be adults and ignore each other. It's pretty easy for me to ignore you. I've already expressed my opinion about this situation. T would be foolish to give him more chances since they've already displayed blatant incompatibilities and his behaviour is getting progressively worse.
USMCHokie Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Are you talking about me? Or him? I reached out to him 3 times over the last two days, by phone. Three messages I left, the last two expressing explicit concern ABOUT HIM. And he has not bothered to respond in any form. Also, the one time I called him Friday and he picked up, we talked for a few minutes, I told him I wanted to talk more later that night, it was important, he said he would "try" and then I never heard from him. Him. I understand that if a sig O is overwhelmed with everything going on in life, she might not want to talk to me, but I wouldn't appreciate it very much. I'd give her whatever space she wanted or needed, but I would hope that I was important enough to warrant something from her.
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Why aren't you reading between the lines?? Because I shouldn't have to. If he wasn't stupid and "knew" I wanted to talk about us, he could've just told me straight up. I would've understood. Instead he decides to avoid me. The last two messages I left, I said, "I'm worried, are you okay?" Besides, when we talked Friday, I had just given him a short summary of the update on my circumstances that I mentioned in my last thread--job having an expiration date, etc. I told him that I wanted to talk to him more about THAT because there was more to it than what I said that I thought was important.
Star Gazer Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 T would be foolish to give him more chances since they've already displayed blatant incompatibilities and his behaviour is getting progressively worse. I don't disagree about compatibilities, although I don't think they've spent enough time together both behaving like adults rather than petulant children to know whether or not there is fundamental incompatibility there. My only point is that it's unfair to blame him, as though he's some selfish jerk, for their incompatibility.
Star Gazer Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Him. I understand that if a sig O is overwhelmed with everything going on in life, she might not want to talk to me, but I wouldn't appreciate it very much. I'd give her whatever space she wanted or needed, but I would hope that I was important enough to warrant something from her. This. See... A, you should appreciate it if he reached out to you, and it's totally understandable that you want him to respond to you. But, and this is a big BUT... YOU are NOT giving him the space he needs and wants. You're just not. You're calling and calling and calling.
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 This. See... A, you should appreciate it if he reached out to you, and it's totally understandable that you want him to respond to you. But, and this is a big BUT... YOU are NOT giving him the space he needs and wants. You're just not. You're calling and calling and calling. He never told me he needed space. He was just being passive-aggressive and avoiding me, which is unacceptable behavior. Anyway, it doesn't matter, really. It's over. If he reaches out I'm telling him it's over.
Art_Critic Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Fine. He's not meeting your needs. But it's understandable given what he's going through, right? What is he going thru ?
Star Gazer Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 He never told me he needed space. He was just being passive-aggressive and avoiding me, which is unacceptable behavior. Sometimes one of the most critical parts of communication is reading between the lines and listening to the silence. He doesn't want to talk right now. He needs space. It's patently obvious to me. That's what I meant by reading between the lines. I'm sorry it's ending over this, and during this difficult time. But at the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you.
Star Gazer Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 What is he going thru ? Are you even reading this thread, Art?? He's stressed, overworked, facing the possibility of his future being ruined if he fails in his work and being sent back to India, all while coping with the very recent death of a loved one while under all that pressure. And on top of that, he's got this fledgling relationship that's full of drama (by A's own admission).
threebyfate Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 He never told me he needed space. He was just being passive-aggressive and avoiding me, which is unacceptable behavior. Anyway, it doesn't matter, really. It's over. If he reaches out I'm telling him it's over.This is it in a nutshell. He's always displayed controlling behaviours. How many more examples of such, would one need before calling it quits? Relationships are about both people putting their effort into them. Withdrawing without consideration for their partner is pretty damn selfish in my books.
Art_Critic Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Are you even reading this thread, Art?? He's stressed, overworked, facing the possibility of his future being ruined if he fails in his work and being sent back to India, all while coping with the very recent death of a loved one while under all that pressure. And on top of that, he's got this fledgling relationship that's full of drama (by A's own admission). Of course I'm reading the thread...I'm not arguing with you SG just pointing out that the ill treatment of a loved one doesn't come with many excuses. I still don't see what he is going thru that would allow the treatment of your own loved one to the point of breaking up.. I've been overworked my whole life.. many of us are.. Overstressed.. you ought to live my life... My own future is ruined if I fail.. so is my families.. I've had many loved ones pass away that were close to me thruout my life including 2 of my 3 parents and I never treated the person I loved any differently. While the timing of this breakup isn't perfect she has every right to feel the way she does and not feel selfish.. IMO
threebyfate Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Of course I'm reading the thread...I'm not arguing with you SG just pointing out that the ill treatment of a loved one doesn't come with many excuses. I still don't see what he is going thru that would allow the treatment of your own loved one to the point of breaking up.. I've been overworked my whole life.. many of us are.. Overstressed.. you ought to live my life... My own future is ruined if I fail.. so is my families.. I've had many loved ones pass away that were close to me thruout my life including 2 of my 3 parents and I never treated the person I loved any differently. While the timing of this breakup isn't perfect she has every right to feel the way she does and not feel selfish.. IMOThis is why your wife got her hooks into you and hasn't let go. Men like yourself and my husband don't treat loved ones like crap when they're stressed. They don't make their loved ones pay for their personal difficulties. And if they need support from their SO, they clearly express it. If they need space, they clearly express it. No relationship can last without wide-open communications.
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Thank you, Art (edit: and you too, TBF)... While I can't fully imagine what he's been feeling--I've never been stressed to that extent; I've never had someone I was close to pass away--I have gone through trying times (including a miscarriage after a very short relationship ended). Yet, while I was going through those times, I never treated other people who I claimed to care about the way that C has been treating me. I would honestly be disappointed in myself if I ever had, or ever do.
Star Gazer Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Of course I'm reading the thread...I'm not arguing with you SG just pointing out that the ill treatment of a loved one doesn't come with many excuses. I still don't see what he is going thru that would allow the treatment of your own loved one to the point of breaking up.. I've been overworked my whole life.. many of us are.. Overstressed.. you ought to live my life... My own future is ruined if I fail.. so is my families.. I've had many loved ones pass away that were close to me thruout my life including 2 of my 3 parents and I never treated the person I loved any differently. While the timing of this breakup isn't perfect she has every right to feel the way she does and not feel selfish.. IMO Art... he doesn't even consider her his "girlfriend." This isn't a LTR, this isn't a marriage, it isn't even a boyfriend-girlfriendship. I'm not saying that he's right. I'm not saying she's wrong. I'm just saying his priorities are perfectly in line given the context of their relationship, IMO... and that SHE could handle to be a little more understanding. *shrug*
Star Gazer Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Thank you, Art (edit: and you too, TBF)... While I can't fully imagine what he's been feeling--I've never been stressed to that extent; I've never had someone I was close to pass away--I have gone through trying times (including a miscarriage after a very short relationship ended). Yet, while I was going through those times, I never treated other people who I claimed to care about the way that C has been treating me. I would honestly be disappointed in myself if I ever had, or ever do. Wait until you do go through something like that, particularly the loss of a loved one, and then come back here and see how you felt about C's handling of this. Everyone handles stress and grief differently. It doesn't make him a selfish jerk. It just makes you incompatible.
Crazy Magnet Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Of course I'm reading the thread...I'm not arguing with you SG just pointing out that the ill treatment of a loved one doesn't come with many excuses. I still don't see what he is going thru that would allow the treatment of your own loved one to the point of breaking up.. I've been overworked my whole life.. many of us are.. Overstressed.. you ought to live my life... My own future is ruined if I fail.. so is my families.. I've had many loved ones pass away that were close to me thruout my life including 2 of my 3 parents and I never treated the person I loved any differently. While the timing of this breakup isn't perfect she has every right to feel the way she does and not feel selfish.. IMO Yes this. I've lost my mom, been a full time grad student, work a full time job, do other research related things on the side. If I fail, my future fails with me but I would NEVER ignore my BF because my life was currently sucking or hard. [edit to add: All at the same time mind you.] Grief is no excuse to treat someone like crap. I have been there and it's not acceptable for me to treat people horribly because my life sucks. It's my life and my problem. Life is always hard but that is no excuse to ignore someone for several days. I expect my SO to be grown up enough to tell me if he needs space or if he isn't unhappy. Taking his life frustrations out on me is unacceptable as taking my life frustrations out on him in unacceptable. This isn't the first time C has ignored TA's needs. It's his MO and she has every right to be done.
Art_Critic Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Art... he doesn't even consider her his "girlfriend." This isn't a LTR, this isn't a marriage, it isn't even a boyfriend-girlfriendship. I'm not saying that he's right. I'm not saying she's wrong. I'm just saying his priorities are perfectly in line given the context of their relationship, IMO... and that SHE could handle to be a little more understanding. *shrug* Well.. all the more reason for her to breakup with him... His priorities may very well be perfectly in line given the context of their relationship or to him.. but this isn't about his priorities.. it's about TG's. Are you saying that she she doesn't have a right to breakup with him given the way he has treated her ?. Each person had hidden lines and boundaries about behaviors that they consider unacceptable and his behaviors are not in line with her boundaries..
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Grief is no excuse to treat someone like crap. I have been there and it's not acceptable for me to treat people horribly because my life sucks. It's my life and my problem. Life is always hard but that is no excuse to ignore someone for several days. This isn't the first time C has ignored TA's needs. It's his MO and she has every right to be done. Well, it hasn't been several days. To be technical, it's been all of Saturday, and, as of now, all of today. So not even 2 days. I agree with everything else, though.
Art_Critic Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Grief is no excuse to treat someone like crap. Grief is actually a good excuse to rely on your loved one.. lean on them for support.
Jannah Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 If Tigress's only complaint is wishing to spend more than 2 hours per week with someone she enjoys being with, I don't think that is unreasonable. Especially considering he referred to her as a "very good friend" after they had been physically intimate and were exclusive. All things to consider.............
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Are you saying that she she doesn't have a right to breakup with him given the way he has treated her ?. Each person had hidden lines and boundaries about behaviors that they consider unacceptable and his behaviors are not in line with her boundaries.. Star isn't saying that. She's only saying that he isn't necessarily a bad guy for how he's handling things, and that we're just incompatible.
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 If Tigress's only complaint is wishing to spend more than 2 hours per week with someone she enjoys being with, I don't think that is unreasonable. Especially considering he referred to her as a "very good friend" after they had been physically intimate and were exclusive. All things to consider............. You forgot the second "very"...:lmao:
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