Kamille Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 After! We were in my room sitting on my bed and I was holding his hand! :laugh: Sarcasm on: Holding his hand? Didn't he deserve a massage and a medal for all the effort he put into going to see you?
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Oh goodness, of course! Yes! How could I be so selfish and ungrateful! I was such a bad "very very good friend"!! :eek:
Citizen Erased Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 you girls are too funny. You did the right thing T.
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 you girls are too funny. You did the right thing T. Thanks, CE. Oh, and TBF: I just figured out a clever way to "undo" the Facebook defriending: I deactivated my account. I still have it, but it's just not active and it looks like I am not on there anymore. I will reactivate it once this is finally over.
Kamille Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Oh goodness, of course! Yes! How could I be so selfish and ungrateful! I was such a bad "very very good friend"!! :eek: :lmao: Now that's funny! Here's my musical contribution for the evening. A classic for a reason:
OceanGirl Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I love it how you make subtle references to his small d... :lmao:
northern_sky Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Thanks, CE. Oh, and TBF: I just figured out a clever way to "undo" the Facebook defriending: I deactivated my account. I still have it, but it's just not active and it looks like I am not on there anymore. I will reactivate it once this is finally over. Alternatively you can just block him. That way he can't see your account, but you stay active.
northern_sky Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I love it how you make subtle references to his small d... :lmao: I guess what they say about Indian men is true..
Citizen Erased Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I guess what they say about Indian men is true.. I thought the exact same thing...
Jannah Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 :lmao: Now that's funny! Here's my musical contribution for the evening. A classic for a reason: That's good one. Beyonce' is so beautiful it's almost sickening.
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Oh, you ladies! :love: Shadow, I thought the same thing for a second, but we have mutual friends on there, including one who I wouldn't want to block/defriend since I've known her since high school, so I figured deactivation would be the best way to snow him for now. I can deal without Facebook for a little while. I've been practicing my "To the left, to the left" expression since listening to that song. I snapped my fingers and said, "You must not know 'bout me!" in the mirror.
welikeincrowds Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Holding his hand? Didn't he deserve a massage and a medal for all the effort he put into going to see you? LOL. Here's my musical contribution for the evening. LOL AGAIN. You're really funny. I snapped my fingers and said, "You must not know 'bout me!" in the mirror. Yo hit me up. I'll do the harmony. I kill the falsetto in that song. "I can have another you, in a minute! And in fact, uh she'll be here, in a minute." I'll say "he'll" though, I won't leave you hanging. I'm a really good singer.
JustJoe Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 TA, not much of a BF, not much of a relationship, and not much communication on EITHER side. Before this all happened, you should have communicated your unhappiness to him, and he should have told you his level of commitment. So both of you knew where you stood. Sorry about this, but perhaps you both can learn from it, and do better the next time.
You'reasian Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 No worries. Undo what you can and leave it at that. Yes, I think he'll chase her if she backs off. So that's what I'm recommending she do. No more calls or messages. Nothing. Silence even when he calls. Let him wonder and stew about it. Then, when SHE feels he's been punished enough which should be exponential to how long he makes her wait for his response, she'll dump his arse. No, he won't chase her. From what it sounds like, this guy is career focused and career oriented. TigressA, can't you find a guy who lives more close to you? If you look like your avatars, then you seem like a very attractive and active woman
You'reasian Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Help me out ladies. For fun, let's put together the top ten list of excuses he'll use: Something happened to my phone.Some kind of emergency.Work was so horrible and I was stressed out. You ladies are getting way to involved in this. Its probably best to get involved with a guy who makes an effort to see you or get in contact with you. Lastly, never make a guy chase you. If he's into you, he'll let you know. If you make him play the chase game and he falls for it, you're going to end up leaving him sooner or later anyways...
LittleTiger Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 TA, not much of a BF, not much of a relationship, and not much communication on EITHER side. Before this all happened, you should have communicated your unhappiness to him, and he should have told you his level of commitment. So both of you knew where you stood. Sorry about this, but perhaps you both can learn from it, and do better the next time. ^^^ Have to agree with Joe here. This relationship has escalated rather rapidly from 'boy meets girl' to 'nasty name calling' (figuratively speaking and on both sides). It's very sad when lack of communication seems to have been the only major issue. I'm not pointing the finger - we all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them - but this is a particularly good example of how easy it is for things to go from good to bad in a heartbeat - if we let them. If he knows you've deleted his details, I would be surprised if he contacts you again Tigress. I could be wrong of course, and he may come grovelling, but he doesn't sound like that kind of guy.
OceanGirl Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 You ladies are getting way to involved in this. Its probably best to get involved with a guy who makes an effort to see you or get in contact with you. Lastly, never make a guy chase you. If he's into you, he'll let you know. If you make him play the chase game and he falls for it, you're going to end up leaving him sooner or later anyways... I don't think that it's the matter of him not being into her (I do think that he is very into her). I think that they are just inherently incompatible... I also think that this guy is going to have issues in any relatonship (control problems, career obsessed etc).
You'reasian Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 (edited) I don't think that it's the matter of him not being into her (I do think that he is very into her). I think that they are just inherently incompatible... I also think that this guy is going to have issues in any relatonship (control problems, career obsessed etc). Can't say for sure. I can't speak for this guy, but personally if I love a woman, I'll show that to her whether it means a 30 minute to an hour conversation everyday, weekends together etc. She doesn't know what this guy does - he could be hitting peak production for the time of year or a major project. My best guess is that he's working on becoming successful? And at the end of the day, women are attracted to men who are successful because they exude confidence. Dang its early. Time for coffee Edited November 7, 2010 by You'reasian
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 It's funny, but I would've been willing to salvage things if only he hadn't been avoiding me. Now I don't particularly care if I talk to or see him again. He can not call, he can call...it's all the same to me. Usually I wake up from a night like last night in sadness, but I feel fine. Know what that tells me? The attachment wasn't really too deep...I don't have anyone to miss now, and I spent most of the time we were "together" missing him, if that makes sense. I don't think it'll take too long for me to become indifferent.
Kamille Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 It's funny, but I would've been willing to salvage things if only he hadn't been avoiding me. Now I don't particularly care if I talk to or see him again. He can not call, he can call...it's all the same to me. Usually I wake up from a night like last night in sadness, but I feel fine. Know what that tells me? The attachment wasn't really too deep...I don't have anyone to miss now, and I spent most of the time we were "together" missing him, if that makes sense. I don't think it'll take too long for me to become indifferent. Makes sense. Apart from the space he occupied in your mind, he didn't play much of a role in your day to day life. Lately, that mental space he took up was mostly anguish. But, grant yourself the right to grieve. when the time comes, honor yourself and what you were willing to offer him. You are still letting go of a imagined future that was important to you.
Eclypse Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I haven't followed your relationship with C in great detail, but I have read some threads from time to time. I'm a little sad it had to end this way. Yours seemed like a fairly decent r/ship and maybe you could have done the breaking up over phone instead of nc right away? I dunno tho, no one knows you guys like you do.
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Yeah, he was important to me. I ended things on my own terms and completely without his knowledge--he's been MIA on the phone (well, except for those few minutes on Friday), on Facebook, on Skype, for days. This isn't the first time he's done that; he shuts himself away pretty much completely if he's really busy/stressed or ill, and re-emerges once things get better. I won't be surprised if he doesn't contact me, or if he does. At this point there's no way for him to know that I deleted/blocked his contact info because I reinstated it, and snowed him by deactivating my Facebook. If he does contact me I'm sure it'll be the same old thing: "Work work work blah blah work, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, blah blah blah, please understand..." And I'll tell him I'm done understanding, I'm done with him.
Els Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Tigress, Firstly, let me say that I think you're making the best possible decision for yourself, I really do. And it's great to hear that you're doing great and moving on with life, too. However, I honestly don't think he's a douchebag, or purposefully taking advantage of you, or deliberately being an *******. I think he really is just an unhappy, stressed, overworked man facing the possibility of his future being ruined if he failed in his work and was sent back to India, and coping with the death of a loved one. Yes, he let the relationship fall by the wayside while coping with all that, and yes, you do deserve better than that and should go get it. But don't you think there's a nicer, more compassionate way to end this? I dunno, an email, "I know you're going through a lot and I'm sorry, but this just isn't what I want out of a relationship so I have to end this"?
Author tigressA Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Tigress, Firstly, let me say that I think you're making the best possible decision for yourself, I really do. And it's great to hear that you're doing great and moving on with life, too. However, I honestly don't think he's a douchebag, or purposefully taking advantage of you, or deliberately being an *******. I think he really is just an unhappy, stressed, overworked man facing the possibility of his future being ruined if he failed in his work and was sent back to India, and coping with the death of a loved one. Yes, he let the relationship fall by the wayside while coping with all that, and yes, you do deserve better than that and should go get it. But don't you think there's a nicer, more compassionate way to end this? I dunno, an email, "I know you're going through a lot and I'm sorry, but this just isn't what I want out of a relationship so I have to end this"? Thank you. I know this is the best the best thing for ME. It does hurt, I don't deny it. It may hurt for awhile longer. I really liked him...but this is just something I cannot deal with. I wish I could be more understanding but I really don't think it's possible, particularly because of the physical distance between us. He's so concerned with the future of our relationship that he didn't bother to consider how things are in the present. At first I thought it was so romantic, him wanting to know that I would stick with him...he was sincere about it. And to be fair, I didn't make him look at what was going on in the present. I let myself get swept away by his notions and let the present issues build. He is very preoccupied with being successful, career-wise. I guess that's a big incompatibility between us--he's very ambitious, to the point that he will forget about pretty much anything or anyone else, to reach the goals he sets for himself. While that's very admirable, and yes, very attractive, I am the opposite. I am not concerned with career/financial success beyond merely wanting to support myself. I do think he liked me and wanted to be with me...but for the foreseeable future at least, I take a backseat to his work. I would have to be okay with that for this to continue...and I'm not.
Art_Critic Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Does he know ? Props to you Tig.. your happiness is in your own hands and this is a move in the right direction.
Recommended Posts