"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[homebrew]

Hey Homebrew I dont see how I can PM you. Can you email me so I can email you.I have a question for you. my email is [email protected]

 

thanks

 

I sent you and email...

[Heidi89]

Hey homebrew..if I try and give you a brief summary of my break up with my ex could you give me your opinion on whether it is a case of GIGS please? I think I'm really struggling to move on because I can't work out why he threw our two year relationship away. I'm sorry, you must get this all the time but maybe you could help?

[homebrew]

Hey homebrew..if I try and give you a brief summary of my break up with my ex could you give me your opinion on whether it is a case of GIGS please? I think I'm really struggling to move on because I can't work out why he threw our two year relationship away. I'm sorry, you must get this all the time but maybe you could help?

 

Start a thread and tell us all your story... That way all of us can give you feedback and advice.

 

I will be on the lookout for it and comment.

[pippa02]

Hi Homebrew,am wondering could you please take some time too read my story, my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago out of no where, everyone especailly me was very shocked. I think your messages are great and would please love some advice and any thoughts if you think there is any hope. my story is on this link thanks for your time

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272654/

[shawn923]

Homebrew... Check it out please... Thanx...

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272987/

[Heidi89]

Start a thread and tell us all your story... That way all of us can give you feedback and advice.

 

I will be on the lookout for it and comment.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3338103#post3338103

 

Here is my thread! Thank you so much!

[zakfar]

Good information! Moderators should make it sticky... if that option is available on the board here.

[tbsfw]

I admit that I didn't look at every page of this great, gargantuan thread but what I'm asking is worth repeating. I think that my situation is a GIGS dump. She is 38, well past the 1/4 life crisis age. But, she had a rough divorce 2 years ago. She was with him from her early 20s on. Awhile after her divorce she got a nice boyfriend. Everyone said it was a great relationship. One day she ended it. No one could figure it out. She dated a lot of guys and said she didn't want a relationship. She told me that she had a habit of getting close to guys and then bailing out on them. Still, she ended up in her second relationship since the divorce...with me. Things were going very well. Her family and son loved me. Her good friends loved me. Her friends who liked to give her drugs and encourage her to drink heavily...they weren't so into me. Her son wanted her to marry me. She didn't party with her friends as much. One day without warning she says it's over. We never argued or had problems. Within a very short time she's out at the bars. Staying out all night (when she didn't have the son). Neighbors reported new overnight guests. So, to me it has all the hallmarks of GIGS. It was perhaps delayed since her 20s were spent in a relationship. Also, there are daddy issues since daddy was never there...literally. Just wanting opinions. Love the original post. It made a lot of sense. Other factor is that she is still reeling from the divorce...which seemed like a case of GIGS on his part. She says that she'll never let anyone get close enough to hurt her. Explains the serial dumping...and the random humping (sorry, had to make the rhyme).

[whiskers]

Just a quick question.

 

Are people with G.I.G.S like this to everyone regardless of who it is, or is it because they've not met the person that stops them feeling that way?

[homebrew]

To answer your question... They are like this with everyone regardless of who it is.

 

It has nothing to do with the person they are / were dating. It's just something they have to go through. They need to "Experience life on their own", "see what is out there", "find themselves", etc.

 

Here is some additional information that might be useful for you:

 

Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread!

[Call Me Al]

I dont see any benefit in assigning a label explaining an exes behavior.

 

Trust me, I spent a month or so doing the same. Maybe its this, maybe she's bipolar, maybe it was bad timing, etc etc. Its wasted energy.

 

The reality is the explanation is irrelevant unless it comes from the exes mouth.

 

The end result is that the relationship is over, and you are left to cope with the loss.

[homebrew]

I dont see any benefit in assigning a label explaining an exes behavior.

 

Trust me, I spent a month or so doing the same. Maybe its this, maybe she's bipolar, maybe it was bad timing, etc etc. Its wasted energy.

 

The reality is the explanation is irrelevant unless it comes from the exes mouth.

 

The end result is that the relationship is over, and you are left to cope with the loss.

 

To each his own...

 

It is normal, natural and healthy to see if there is anything that can be learned from the previous relationship / break up that could be beneficial to future relationships.

 

In the case of G.I.G.S....

 

There is nothing to learn aside from the fact that dating people in the age range of 18 to 25 can be a very frustrating experience if you are looking for something permanent or to get married.

 

Most of people in the 18 - 25 age range have no clue who they are or what they want. In their process of figuring this all out, they usually leave a wake of broken hearts behind them.

[Call Me Al]

What it really comes down to is that things changed, and the feelings are not the same anymore.

 

When a relationship ends, we all want validation and an explanation for certain behaviors. We cant get them from the ex, so it is easier to come up with our own reasons and explanations. The reality of it is, it does not change the outcome.

 

I'm not saying that your explanations for this are 100% wrong, but I am saying that the focus of 'why' does not really help you...because in this case the 'why' assigns all blame to the ex.

 

A relationship is a two way street. Part of letting go is accepting the messy, unfair, confusing, sad, unfortunate outcome.

 

Rationalizing the behaviors of another do nothing for you other than assigning a lot of your focus and energy on THEM.

[homebrew]

For most people, what I share helps them in the whole moving on process.

 

For "some" people, it might cause them some angst and some even choose to hold on longer due to it.

 

I guess we need to start a government program or agency that will be in charge and dictate the whole break up process and how it should occur. Even though there will be a lot of paperwork, expense and time involved to dump someone... The good news, we protect "some" people from themselves.

[fetish]

homebrew,

 

this is actually my first time really viewing your topic as it fits my situation to a tee. Me and my girlfriend were together for 8 years and we just broke up in February because she got G.I.G.S. She's exactly the age you described, 26. I'm 4 years older than her.

 

For the last 5 years, she thought she was ready to get married but i was 25 at the time and not ready, by the time I was 28, I saw myself as ready to settle down. Well we were engaged for the last 2 1/2 years, went to premarital counseling, and then all of a sudden, in less than a month and 1/2 time, she began to change and disregard me like never before. She began to think she could do whatever the heck she wanted. Hang out with her girlfriends, gambling every night, not answering her telephone, starting pointless arguments, etc. I tried having talks with her basically begging and warning her that what she was doing was driving us apart, she acted like she didn't care.

 

We got in one more huge fight and then she was ready to move out. I let her go, didn't beg, plead, or anything. I still love her, but she's kind of dangerous, and i'm not sure if she has to go hit rock bottom first but i already think she's somewhat regretting her decision. She still keeps in contact, even wanted to maintain a relationship in our own seperate places. Now, i think since she made a decision for both of us, I owe it to myself to see what's out there, meet different people, join groups, activities, and yes.. maybe meet other women.

 

We've been broken up since February and now i'm at the point where I think i might need to be by myself. I feel like she still has some of her 20s left while i let mine go trying to stay committed to her. But at 30/31, i'm still young enough to live it up.

[WTRanger]

For most people, what I share helps them in the whole moving on process.

 

For "some" people, it might cause them some angst and some even choose to hold on longer due to it.

 

I guess we need to start a government program or agency that will be in charge and dictate the whole break up process and how it should occur. Even though there will be a lot of paperwork, expense and time involved to dump someone... The good news, we protect "some" people from themselves.

 

By share he means copy and paste from enotalone. You've taken both Superdave71's and Mayday11's posts and used them as your own, or at the very least not given credit to the original posters.

 

Seriously, read the first page of this thread, then read this:http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=247013&page=1

 

Gee, does it read familiar?

[homebrew]

By share he means copy and paste from enotalone. You've taken both Superdave71's and Mayday11's posts and used them as your own, or at the very least not given credit to the original posters.

 

Seriously, read the first page of this thread, then read this:http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=247013&page=1

 

Gee, does it read familiar?

 

Where in here did I say it was mine?

 

In my peice about cheating, did I not separate it from the original?

 

I guess all my responses within this (post 7, 15, etc) were "stolen" too. Plus every other thread or post that I have made.

 

WTRanger gets no idea, thought or inspiration from something that he saw, heard or read. It just came to him by some super natural force.

 

I have given credit for other articles in my posts... I can't edit the first page so what would you have me do?

 

From now on, WTRanger... I will list the inspiration and source of everything I write at the bottom just for you.

Edited May 24, 2011 by homebrew

[WTRanger]

Where in here did I say it was mine?

 

In my peice about cheating, did I not separate it from the original?

 

I guess all my responses within this (post 7, 15, etc) were "stolen" too. Plus every other thread or post that I have made.

 

WTRanger gets no idea, thought or inspiration from something that he saw, heard or read. It just came to him by some super natural force.

 

I have given credit for other articles in my posts... I can't edit the first page so what would you have me do?

 

From now on, WTRanger... I will list the inspiration and source of everything I write at the bottom just for you.

 

You claimed it as your own when YOU DIDN'T GIVE CREDIT TO THE ORIGINAL SOURCE! That's called plagiarism and it's very serious.

 

I mean, not even a re-type. A literal word-for-word copy and paste, that's pretty bad in my humble opinion. If you had re-typed it, that I could stomach. But good God man. That's not inspiration if you are 100% copy and pasting things. That's stealing.

 

But continue on, I'll stay out of your posts from now on. Though this thread should be retitled to F.A.L.S.E.H.O.P.E. In my view, anything you type is suspect and useless so I'll just stay away. But if other's find comfort, then this their place to come and get your advice.

 

Just don't go running away on us like you did last time, okay? We don't want you getting your own G.I.G.S. We don't need another "Homebrew has Left the Building Part 2"

 

Carry on.

[homebrew]

WTRanger,

 

I didn't change the Original Post and try to make it my own....

 

I used the Original and have even expanded on in... See Post 7, 15, etc. in this thread and in many of my other posts and threads I did create.

 

The reason being, to help people better understand what the heck just happened and how they should proceed.

 

If they want to get false hope and wait around... I cannot help that fact and neither can you... People are going to do what they are going to do.

 

Disclaimer (For WTRanger)

The opinions expressed in this response are my own. All the information I present in regards to Break Ups, Second Chances and Healing are based on my own experiences. I also use information and data that I have collected from friends, family members and the homeless guy down the street. While I strive to provide accurate and informative advice and information within my posts, I am sorry to say that I sometimes get inspiration, thoughts, ideas, quotes, concepts, suggestions, tips, etc. from other sources that I have read, heard or seen on TV, Radio, Books, Movies, Internet, Billboards, Magazines, Newspaper, Bumper Stickers, Graffiti, Fortune Cookies, etc. Please use your discretion before making any decisions based anything that I may post. *As always, talk to your doctor or healthcare provider before acting upon anything I suggest, recommend or encourage you to do*

 

This disclaimer is to appease WTRanger and freee Homebrew of any liability if negative consequences result from my efforts.

Edited May 25, 2011 by homebrew

[vsmini]

Oh yea - I was dumped by a quarter-life man about to travel through south america before starting med school. A kick in the gut in the worst way. I had a very difficult time letting go. Good post.

[homebrew]

According to WTRanger, any peace, understanding, healing or closure you might derive from knowing what G.I.G.S. is and how you were adversely affected by it is completely irrelevant and should be discarded immediately.

 

WTRanger's World that we are all to live in

 

1. It is FORBIDDEN to wonder, consider, think, analyse, ponder, question, inquire, examine, speculate, probe, investigate, etc. why the break up occurred.

 

2. Since we are not emotional or relational beings... nothing was really lost. Therefore, grieving is NOT PERMITTED!

 

3. In any and all cases, any Contact with the aforementioned person you were once / still in love is FORBIDDEN!

 

4. It is FORBIDDEN to consider or desire a reconciliation with the aforementioned person you were once / still in love. Any and all accounts of a reconciliation happening from your own personal experience, family or friends are simply lies, fabrications or a misunderstanding of the actual events. Therefore, there has never been any reliable or accurate recorded evidence of a reconciliation ever taken place in the history of civilization of man.

 

Disclaimer (For WTRanger)

The opinions expressed in this response are my own. All the information I present in regards to Break Ups, Second Chances and Healing are based on my own experiences. I also use information and data that I have collected from friends, family members and the homeless guy down the street. While I strive to provide accurate and informative advice and information within my posts, I am sorry to say that I sometimes get inspiration, thoughts, ideas, quotes, concepts, suggestions, tips, etc. from other sources that I have read, heard or seen on TV, Radio, Books, Movies, Internet, Billboards, Magazines, Newspaper, Bumper Stickers, Graffiti, Fortune Cookies, etc. Please use your discretion before making any decisions based anything that I may post. *As always, talk to your doctor or healthcare provider before acting upon anything I suggest, recommend or encourage you to do*

 

This disclaimer is to appease WTRanger and freee Homebrew of any liability if negative consequences result from my efforts.

Edited May 25, 2011 by homebrew

[sinnister]

I think this "syndrome" does a disservice to the people with actual considerations and morals from people by again shifting the blame for "non acceptance" or whatever the hell you want to call their noncompliance to having the worst thrown at them, sometimes in the midst of the best, as somehow being corrosive and disrespectful to the people that have LITERALLY ABUSED THE INHERENT TRUST OF THE RELATIONSHIP. Yes, I agree that getting another person just minutes after a supposed breakup is just another version of cheating, GIGS or no. Durkadurka had it correct that people just seem to want to perpetually live out their high school years, and as your guide is okay for aiding their conscience, IT DOESN'T reattach the moral compass that we as humans need to survive. Seriously, consider my earlier post. My ex dragged me along for 4 months when we were in a near 2 year LDR and I busted my ass to get back into college, save up the money to get to her, worked for hotel rooms and a time to really talk, after already planning so much for our first meet together.

 

These people, in this Mid Eastern country, first used their corrupt system to have her enslaved as an Au Pair, then as a way out of that pain, she fell into a crowd with corrupted morals(not because they were MidEastern..that part is only about how some of their countries treat common workers...these were rap chavs), away from friends that would've kept her on the straight n narrow. This is a woman that has been raped a couple times...this is a woman that was with me nearly all day everyday with cessation only after a huge guilt trip. She had the sweetest heart in the world.....THEN. Which is why I accepted a lot of sh-t from the r/s I will get humiliated for forever now. She cheated on me w/in 4 months of flying to meet her for the first time.....just not sexually yet. We weren't in a situation where we were fighting...it was just we had two sides of how to handle her bosses....now instead of stepping up like a person with character...she unloads everything on me and jumps to this bozo ONLY because it was temporarily easy n she was drunk. THEN PEOPLE LIKE YOU RUN TO BE THEIR SHEPHERDS...n I'm sorry to bring negativity to the thread, but what the hell happened to shared sacrifice and respect? Do you know what it would've done to her if the shoe was one the other foot? Yeah, men may have done it before to other women, but SHE KNEW WHAT KIND OF MAN I WAS. I WOULD NEVER CHEAT...so claimed that she'd always fail some insane idealized standard just because I was ambitious IN MY CAREER but innocent-easily awed with love and beauty.....she said she would always disappoint me somehow so she broke my heart...embarrassed the hell out of me since it was so far against her character from every experience she's ever told me about her life, every fear that she had from a man...and some realized...and I swore to never do that and invested GARGANTUAN amounts of time proving that...she pushed us to take it to being engaged...which I wanted too b/c she was every bit of what I dreamed. She said all the usual trite at first...but I was in love with her...not on websites yet trying to find out what to do.....her mixed signals betrayed me...she wouldn't stop seeing him...but would lie about it...but wouldn't let him go while I was suffering the worst Summer break after Uni in my life. This is a person that if we had a tiff wouldn't give me ONE HOUR to relax...would keep calling me on Skype until I turned it off...now I WAS BEING PORTRAYED AS A STALKER. I was doing the same thing she did me....because we weren't officially over until she was able to test whether she had her hooks in him or not...WHICH I HAD TO KEEP HEARING 3rd HAND. And yes I still love this girl..even if she f--ked him on Christmas after I spent 3000 plus dollars to fly to the UK because we had sworn to talk then she made some insane story right before my flight. She done all of this because you can't look a person in the face that you've hurt so...so what does your GIGS tell them to do? Call the cops when I've limited my wants...I've waited and talked to her so long...we were so close for nearly 2 years..and this was my first abroad trip and all I wanted by that time was to meet and just implore her to wait a year to see if all the bs she flung at me TO JUSTIFY CHEATING would be changed by that next summer b/f she f--ked the guy.

 

She responded by becoming increasing cold..yet blushing on the 2 cams sessions we had since the emotional affair (dancing/spooning/visiting his parents/sleeping in his broom but clothed she swears). This is GIGS? This is what you do to someone you love? I couldn't stand to live her hurting for a day...she has left my life and tried to give me a restraining order for applying the same standards that she me. I accepted them...not for being weak...I wasn't a doormat..I know she yearned me cause I was so far away..and we had such open communication and there was so much we can do online..but this lack of character when truly tested....we try to give HONOUR to it...and that's why we as men and people fail now. No one wants to work for s--t anymore...no one wants to open up, cause when they do...they risk looking like a damned fool and worse..BLAMED for whatever when the irrationality of people springs up and destroys EVERYTHING, and even worse, is punitive on the side of the person aggrieved. Only people who have cheat seriously buys this....but I get where one day they'll wake up..but in the meantime..they change just because we are so spoiled these days...always with the "instant gratification" and the way I feel for you today...even if it's the best you've ever had...doesn't buffer you from tomorrow's low...even if it's all in your head...and you're so pathetic you don't communicate it OPENLY with your partner..you don't give them space..thinking your world is so around them...suffocating...then jumping to find someone else u can suffocate when you finally put your love unconscious...but it never stopped that love. You misinterpret your feelings, your wants...and really hurt someone, and since there's so many individual cases, we try to put some bow around it...and sell a syndrome...when it's a defect. Could be character and it could be psychological...but it's not a phase.

 

Yeah, you may grow to regret it..but remember what you said earlier, it is his/her FRIENDS that usually both start the GIGS and end it. Meaning, this person is so weak that their opinion, assessment, direction of themselves are that heavily influenced by the people around them. This is more Borderline, or just being lost, than a GIGS. If the people that has made you prove their love blames the demise or cheating on you, a rut, a small fight, or the so-called cumulative effect, even though they were there with the biggest, brightest smiles every day; they are a Borderline. They do to lingering issues are always envious, as my girl was, of EVERYONE they meet that has something that she doesn't. Yes, she was beautiful both inside and out, but she even envied a thief that caused her family hell and slashed her wrist in my ex's first au pair job..after she cheated on me, for being irresponsible and cheating on every boyfriend she'd ever have. We need to put the social stigma back on this....NO, I didn't think she belonged to me..but there is a social contract you sign when you're with someone more than a year that tells them that you will not go out of your way to destroy them, unless they have somehow warranted it. I had police show up at my home after my failed vacation AND while I was trying to see her, by her initial request, on my first abroad trip ever. What did I do to deserve this? Reached out to people like an ex-FIANCE would. People I would've had the chance to meet, had the r/s just would stayed the way she constantly promised it would. I was sworn to be one that could/would cheat...and she NEVER would. Now it's all attacks to my character to get away with wasting so much of my time, money, life, dreams...talking on and on incessantly about things which she saw me work hard to accomplish. Even worse, to get away with dogging me out in the worst way, and not even looking at the person that she woke up to on Skype, went to sleep to...would wake to see if I'm up at times...would stop what she doing to see if I was up..around...we live in watching me get to her..costly passports, flights and everything..but built up so much communication cache...it felt and was for a great while so pure. Seriously, I had to endure so many cries for a hug, a kiss....watched each other "perform" so long...to keep me for even expecting, getting...realizing a drop of that..even for a passing hug and a good bye; I had to be made the bad guy. It seems stupid but we fell hard...even that far away. I was just burnt with Bush-era American rigidity...looking to move to Britain...n she was burnt supposedly from a dead party scene. She started having sex very early..so I thought it was all out of her, she sure acted like it..and up to the day I'd found out about her date with him when we were in some kind of limbo (not break or break up..she was mad at me about something minor)...she professed her undying love for me. Tell me what part of all of this justifies GIGS? Yeah, she was 21. But humans just don't do others like this...some pieces, but not all of this...unless they were very weak. We were not fuglies..I'm a very attractive guy build like a football player...she could easily be in theatre. We met at similar places in each other's life...driving for something.

 

We were PERFECT for each other, and she said that during the breakup....I was the best love she'd ever had...but it just wasn't enough to handle the pressure of getting drunk, doing something stupid and being locked into a peer group/new-taboo r/s "butterflies"/she just didn't know. But she knew after she destroyed me cause I couldn't buy how you could hurt/embarrass/destroy someone you professed to love so thoroughly, and make it their fault as well to ease your conscience....to the point you have to make yourself HIS ENEMY and raise up the "bad boy", which the new guy is. Over 250 friends, half females with slutty profile pics. She seen this. Never liked this type before, but her best MidEast girlfriends SHE JUST MET have bad boys. Yeah, had I known some of the things I've read..even if none applied to my situation, I wouldn't have embarrassed myself...but she's now f--king him..and we'd never even hugged...kissed, and she lamented our r/s but she's in the exact same kind with him...LDR over 4000 miles away. The grass isn't greener...the person is just weaker.

 

The problem is...everyone in this new social media loves to talk and act like they know everything. My ex wasn't one of those people...but she loved her FB. The problem with all this me-me is when the chips get down, and all the shallow bs gets tested...that stuff you talk all the time...give-take...you start just taking, and the most important thing to the r/s...u want so much to be heard and your feelings/needs/wished respected but you can't even listen to that other person, cause you're wrapped up in "butterflies", till u aren't. Like/unlike.

Edited May 28, 2011 by sinnister
Editing for content.

[sinnister]

What it really comes down to is that things changed, and the feelings are not the same anymore.

 

When a relationship ends, we all want validation and an explanation for certain behaviors. We cant get them from the ex, so it is easier to come up with our own reasons and explanations. The reality of it is, it does not change the outcome.

 

I'm not saying that your explanations for this are 100% wrong, but I am saying that the focus of 'why' does not really help you...because in this case the 'why' assigns all blame to the ex.

 

A relationship is a two way street. Part of letting go is accepting the messy, unfair, confusing, sad, unfortunate outcome.

 

Rationalizing the behaviors of another do nothing for you other than assigning a lot of your focus and energy on THEM.

 

You all sound like robots at times? What, so they just turn off...do you know how much emotional energy you have spent, and they have begged u to spend on them. You're supposed to just be able to flip it off like a switch or get labelled some of the horrible sh-t I've seen on many forums. What if the woman just made a mistake based on many factors NOT ABOUT YOU? But, as my ex kept alluding to...this mistake changes everything...the trust isn't going to be there...a lot of assumptions in the mist of a lot of confusion and pain. Yes, she was feeling really insecure and unappreciated at the time..by so many people in her life....and assumed that I was cheating b/c I proposed to offer a classmate my Skype address since I was doing her computer anyway...she felt she had some sort of a r/s rival b/c she was insecure amongst their work treatment, did something very destructive and stupid..but once it was done...just followed the inertia and my pain...which was only enhanced by how perfect the r/s was b/f this and we both attested to it and how close I was to finally meeting her to let something so selfish just ruin it, especially since they'd not had sex....but she started making all kinds of assumptions about what I would think..and her new peer group and since it was done she was conflicted....and this magnified my hurt. This touch meant more to her...the smell..the real..than everything we'd built together with trust, understanding and a million other things we talked about....plus he was a "bad boy". Untouchable to her ever..she has never got into a dude that just loved rap music...and looked to be able to cheat on her because she was before. She liked dudes with depth. She just rode again the inertia and not ever being in THAT kind of situation although I've had breakups...really had so much invested as I thought she did..to at least getting my real impression...I actually was more attractive...but with that shock and her refusal to let it go..like it was punishment for some perceived slight I made every mistake known to man in trying to wake her up..which I've been around...I've only made this r/s error post breakup in my life once...in high school.

 

But there was no reference point for this...so it's not trying to make an excuse...there is a huge investment here...u want to know what went wrong..b/c all she was doing was lying about the dynamic of the r/s AFTER the fact and when I finally get her on cam to see me...she tells the truth...that she wants to prove she doesn't need me...cause we were separated for a while b/c her host family had her work in their vacation house. No personal internet anymore..and the yearn after watching her so sick from the constant work and adjusting initially and in periods. Each situation is unique...I thought she was just emotionally overwhelmed from it all, but turned it into a crusade to be "one of them". Like the simplicity...hated Britain all of a sudden..it was scary..but the torture of waiting to get stood up in the worst way was even scarier. I had to survive a whole semester being gutted by the person I've never had a equal to in loving.

 

People around keep saying it doesn't count unless it was physical..but she just extracted every bit I had out of me...and claimed truthfully she'd love it forever..until she didn't. I've talked this up to everyone, including the fact that we met online...something she concealed out of some local social taboo, that I had too...but I didn't care cause she was the real thing... I was the stronger person. I just didn't need it proven like this. Now she wrapped completely in him..and since she let it get so bad..and I played along trying to figure out why she was rearranging the whole r/s and making me some manipulator from the start..when I couldn't even get out the words b/f she accepted my proposal as well as my fear of telling her I loved her..she prompted me to go ahead and continue if it was what she thought it was..cause she may feel it too. All of this was making me a manipulator and character assassinating me to make it all easier..and it was worst than the sex they'd have later b/c of the distance built from this game or anything else I'd ever experienced. I watched a girl that cared for all of her friends turn into this...so it's not just trying to make an excuse..there a real world-real people ramifications for the fairy tales they keep living while people run to justify their actions. We keep getting asked "why do we care"...they should get more "how do you dare". But they won't cause we know most GIGS r women..and they'll lay pretty much any dude that tells them what they want to hear n decent enough to either get into their social circle or not embarrass them too much. Those w/this GIGS "symptoms" that is...I know there's those of any age with hearts and true to their word and their time. I just want this one..that I feel was used, and playing out the script GIVEN her..cause she's too weak to ask why anymore.

[sinnister]

sinnister,

 

Hate it for you bro! What you are asking for is quite normal and healthy... but from my experience, difficult to find in the 18 - 25 year age range.

 

Do you think your Ex is the first women that wants to get drunk all the time, date and hook up with "bad boys", party and crave and desire all the BS and drama?

 

Fast Forward 5 years or so... A majority of the women I know that are still single and suffered from G.I.G.S. find themselves bitter, angry, depressed, have a negative outlook on dating and men.

 

Why?

 

This is the funny part... The irony of it all...

 

These same women that had nothing to do with or screwed over the "Nice Guys" now wonder why there isn't any around or why the "Nice Guys" don't want to date them. I guess they expect the "Nice Guys" to overlook the self-image, self-worth, self-esteem issues, the bitterness, anger and depression, the possible drug or drinking problem, the STD, the abortions and the fact that they have probably slept with 50+ dudes.

 

I mean seriously... What "Nice Guy" doesn't deserve a girl like that?

 

The Media, Movies, the "good time" friends, music and society at large... leaves the last part out.

 

Some people think they are the exception to the rule and have to learn the hard way I guess.

 

I'm glad u took it that way, b/c much of what you've tried to say has made sense..but I don't think it's GIGS. Yeah, there's couples that drift away for a myriad of reasons, even those that say it was due to going to college. But only a very disordered person changes what they've said YESTERDAY..then really tries to rewrite a story to go behind/justify why she is doing/feeling this way TODAY. And these will take it as far as it needs to go..but other disordered/irresponsible people help them in this delusion b/c they love to party and APPEAR sociable. Even those that know them are scared to challenge their new actions b/c they've always seemed to have their hearts in the right place..even with destructive actions and been able to put it off...as well as most people that side with the WINNERS-ie DUMPERS in forums/life whatever. So they KNOW that there's something wrong...but they act as if they are not in control of their life..and this scenario is RESCUING them. Yes..that's why they end up depressed, bitter....cause they've always jettisoned strength or people that stood up for their strength and not coddled them...and found that the only people that wants a weakling are the USERS and they come in many beautiful colors. W/out support/society to put them in check..we wonder why the so-called "hot chicks" try and do get away with so much...n mine and many other cases seeing Law Enforcement to get their desired outcome..which in my case was not giving me something....to leave from..the talk we'd deferred that was promised upon our meet...just the heaviness of the weight of the mistakes she made...that I was willing to forgive...not being a doormat...just b/c it was a very confusing period.

 

And you're right....I'd want to party too...but I have a responsibility. I chose to have it..and it was not to leave her destroyed. She was honest in all the right ways..I'd screened her...not like a Fed..but there's just things...but I can't hold a weakness due to childhood deficiencies/parents against her..and they were cold.. She was perfect..trying to be even more..it was fun...and I was robbed of so much bragging rights for OUR faith...when...being with a girl that beautiful..with that much potential gave me perm blueb--ls. That's why I can't exonerate it...validate it. We have to stop rewarding/validating human weakness....I never got it. I've paid for every mistake I've made...every perceived/imagined slight...usually to check me when I was overperforming from THEIR expectations...even my exes. I can give her anything, but not this. The day she can own this..is the day she's really a woman, and that day, she'd be unstoppable in anything she does....she was envious/bitter but optimistic about the things she PERCEIVED she didn't have when we met...she was insane about her progress against her friends with that stupid job before we broke...n I'm sure she will be bitter in the end...b/c her mom DEF is.

 

Again...u are correct in your diagnosis...everything you've said that they say...ways that if you play by THEIR rules...you can be in their future (mine offered to let her play around with him a year...just to see..then come back if they didn't click...before destroying me to do it anyway when she saw I had testicles), but GIGS is just symptoms of bigger problems. Well-adjusted people plan things in advance..and they care about their reps. GIGS don't, EVEN if their reps were the most important things in the world prior and their do NEGATIVE s--t now to get their reps. Also right about they do pick new "party" friends over the good friends...my ex had some weird disdain for hers when we were trying to figure out what the hell was up with that job...that she had one over them..even if they'd worked the previous summer. I've just had a really bad trip...and can't believe I've woke up here.

Edited May 29, 2011 by sinnister

[sinnister]

Love is a choice, there are no guarantees in life and people change.

 

Sorry about your break up... Sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do!

 

Sad thing is..they all go in it thinking they're going to be the EXCEPTION...they're doing it to see the world and stop from feeling "tied down" then they realize the drama chasing, motive assessing..all the sh-t that was done that would've subsided in the real r/s they'd destroyed for nothing, will continuously now distract them, and they use the alcohol and the bitterness to hide the fact that they did get jaded...and the snarkiness or even worse, more childlike docility posing as demure for the really waify ones to try to put a happy face while they're eaten up inside. When that person they just had to destroy off impulse..gave them the innocence they'd always chased...and some knew how to take it to the world..play in the big leagues too...just needed that one rolling with him, instead of distracting with even more bs...and insecurity.

 

Soon as we were one....see called me her second lease on life. Where the f--k is mine? I can't live this one down...ever.