Cheating is NOT the only form of betrayal

[Tinkerbell1]

I forgot to mention that H uses hard times/financial stress as just another reason to withhold sex. I totally understand that most men dont feel so sexy when they are unemployed and not providing for their family, however his being unemployed has been a common theme and is just another excuse amongst a list of others.

[Tinkerbell1]

Thank you Donna, I didnt realize I hadnt conveyed what was going on clearly enough. We do own a house and we tried to sell it but with the market it didnt sell and we couldnt wait so we had to rent it. We are in a different state right now due to him getting a job, which obviously didnt last. Ironically most of the money in the house is mine so i would be paying off his debts with more of my own money:o

 

I have asked him repeatedly to go to counseling, both IC and MC, we did go to a few sessions together but he didnt follow through with the therapy. He apears to be willing and says he wants things to change and then he doesnt do anything. When I tell you that I have tried everything i can think of, i really really mean it. I took my marital vows very seriously, but i also never anticipated finding myself in this situation.

[pureinheart]

Im reading all of the judgments here about those who have affairs. What I dont hear anyone saying (with the exception of a few) is that it is a form of betrayal for a spouse to withhold sex, love, and affection when both have entered into a marital contract, which by its very nature people enter into because of the above-stated reasons. Sure, its fine for the spouse who refuses or is incapable of meeting the needs of his/her W or H, but OMG, its a horrible selfish disgusting person who engages in an affair. Forget all extenuating circumstances. Do readers here really think that getting a divorce is that easy, or even always the best answer? Timing is truly an issue when it comes to divorce and needs to be considered as well. I have noticed that there are some posters on here that are so damaged/hurt/wounded that all they can do is bash and judge others. Simple right or wrong thinking. People like that don't help anyone with their opinions. If you are trying to answer posts from that headspace, all you are doing is projecting your own s--t onto others. Having said that, if you have NON-JUDGMENTAL opinions or thoughts on this, then please do respond.

 

To me withholding love and affection is worse than an affair...it's a cruel form of control and is no less "sociopathic" than any other act. I have had this happen to me many times as a way to control me.

 

I appreciate your post as this could be the next issue I need to deal with as far as the abuse I've gone through....thank you, I will be responding more as I explore this in my own sitches:)