Guys, do you respect women who have fbuddy relationships? Is that a "low-grade"chic?

[on a learning curve]

Which conclusion are you talking about? The one where I disagree with your view that suggests that women want and desire sex as much, if not more, than men. Do you wish me to expand on my conclusion of your view. Your view being little more than a counter to mine, that so far, has had the clitoris as the chef rationale behind it, while at the same time, my views, with rationale(s) in tow, have been questioned and re-explained for your benefit on more than one occasion already.

 

Seriously - you want me to explain myself yet again!

 

If its relevant to modern day relationship life - go ahead.

 

 

.

 

You have a real knack for flipping the discussion. I simply asked for your rationale regarding your conclusion that men desire sex more than women do. Not a difficult task really. However, you simply state your opinion with nothing to back it up.

[on a learning curve]

On a learning curve's style of discussion seems deliberately obfuscatory.

 

There is nothing hard to understand about the general proposition being debated in the thread at all.

 

Except that it is being refuted, and you prefer to occupy the armchair psychologist position.

[A O]

You have a real knack for flipping the discussion. I simply asked for your rationale regarding your conclusion that men desire sex more than women do. Not a difficult task really. However, you simply state your opinion with nothing to back it up.

Now you're just taking baseless pot shots at me as well as my views. Can understand the latter, shame about the former.

 

 

.

[on a learning curve]

Now you're just taking baseless pot shots at me as well as my views. Can understand the latter, shame about the former.

 

 

.

 

You have been flipping the discussion because you have yet to rationalize your opinion. That is not a potshot.

[on a learning curve]

Let me try to "rationalize" it for you: Every single guy who has posted in this thread, and has actually had real life experience with so-called "promiscuous" women, has either found that they are either completely unsuitable as serious LTR partners or that the headaches are not worth the benefits. Every single one.

 

Conversely, every single woman posting in this thread attempting to defend the FWB-type lifestyle, and also claiming that she herself has a significant past history of such a lifestyle, can claim a resume with a trail of relationship wreckage behind her.

 

The majority of the FWB women don't seem to have established stable happy LTRs as of the present. One or two may claim to but if so these are the exception not the rule.

 

And again, I point out that given the attitudes on this thread, women will likely rationalize their choices to be explicitly sexual as "a bad point in my life". Yk why? Lamaman already explained it - women will lie because they instinctively know that men are threatened by such a disclosure.

 

It is as simple as that. The failure of a LTR has many reasons - one being the insecuritiy of a man, once he realizes that the woman he desires has also desired others. Go figure.

[Woggle]

Lol man, you can read the infidelity forum right now and note the numbers of ruined relationships, the numbers of children growing up in families with either the mother or father no longer a part of the household and constant part of the children's lives and nurturing, and cite many examples of the destruction caused by casual sexual behvaiors.

 

Yup. All you have to read is read the divorce forums to see the wreckage left behind by these women.

[sally4sara]

Conversely, every single woman posting in this thread attempting to defend the FWB-type lifestyle, and also claiming that she herself has a significant past history of such a lifestyle, can claim a resume with a trail of relationship wreckage behind her.

 

Where is the wreckage there fella? I looked behind me and saw a molehill. Go ahead and assume the mountain if it soothes you.

[Woggle]

Where is the wreckage there fella? I looked behind me and saw a molehill. Go ahead and assume the mountain if it soothes you.

 

You are one of the exceptions and I do give a little leeway to women who just got out of a horrible relationship.

[lamaman3]

You are seriously misguided. I am not ashamed of my behaviour- it was a part of my life experience.

 

Freely judge me for putting it out there, that's your perogative.

 

How am I not accountable for my actions given my revealing post! I laid it out there.

 

So what, I slept with some guys after my exH cheated and slept with some girl and knocked her up while we were married. Go ahead and judge my actions in response to that.

 

Sorry dude, a brief lapse in judgement after living a really moral life doesn't define who I am.

 

Dlish- the last thing you should be doing is justifying yourself to dogbert since he has already admitted that when he was in his twenties all he cared,about was "getting laid" thosevare his words nit mine. So by his own logic that would make him damaged good unsuitable for a relationship. For him to judge you is the height of hyppocrisy.

[sally4sara]

You are one of the exceptions and I do give a little leeway to women who just got out of a horrible relationship.

 

Look I get the concept behind a recognizable pattern in regretful associations. I have a few too. No religious extremists. No alcoholics. No cops. Things like that; so I get the urge to be cautious when you meet someone and they mention something on your list of cautionary traits. But gathering around and saying crap like NEVER date this gender person who does "fill in the blank" is like gong to a fortune teller for all your decision making. Scurrying around in fear in your periods of dating and looking around for any spoon fed reason to avoid making your own conclusions about each individual you encounter. It just sounds exhausting.

 

But I see it all the time that a guy will meet a girl with something in her past he knows he is bothered by, but he will slap that GF tag on her anyway just so its okay to sleep with her. He will then feel justified in nagging her about whatever bothers him about her and maybe put up a thread on here for good measure. Until she gets tired of his nagging and crazy suspicions and dumps him.

 

She will then be the crazy ex he refers to on here to support why you don't date girls like his ex without ever wondering how things might have been had he just relaxed and not cross examined her about crap she either wouldn't or can't change.

 

I dated this guy. Not a FWB situation. I was real sorry for him hearing about how his cheating bitch ex did him dirty. I was real understanding at first when he would accuse me of cheating for the tiniest imagining or nagged me about my past. Then I began getting accused of the exact same things he said his ex did. He went through my mail and all kinds of crazy stuff. I now wonder if his ex ever cheated on him at all because if that is the hell I got for not cheating, I can't imagine how he'd act over real cheating!

 

I met him fairly shortly after my ex husband and I split up. Having been married at 19, falling into a relationship was normal. After him, however, I saw it wiser to take time to get to know a person casually before jumping into a relationship with the obligations of immediate inclusion.

[Woggle]

That is entirely different. If I were single and I felt I could not trust a woman I would just not date her. Nothing is set in stone but my views are more like guidelines for men to avoid a situation like what happened in my first marriage.

[Pyro]

That is entirely different. If I were single and I felt I could not trust a woman I would just not date her. Nothing is set in stone but my views are more like guidelines for men to avoid a situation like what happened in my first marriage.

 

why are you married again? You said so yourself that the trust isn't fully there.

[Woggle]

why are you married again? You said so yourself that the trust isn't fully there.

 

I am working on that. It is not easy to all of a sudden trust women after being chewed up and spit out.

[EasyHeart]

And again, I point out that given the attitudes on this thread, women will likely rationalize their choices to be explicitly sexual as "a bad point in my life". Yk why? Lamaman already explained it - women will lie because they instinctively know that men are threatened by such a disclosure.

Why is it that when a woman avoids a man because of his past, she is being wise and "empowered", but when a man avoids a woman because of her past, he is "threatened"?

[on a learning curve]

Why is it that when a woman avoids a man because of his past, she is being wise and "empowered", but when a man avoids a woman because of her past, he is "threatened"?

 

I didn't say that.

[EasyHeart]

I didn't say that.

No, and I intended it was a general question. I quoted you because you used the all-too-common "threatened" and it made me think of the question.

Why is it that women are never "threatened" by a man's past, but men are always "threatened" by a woman's past (or her looks, her education, her career, etc.)? Again, that's a general question, not necessarily directed towards you.

[flying]

No, and I intended it was a general question. I quoted you because you used the all-too-common "threatened" and it made me think of the question.

Why is it that women are never "threatened" by a man's past, but men are always "threatened" by a woman's past (or her looks, her education, her career, etc.)? Again, that's a general question, not necessarily directed towards you.

 

Yeah, but did anyone on this thread actually say that women are never threatened by a man's past? Because in all 50-plus pages, I don't recall a single person saying that. So what's the point?

[EasyHeart]

Yeah, but did anyone on this thread actually say that women are never threatened by a man's past? Because in all 50-plus pages, I don't recall a single person saying that. So what's the point?

The word "threatened" was certainly used multiple times. The point is to draw attention to a double-standard being applied to men and women for identical behavior.

[flying]

The word "threatened" was certainly used multiple times. The point is to draw attention to a double-standard being applied to men and women for identical behavior.

 

Yes, the word "threatened" was used multiple times, to suggest that men feel this way when a women is sexually experienced. Obviously.

 

However, nobody has EVER said that women are NOT threatened by a man's sexual past. Have they? I haven't seen it anywhere. So I don't get the point of your post, because there's no double standard.

 

This thread was STARTED - probably unwisely - as a question about how men judge women for their pasts. Not about how women judge men for their pasts. So that's why you have men saying how they judge women, and in response you have women saying why they think those men are judging them.

 

Because the TOPIC has been, how/why do men judge women a certain way.

 

Get it? I'm not saying it's not irritating that men judge women a certain way. It totally is. But this thread is, unfortunately, only about judging in one direction.

 

If you want to start a thread asking how women judge men for their sexual pasts, and then find a double standard in there, then go for it. That should be good.

Edited November 1, 2010 by flying

[sally4sara]

Why is it that when a woman avoids a man because of his past, she is being wise and "empowered", but when a man avoids a woman because of her past, he is "threatened"?

 

I said something about it way back on page 29. It wasn't a double standard tho.

[carhill]

Here is the general area of the thread where 'threatened' was being used and discussed. Reading posts up and down from that area might provide some context. A simple search of the thread returned 12 instances of usage, including the most current.

 

IME, feeling threatened is generally based in fear. For myself, such fear could very well be based on the fear of abandonment which resulted from those actions by my exW when I was married, something I had never experienced in the past. So, it is possible I'm marrying her sexual style (high numbers) with the abandonment I felt while married to her and projecting it generally. If so, that's a valid fear but one worthy of resolution. I'm working on it.

[A O]

You have been flipping the discussion because you have yet to rationalize your opinion. That is not a potshot.

I’ve had a quick looksy back. On page 37, 42 and 44, alone, you will find your responses to my rationale, to the rationale that you accuse me of not providing. The very same rationale (or lack thereof you’d have us believe) that you also attribute all manner of misdeeds towards me over!

There really isn't much need for this baseless, misleading, accusatory gobbly gook curved-one.

 

I simply asked for your rationale regarding your conclusion that men desire sex more than women do

Nonetheless, I’ll explain myself again just in case it may prompt you to give an in-depth explanation of your stance for a change.

 

Why do men want/desire sex more than women? Short answer – testosterone. Testosterone fuels the urge, the desire to want sex, to be influenced by it more, think of it more, see sexual connotations in any given situation more, to do these (and prolly a other things as well) more easily/readily than women. There’s various social commentaries that allude to this behavior (and as far as I can tell, is rarely, if ever heaped onto women) as well. Comments like ‘men have sex on the brain’, ‘men think with their lower halves, or little heads’, ‘watch out for him, he’s only after one thing’ and so on and so on.

 

That’s one answer for now, basically a regurgitation of my rationale(s), or the nonsense (as you’ve called it) from beforehand.

 

 

.

[stillafool]

I’ve Why do men want/desire sex more than women?

 

 

You mean,Why do some men want/desire sex more than women? As stated before, you can look in the Infidelity forum and Ow forum right now and find women who want sex more than their husbands.

[A O]

You mean,Why do some men want/desire sex more than women? As stated before, you can look in the Infidelity forum and Ow forum right now and find women who want sex more than their husbands.

I can reword it slightly if you like...why do more men want/desire sex than women do?

 

I could put another slant on it....if women are as sexual or more sexual than men....then why the resistance to it initially, resistance that men do not put up anywhere near as much. And why do more women than men insist on some form of committed relationship before unleashing the drive. If we are the same then why are we even having these discussions. If women are more sexual....then why all the social commentary towards men suggesting the opposite?

 

 

.

[sally4sara]

I think this thread highlights some of the attitudes behind why men are more judgmental of a woman's sexual history than they are of a man's sexual history. The mentality that women are used during sex while men instead use women and are not used.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251496/

 

Note that the OP would be fine if his GF having sex with another woman (tho having sex with another man would be completely wrong) was a "raw sexual experience" only.

 

And some women have become so use to this mindset that they would not even consider sex with another woman to be infidelity at all.

 

Still and all, while I knew some men think this way about female sexuality, I wasn't willing to let their confusion or hang ups dictate my actions. Its their problem; not mine.